Epilogue
After the humans teleported, there had been a soft moment where everypony stood in appreciation of who had just left. Then, Twilight nodded to her princesses. With a brief bow, she and her friends took their leave, speaking softly amongst them about how much they would miss their human companions and extolling their virtues.
Once they’d left, Cadance requested leave to relieve her husband, who’d been too overwhelmed with official duties and paperwork to actually enjoy the recent festivities. Celestia and Luna gave their permission and returned to their own charges.
Later that evening, after Luna had raised the moon and Celestia was getting close to her royal bedtime, the sisters of Day and Night sat out on the Royal Balcony, sipping tea and enjoying Luna’s stars. She was especially proud of the arrangement tonight.
“Do you think it wise, my sister?” Luna asked.
As talk had been nothing inconsequential for some time, Celestia divined fairly quick what Luna’s focus was.
“What harm could come in spreading Harmony to a new land, dear Luna?”
“Well put.” She sipped her tea, contemplative. “If only they hadn’t come from such a magicless world, we might more easily create a bridge to allow them and their kind further access to our own.”
Celestia added more golden honey to her tea, stirring it in.
“I do not think the world they come from is magicless, my dear sister. It is merely a land without our magic. Humans have their own, all the same, and now we’ve just sent a little of ours to let it mix. A diplomatic offering, if you will. If it doesn’t work out, I’m sure it will find its own way back,” she said, licking the spoon.
“You speak as if you know this world well...” Luna said, eyebrows raising in suspicion. “I thought the outer realms were of my vigil.”
“Now sister,” Celestia said with a flourish of the utensil. “You know I sometimes keep my own council. It wouldn’t do for you to know all my secrets.”
Luna snorted, a crooked smile on her face.
“Now. Come Lulu. It has been too long and though we have celebrated, we haven’t relaxed.”
Luna’s eyes narrowed in delighted mischief.
“You’re going down, Tia. I’ve been practicing.”
Celestia met Luna’s expression with a challenging, sisterly grin.
“Until you can guard your cumulus better, Lulu,” Celestia said in mock haughtiness. “I will always be the superior Battleclouds player.”
“Oh we’ll see about that!” Luna challenged, finishing off her tea in a quick gulp. She trotted quickly inside, going directly for the Royal Gaming Suite.
Celestia laughed softly and raised the last of her tea to her lips as she gazed to the heavens. She marked a star, one she had marked some time ago and grinned.
“You were right, Sitara, as usual. Perhaps it is time Equestria came out of the shadows.”
She drained her cup.
“Besides,” she went on, treating the star as attentive. “There is more than one way to cast a spell. While your world is spoken for, I think I’ll try a different route for another. It’s very similar, and I stumbled on it entirely by accident.”
Rising, she worked the kinks out of her legs. She was getting old. Yet, she had work to do. So much going on.
“But we’ll just have to see, won’t we?”
Celestia smiled into the night as if listening to an answer before going inside. She answered delightedly to Luna’s beckoning calls of challenge and gameplay to commence, picking up her pace to go and unwind with her sister before bed.
Back in the night sky, the star Celestia had given to Aurora’s grandmother, Sitara Persaud, many years ago twinkled in response- merry, alive and bright.
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Excellent ending, though, I was kinda expecting either Aurora finding a way back to Equestria, or Twilight suddenly appearing in Aurora's apartment.
There are probably several ways that scene could have ended and still provide allusion to a future tale; this was a good ending.
I cannot wait until a possible future story.
'I'mma keep my eye on dis one, kay?'
So... I found this story way too late. Don't know how I missed it.
Well, I suppose I'll just have to keep an eye out for sequels, won't I?
Wow. This story blew me away. Without a doubt, it has earned a place on my Favorites list.
Before I delve deeper into the review, I want to outright admit that this had one of the best representations of a humanized Mane 6 that I've ever seen. Every interaction and phrase fit their characters perfectly, and it shows that humanization can maintain that essential level of character despite what the critics may say.
In addition, the exploration of concepts such as tethered personalities and magic-on-Earth were original and refreshing to see. My favorite parts of the story were the wholly-human sections in the beginning where Aurora is just starting to understand what's going on within her universe along with the reader, which sets up this perfect curiosity: we know that ponies and magic will be involved, but how will you cleverly incorporate them into this otherwise-foreign universe?
Some of the scenes were highly clever and memorable as well. Aurora convincing the caretaker to put Iris under her care. Twilight explaining to Aurora how to use magic. Running into Princess Cadance by accident. The showdown with the Changelings in the hive. Aurora's final-fight dream sequence between herself and the Smiling Pony. The ending chapter of celebration and returning to life. The epilogue with Celestia and the star. All well-framed and highly memorable scenes.
Furthermore, your prose is highly effective and wonderfully composed. It says what it has to while being figurative and elegant enough to really capture that sense of wonder that encapsulates the story.
Simply put, this is one of my favorite Humanized stories. It's well composed, creatively original in its plot, and captures the magic of the Mane 6 without compromising their characters or their universe.
