Beating the Heat

or

Friendship is Kinky

A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction

By Andrew J. Talon

DISCLAIMER:This is a non-profit fan-made work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro. Please support the official release.

Author's Note: I... REGRET... NOTHING!

And once again I must thank my excellent co-writer Friendly Uncle for his continuing contributions to this fic. Go read his stuff!

- - - - - - -

Pinkie Pie skipped along happily through the hallways, humming cheerfully. She would think of a song to sing and then sing it happily, but she was a little distracted by thoughts of Braeburn. She really had grown fond of Applejack’s cousin while they were in Apploosa-He’d enjoyed her singing, and she liked how energetic and cheerful he was. Even while working hard he had a smile in his heart, and Pinkie Pie loved that.

“Braeburn in chocolate... Braeburn whipped cream... Braeburn goes with anything~!”

There we go, she thought happily as she began to sing in earnest.

“Oh he’s my Braeburn, Apple of my eye,

the cream on an eager Pinkie, Pie!

We’ll be so happy together and I’m going to tell you why~!

Whipped, frosted, Braeburn goes with anything!”

She saw the light of daytime ahead, and skipped merrily ahead, ready to sing a second verse of her song.

CRACK!

“Oh!”

Pinkie Pie came to a stop and blinked rapidly. Had she just heard that?

CRACK!

“AH!”

Pinkie Pie crept forward, and looked out the door. Her hallway lead out onto a walkway along the eastern wall of the palace. Right up against the wall was another, smaller building with a wide, flat roof. And atop this roof, she could see Rainbow Dash and four other pegasi.

“Pegasi? Or pegasuses? I can never remember,” Pinkie Pie muttered to herself. “Pegasi...es...es?”

CRACK!

“OH!”

Pinkie Pie put this question aside and skipped along the walkway until she was right across from Dash and the pega... The guards. She tilted her head curiously as she watched.

CRACK!

“OH! AH!” Cried Zero, shuddering as he felt the crop slap across his flank. Rainbow Dash, with the riding crop between her teeth, hummed with a scowl. The other guards were similarly arrayed, standing with their backsides to her in a parade ground line.

“Somehow, it’s not working as well this way,” she said. Galland sighed.

“Not too well on this side either, Miss Dash.”

CRACK!

“Guh!” Galland grunted. Rainbow Dash scowled.

“That’s Mistress Dash to you!”

“Yes Mistress!” Galland replied dutifully.

“And what about the rest of you?” Dash asked flatly. Zero coughed. Dash hovered with her wings around to glare at the guard in the eyes.

“Well? What do you think about it, Soldier?”

“I... I kind of like it... A little,” Zero admitted. Dash moved to Mustang, who was shivering a bit.

“And what about you?”

“Uh...”

“I don’t know what ‘uh’ is, soldier! Tell me!” Dash growled.

“Well...”

“Tell me!”

“That is...!”

“TELL ME!” Rainbow Dash bellowed. Mustang winced and opened his mouth.

“This is turning me on and that scares me!”

“Good!” Dash cried. She grinned a little and hoofed the riding crop to Mustang. She turned around and landed on her stomach, managing to lift her hips up. She looked over her shoulders with a grin.

“All right, you do it now!”

“Yes Mistress,” Mustang mumbled. He looked at the others, but they just shrugged tiredly. Mustang went forward and brought the crop down, hard.

CRACK!

Dash groaned, though not out of arousal or pain. It sounded more annoyed.

“Oh come on! You can do better than that! Whip me like you mean it!” She glared at Mustang over her shoulder, and rested a hoof on her round flanks which already bore red marks. “I mean, I’m not even bruising yet!”

“Oh wow, did I come in at the right time!” Pinkie Pie said cheerfully. Dash looked up and blinked.

“Pinkie Pie? What are you doing here?”

“Oh, well, that’s kind of a long story-Hi other ponies! Very sorry to interrupt and not say hello first, but I’m kind in a hurry and when I’m in a hurry I’m often too focused to say hello but I am focused enough to-”

“Pinkie!” Dash growled. “Summarize!”

“Oh! Okay!” Pinkie Pie opened her mouth widely, sucked in a huge breath, and began speaking as quickly as she could.

