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  • T A Persimmon Spring

    One day, the Ever-Shifting Discord left his prison in the Canterlot Gardens and set the very sky on fire. A memoir of that dark time, by the Queen of Changelings.
    2,935 words · 1,732 views  ·  219  ·  1
  • T Concessions

    Gilda and Trixie brave a warzone to sell looting concessions.
    5,353 words · 847 views  ·  130  ·  2
  • T Banishment Decree

    Gryphon warriors don't get fired, they get banished.
    88,610 words · 6,521 views  ·  481  ·  18
  • T Pipsqueak's Day Off

    It's Friday and the teenagers of Ponyville have a day off school. Shenanigans and shippings ensue!
    47,721 words · 8,697 views  ·  516  ·  20
  • T We'll Dismember It For You, Wholesale!

    Are you living in Fillydelphia? Do you have a problem? Is that problem an unwanted dead body? Gilda and Trixie have just the solution for you! Call now!
    14,457 words · 1,435 views  ·  158  ·  5
  • T The Quiet Equestrian

    An ill-conceived royal decree causes months of wacky demesne-related antics for Twilight Sparkle. Then it triggers a civil war between the Noble Houses of Equestria. Things get markedly less wacky.
    18,899 words · 1,140 views  ·  207  ·  12
  • T The Peripheral Tragedies of Lickety Split

    Lickety Split's friends are giving him a party, and they deserve everything they get.
    7,041 words · 350 views  ·  69  ·  9 · sex
  • T The Mare and Her List

    The Mare goes to a bar in Dodge Junction, for a tiny slice of revenge.
    1,305 words · 665 views  ·  30  ·  6

Blog Posts98

  • 2w, 3d
    Story Update Weirdness

    So I've just posted a new chapter of The Quiet Equestrian—it's awesome, I'm awesome, go read it—and despite it being nearly a week since I posted the last chapter, it's not showing up on the 'latest updates' page. Is there a queue for the latest updates, or is this just a weird bug? DISREGARD THAT, I'M A MORAN

    6 comments · 96 views
  • 2w, 4d
    Claws That Catch Very Special Chapter

    A writer friend of mine who wishes to remain anonymous has written an extra chapter of that Big Mac/Gilda sexy cripplingfest that I mentioned a few blogposts ago. I did some beta'ing on it and it has turned out in a rather sexy manner (and not just in the holy fuck my mind has been terrified into bonerness by the bone crunching of the previous chapter), and since the author is remaining anon, I figged I'd promote it. So go check it out, on Jub's page.

    3 comments · 87 views
  • 3w, 3d
    Demesne Side Story Up!

    The Quiet Equestrian, ready for viewing.

    I'm damn excited about this one—I'm using a bigger group of delightful antagonists than usual (I'll add character tags as they appear in the story), and playing in a wonderfully expansive playground.

    You can read it here.

    1 comments · 89 views
  • 3w, 3d
    Demesne of The Reluctant Twilight Sparkle Fans, Listen Up!

    The delightful Queenslandian Mr Numbers has graciously allowed me to flop around in his sandbox with explicit approval.

    This is to say, I am writing an official, canon! side-story to The Demesne of the Reluctant Twilight Sparkle, concerning Twilight's attempts to stop the brewing civil war with a team of the most dedicatedly devious individuals she can get her hooves on. Yes, lots of Gilda/Trixie action.

    The story is in moderation right now, and since you're all following me (else you would not be reading this blog) you'll get a little notification when the story comes up. I will stick a link here anyway as soon as it's out.

    Love you guys,

    Chuck.

    EDIT: UP NOW!

    13 comments · 157 views
  • 4w, 4d
    Monosodium Glutamate For The Soul (Xenophilia Review)

    NOTE: I posted this review some time ago, labelled as NSFW as it discussed a NSFW story. It got stripped away in the great NSFW purge of 2013. Here it is, reposted, with the NSFW links edited out. Enjoy it in most of its former glory!

    Co-written with my boyfriend.

    A lot of digital ink has been spilled over AnonAuthor’s Xenophilia, from those who love it, those who hate it, those who praise its sumptuous world building while lamenting its clunky expositional style, those who deride the sex scenes as awkward, to those who label it grade-A fap fodder. (Scarlet's thoughts can be found here.)

