Scootaloo 3
Why Am I Crying?
By The Rated Ponystar
Formally Edited by: Clavier, Mr. Minimii and Apple Cinnamon
Edited by: Unnamed Pawn and First_Down
Thanks to Catnipfairy for her artwork!
***
The crack on her ceiling had gotten bigger again. Sometimes she wondered if one day it would be too much and a part of it would fall on her head while she was sleeping. The last thing Scootaloo needed was a hole in her ceiling and a trip to the ER. Again.
Struggling in her bed, Scootaloo tried to close her eyes and focus on something other than the new revelations she had learned today, but it was futile. All she could think about was the fact that her teacher, Ms. Cheerilee, whom she respected and cared about so much, was actually a bully of her father’s past.
The word ‘bully’ didn’t make sense when describing Ms. Cheerilee. Nice, kind, polite, dedicated, loving, and many other words were better. Not ‘bully’. Scootaloo wanted to think her father was wrong, that he had mistaken her for somepony, but the horrified and ashamed look on Ms. Cheerilee's face only proved it to be true. The very teacher who was awarded “Equestria’s Best Elementary Teacher” three years in a row, praised and respected by everypony in town, who cared for each student like her own foal and kept encouraging the Cutie Mark Crusaders to keep following their dreams to find out who they were, was the same pony who had all but caused her father to go through Tartarus in high school.
Scootaloo sat up and groaned. “It makes no sense! If she was a horrible bully before, how did she get so... nice now? Aren’t all bullies the same?”
Were they the same? Ever since Diamond Tiara had died, Scootaloo had recently learned things about her former bratty classmate she would have never imagined. That wasn’t to say it changed anything. Diamond Tiara was still the same pony who mocked her inability to fly and her poor lifestyle. Hay, she always made it seem like she was better off than the rest of us! So why is everypony mourning for her death?! Scootaloo could understand Diamond Tiara’s family and Silver Spoon. But now practically the whole town was in tears over this. Even her best friends were mourning. It made Scootaloo angry because they were willing to forget all the things Diamond Tiara had done, but she wasn’t going to. She was a bully, no matter what!”
Again, Scootaloo’s thoughts turned to Ms. Cheerilee. If that saying was true, then how did it explain her? Ms. Cheerilee had defended Scootaloo and her friends many times from Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon cruelty, often giving them detention or other forms of punishment. Had she really changed? And if so, did that mean it was possible Diamond Tiara could have become a good pony too? Was there still time for Silver Spoon? Scootaloo shook her head, trying to violently banish the questions away, but they continued to nip and nag. She wasn’t sure if she was trying to avoid these thoughts because she didn’t want to think about her tormentors anymore… or because she didn’t want to be right.
Scootaloo hated bullies. Hated everything about them. They were cruel, uncaring and selfish, just like… her.
But what if this… hatred was wrong? What if she was really just being coldhearted? What was she supposed to do about it, offer sympathy? Forgive them? Just fake it for the benefit of the town and her friends?
Then there was the apparent fact that Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were once bullied for being rich. A part of her wanted to think it was a lie, but she seriously doubted it. And yet, was that the reason why they became bullies, like Babs when she first visited? But Babs was nice before she tried becoming a bully! We were able to change her back!
So does that mean Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were born as bullies or were they once nice as well? a voice inside Scootaloo’s head asked that caused more doubts to creep in. Was that even a good excuse to be a bully?
A dark feeling slithered through her like a snake wrapping itself around her waist. What if, because of all the bullying, she became one too? It wasn’t as though Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were the only bad ponies in her life. Plenty of pegasi had mocked her as well. Scootaloo bitterly looked at her wings and wished, not for the first time, that she was born with normal ones like a normal pegasus. Rainbow Dash had taken her to Cloudsdale many times and she saw pegasi her age and younger fly effortlessly while she struggled to remain in the air for five seconds. The other fliers who learned this when she visited often poked fun at her, calling her a flightless freak.
I’m not a freak! I just... have undeveloped wings is all! thought Scootaloo, biting her lip. Her father had tried to get her to see a professional about her wings, but Scootaloo didn’t want to. She was afraid she’d shatter if she heard those horrible words, the ones that said she would never be able to fly. That she was too weak.
Flopping onto her pillow, Scootaloo moaned at the pounding in her head. Too confusing. Too many questions. What was she to feel? Everything in her life seemed to be turning around, and all that she knew or believed in was filled with doubt. It made her want to scream.
I have to get answers. I need to... talk to Ms. Cheerilee, thought Scootaloo, looking at her window outside as the stars shined in the dark. She would have to get up very early and visit Ms. Cheerilee's home before she could meet with her father. She needed answers as to why Ms. Cheerilee became a bully and how she was no longer one.
***
Scootaloo barely got any sleep, but she didn’t care. She didn’t feel tired anyway. Navigating the hallway in the dark without accidentally stepping on a loose floorboard proved tricky, but Scootaloo had years of practice. She made it safely out the door without waking her father. It was quite a distance between her house and Ms. Cheerilee's, not to mention it snowed last night and it was all over the place.. Had she used her scooter she would have cut her time in half, but she did promise her dad not to use it until winter was over.
Scootaloo pushed aside all thoughts of the deceased filly. This was about Ms. Cheerilee, not her former bully.