“The Elements of Harmony induce a super intense magical heat that’ll last forever so the Doctor who is really nice and is focusing hard to keep Twilight from jumping him got the rest of our friends together with Big Mac and Spike and this nice Wonderbolt who Applejack claimed as her Plan B to go to Canterlot to get the Elements of Harmony and fix this but I came along mainly because some mean Shadowbolts stole my Braeburn while we were making like bunnies which is kind of funny how they compare horny ponies to bunnies but anyway we ended up coming when there was a Studly Stallion Convention for Manly Ponies and I tried to seduce Chairstallion Kaga but was stopped by Rarity who reminded me I was here for Braeburn and to try not to let my heat get the better of me but I was sooo hot that cooking seemed natural but I don’t want a bun in my oven yet I just want Braeburn’s big fat loaf anyway Fluttershy drove the whole convention crazy with her sexiness and we had to run (we’ve been doing a lot of that all day) and Princess Celestia said she’d deal with all one thousand horny stallions herself and she pointed me down this hallway to find my Braeburn but I haven’t I’ve found you so we need to find him and the others so we can find the Elements of Harmony and find a solution otherwise we’ll find ourselves slaves to our lusts and induce the rest of Equestria into a huge orgy FOREVER!”

Pinkie Pie collapsed onto her chest, panting for breath with her big tongue hanging out. Dash blinked a few times in quick succession, before she nodded.

“Right! Okay! We have to save Equestria!” She smiled brightly at the guards. “You guys rest here!”

“Yes Mistress, but why?” Galland asked reasonably. Rainbow Dash licked her lips.

“Well, if we fail... I wanna know where you are.”

Thach meeped. Dash gave him a raunchy grin.

“And if you try to run... Mistress will find you.”

“Then the very best of luck, Mistress Dash,” Galland said quickly.

She flapped her wings and hovered over to Pinkie Pie. “Come on Pinkie!”

“Right-a-roony!” Pinkie said cheerfully. She resumed skipping as Dash flew after her. The four guards collapsed, all utterly spent.

“Uh... Geez, I thought she was exhausting when we were the dominant ones,” groaned Zero.

“I want my mommy,” Thach sobbed.

“Hold the line, soldier,” Galland said. “No relationship is entirely peaches and cream. I, for one, am not giving up just because of a few whacks to the rump.”

“Me neither,” Mustang admitted in a small voice, covering his face with his hooves.

“Love is a battlefield! We will not yield!” Galland cried.

“I think he’s gone now,” Zero said.

“Yeah, but what a way to go,” Mustang sighed.

- - - - - -

Applejack’s gallop had slowed to a canter, and gradually down to a trot as she navigated the hallways of the palace. She looked around, eyes focused on anything that might be a possible threat.

“... So...” The package on her back said. “Not going to talk, huh?”

“Ah’m a little focused at the moment,” Applejack returned flatly. She rubbed her chin and looked between two hallways.

“Well if you’re going to be quiet, can you at least untie me?” Soarin’ asked plaintively. “As much as I enjoy watching your shapely backside, my wings are getting a cramp.”

“It’s exactly fer that reason that you are stayin’ on mah back,” Applejack declared. “And try t’ keep yer eyes off mah backside, if you please?”

“What was all that talk about ‘Plan B’ then?” Soarin’ asked flatly.

“What?! You were awake fer that?” Applejack gasped as she looked back. Her nose came in contact with his, and their eyes locked. Her face, already hot from her estrus, seemed to glow like the sun at the warmth of his breath. Applejack quickly looked forward again, taking deep breaths and trying to calm herself. Soarin’ leaned up and nibbled on her neck.

“Yep,” he said, a grin in his voice. Applejack shuddered and held back a moan. “Also caught parts of you ranting at your brother... Drag me to a priest, huh?”

Applejack closed her eyes, and took another deep breath. She then rolled her shoulders and tossed Soarin’ off her back. He landed with a thud and looked up at her in shock.

“Wha-Hey! What’s that for?”

“That is for you gettin’ too cozy!” Applejack growled, circling him from a safe distance. “Here ah am, tryin’ to save Equestria and you are here... N-Nibblin’ on me!”

“Well what am I supposed to do?” Soarin’ asked dryly. He gestured to his wings and his legs, both tied up in rope. “I don’t have many other options here!”

“Good!” Applejack said crossly. “Right now, ah don’t trust you, or myself! So at least one of us should be tied up! Since ah didn’t get us in this mess, it should be me!”

“What?! You’re the one who started this!” Soarin’ growled. Applejack gasped and spun around.

“Ah did not!”

“You jumped into the pool! I dove in to rescue you-”

“Ah didn’t know you were there!”

“Well how else would it have looked to anyone else? You just ran in there like you were trying to drown yourself!” Soarin’ defended. “I was trying to save you!”