So then why does this story have a 34-4 ratio?
Part of it is the inevitable blind dislike. Part of it are people who just don't like humanized. Most of it I think is utterly undeserved... but no story is perfect. Here are my criticisms:
The Smiling Pony plot line felt out of place. I felt like this story was actually two separate stories somehow tied up into one.
Chapters 1-3 felt like the beginning of a separate story that occurs almost entirely in the human universe, where the conflict was Aurora figuring out who these strange people are and how she was connected to them, while at the same time trying to figure out how much she actually believes in their delusions of magic and ponies. These were my favorite sections because it approached humanization so differently, and it made for a lot of fun and interesting set-ups, seeing as we have five people who insist they're horses while the one skeptic is also the supposed leader of their group. It was a human drama about human society, a psychology/physics student, and the biggest experiment she had ever gotten tangled up in.
But then after Chapter 4, we suddenly get a, "Twilight suddenly gets it" moment that leads to the story taking a hard-left turn somewhere into Slenderman territory and becoming a kinda-generic Equestrian adventure story. It didn't flow very naturally either: the Smiling Pony was literally introduced almost half-way through the story, making it hard to invest or understand how he's the big-bad we're supposed to be fearing. And from then on out, the story becomes an adventure story, shifting gears so hard I could almost hear an actual clunk. It's saved somewhat by the spirit-tethering idea and the fun scenes where the humans had to figure things out on their own, but I had a hard time believing that the first half of the story and the last half were all part of a smoothly-transitioned, fully-coherent story.
Truth be told, the beginning and the ending were the best parts of the story that- oddly enough- fit well together. By the time you got to Chapter 8 and the big-bad-boss-fight, the awkwardness of the transition had already subsided, and we got to fully enjoy the excellent ending without being distracted.
The issue of the human names also came up as well. I won't lie that I'd forget whose name was which human, and which name was supposedly which pony, and thus whose name was supposedly which pony. Aurora, Iris, Ashley, Nova, Keiko, Diane, I only actually had their names cemented in my head halfway through the story. It may have just been a personal thing, but only Aurora and Diane's names seemed similar enough to their pony's name to be easy to remember. There was a missed (albiet perhaps cliche) opportunity to name Ashley as Jaquelin. Iris was an obscure enough to be somewhat memorable, but even then I had to check to make sure it was indeed Rainbow Dash. I often confused Nova to be Rarity's name instead of Fluttershy, as Nova sounds too bold and mode to represent Fluttershy. Keiko was easy enough once I realized that Rarity was half-Japanese, but at the same I felt that Keiko's name fit Fluttershy's personality better (for a while, I actually thought Fluttershy was the half-Japanese one).
It wasn't a big issue, but it was a bump in the road for readers with poor memories like mine.
The fact that I could only come up with two problems in this story should show just how much I liked this story. It wasn't perfect, and comes damn near greatness, but it is still a wonderful story that I recommend others read. "More Than A Dream" isn't just a case-study in, "needs more love", but of, "new ideas done right."
I'd give it an 8.8/10, with excellent marks on Humanization. This story is a new favorite of mine, one that I will definitely hold onto it.
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Oh wow. Thank you so much for that in-depth criticism! I really appreciate it.
Wow. Now, while I can't top Col_StaR's in-depth comment and criticism, especially not at nearly six in the AM, I can say that this story has garnered a favourite from me and cemented my status as one of your followers. The quality of you and your editor's writing is fantastic and the make-up(for lack of a better word than the phrase: 'central stuff that makes up the story') of your stories is not something I'd be willing to miss. Thanks for the epic reads(more than just this story, of course
).
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You are most welcome!
Thank you for the kind words.
MORRRRR ahem
Thank you for a delightful tale that is the best humanized mane six I have ever scene I am now on a third reading and this is too goods to put down the fact that's it's eleven pm will not stop me. Follow as well as fav I hope your other storys are just as good but you wont be getting rid of me soon
I agree with many other reviews I have seen. Definitely the best representation of a humanized mane six in my (limited) experience. Well done.
This was a great story.
doifjhsoixjfo This was an amazing story! I really loved the creativity, especially with the names. They just seemed to click so well.
And also how informative it was. I loved the details with Aurora's culture :3 it just made everything even better and it was obvious that you put a lot of work and tlc into making this FABULOUS STORY DOFJSODIF
Also I'm just curious, but did you name Applejack's human Ashley because of Ashleigh Ball? :3
3789200
Wish I had. That would've been cool.
Ashley came from my cousin, who is blond and big and a bit of a country gal, and it let me call the human "AJ."
there better be a sequel eventually
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Once upon a time, I thought there was going to be, but that chance seems less likely as I continue to work on my stories.
I never say die, though. Should a sequel arise, I'll make an announcement.
4656004 maybe not right away that's fine (read the Rae jay stories first) but the ending just screams for a sequel
Well, apart from the final battle, which gave me a feeling of "oh", this was one of the best stories I've read! Have a fav!
Sequel please!
Great story - quite underrated, I hope it gets more attention.