An hour after the crack of dawn, Scootaloo arrived at her teacher’s house and knocked on the door as hard as she could. She stopped at the sound of hoofsteps heading down the stairs. The door opened, revealing a tired-looking Cheerilee in a pink night robe. Yawning, Cheerilee smacked her lips a bit before she noticed who it was that had been knocking on her door. Eyes widening, she looked around for any signs of anypony else before asking, “Scootaloo, what are you doing here? It’s early and... does your father even know you're here?”
“Look, you can scold me later, but I need to talk to you. Like now,” demanded Scootaloo, stomping her hoof.
Cheerilee raised her hoof and Scootaloo was worried she would be denied entry, but the older mare sighed and lowered it back down. “Alright, I can guess why you’re here, and I suppose you do deserve to know some of the truth.” She stepped back and opened the door a bit more. “Come on in and sit on the couch. I’ll get us some tea.”
Scootaloo nodded and stepped into her teacher’s house. She had been here a few times in the past, noticing that there wasn’t much in decoration. Most homes in Ponyville were designed the same, minus the wall paint, pictures, or whatever embellishments the owner decided to put up. For Cheerilee, she mostly had photos of all the graduating students she had the pleasure of teaching before they all sought higher education in Canterlot or sought to learn a trade elsewhere. There were other photos with ponies that looked to be Cheerilee's parents and a younger sister. Her walls were colored plum, just like her fur, and motivational posters could be seen for virtues such as patience, kindness, and knowledge.
Hardly the sort of thing you would expect to find in a bully’s home, thought Scootaloo as she sat down on the couch. A few minutes later, Cheerilee came in while carrying two cups of warm tea on her back. She gave one to Scootaloo before sitting down on a fluffy purple chair across from her.
The two drank in silence a bit. Scootaloo nervously looked at her teacher, who suddenly seemed older by the way her eyes shimmered in the sunlight from the windows. She almost looked regretful in a sense, like she was remembering something horrible. “So you wish to know about my past with your father,” said Cheerilee, snapping the filly out of her thoughts as she placed the cup down on a nearby table.
“Y-yeah,” answered Scootaloo, looking down at her cup. “I-it’s not true, is it? You weren’t really a bully.” Cheerilee didn’t answer. “M-my dad told me how they always stuffed him in lockers or dunked his head in the toilet so often he nearly drowned. He w-would even say that it got so bad he had to leave school because...” Scootaloo took a deep breath. “... because he got drugged with something that made him... go to the bathroom on the floor in the cafeteria...”
“Oh, Celestia...” muttered Cheerilee, covering her eyes in shame. “Oh, how can he ever forgive me for that..."
Scootaloo never thought her jaw could fall any lower than it did. “Y-you mean you did that? You made him have diarrhea in public? And all the other things that he suffered from?!”
Cheerilee winced. “Not all of it...”
“How could you do that?! What did my dad ever do to you?! He was an innocent colt and you made his high school life miserable!” screamed Scootaloo, standing on the couch, glaring at her teacher with a look that could kill. “You’re the reason he’s a spineless mess of himself! You’re the reason he has no confidence! You’re no different than Diamond Tiara or Silver Spoon!”
“Scootaloo!” shouted Cheerilee, standing up and towering over the little filly, who jumped upon hearing her name spoken. “Yes! I did that! I did all those things! To your father and so many ponies! You think I don’t regret it? I regret it every single day whenever I see a bully or a pony I knew that I once messed with! You think I am happy that I made your father cry so bad his parents had to remove him from school? You think Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were bad?! I was worse, Scootaloo! I was a horrible, mean, stupid juvenile who almost lost everything she loved about herself, and I’ll never fully forgive myself for what I’ve done!”
Cheerilee took in deep breaths as she wiped away a few tears that were dripping down her face. She fell onto the chair and leaned back. “Scootaloo, please believe me when I say I would take back everything I did if I could. I’ve tried so hard to repent for my actions since I realized what I was doing was wrong. Not just to ponies like your father, but also for myself.”
Scootaloo just sat there, staring at her distressed teacher. She had never seen Cheerilee look so defeated and hurt before. She wanted to believe that she was sorry, but she had to know. “Then why? Why did you do it? How... how does somepony who is as kind and sweet as you become a bully?”
“It’s a long story...” muttered Cheerilee.
“I have time,” answered Scootaloo.
Cheerilee sighed took another long sip from her tea before closing her eyes. “I guess I should start at the beginning, when I was a filly. Ever since I was little I knew I wanted to be a teacher. I always imagined my room was a classroom and my stuffed animals were my students. I got my cutie mark when I taught my little sister her ABC’s. Since then, I was always the best in school and always helped out my teacher, Ms. Wormwood.” Cheerilee smiled and turned towards a photo of an aging, elderly earth pony with green fur and a grey mane. She was surrounded by fillies and colts her age, some of which looked like adults that she knew now.
“Ms. Wormwood was my idol and my helper. She said I had the potential to be a great teacher, and she promised me that I would be her personal assistant when I got my degree,” continued Cheerilee, staring at her cup. “Once we graduated our first years of schooling, we all had to go to Canterlot to further our education. Naturally, I thought it would be the same as elementary: fun, exciting, and the ability to help my fellow students by being the same pony I was back in Ms. Wormwood’s class.” A harsh laugh escaped Cheerilee's lips. “Oh Celestia, was I wrong.”