    Something intrigued me about the role of Lero and Rainbow Dash, not so much their characters or roles in the plot, but their use as emotional tools. I had thoughts running round my head, but it wasn’t until my partner-in-crime (and partner generally) showed me this video that it all clicked:


    Campster mentions that while Alyx Vance is a good female character, she’s not a great female character — contrast her level of characterisation with Dr Breen’s, for example — and the reason gamers love her so much and think she’s such an amazing character is that she’s been specifically designed to make you love her. To roughly quote him:

    So you’re bumbling around City 17 and you meet this girl. She’s instantly warm and inviting, she gets you out of your current jam and helps you find where you need to go. She’s cool and hip, yet approachable; chaste and innocent yet still flirty; independent and capable yet still fragile in a weird way. Here is this beautiful, single, age-appropriate woman who lives with her father and by all accounts is just waiting for you to arrive, to befriend her robot dog, save her world, and whisk her away.

    Pretty sweet deal for you. How could you be so lucky?

    BECAUSE SHE WAS ENGINEERED TO MAKE YOU FEEL THAT WAY, YOU DOLT!

    The basic premise of the story: Rainbow Dash has a severe crush on all around Good-Guy-Human Lero. Dash finally confesses, Lero considers the proposition, and the pair embark on a relationship. Sex and worldbuilding happen, with a tiny dash of plot added somewhere in the mix.

    Lero’s role in this is obvious and a well-worn trope in the human-on-pone genre. He’s the reader insert, and not particularly remarkable except in his highly-competent execution. He has a sense of humor but the readers aren’t forced to groan though godawful ‘witticisms’ or punch the monitor as all the other characters laugh at things that aren’t funny. He banters with Rainbow Dash and shares her interests, while still being his own distinct character. He’s intellectual to a certain extent, but not so much that he verges on Mary Sue territory. He has a masculine occupation — handyman — but he’s a masseur, is quite capable of romance, and apparently the better cook in the relationship. He’s friendly, warm and empathic to everyone he meets.

    As an aside, competently-executed reader inserts are rarer than you think. Compare and contrast Lero to the protagonist of This Magic Moment by ScatMan2001, who is a boring, snippy douchebag with a boring military desk-job in Equestria yet manages to earn and keep the romantic affections of Princess Celestia herself. Or the protagonist of Prefsab’s Sophistication and Betrayal, a boring engineer whom Rarity falls head over heels for despite the pair having nothing in common, kept together only by the machinations of the universe that seems to be exclusively on the protagonist’s side. Lero is better constructed because AnonAuthor is apparently smart enough to recognize there are people in the universe who aren't him.

    Now, I suggest that a romance protagonist has three components that make the reader love them and their story: connection, fantasy and pathos. We’ll use Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight as an example, as it’s incredibly popular with readers and you’re all probably familiar with the basics from cultural osmosis alone.

    Bella Swan is our protagonist. She connects with the reader because she’s just like what Meyer’s fourteen/forty year-old female (initial) readership imagine themselves as. Dark hair, just like you. Loves reading, and is a ‘cut above’ the rest of the dunderheads she’s surrounded by, just like you. Her family are nice, kinda, but don’t understand her and she’s as much their caretaker as they are hers. She’s intellectual but not intimidating, pretty but not beautiful, kinda clumsy, and is the ideal blank slate for the reader to project herself onto.

    The fantasy is straightforward — she gains the affections of Edward Cullen, who is explicitly constructed to be the author/reader’s romantic ideal, an amalgamation of Romeo of Romeo and Juliet, Mr. Darcy of Pride and Prejudice, and Heathcliff of Wuthering Heights. Like Romeo, he can think of nothing but Bella, but like Darcy he’s also mature and capable of actually caring for her. The fantasy here is that a man like this — alluring, exciting, dangerous but still loving — will fall for you — YOU, YOU THE READER, READING THIS, YOU — and your life will grow awesome.

    If the ‘connection’ component is presenting Bella’s ‘good’ characteristics so that the reader can feel happy projecting themselves onto her, the ‘pathos’ component is presenting the shitty bits of her life so that the reader can better empathise with her. She feels completely alienated in the rainy, gloomy town she’s stuck in. Both of her parents are well-meaning messes and she feels like she’s gone from being the caretaker of one to the caretaker of the other. She’s painfully clumsy, she’s plain, she’s not exciting or a cheerleader or a genius (well, she might be this but only compared to her dull classmates who don’t read things), she’s just an average girl who likes reading and is burdened with a bunch of childlike idiots stuck in Craptown, USA.

    Thus, of course, making it all the more special when Edward Cullen appears and uplifts her from her soul-destroying, rainy life.