“Ah didn’t need savin’ you empty headed cloud jockey! Ah was doin’ jest fine! Then you had to sweep in, lookin’ for a pie!” Applejack growled.

“So?! You should be flattered I flew by! That pie was delicious and so are you!” Soarin’ shouted back.

“WELL SO ARE YOU! YA’ DON’T SEE ME MAKIN’ SUCH A MESS OUT OF IT THOUGH!” Applejack bellowed.

“YOU MADE THE MESS! WHO’S THE ONE CONNECTED TO THE ELEMENTS, HUH?” Soarin’ shouted back.

“IT WEREN’T MAH FAULT!” Applejack shouted back, getting right in his face. They growled at each other, before Applejack closed the distance and kissed him furiously. Soarin’ responded as best he could, straining against his bonds with as much force as he could bring to bear.

“Mmm... Mmm... Mmph?!” Applejack pulled away, breathing heavily. Soarin’ looked about the same, the blue pegasus having a definite stain of red on his cheeks.

“Ah... Haa... S-Sorry,” Applejack said quickly.

“No, uh, I’m sorry,” Soarin’ said. He sighed. “I guess I did kind of get us stuck together...”

“Let’s jest focus on finishin’ our mission. Blame and punishment can be sorted out later,” Applejack sighed.

He looked back at her with a smile. “Still... Not all bad, right?”

“Not all bad?! We’ve got all of Equestria goin’ crazy thanks to their nethers! It’s just plain crazy!” Applejack cried. Soarin’ looked at the ceiling and coughed.

“Well... Um... Yeah, a bit.” He shrugged and smiled. “Worse ponies to spend it with.”

“Oh come on, yer just sayin’ that,” Applejack insisted. “It’s cause of the heat. We don’t even know eachother!”

“I know you’re strong willed enough to carry me around, bound and helpless, and not take advantage of me,” Soarin’ said with a little grin. “As much as I wouldn’t mind, I find that very attractive. Heat or no heat, you’re a mare I’m glad to get to know better.”

Applejack’s cheeks went bright red, and she huffed. “Yeah, well... Let’s jest keep our minds on the job, all right? And as for the future, let’s... Let’s jest let that take care of itself.” She looked down at him and spat in her hoof. She held it out to him. “Agreed?”

Soarin’ managed to twist his rear hoof enough to spit in it, and he offered it to Applejack. They shook, awkwardly. “Agreed... Now can you untie me please?”

“Ah dunno, I’ve started t’ get used to it...” Applejack admitted with a little grin.

“Oh just you wait. When I get out I’m tying you up.”

Applejack allowed herself a smirk.

“That spose’ta be a threat?”

The blue pegasus grinned at her.

“Nope... A promise.”

- - - - - - - -

Big Mac had never been in the palace before. Frankly, he was at a loss as to how to navigate. The hallway seemed to stretch on forever, and there were numerous intersections, doors, and forks throughout. So, for lack of anything better, he pressed on and trusted in his luck that he’d find the way out. Doubting Princess Celestia not only felt wrong from the perspective of her being a goddess, but silly-This was her palace, after all. She should know it inside and out, as he knew every corner and nail in the Apple farmhouse.

Frankly, the day he’d been having he needed a little faith...

“Big Mac...” Fluttershy’s voice was even quieter than usual.

“Eeyup?” He asked, not glancing over his shoulder at the bound pegasus on his back.

“Oh, um... oh dear... I hate to ask you this...” She was squirming a little now, her wings brushing against him as she tugged at the ropes. Big Mac focused intently on anything but that sensation.

“I mean, you’ve been so very very nice to me today in spite of everything that’s happened, and I really appreciate it and I hate to ask for anything else, but...”

“Nope,” Big Mac said automatically, firmly keeping his thoughts on the mission and off the tugging at his heartstrings her voice was doing.

“...oh. Oh dear. Alright. I’m sorry I asked.” Fluttershy heaved a tiny sigh and allowed herself to drape limply over the big pony’s back. “Of course you wouldn’t want to take a break. These ropes are starting to chafe a little, but it’s not too bad. I’m sure I’ll be fine until we find the Elements.”

“Oh,” the big stallion said. He shook his head. “A break. Sounds fine to me.”

Big Macintosh looked around, weighing his options. A fountain in the shape of a pair of alicorns dancing together held the promise of cool, refreshing water. With a nod he trotted over, and turned his head around. Carefully, he took her bound limbs between his teeth, and pulled her off. He swung her a bit but with the help of the big muscles in his neck he set her down gently on the floor. A tug on the knot with his teeth, and the ropes came loose.