“Was it that bad?” asked Scootaloo, thinking about her own future education. She still had two years left before she and her friends would have to take the train to Canterlot for middle school. It was their biggest fear that they would go without cutie marks and be made fun of for not having them.
Cheerilee shook her head. “It wasn’t bad. It was horrible. The school I went to didn’t have any of my friends from Ponyville and nopony, it turns out, likes a ‘teacher’s pet.’” Cheerilee spat the word out like it was some vile curse to her. “Instead of kindness and support, I was a nerd and a loser. I couldn’t make new friends, so I ate lunch alone. I was pranked almost every day, sometimes having my books knocked over, sometimes getting shoved into a locker, sometimes worse. The teachers liked me, but when most of the bullies come from rich families who heavily donate to the school there’s only so much control they can actually wield. Pretty soon, ponies used my smarts to force me to do their homework for them. If I refused, or if I didn’t finish, or if they didn’t get the grade they wanted, they’d beat me up.”
"But why did they do that to you? You did nothing wrong to them!” shouted Scootaloo. Ms. Cheerilee hadn’t hurt anypony and she was trying to be nice. So why go after her?
“It’s because of this,” muttered Cheerilee, nodding to her cutie mark.
“But... you’re not a blank flank,” pointed out Scootaloo.
“Scootaloo, one thing you're going to have to understand is that, no matter how much you try, there are always going to be ponies that hate you for whatever reason. It could be your race, your cutie mark, your faith, or even just the color of your mane. They find something about you that just makes them want to hurt you,” explained Cheerilee, who looked at her cutie mark with sadness instead of the pride that Scootaloo always saw her with. “When they learned my special talent was teaching, they saw me as ‘uncool.’ Middle school was all about image and popularity, where you came from and what attitude you had. Nopony wanted to learn or even be there. To them it was a drag, and I guess seeing somepony like me who wanted to be part of the ‘system’ made me an enemy in their eyes.”
Scootaloo felt like her entire world just imploded. Most of the bullying she had to deal with was because she was a blank flank. She assumed that once she got her cutie mark, she would be accepted by everypony. But if you get the wrong cutie mark that nopony likes... nothing changes. It’s going to stay the same.
“What did you do?” asked Scootaloo.
Snorting, Cheerilee answered, “What could I do but grow to hate myself. I hated my cutie mark. I hated teaching. I lost all hope in it and didn’t want to be one anymore. It hurt my parents to hear me say that, but at the time all I wanted was for the pain to stop. I wanted to be accepted like everypony else.”
Cheerilee paused a bit, gripping her cup so hard Scootaloo was worried it would crack. “Eventually, all that anger builds up to a point where you just want to lash it out at somepony. So I did.” Cheerilee shook her head as shame decorated her face. “I lashed out against the other ‘smart’ ponies near the end of my final year in middle school. Whatever the bullies did to me, I did it back to others. If I was hit, I hit somepony else. If I was called a loser, I called somepony else a loser. Eventually we graduated, but I was determined to go to high school not as the loser, but as the one who was on top. The one who everypony respected and feared. Some of my former bullies learned about my change in attitude and invited me to join them. Slowly, I became ‘cool’ in their eyes. I smoked, I drank, I changed my looks and stopped studying. I did what they did so I could finally be accepted by them and no longer hurt.”
“That just sounds like weakness to me! You, Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, Dad, my moth—” Scootaloo shook her head. “A-and other ponies I know! You were so weak-willed you became bullies when you should have just stood up for yourselves!”
Cheerilee nodded. “Maybe I was weak. But what would you do if you were in my place back then, if Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle weren’t by your side to draw strength from? If you had to face that much misery alone, can you honestly tell me you wouldn’t be scared and desperate and willing to do anything to make it stop too?"
“I... I’m not weak,” muttered Scootaloo. “I would never... I hate bullies, I would never become one.”
“I hated bullies too back then,” said Cheerilee, pointing at herself. “I was angry just like you were. I held so much anger that I used to always pound the nearest tree over and over again until my hooves bled. I dreamed of hurting my tormentors in so many ways that I didn’t care how graphic it got. I had no friends and I felt my family couldn’t understand what I was going through, so I ignored their help.”
She leaned forward. “Scootaloo, you mentioned a list of ponies who were weak because they couldn’t stand the situations that had happened to them. Everypony has a breaking point, and nopony is invincible. I don’t see it as weakness. I see it as somepony snapping because they couldn’t take what was happening to them anymore. I don’t know if that classifies as an excuse, but all of us can snap at any point. Even you.”
“Well, I won’t!” denied Scootaloo, crossing her forelegs. “I’m not gonna be a bully like you or Diamond Tiara and I’m not going to be a weakling like my dad.’
“Your father is a stronger pony then you give him credit for, Scootaloo,” scolded Cheerilee. “Not only did he not become a bully after all the abuse he suffered at my hooves and others, but he’s also been able to raise you despite his wife leaving him.”
Scootaloo gasped and turned pale. “Y-you know... about her...”
Cheerilee slowly nodded. “Scootaloo, I may not have spoken to your father all these years or realized you were his daughter, but I knew he lived in town. And you know how news spreads in Ponyville. Many ponies knew about your mother leaving. I’m guessing they never spoke about it out of—”
“Pity, right?!” screamed Scootaloo, standing up and pointing at her teacher, who continued to remain calm. “Well I don’t need your pity or anypony’s! I don’t need my mother who ran away! And I don’t need anypony telling me how to feel about stupid Diamond Tiara!”