    The problem with this is that pathos is required for emotional impact, but if there’s too much or it’s done wrong, the reader will hate the protagonist and everything they represent. The protagonist will be seen as a whiny, unlikeable douche, and the reader will resent the implication they should project onto them. And if there’s no projection, the romantic triad falls apart and there’s no emotional impact, no catharsis. And the right/wrong amount of pathos varies considerably between readers (ain’t that the truth)

    And that’s where Rainbow Dash comes in. All the stallions in Ponyville think she’s ugly and butch, she’s only had sex once, and the stallion dumped her the next day. All the stallions she knows are either taken or are shallow, and are only interested in hot mares who are total douchebags* or her friends, who she loves, but knows that she’ll never be as good with women stallions as, and it hurts her. She frequently gets crushes and they all work out badly, because the stallions only ever want to be friends with her, as if they have some kind of area, or ‘zone’ for romantic partners, and another one for friends, and she always ends up in the latter.

    When she finally makes a move, she thinks that Lero isn’t interested and prepares to slink off, he kisses her back. He tells her she’s actually beautiful, and the rest of the stallions are just blind not to notice it. They take the moment where you confess your crush and the person is completely taken by surprise — a nightmare moment for a lonely twenty-year-old boy, who has gone through that exact same thing again and again — and turn it into a moment of pure, liberating, ecstatic catharsis.

    Sorry, did I say ‘a lonely twenty-year-old boy’ instead of ‘Rainbow Dash’? I apologise, I have no idea how I could have gotten those two confused after all IT’S ONLY THE ENTIRE SUBTEXT OF RAINBOW DASH’S CHARACTER IN THIS FIC!

    That, dear reader, is where your pathos went. Instead of the dangerous balancing act of placing connection, fantasy and pathos all in the same character, AnonAuthor splits the narrative in two. Lero connects to the reader and gets the fantasy of being seen as an awesome dude and banging Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash stirs up pathos by being unfairly unloved, and gets the ugly duckling/Cinderella treatment when it turns out she IS loveable after all, and by an awesome person who loves her back and oh she totally gets me she’s just like one of the guys we can talk about anything together it’s like we’re best friends and she’s totally hot — sorry, there I go reversing the genders again when you got the point two paragraphs ago.

    This is the grand allure of Xenophilia. Just under the surface is a Nice Guy fantasy, but you aren’t innately repulsed by it because it comes from Rainbow Dash, raised in a different culture from ours (though, note how an explicit comparison is drawn when Lero remarks that ‘in our culture, courtship rituals are reversed’, implying that human males have to go through the exact same horrible shit that Rainbow Dash goes through in a culture with a 5:1 gender imbalance). It’s a story where you can eat your cake and keep it too: You get to feel like the decent, honest and worthwhile Lero, while also feeling the relief of the awesome but unfairly maligned by those bitch cheerleaders stallion culture at large Rainbow Dash when she finally finds love and lust.

    So how do we judge Xenophilia with the facade stripped away and the internal mechanics revealed? It’s certainly a novel technique within ponyfic, it paid off in spades in terms of appeal, and AnonAuthor should be applauded for being an early adaptor. Otherwise, there’s a few views you can take.

    On the one hand, in light of other HumanDash wish-fulfilment tropes? It’s a good thing that Dash and Lero are constructed this way because it presents a model of HiE wish-fulfilment romance that encourages the reader to try to project into characters who aren’t perfect models of themselves, and forces them to empathize with common experiences rather than common identities. From a strictly critical perspective, it means we can do better- it’s one thing to get people to empathize with characters  because ‘look, they’re just like you!’, it’s another to start from scratch and immerse them in a character and make them feel a connection to someone they don’t necessarily want to use as their avatar. Xenophilia might be a best-of-breed, but what that means is that we can always be on the lookout for better.

    On the other hand, it’s a blatant emotional manipulation designed to appeal to a certain subset of readers — the poor little straight young male readers, and fuck those guys because everything caters to them already — who get to put themselves in the same position as Dash. They get all the pathos and catharsis of your super amazing crush finally saying yes and validating them as an attractive and wonderful human being, and they also get to pretend to be Lero the omni-capable and omnibenevolent, but separating the two (and dumping the pathos on a character we already love, and justifying it by creating a whole universe so the cards CAN be stacked against her) stops more discerning readers from being grossed out and squickquitting.

    When you open Xenophilia, you’re not just seeing a pair of central characters whose story you can immerse yourself in — you’re seeing an escape to a new and fantastic universe where you’re having lots and lots of magical sex with a perfect partner. It’s not immediately obvious who that partner is, however, and therein lies AnonAuthor’s cunning design. You think you’re just enjoying a touching, genuinely poetic love story. You think the writing is sweeping you off your feet. Nope! That’s just your fantasy carrying you away and making you forget that everything you’re seeing is engineered to feed your basest sentiment.

