During a battle with father Ed and Al are transported to a different world where there Alchemy is considered Magic and Friendship is more important than science can they ever fit in and will they ever get home?
Chapters (14)
AppleJack96
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Seems very good so far, I haven't seen brotherhood or the manga, just the original. So I might be a little uneducated on Ed's abilities. As I recall though he could change his automail just fine without a circle, so why did he use one here?
Wait a moment...I don't remember Al being able to perform alchemy while he is armor.
Is that something I haven't seen yet?(I've seen about 15 of the episodes)
Alright, I'm sorry to have to be the one to do this, but...
There are A LOT of grammatical issues; you have run-on sentences galore, places that need quotation marks, etc., just all over the place. I would suggest getting yourself a proofreader to fix those, and I'd be happy to help when I have some time.
Next, a few issues with the story itself. Father making the portal is INCREDIBLY vague; it needs a bit more detail (as does the rest of the story). Second, the Truth never said anything about the ponies. Third, while you did say you were going to explain Ed's and Al's reactions (or lack thereof) you need to think about the ponies' reactions more. After all, Al didn't change shape, and Ed became an alicorn, right? Well that's a pretty big deal, either one of them. On the one hand, you've got a giant metal creature, the likes of which have never been seen before in Equestria. On the other, you have a new alicorn, one of now only FIVE in existence. On a metaphorical third hand, both of these beings transformed through a process mostly unknown to ponykind. You'd think that would elicit more of a reaction than "oh that's interesting".
Sorry about that. I do really like the premise, and I see a lot of potential in this. You just need to work out a few kinks in your writing style and you'll be good to go!
hope next chapter comes soon
It's... way too rushed, the story seems good so far, but it's extremely rushsed.
Things seem corny, like a movie with really bad acting (The Pokemon anime for example).
@meerkat8472 Ed needs the circle because with the Auto-mail being longer than his leg it would be hard for him to transmute it
@agaris Twilight's reaction is more because of her level-headed nature it always seems hard for her to get scared, I will however say Rarity does seem to be OOC I this chapter will attempt to fix that I the Next chapter
I thought the salespony would've been surprised at the sudden appearance of Ed's new jacket, but I guess she thought he was royalty, so I guess she wouldn't be surprised huh?
2333240
So much wierd stuf happening around so new brand jacket out of nowhere doesn't worth a f****
so when do they find out that al is not in the armor but is the armor?
well done
2346618 Oh yeah, I'm looking forward to that part. Twilight will probably scream, Rarity and fluttershy will faint, don't know what the others will do. It will be awesome though
2347649
I had intended that it would be revealed during a fight, i wont spoil it by telling you who with, but I can tell you more than Ed and Al will cross through the gate
it still feels too fast
I'm betting on Envy!
Long dead? You don't mean his mother do you? Man that would be a twist.
2351787
I would have to say that's a pretty close guess!
rain, always raining after a sad story.
2358539 WHOOO! Yeah, Humonculus at least so I was close enough.
2360226
4.bp.blogspot.com/-nAjB-Qpfby4/T2xeZvphtGI/AAAAAAAAB7s/yz50A7nSn1A/s1600/close+enough+meme.png
Love the concept and your writing style, but you really need an editor. That, or go back through and edit the chapter yourself. There are tons of punctuation and capitalization mistakes. Great story though, and I can't wait to read more!
2326217
Yes. Al could always perform alchemy in the armor. In brother hood and the manga, he didn't need a circle after a certain part, but I forgot where that is.
2377044
Must be my shitty memory, then.
2377044 In the manga it was after Bradly killed Martel who was inside Al, that he remembered seeing Truth
It will be odd is The Flame Alchemist appears [DUN DUN DUN]
sees FMA crossover...
IMMEDIATELY HOOKED
Ed, you pint-sized flea!!! Look what you made Twi do to you!!
Give you credit your brilliant but one question.How can he clap his hooves and not fall
umm... Lt. what's his bucket... has a 3-yr old daughter... killed by lust
2392799
He'd stand on his rear legs
2396393
you mean Lt. Col Hughes, and he was killed by Envy
Suppose that could have been a good idea too...
You are a gentleman of few talents eh?
image1.spreadshirt.com/image-server/v1/compositions/104190446/views/1,width=178,height=178,appearanceId=258/Gentlemen-meme-rage-face-t-shirt.jpg
Laughing at Ed.
For that is all I can do at this moment.
You meant bastard didn't you
I can't wait till Twilight hears the whole, 'I lost my leg and my little brother lost his whole body when we tried to bring our mom back to life, so I gave up my arm to bond his soul to a suit of armor' story.
I can only think one thing right now, lucky Ed.
My reaction to Prince Edward.
Hah. Unless you took away Manga and Anime logic here, I think you missed the nosebleed that should have happened with naked Twilight, and Ed.
Either way, great job.
2467527
Yes as I said though I prefer not to swear when I write
2469540
Love that scene in brotherhood
now after this is all over... I want to see Ed try to impress Twi's parents
2655805
He's an Alicorn, It won't be hard.
2655941 for Ed's luck, he's screw it up somehow
2655953
True, but can you imagine how hard it would be?
Imagine them as humans, this is the equivalent as a girl bringing a Prince home to meet the parents. I'm not sure that even ED could fuck that up, but i would love to see it!
2655972 he'll find a way somehow. he's been a bragger at times and can lose his temper pretty fast. If one of them called him short he would hurdle them through the wall, well depending on the situation.
2655994
True, but would they be so arrogant as to call someone, who could easily be considered a prince, short? And aren't princes supposed to be arrogant (I mean look a Blueblood)?
2655999 well Blueblood is a dick honestly, Ed can be a prune sometimes be he has character. Personally, I could see Ed's friends playing with him just to get him to get angry. Suddenly the courtyard party ended early because Ed went crazy in his usual ways.