Cheerilee narrowed her eyes. “You’re angry.”
“What else is new,” muttered Scootaloo as she got up and made for the door.
“Where are you going?” asked Cheerilee.
“Away from you! I’ve had enough!” shouted Scootaloo.
“No, we’re gonna talk about this here and now,” ordered Cheerilee, walking up and closing the door. “I want to help you, Scootaloo, and the only way we can do that is sitting down and talking. I didn’t think I had to talk to you or any of the other crusaders because you had each other and I was confident you would be okay. Now that I see that I need to help you.”
“And why is that?!”
“Because I don’t want to see you make the same mistakes I made!”
Scootaloo froze and looked up at her teacher, who glared at her. “Scootaloo... what you have inside you is a terrible anger, maybe even hatred. I can think of several reasons why. But I won’t let that anger continue to build up inside you, not like this.”
“If you’re afraid that I’m going to be like you when I go to middle school you're mistaken! I’m—”
“Going to be all alone when you head to middle school,” interrupted Cheerilee. “Scootaloo, I hate to say this to you now and it may be harsh, but if I’m going to help you I need to be honest.” Cheerilee sighed. “You and your friends will never be in the same school together after elementary.”
Scootaloo whipped her face back like she had been slapped. “Wha-what? But the three of us—”
“Are friends to the end. I know, but there are dozens of middle schools and high schools in Canterlot, each with different admissions and acceptance requirements. Sweetie Belle’s parents already have plans to move her to magic school. Big Macintosh has already told me he plans to homeschool Apple Bloom. And as for you, you’ll either go to flight school should your wings develop—”
“They will!”
“—or you’ll be in a public middle school. Maybe you’ll be with other ponies from your class, or maybe you won’t. But none of your close friends will be with you,” explained Cheerilee to Scootaloo, who was starting to pale again.
The idea of her not being with her friends through high school, or even middle school, was terrifying. She had nopony else as friends. It was always the three of them.
“When you go there Scootaloo, you will be picked on. Either for having no cutie mark, or for being of a lower class, or being, and I know you don’t want to hear this, unable to fly,” said Cheerilee, which made Scootaloo lower her head and close her eyes. “Maybe you will make new friends. I hope you really do, but the fact of the matter is if you go out there with that anger bubbling inside you, then you will become a bully. It happened to me, Scootaloo, and it’s happened to so many others like us. Our anger, pain, sorrow, it twists and turns us in ways that Discord would have been proud of.”
Sitting on her haunches, Scootaloo spat, “Can you blame me? Every other pegasus can fly, but I can’t. My mother left me when I was five. And everypony in the entire town is crying over a bully who tormented me. Even my best friends are going to her funeral and are forgetting everything she’s done to us. I just... I just feel so confused!”
Cheerilee sat down and hugged the shivering filly. “I know, Scootaloo. I know you have a lot to be angry for, but trust me when I say that losing control of that anger will only cause problems. I learned that the hard way.”
For the first time since she came inside, Scootaloo was actually listening to her teacher. She thought long and hard, wondering if the warnings her teacher was saying were true. Could she become a bully? Just the thought of all the injustices in her life made her want to scream and kick something. What if, somewhere down the line, she kicked somepony in the face and felt good about it. What if she continued to go deeper into that hole. What if... she became Diamond Tiara.
“I don’t... want to be...” Scootaloo mumbled in her teacher’s embrace. “What... what happened to you?”
Cheerilee was quiet for a long time. Scootaloo could only hear the sound of her teacher’s heart while she waited patiently. Finally, Cheerilee answered, “My so-called friends and I made a gang. I wasn’t the leader, but I was still feared. We bullied anypony we didn’t like for any reason. Your father was our target because he was one of the worst magic users in our class and a bookworm. I hated him because he reminded me of myself, always so devoted to studying and helping out the teachers.”
“Things were sour with my parents as well. They didn’t know me anymore, and were disgusted by what I had become. My sister, she used to cry whenever I told her to leave me alone, asking what happened to the kind pony who taught her how to read and write. At times I felt guilty, but I pushed it aside because I thought they couldn’t understand,” continued Cheerilee, shaking her head. “I hurt them, others, and myself but I didn’t even know it at the time. Nor did I care. Eventually, that cafeteria incident with your father happened and I was suspended. My parents turned to the one pony who they thought could help me: my old teacher, Ms. Wormwood.”
A few more tears dripped down Cheerilee's face before she wiped them off her cheek. “For the longest time Ms. Wormwood was my idol. The one adult I trusted in my life. It’s no different than how you see Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo. The look she gave me. It was a look I will never forget, no matter how many times I try. She just looked at me with such disappointment that for the first time in a long time I began to question myself. She told my parents there was a way to save me, turn me back to who I was. I didn’t want to because I didn’t want to be that weak filly who got pushed around all the time. But I had no choice.”
“What did she make you do?” asked Scootaloo. “Boot camp? Summer school? Rehab?”
“Close on the second one,” answered Cheerilee. “She made me her assistant teacher for students who were attending summer classes.”
Scootaloo had to check her ears for wax to make sure she was listening correctly. “She made you her assistant? How was that a punishment?”
“I wondered that myself. I didn’t care since I thought it was going to be an easy thing to get by.”
