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Featured In14

More Stories11

  • E Nightmare Night and Nyx

    Nyx's first Nightmare Night
    117,629 words · 23,265 views  ·  1,673  ·  94
  • E Cheerilee's Class

    A new student arrives at Ponyville Elementary
    29,579 words · 16,198 views  ·  1,510  ·  86
  • E Nyx's Family

    A prequel to "Nightmare Night and Nyx."
    140,318 words · 27,494 views  ·  2,592  ·  184
  • E Parting Words

    A really really really short vignette, that grew.
    12,766 words · 14,387 views  ·  902  ·  61
  • T The Rise of Darth Vulcan

    A Human arrives in Equestria, and ends up on the wrong side of everybody.
    112,557 words · 12,898 views  ·  1,708  ·  134
  • E Alicornundrum

    Twilight becomes an alicorn princess-- much to Nyx's surprise.
    110,331 words · 14,360 views  ·  1,498  ·  117
  • E The Audience

    Vignettes from a brony's life working for Celestia.
    164,749 words · 10,360 views  ·  827  ·  142
  • T Fanfic Is Crapsack

    Equestria faces its greatest peril: rampant fanfiction.
    26,063 words · 4,064 views  ·  231  ·  40 · sex · gore

Blog Posts118

  • 8w, 3d
    Halt, criminal scum.

    I'd noted several authors posting tip jars on their pages. Tempting. But, timorous about the legality of it, I inquired on a free legal website: "Are tip jars for fanfiction legal?"

    The consensus was 100% from all the lawyers who answered: The very act of writing and posting fanfiction is a violation of current copyright law, whether or not you make any money.  Tip jars, commissions, etc only increase the likelihood that the copyright holder will be motivated to litigate.

    Translation: Yes, your fanfiction is illegal, and all of us would happily sue you if someone asked.

    I recommend taking down the tip jars, fellas. Don't give them a hint of an excuse.

    No, this isn't about paranoia, and no, it's not just a technicality. This is cold, cruel, stupid legal reality, and this is me pointing out you might want to think twice before posting paypal links on your stories.

    It doesn't matter that corporations actually benefit from fan art and activity. Corporations are assholes. We live in a world where Disney sues nursery schools for painting Mickey Mouse murals on the walls of their school, and a girl who downloaded "happy birthday" was sued for literally millions of dollars by the RIAA. A roomful of lawyers just told you that what we do is already illegal and that the only reason they're not suing is because it's not worth the money--- yet.

    Unpleasant, unfair and even unlikely as it is, take it as the caution to tread lightly that it is meant to be, because a Cease and Desist order here could ruin everyone's day.

    81 comments · 1,960 views
  • 8w, 3d
    Writing tips: OLDE ENGLISHE

    TIPS FOR OLDE ENGLISHE

    Thou at the start of a sentence (thou silly person).

    Thee at the end of a sentence or in a preposition (of thee, by thee, for thee, unto thee, etc.)

    Thou ART= you are.

    Ye= you (plural) (God rest ye merry gentlemen)

    Thy= your (thy carriage awaits)

    Thine=yours (the carriage is thine.)

    eth=s  (taketh=takes, giveth=gives, learneth= learns.)

    did= past tense. (he did say=said, did walk=walked.)

    Mine=my (mine own good time.)

    Using EST is trickier, use sparingly.

    Compiled from forty three years of reading the King James bible. ;)

    46 comments · 703 views
  • 9w, 14h
    Story groups: Please ask my permission first.

    It seems my haters have been creating new groups with insulting or even vulgar themes and adding my stories to them en masse in order to--- I dunno. Invoke my wrath? Make me a sad brony? Maybe they hope I'll start crying and run away. Whatever.

    Bad oversight in the design of the system: it should require the author's approval to add a story to a group list. Hopefully the admins will quickly fix that-- and add a system so the author can REMOVE their stories from groups and lists. As it stands, I would currently have to go through all these lists and contact their creators individually, requesting they remove my stories from their group.... a bunch of people I would sooner spray down with Lysol than talk to.

    No, not because they're (insert Precious Snowflake Politically Protected Class here)-- because they're just that skeazy. People who do this sort of thing (barely literate and badly designed hate pages, oh, what a blazing ingenious web attack, there, Anonymous) are somewhere on the species classification system between slime mold, neckbeards and spam.  

    Giving attention to attention whores gives you nothing but attention syphilis. I have reported a few of the obvious hate groups; we shall see how our illustrious admins respond. Otherwise, I shall ignore them. Hell, I already was until today.

    And for those of you doing this? Do go on. Your impotent rage only makes me stronger, and your tears are delicious.

    Of note: the genuine conservative groups were polite, respectful and asked my permission before adding my stories. As always, the "hatemonger" right is more civilized and better behaved than the free-loving ever compassionate enlightened crowd. But what else did anyone expect?

    173 comments · 2,388 views
  • 9w, 2d
    Flash Sentry bashers....