“Aaaaaahhh...” Fluttershy sighed in relief, the sound pitched just low enough to be interesting. She stretched all six of her limbs as far as they would go before rolling back up onto her hooves and rolling her spine with a series of crackling noises. She ended the movement with her head low to the ground and her back curved upwards and thrusting her haunches high into the air.

“Thank you so much!” she said brightly before bending to take a drink from the fountain. Big Mac nodded and waited for her to be done, keeping his eyes firmly on the water. He tried to focus on his thirst, and not on the mare slurping up the water delicately...

Nope. Nope. Nope. He closed his eyes instead and tried humming a song that came to mind to keep his attention away from Fluttershy, or anything remotely to do with Fluttershy.

Fluttershy sighed again, deep and husky, as she raised her head, licking excess water from her lips. She turned to Big Mac, and her eyelids slowly drifted to half mast as she watched him slake his own thirst.

“And thank you for carrying me away back there,” she said, he voice soft as her feathers, “I was so scared that those stallions were going to catch me! All those... lusty... maddened stallions... those... big... red...”

Her eyes jerked all the way open as she realized what she was saying. With a small cry Fluttershy immediately turned and plunged her head into the water with a wet smack.

Big Macintosh released the breath he was holding, and watched her hold her head underwater. After a minute, he became concerned, and pulled her out. “Miss Fluttershy?” He rumbled.

“I’m okay!” Fluttershy sputtered, shaking water out of her face and pulling the sodden mass of her mane out of her eyes. The moment she did her gaze connected once again with Mac’s, and a furious blush rose immediately on her cheeks. She quickly brought up her hooves to hide her face, trembling.

“No I’m not,” she moaned, “I’m a bad pony.”

“What? No! No you aren’t,” Big Macintosh insisted. He rested his big hoof on her shoulder, unable to help the compulsion to comfort her in some way.

“Yes I am!” she whimpered, flinching away from his touch. “I can’t stop it! If I was stronger like Twilight or Applejack I could stop it! But I can’t. I’m a naughty pony. It’s all my fault.”

“No it ain’t,” Big Macintosh said. He rested his hoof on her shoulders, and held her in place to keep her from moving away. “It’s the Elements. Nopony knew they’d cause all this. Nopony could.”

Fluttershy looked up from her hooves with the most miserable look Big Macintosh had ever seen on a pony’s face. Even more miserable than Apple Bloom had that time Rainbow Dash told her that Hearth’s Warming Eve had been cancelled. The yellow pegasus whimpered and half-heartedly tried to wipe the water off her face.

“It wasn’t the elements last year,” she said, almost too quietly for him to hear.

“No... No it wasn’t,” Big Macintosh admitted. “That don’t mean yer a bad pony. Yer just a bit...” He fell silent, thinking. “Repressed.”

“I... I’m going around and... and I’m...” Fluttershy cast about for the word, “rutting anything I can find with four legs!” She made a frustrated squeaking noise and smacked her hoof down on the carpet with a quiet thud. “I think maybe I could repress a little more.”

“Nope,” Big Macintosh said succinctly. He pointed his hoof to the fountain. He pressed it over the mouth of the fountain and held it there. He looked at her. Fluttershy blinked at him.

“This is you.” He waited until he was sure the pressure had built up enough, and then released it. The water burst out in a spray, getting on them both. “This is you in heat,” he said.

“... you mean I get wet?” she asked very carefully. Big Macintosh nodded.

“Soaked.” He pointed to the fountain again, now flowing normally. “You’re either off, or on.”

“I’d rather be off all the time,” said Fluttershy with a sigh. “I’m so scared sometimes, it’s like my body won’t even listen to me. I don’t even want to talk to most stallions, but it’s like there’s a voice in the back of my head screaming...”

She paused and raised her hooves like a movie monster and spoke with a screeching (but still very quiet) tone of voice. “Get that stallion! Rut him! Rut him until neither of you can see straight! Make pony babies!”

Big Macintosh suppressed a laugh and shook his head. “That’s just your problem though,” he said gently, “ya can’t just turn it off. So you gotta let it out.”

He gestured back to the water gently trickling out of the fountain. “Let it flow,” he said. “A little at a time. Slow. Steady.” He gave her a small, knowing smile. “It’s how ah deal with... Things.”