Snorting, Scootaloo said, “I bet you hated it, huh?”
“...Actually, I loved it,” said Cheerilee, much to Scootaloo’s surprise. “At first I didn’t care, but Ms. Wormwood would always have me read from the books or ask the children questions. Slowly, I began to warm to the kids who always called me Ms. Cheerilee, and I slowly began to smile again. I couldn’t hate them, they were innocent and knew nothing about me. I played with them, laughed with them, helped them when they needed me. I soon felt more happy than I had in years.
“There was this one girl, Plum Cheeks. She was always wanting to learn more from me. Whenever the children went outside to play she would stay inside with me and learn about our next lesson.” Cheerilee walked over to another photo on the wall. This one showed an image of her, a few years younger, while next to a yellow-furred unicorn with a bright blue bow and ponytail blue mane. “Of course, Plum was always getting every question and test right so it made some students jealous. One day she was being teased by two colts who called her a nerd, and so I made them back off and clean the floors as detention. Plum looked at me like I was a... a hero. And then she said... she said...”
Cheerilee's hoof hit the wall so hard it nearly made the room shake. A spare teacup on the table fell and smashed on the floor into tiny pieces. “She said she wanted to grow up and be a kind teacher like me! Me!” She turned to Scootaloo with her eyes tearing up and shouted, “Me! The mare who caused your father and many others to fear school because I could be there ready to ruin their lives! The same pony who made her family cry because she had changed into a monster! Who realized at that moment what she had become and fell to the floor, crying like a baby because she now knew how far she had fallen from what she was!”
“Ms. Cheerilee...” muttered Scootaloo as she saw her teacher fall into a crumpled heap and weep. She had never seen a grown up cry so much in all her life, not even her father when that mare left them. Guilt wormed its way into her heart and Scootaloo got off her seat to hug her teacher who returned the embrace. It felt weird, being on the giving end of a hug for a crying pony instead of the other way around, but her teacher—her friend—needed her. Wrapped in those warm, comforting hooves, Scootaloo felt like the wall of distrust she held was slowly cracking and falling apart. She realized in that moment that she was truly sorry for what she had done.
She’s not a bully... not anymore. She... changed, thought Scootaloo, who never imagined she would think such words. All her life she thought they would always be the same, the bullies, but here was proof that she was wrong. If bullies can change, does that mean Diamond Tiara could have changed? And... could I have become a bully if things were different?
Scootaloo continued to hug her teacher until she eventually calmed down and helped guide her back towards her chair. Cheerilee took a few deep breaths before refilling her teacup and drinking it all in one go. After she closed her eyes and relaxed a bit, she continued, “I realized what Ms. Wormwood did, and I will always be grateful for her in helping me discover the monster I had become. The first thing I did was run home, crying in front of my stunned family as I begged them to forgive me, to forgive everything I had done to them. My sister was the first to hug me and then my parents. We talked, cried, even yelled at times, but slowly we healed as a family. I healed in my soul.” She pushed a few strains of her mane away. “I knew I couldn’t go back to my old school so I transferred again, this time determined to redeem myself. I studied harder than I ever did. I became interactive with my school once more and slowly made friends among the teachers and students. Some of them were even from Ponyville. I was made fun of, but I ignored it. I wasn’t afraid to be myself anymore, and I wasn’t going to hurt others again.”
“What about the bullies you used to hang out with and the ones you picked on?” asked Scootaloo.
“Some of them I met later in my life, and most of them forgave me after I apologized over and over again. Some... never did, and I accepted that,” muttered Cheerilee, shaking her head. “The gang I used to hang out with? Most of them became criminals or jobless noponies. A few I knew managed to grow up and get good jobs and families. They learned their mistakes just like me. Some harder than others.”
Scootaloo bit her lip as she decided to ask the one question that she had been fighting to say, but now she had to know. “Could... could Diamond Tiara have changed into a good pony?”
Cheerilee looked as if she had been expecting this question for some time. “I don’t know, but I believe she would have. Diamond Tiara... she was a bully. I will never deny that, but she had a good side of her that she didn’t like most ponies seeing.”
“Yeah,” muttered Scootaloo, still thinking about the Cake twins and Silver Spoon. “But why did she hurt me? What did she have against me?”
“I don’t think she had something against you except, well…” Cheerilee bit her lip. “Scootaloo... I think when she looked at you... she saw herself.”
“W-what?!” shouted Scootaloo. “But we have nothing in common!”
“Yes, you do,” pointed out Cheerilee. “You both lost your mothers at a young age, except while Tiara’s died, yours left. And I know you still are hurt by that, just as I knew that Tiara was still hurt by her mother’s death. Both your fathers are always working, never having time for you, yet they both love you very much. Still, it’s tough because deep down you have some resentment towards them for this.”
Scootaloo said nothing, she just looked at the floor.
“Both of you held such anger against your opposite social class. Rich for you, poor for her. I won’t tell you why, as I made a promise to Mr. Rich and Ms. Spoon that I wouldn’t talk about it to anypony but their daughters,” continued Cheerilee. “Yet despite this anger and sorrow in your lives, you have close friends and are strong-willed. You both help those you care about and you are loyal to them. The difference between you two was that Diamond Tiara lashed out against others to deal with the pain. You bottle yours in.
“...Are you also a shrink, too?” asked Scootaloo.