    *(In fact, we technically even meet a few- the mares who freak about Rainbow Dash’s interspecies sex. Come to think of it, they’re also a way to make Dash a secondary conduit for reader projection- you jerk to MLP porn or have fantasies involving the characters, people will mock you. Ergo, hey, look, Dash has to deal with that too! in the context of the worldbuilding it works, but it’s worth noting that even details like this subtly reinforce her status as player-character two rather than ‘just’ object of desires.)

    26 comments · 280 views
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#1 · 86w, 1d ago · 5 · · Climax ·

IT'S HERE!!!!

#2 · 86w, 1d ago · 1 · · Climax ·

Commence read.

This can only turn out well....right?

#3 · 86w, 1d ago · 7 · · Foreplay ·

and so it begins

#5 · 86w, 1d ago · 7 · · Climax ·

Snips, Snails...

:facehoof:

#6 · 86w, 1d ago · 5 · · Climax ·

we need more fics from this universe

Comment posted by Golfmann14 deleted at 2:40am on the 28th of March, 2013
#9 · 86w, 1d ago · 8 · 4 · Climax ·

>>2331245

Yeah, I'm such a hack. It's not like I wrote a 50k word novella's worth of plot set before this story, or a story-based gay romance sequel to it, or two short character-based clops set in the same universe.

Comment posted by MageTrollpatrol deleted at 1:44am on the 28th of March, 2013
#11 · 86w, 1d ago · 5 · · Lovers ·

okay, the PipxFeather made me giggle, but spike made me laugh enough to make people come over and see what i was doing.:twilightblush:

#12 · 86w, 1d ago · 7 · 1 · Climax ·

After narrowly missing out on an orgy between the teenaged Cutie Mark Crusaders, Spike, and himself at Diamond Tiara's party

Wow...That fuckin' suuuuucks.

Comment posted by MageTrollpatrol deleted at 2:41am on the 28th of March, 2013
#14 · 86w, 1d ago · 4 · · Foreplay ·

And LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!

Comment posted by Golfmann14 deleted at 2:28am on the 28th of March, 2013
#16 · 86w, 1d ago · · · Climax ·

>>2331281 Very good , but now I need a hard liquer and a good can of dip to forget this ..

#17 · 86w, 1d ago · 3 · 1 · Good Clean Fun ·

Well done!

#18 · 86w, 1d ago · 3 · · Climax ·

>>2331388

This story is a clop sequel. Clop sequel. As in 'the plot of this story is contingent on the story that proceeds it, but the pornography within can still be enjoyed regardless of your knowledge of the storyline so far.'

It's always entertaining to get dismissive writing advice from morons with one (!) 2000 word (!!) cancelled (!!!) story, especially ones who have time travelled here from the year 2006 (Paris Hilton joke srs?). Especially ones with such a stilted view of writing that they can't tell good pornography from bad, have no concept that pornography can be good, and think the goodness of pornography is contingent on the amount of not-pornography in the story.

#19 · 86w, 1d ago · 8 · · Use Your Words ·

Very hot, and an excellent depiction of the negotiations you find in SM scenes.

#20 · 86w, 1d ago · 3 · · Climax ·

>>2331388

wow i really hope your comment is a deep and intricate satire because it reads like one

I understand that people don't all like the same fics

but using personal attacks like

What you have here is a projection of yourself into a possible scenario where you might get laid. Such things will not happen.

in addition to unsubstantiated generalization tends to create a mockery out of one's own argument

you speak from the perspective of some holier-than-you paragon of writing, but in reality we're both nobodies browsing a site that offers nothing more than a few moments entertainment

your comment is so hilarious, immature, and pointlessly vitriolic that i hope it's preserved in a museum somewhere, perhaps saved in a best-of collection

Comment posted by MageTrollpatrol deleted at 2:28am on the 28th of March, 2013
#22 · 86w, 1d ago · 2 · · Climax ·

>>2331245

Holy shit, who is this guy...?:unsuresweetie:

Comment posted by Golfmann14 deleted at 2:28am on the 28th of March, 2013
#24 · 86w, 1d ago · 5 · 2 · Climax ·

>>2331506

Uh, teenagers can be over the legal age of consent. You moron.

#25 · 86w, 1d ago · 4 · 2 · Climax ·

>>2331510

See above. Teenagers can be over the legal age of consent, and in this case, they are.