“You?” Fluttershy blinked, “but you don’t have to worry about... this sort of thing. ...do you? I mean, you’ve always been so...” She started to smile a little and quickly shook her head, pulling her gaze away from the stallion’s body. “You’re so reserved,” she finished lamely.

Big Macintosh sighed. He reached up to one of the metal lamps that graced the walls, and yanked it off. He set it on the floor, and crushed it with a minimum of effort.

“Growin’ up, ah was... Strong. Very strong. Scary strong. And... Angry,” he said. He looked up at her with a little difficulty. More than he’d shown by smashing the lamp flat. “Wild, ya might say... Hurt a few folks when ah lost control.”

His eyes went to the side, like hers did when she was uncomfortable. Fluttershy slowly reached out and touched the hoof he’d used to crush the lamp. Her face was full of sympathy.

“I’m sure you didn’t mean to,” she whispered.

“Nope... Hurt all the same,” Big Macintosh said quietly, and it was clear he wasn’t talking about physical ailments. He sighed.

“The only way to deal with it, was to learn how t’ be like that.” He pointed at the water as it trickled happily into the pool below the two sisters. “Flow. Give. Relax.”

“I’m not very good at relaxing,” sighed Fluttershy, “other ponies always seem so calm, but I always feel kind of... wound up.”

“That just means you gotta learn how,” said Big Macintosh gently. He reached out to slip a hoof under Fluttershy’s chin and tilted her face up until she was looking at him.

“All it takes is practice,” he said. “Ah reckon ah can help you with that.”

Fluttershy’s eyes widened. “You... you mean it? You’d do that for me?”

He smiled. “Eyup.”

“Oh, Big Mac, that’s so sweet of you!” Fluttershy’s pupils dilated, and she jumped up to give the big stallion a warm hug. She sighed and snuggled up against his coat, nuzzling his neck. Slowly, her hooves began trailing down his powerful chest to...

“Fluttershy.”

Her eyes snapped open, and then she slowly scooted away from Big Macintosh and lay down very carefully on her back.  Fluttershy held out all of her hooves and turned to look carefully away.

“Maybe you’d better tie me back up,” she said, blushing intensely.

Big Macintosh expertly lassoed the pegasus and bound her legs together very carefully before depositing her once again on his back. Taking a moment to regain his bearings, he turned and continued down the hallway.

“... Big Mac?”

“Eeyup?”

“When... when you said... ‘practice’... you meant sex, right?”

“Eeyup.”

“... yay.”

- - - - - - -

Many of the hallways of Canterlot castle were filled with noises. Many of them sexy noises, others not so much. This particular hall was dead silent. A light breeze fluttered through one of the open windows, flapping the curtain gently. Somewhere in the distance one could faintly detect the echo of somepony screaming in melodramatic horror.

It was so quiet, that if one strained their ears hard enough, they might have heard the bead of sweat as it slowly rolled down the side of Braeburn’s face and, after clinging to his chin for a split second, falling to its death on the slightly musty carpeting below. Braeburn’s left ear flicked back and forth irritably, and he raised one forehoof to carefully wipe the rest of the perspiration from his face. His eyes narrowed as he continued to strain his senses to their limits.

...there.

Just on the edges of his hearing, the earth pony detected the telltale whumpf of a pegasus’ wings in flight. Darn it all, he was sure he’d lost them when he rappelled down the outside of that tower. Princess Luna’s minions had to be the most relentless pursuers that he’d ever tried to escape. Even buffalo would have tired by now, but these fillies just kept coming.

Still, he wasn’t licked yet. Braeburn pushed his hat back on his head and looked around. He could hear hooves as well, trodding softly on the hallway carpet. They were getting closer, the wings and the hooves... Why would one be on the floor? Where they trying to fake him out?

An idea struck the cowpony and after casting about for anything that could be used as rope, he resorted to tearing down one of the gaudy tapestries hanging from the walls and quickly shredded it into strips. It was but the work of a moment to twist the pieces into a sizable length of stout rope.

"Didn't look that good anyway,” he muttered to himself,” All them ponies were upside down..."

The hoof and wing beats were getting closer now.  He thought he could gauge which direction they were coming from. It was a tall hallway, but a narrow one. Chuckling softly, Braeburn tied a loop in the end of his makeshift rope and tossed it over a relatively fortunate light fixture. Flattened against the wall, he could hold the rope out of sight while the loop lay on the floor at the end of the hall.

“Show you girls a thing or two,” he said as he gingerly placed his hat over the loop. “This sure as shootin’ ain’t Braeburn’s first rodeo.”