“It comes with being a teacher. And having personal experience as well.”
Scootaloo leaned back in her seat and sighed. “I just don’t know what to feel about her anymore. I hate her. Hate what she did to me. I get it now, she wasn’t pure evil, she had some good in her, but she never showed it to me. I’m not sad or happy she’s dead, but with everypony crying over her and I... I worry I’m just being coldhearted. I don’t know what I should do. Forgive her? I don’t know if I can do that. She hurt me so much.”
Cheerilee got up and walked over to Scootaloo. She clasped her hooves over the filly’s and smiled. “Scootaloo. What you feel is up to you. Nopony else can tell you what to feel. Should you forgive Diamond Tiara or not? I leave that up to you. Maybe years down the road you will forgive her. But if you want my advice, don’t hate her anymore. Hating her will do nothing but make you bitter. Let go of the past and grow from this. Everything and everypony changes over time, Scootaloo. Even you will. How you change is up to you.”
Looking at her teacher in the eyes, Scootaloo only saw sincerity in them and slowly nodded. Sighing in relief, she muttered, “Thanks, Ms. Cheerilee. I really needed this.”
“I’m always here to help you, Scootaloo,” replied Cheerliee as she guided the little filly to her door. “I just hope things will go well with your father.”
“My dad will forgive you,” answered Scootaloo with a smirk. “He’s always going around saying how nopony gains from hating one another. I’m sure he’ll apply that to himself when he talks with you this morning.”
A serene smile grew on Cheerilee's face. “Thank you.” Just as Scootaloo was about to open the door and leave, Cheerilee said, “Scootaloo. You can always come over if you ever want to talk. Whether it’s about something or… somepony.
Scootaloo paused. She knew who she meant; the only other mare in her life that had caused her so much pain besides Diamond Tiara. Scootaloo’s first reaction was to tell Cheerliee that it wasn’t any of her business, but she paused. She concentrated on that hatred that burned within her whenever she thought about that ma—her mother. She pushed it aside and whispered something before she closed the door.
“I’ll think about it.”
***
Having left her teacher’s house, Scootaloo decided to just wander around Ponyville while collecting her thoughts. In one single conversation, the image she had of Diamond Tiara and bullying had crumbled. Despite all of Diamond Tiara’s abuse, her horrible actions and her hate, it was no longer possible for Scootaloo to only see this single side of her. If she really was a cruel and heartless filly, she never would have loved the Cake twins, nor would she have protected Silver Spoon from their own bullies. It wasn’t all black and white. There was also grey.
Scootaloo hated grey.
I really just can’t forgive her... not now. I just feel... I don’t know...
Diamond Tiara, although a terrible pony, was still a filly who had a family, friends and dreams cut short by an accident. Maybe she could have changed like Ms. Cheerilee did. Or maybe she would have stayed the same. Does it really matter anymore? At least to me?
Too many questions were in her mind, and Scootaloo didn’t know if she would ever get an answer for any of them. All she knew was that she had to deal with her own problems before, Celestia forbid, she ended up like Ms. Cheerilee did.
Turning around the corner, she paused in surprise by what she saw a few hooves from her. It was none other than Silver Spoon, looking at the street with empty eyes. Scootaloo wondered if fate was going to always make her run into her other bully over and over again. Deciding to ignore the rich filly, Scootaloo was about to leave when Silver Spoon closed her eyes and ran into the middle of the street, holding her hooves out like she was waiting for something to hit her.
Scootaloo turned to the other side of the road and felt her heart sink. A carriage was heading straight for Silver Spoon, and she wasn’t getting out of the way. “Oh horse feathers!” shouted Scootaloo, and she rushed towards Silver Spoon without thinking. The carriage pony finally saw the two fillies and tried to stop with his rear hooves, but he slipped under a patch of ice. Scootaloo felt her entire body freeze as she saw that she wasn’t going to make it on her hooves.
Instincts kicked in as she flapped her wings, and every lesson she ever took from Rainbow Dash went through her mind in less than a split second. Levitating off the ground, Scootaloo flew forward and grabbed Silver Spoon just as the carriage missed her tail by inches. Scootaloo held on to the struggling Silver Spoon as they crashed into a few garbage cans outside of an alley.
Silver Spoon finally got up, gasping for air as sweat and tears dripped down her face. She slowly looked at Scootaloo moaning underneath her and growled. “You... you... jerk!” She screamed and jumped on top of Scootaloo, hitting her in the face. “Why did you save me?! You stupid blank flank! I hate you! You jerk!”
“I’m the jerk?!” shouted Scootaloo, smacking Silver Spoon away so she could scramble onto her hooves while leaning against a wall. “I just saved your stupid life! Did you really want to kill yourself? What kind of idiot does that?! How would your mother feel? Or Diamond Tiara? You think she would want you to die just like this?!”
“You don’t know anything! It was supposed to hit me! It was supposed to be me!” Silver Spoon fell to her floor and screamed, “Damn you, Diamond Tiara! That carriage was suppose to hit me!”
Scootaloo’s eyes widened. She stood there like a frozen block of ice and stared at the crying filly. “It... it was going to hit you? The carriage was... the accident... you mean she...”
A small nod came from Silver Spoon. “She... she pushed me out of the way. When I got up she was... she was...” She looked up at Scootaloo, her face covered with guilt. “She died saving me! Protecting me! Just like always, it was her protecting me! I’m not worth it! I should have died! Not her! Not my best friend!”