*cough*dipshit*cough*

Comment posted by Golfmann14 deleted at 2:28am on the 28th of March, 2013
Comment posted by MageTrollpatrol deleted at 2:28am on the 28th of March, 2013
Comment posted by Tibbles deleted at 2:28am on the 28th of March, 2013
#29 · 86w, 1d ago · 5 · 1 · Climax ·

Golfman and the other one have gone from an interesting diversion to clogging up my comments like pondweed, so I've removed them.

Comment posted by Golfmann14 deleted at 2:29am on the 28th of March, 2013
Comment posted by Golfmann14 deleted at 2:30am on the 28th of March, 2013
#32 · 86w, 1d ago · 3 · · Climax ·

>>2331245>>2331316

I'd like to point out that this is the end of the fic, which means you read it all. We didn't make you read it, thats on you. If you didn't like it, why did you finish? :unsuresweetie:

Now for my thought:

Comment posted by MageTrollpatrol deleted at 2:40am on the 28th of March, 2013
#34 · 86w, 1d ago · 2 · 1 · Climax ·

>>2331605

Actually, comments are posted on the final chapter if you post them on the main fic page, so it's more likely they didn't read any of the fic, got mad at the description, and then continued to be mad.

#35 · 86w, 1d ago · 4 · 1 · Climax ·

>>2331607

I'm leaving this comment up because it's lulzy and also wrong, thanks to a one-sentence disclaimer in the description.

Comment posted by Golfmann14 deleted at 2:34am on the 28th of March, 2013
Comment posted by MageTrollpatrol deleted at 2:36am on the 28th of March, 2013
#38 · 86w, 1d ago · 2 · · Climax ·

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

#39 · 86w, 1d ago · 8 · 2 · Climax ·

>>2331634

If you think my fic is breaking any law (hint: it isn't) go PM a mod. Otherwise, go find some soothing cream for your butthurt.

Comment posted by MageTrollpatrol deleted at 2:39am on the 28th of March, 2013
#42 · 86w, 1d ago · 6 · 2 · Climax ·

I'd just like to say that I'd totally listen to a band named Gratuitous Dildos. That is all.

#43 · 86w, 1d ago · 3 · 1 · Climax ·

>>2331607 It makes total sense.  I did ask questions, and they weren't meant to be totally sarcastic and rhetoric.  And thank you for telling me I have maturity, as my friends definitely don't think so.  

Sometimes I just find random flame wars and cool them down.  You see how my avatar's hat is blue?  It symbolizes calm (actually it doesn't [TROLOLOL], he wears a blue Christmas hat because of a long and annoying-to explain backstory so I'll just say It symbolizes my love for cooling off flame wars).

>>2331623 By the way, don't insult people on the Internet, that makes you an annoying troll.  By the way, why'd you delete my comment?  I actually derived pleasure from your work and all I was doing was trying to end a flame war.  Seriously, I don't understand why people argue about things like this.  I'm sorry they annoyed you, but don't fight back, if you do, they will, and it'll just get worse inside a vicious cycle that no one benefits from.

Okay, synopsis of that last paragraph: I like your work, I'm sorry they hated on you, don't be mean

#44 · 86w, 1d ago · 2 · 2 · Climax ·

>>2331690

I apologise, I deleted your comment by accident and then didn't post a comment saying 'I deleted your comment by accident'. Won't happen again :rainbowwild:

Also, as a douchebag, I reserve the right both to troll my own comments and to delete comments when the inevitable troll-skirmishes bore me.

Glad you liked it, check out Pipsqueak's Day Off if you'd like to read my... less controversial works in this universe.

#45 · 86w, 1d ago · 2 · · Climax ·

>>2331703 Fair enough, it is your own story after all.  I honestly don't really care though, it's just nice to know that someone actually cares enough to reply back.  I'm kinda lonesome in real life.

BUT ON THE INTERNET I'M LIKE THIS.

#46 · 86w, 1d ago · · · Climax ·

>>2331503 And yet it was deleted for the story-writer's thought process.

I'm afraid it's lost forever.

#47 · 86w, 1d ago · 4 · · Climax ·

>>2331780

I'm the authorial equivalent of the dudes in white suits who burn the Mona Lisa in Equilibrium.

#48 · 86w, 1d ago · 4 · · Seminal ·

Has Garrus Vakarian been telling Spike and Scoots about

'reach' and 'flexibility'?

#49 · 86w, 1d ago · · · Foreplay ·

He swallows...

Not like that. Not yet

#50 · 86w, 1d ago · 3 · 8 · Seminal ·

"Do it," she growls, "Rut me stupid."

My Reaction:

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