He repressed the urge to add a whoop to the end of that statement, grabbed the other end of the rope in his teeth, and waited.

Closer... Closer...

“Ooh! Hat!” Cried a cheerful female voice. He felt his rope being tugged, and he yanked back as hard as he could. “OHWAHHH!”

“Hey! Who’s there?” Shouted a familiar female voice.

“What the hay?” asked Braeburn of nopony in particular, “is that...?”

“Rainbow Dash!” squealed the first voice, “I found him! I found my stallion!”

“Pinkie Pie!?” exclaimed Braeburn, looking around frantically. “Where are ya? T’ain’t safe here, I got a pack o’ pegasi on my tail!”

“I’m up heeere!” sang Pinkie, giggling. Braeburn slowly looked upwards. Pinkie Pie, slowly turning a circle as she hung suspended from the the light fixture, waved at him frantically, an enormous smile on her face.

“Well I’ll be a snake’s uncle,” said Braeburn in wonder, “how in Equestria did you get up there Sugar Pie?”

“You’re the one holding the rope,” said Rainbow Dash, who was now wearing Braeburn’s hat.

“If you wanted to trap me, I could have prepared better!” Pinkie Pie chirped. “I mean, like some dialogue!” She held her hooves together in front of her pleadingly. “Please, Frontierspony! Don’t ravish me as your rightful prize! And especially don’t make me lick sugar off of your-!”

Rainbow Dash pulled the stetson down around her ears so she didn’t have to hear the rest of that sentence. Braeburn turned as red as... well, an apple, and frantically waved for Pinkie to stop. “Ah don’t think this is an entirely appropriate moment for talkin’ about licking things,” he babbled.

“Yeah, we really don’t have time for that,” said Dash, lifting her hat off her ears. “Pinkie told me the Elements of Harmony are going to...” She frowned. “What did you say again?”

“Drive all of Equestria into an eternal orgy and ultimately lead to the complete and total destruction of our civilization as lusty mares tear down society to slake their unending lusts?”

Rainbow Dash scowled. “That’s not what you said!”

“I was paraphrasing!” She insisted. “Besides, that’s what will happen! I mean, imagine if both the Princesses were in heat all the time!”

Braeburn’s eyes widened in horror.

In his mind the castle fell away to unveil an endless wasteland piled knee high with stallion bones. And endless carpet of bones as far as the horizon, like an endless sea of white. And there, in the distance, mounted on great heaps of the bones, were two wild-eyed mares, turning their horrible lusty gazes down upon him as their mouths split into perverted leers.

“Look sister,” hissed the sticky phantom that had once been Celestia, “we missed one.”

“Mine!” screamed Luna, who had never learned to share. She leaped down from atop her bones directly towards Braeburn, who opened his mouth to unleash a soundless cry of absolute terror.

He also let go of the rope.

“HEE!” Pinkie Pie cried as she fell onto the floor. “OOF!”

“Pinkie, you all right?” Asked Dash, a bit concerned. The pink pony waved her foreleg.

“I’m okay! I landed on my head!” She looked up at Braeburn, and then adopted a wince. “I mean... Oh... Ow... The pain! My only hope is some tender, loving care!”

“Sorry Sugar Pie, but we ain’t got time fer this,” Braeburn said grimly. “We gotta save the world!”

“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash said with a grin.

“Not even a quickie?” Pinkie Pie pouted.

“Pinkie! As much as I’d like to ravish Braeburn too, we don’t have the time,” said Rainbow Dash. She headed down the hallway. “Come on!”

“But you just said we didn’t have time!” wailed Pinkie.

Rainbow Dash paused and turned to stare at the pink pony in confusion. “We... don’t?”

“But then you told me to-”

“Let’s just go,” said Braeburn, “and we can take care of anything else you fillies might want after we’ve averted the world-endin’ orgy.”

“Woohoo!”

They set off down the hall. Braeburn eyed Rainbow Dash and tried to decide if it would be worth it to try and get his hat back.

“So Braeburn,” said Pinkie as she bounced along, “why were you trying to catch me with a crudely constructed rope snare?”

Braeburn’s eyes widened. An instant later three all-too familiar female voices filled the hall.

“There he is! I found him!”

“Get them!”

“For nookie!”

“Awwwww, horseapples,” moaned Braeburn, “RUN GIRLS!”

“Yeehaw!”

- - - - - - -

Once again, big thanks are in order to Friendly Uncle for his massive assistance with this chapter. Stay tuned for the next chapter!