Before Scootaloo knew it, she had her hooves around Silver Spoon and hugged her. Silver Spoon hesitated at first, but she soon sank into the embrace and continued to wail on Scootaloo’s shoulder. Scootaloo closed her eyes and whispered, “It’s okay... it’s okay...”
For the first time in her life, Scootaloo felt only sorrow and sympathy towards Silver Spoon. And for the first time, respect towards Diamond Tiara. There was no anger. No hatred. How could she hate a pony who did what Diamond Tiara did? At that moment, nothing mattered other than holding onto a crying filly who had lost her best friend.
It was then that Scootaloo felt something dripping down her cheek. She touched it and felt the wet substance and wondered. Why am I crying? Is it for Diamond Tiara? Silver Spoon? Myself? Or... does it really matter?
Scootaloo shook her head and continued to comfort Silver Spoon as the tear faded away.
It was hours later before she realized that she flew for the first time in her life.
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This sentence seems to contradict itself. Were the streets shoveled free of snow, or were they covered in ice and snow?
May want to remove the random bracket here.
Wow. Poor Cherilee. Poor silver spoon.
Poor...pretty much everypony.
4359307
fixed
A good chapter with an interesting conversation, certainly one that is relatable given the still strong presence of bullying in school.
Question, "Everypony has a breaking point, and nopony is invisible", should this be instead invincible?
And now we proceed to Phase Two of the story: helping Silver Spoon.
Another great chapter!
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130405221911/mlp/images/e/e1/FANMADE_Luna_I_see_what_you_did_there.jpg
Ms. Wormwood? A Calvin & Hobbes reference?
Anyway, excellent chapter. I really want to see Scootaloo's Dad and Miss Cheerilee reconcile. I'm looking forward to more.
4359334
When I read the line, I interpreted it as "no one can go through a social and educational congregation like school completely unnoticed." Often, trying to be invisible will get you noticed, and not by the one's you want noticing you. I've seen that happen before. So Cheerilee is impressing upon Scootaloo the dangers of trying to fight back against everything we perceive as unjust, because we all have our limits, and trying to just put our heads down and hope everyone leaves us alone, because it sometimes doesn't work.
But again, that's just my interpretation and I can see how "invincible" complements the first part of the line. I guess Rated will fix it if he wants to.
4359416
I did. And thanks for all your help bro
Brilliantly done. I suspected it would only be a matter of time before Silver Spoon thought about suicide, though I was expecting somepony to intervene before she actually attempted it. Cheerilee's past is very interesting, very realistic and incredibly in-character for her.
I was gonna start reading right away, but I'm in the middle of my shift right now, so I'm gonna have to wait until I get home. So until then...
The " is not needed! There was no one talking prior to the sentence.
4359416
I thought it could have been invisible as well but it was the context of the discussion which made me think it was invincible.
I'm surprised Scootaloo isn't more aware of what hatred can do, considering she saw that play on the Windigos, and how it said they thrived off of hatred and conflict.
4359494
Reading/watching history doesn't always mean "learning" from it
4359499 Still, you'd think a play like that would really imprint on you. Those were some very convincing special effects.
Dear Author, I dare say that yours is one of the most mature stories in this entire website.
Wonderful chapter. I'm working on a chapter where Scootaloo confronts Diamond myself and she walks away learning a bit more about her. Wonderful story as a whole! I've been recommending it to people.
So, so deep... So complex.
Beautiful.
Incidentally, my dear Scootaloo...
I remember you and your friends hatching a plan to have Babs publicly humiliated in revenge. Don't get too cocky.
It's true; the best protection against bullies is having allies, I found. They may pick on you if you're alone, but going up against two or three.. most of them back off then.
Wow. I wish I could like this story twice. Coming from a victim of middle school, I identify so much with all of the CMC. The pain, the anger, the worry, all of it. Thank you for writing this, Rated Ponystar.
Ah, reading new chapters like this reminds me why I fav'd this story.
The excellent prose, well-thought out conflict for each character...
This has to be one of the most serious and believable Fanfics I've ever read. I mean believable in the sense as there are lessons and concepts introduced that can easily be used in practice in reality. The premise was brilliant in execution, the writing and lessons made it superb in followup.
Keep up the good work Ponystar!
"When will my reflection show..." - China Doll
-Excerpt of the Journal of Kennington the Fifth of the Of's
this story is really good. the only thing that i could point out is that the fillies seem a little too mature for their age, but in the end it doesn't really matter, it's a good sadfic... i'd love it if there were a bit more of bittersweet in it, but it is already a great story as it is
also, some pinchy and dinky guest stars wouldn't hurt ^_^
P.S. Puppy knows how important moms are, hugs for poor little scoot
Incredible chapter. You made some very good points in your author's note too.
Applebloom was originally going to be the one who got saved at the expense of Diamond's life? I'm actually intrigued by such an idea. I'd love to see it, if at all possible, whether you do it or somebody else does.
This chapter . . awesome and very deep.
Wow...just...wow...
4360452
I knew you would be back/.
This chapter was deep, really deep. Truth is, "Monsters aren't born, they're made." The world makes monsters, monsters make more monsters and everyone else gets hurt in between.
Every time I read a chapter of this story, I am given a great deal to think about. I've never had bully problems myself, but it's obvious that you have experienced much of what you've been writing about first hand. There is a tremendous amount of wisdom built into this story that so many people can benefit from and I greatly respect you for it.
I love that Scootaloo is letting herself feel something besides anger or bitterness in this chapter. Her character progression is coming along beautifully and I can't wait to see it all come full circle.
It's also interesting that you came up with the concept that after elementary school, young ponies have to move to Canterlot to continue their education. That sounds like something out of a dystopian story, but then again, so does the whole concept of a cutie mark.
Also.... Scootaloo flew! YEAH!
Heh, Mrs. Wormwood. Love that Calvin and Hobbes reference.
Very nice story, can't wait to read more!
The one flaw of all this, of course, is that, well...
It isn't a correct view of bullying, really.
In the end, bullying is all about social hierarchy. It is a dominance display. You put others down to prove yourself as dominant over them, as being higher in the social order.
Many bullies - most, perhaps - are not really victims of all that much bullying at all. Sure, some of them are bullied... but most of them?
Most of them aren't.
Sure, some people "break". But that's hardly everyone.
4360680
I have said that in the case of the story that not all bullies are born this way. Some are cruel people for whatever reason and some of them are just to feel dominant. What the main focus of the story is to say that its not all black and white. There is grey too at times.
4360453 I don't really think the undertones are intentional. Even if the author is a Christian.
Another huge hoof in the feels from this story.
Well done, as usual!
Faith? Aren't all the ponies in Equestria Celestia-ists, or whatever?
Great chapter Rated.
I'm looking forward to more.
I have just read what you have created thus far, and I must say, this is hitting pretty close to home for me. I was bullied for quite awhile through elementary and into middle school a little bit. Your right when you say that everyone has their breaking point because I had mine in 6th grade.
Everything that had happened over the years at school up to that point...it just became too much for me to handle, whether it was mentally or emotionally.
Things started looking better after that, and the rest as they say is history! Does that mean I'm completely okay to this day? It depends really. I feel that being bullied has left long lasting scars on my psyche and how view certain things. The key though is to not let the past dictate your future, learn to move on and ignore others' words and actions, and maybe even forgive in time.
I tip my proverbial hat to you in thanks and gratitude. For one, for making this really good fic, and for second, for making a fic I can relate to in some degree.
~ Super-Brony12
They say that the best forgiveness is just stop giving a fuck about your past . I did with my bullies from high school, but I still have issues with my mom, she wasn't the finest example of how to handle one's emotional problems
2.bp.blogspot.com/-MuTRdQn-PYI/UN9N-wpYMvI/AAAAAAAABSA/sxDuvSEdiGc/s1600/peter.jpeg
4363891
No it's not
Try being the only deaf kid in your school, and deal with an entire classroom plus your teacher as your bullies. I thought I never broke, but looking back, I realize now that yes, I did break. I never turned into a bully myself. Instead, I turned into an emotionless robot. I stopped feeling. My reasoning was that if I didn't feel, I wouldn't hurt. I still have the scars today. I love this story. It really makes you think.
4361502 Well "Flight to The Finish" and "Twilight Time" did at the very least give her a reason for her behavior, however narrow minded it was. It would still be nice if Diamond Tiara could at least be toned down, and made a bit less of a character we love to hate. Other shows aimed at kids have done a great job of showing that even bully characters can have depth to them, so I don't see why FiM can't do the same.
to see cheerilee like that is actually very weird
it made me think too much
I must say, there's an interesting sense of closure here (if that's the right word for it at all), with how the story's come around to this, with that title drop, and the question that follows at the end.
This story is definitely among the top of my favorites now.
(was listening to this on repeat, along with RainyMood)
4361207 Even if you're correct about the ponies, keep in mind that there are other species as well. That and there may be some 'Luna-ists', or the Crystal Ponies may believe the Crystal Heart to be some form of deity.
The truth is, we just don't know because it isn't implemented in the show.
Heavy stuff. There's just no easy way to get a grip on that horrific cycle. Putting Cheerilee of all ponies in the role of (former) bully is a heck of a gut punch, but that just helps drive the point home.
I'm on some cold meds and it's 4am in the morning, so I'm sorry of what I'm writing rambles or makes no sense
Just because Cheerilee got better it doesn't mean Diamond Tiara would've. I mean judging by Tiara's backstory I can see that she wasn't always bad. Maybe by high school she'd recognize her mistakes and move on? Cheerilee mentioned that most of her little gang never got better, so Tiara never getting better is always an option here. They're only in elementary school so Tiara would've had some time to figure things out...if she hadn't had died. =/.
Silver Spoon though, definitely has a chance to work things out with Scootaloo and the rest and stop being a bully. I don't think Diamond would've been a lost cause if she were alive, but if she were to turn over a new leaf then it'd probably take years and years for it to happen. Hopefully Scootaloo works things out with Silver and she can turn over a new leaf soon.
I don't know where you'd be able to put this in previous chapters, but I kinda wish I knew about the school system before hand. It seems like the fact that Ponyville has an elementary school and you have to go to Canterlot for future education came out of nowhere to me. It's an interesting take on how the Ponyvillians get their education and I don't mind it but it really seemed like it came out of nowhere to me.
Great chapter though, and I'll be sure to reread it once it's not 4am in the morning anymore