    ...You make me want to write a fanfic where Flash Sentry appears in your basement room, bangs your favorite Waifu in front of you, and then takes a dump in your computer tower.

    101 comments · 1,281 views
  • 9w, 6d
    "...And she's the Militant one!"

    I've seen a lot of stories portraying Luna as being the more militant of the two sisters, more skilled in strategy and tactics and battle to the point that Celestia defaults to her whenever a military related crisis comes up. But really, folks, think:

    1) If Luna is so much better a soldier and general, how did poor, less-soldierly Celestia kick her butt when she was Nightmare Moon? Celestia was holding back; Luna wasn't. If Luna really was the better fighter and tactician, Elements or no, Celestia would have been screwed.

    2)If Celestia is such a poor military leader, how has Equestria survived ten centuries without Luna's military guidance? Let's not even assume that they've had a millennia of peace. Even one war every fifty to one hundred years would have eventually tattered Equestria to rags. Consider the Pax Romana. One does not oversee a thriving nation for 1,000 years by being militarily weak.

    People mistake her stern demeanor and lack of an indoor voice for being of tougher stuff than Celestia. What they're missing is that Luna is still, and always will be, the younger sister. A younger sister who has always look up to and envied the respect and authority of her (now much) older sister. Ever seen a child trying to act more like an adult? When she gets all stern and militant, it's because she's trying to ape what she thinks of as mature, Royal, adult behavior. Sternness, bombast, a scowling authoritarian expression... Of course the irony is that this couldn't be further from Celestia's gentler maternal demeanor. But mistaking either performance for the Princess's actual competence to lead and rule, or for their actual inner personalities, would be a serious mistake (Especially for Equestria's rivals or enemies.)

    It would be very interesting to see what Celestia and Luna are REALLY like when they allow themselves to forget how "royal" they're supposed to act...

    68 comments · 1,085 views
  • ...
 2,773
 16,969

Anyone could see it coming: Alicornhood. Now Celestia and Luna have a new job for the Mane 6: To move the Great Plan forward, they must go out and track down all the other alicorns that they believe are manifesting all over Equestria.

And by the way, Luna thinks it might be a good idea if they focused first on finding an alicorn stallion or two...

Now has its own TVTropes page!

A sequel to "Parting Words."

First Published
31st Mar 2013
Last Modified
25th Aug 2014
#1 · 86w, 5d ago · 9 · 14 · Chapter 1 ·

No Nyx?! :pinkiesad2:

#2 · 86w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 1 ·

"Oo... kay, I'm pretty sure that wasn't meant to happen."

"You think so, Tia?"

"Um... Princess, this isn't... what it looks like?"

"Unfortunately, Twilight, this is precisely what it looks like and we clearly have much to discuss."

#3 · 86w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 1 ·

This sounds good gotta read the prequel

#4 · 86w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 1 ·

Huh. You'd think the sextuple ascension would only be five orders of magnitude more powerful.

In any case, I do enjoy a good alicornized Mane Six story. Looking forward to more.

#5 · 86w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 1 ·

When is the next chapter?

#6 · 86w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 1 ·

>>2350316

That was my second  thought.

My first was that I didn't think RealityCheck would ever write anything having to do with alicorns.  Color me pleasently surprised :pinkiehappy:

#7 · 86w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 1 ·

Loved the KATHOOM!

Looking forward to the next chapter.

#8 · 86w, 4d ago · 5 · · Chapter 1 ·

...

2 orders of magnitude is the difference, roughly, between once a year and every third day.

six orders of magnitude... would ponyville actually be there?  I mean... lets assume the explosion in the show was equivalent to, what, 100 grams of gunpowder?  that makes it 100x10^6=100000000 100 metric tons of gunpowder.  And that's assuming a much smaller explosion than I would guess at.  Oh!  and it's assuming that the order of magnitude is the standard ten, instead of what it could also be, namely 100.(by the way, it should be 5 orders of magnitude- twilight teleported the first time, you added five this time)

oh, and for 100 tons of gunpowder(remembering that metric tons are bigger than imperial, and this is old so the measurement is likely imperial) the closest I could find was 90 tons, and according to wikipedia-

"In 1769, the Bastion of San Nazaro is Brescia, Italy was struck by lightning. The resulting fire ignited 90 tonnes of gunpowder being stored, and the subsequent explosion leveled one-sixth of the city and killed 3,000 people."

so.  um.  yeah.

SCIENCE

#9 · 86w, 4d ago · 3 · · Chapter 1 ·

What in the world do you use for alicorn bait?  Cake?  And how would you keep Celestia out of it?

#10 · 86w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 1 ·

I do believe that you own more favorite spots of mine than any other author on this site. And you just keep them coming!

#11 · 86w, 4d ago · 2 · · Chapter 1 ·

>>2350316

Well, this is the "Parting Words'" continuity. No Nyx.

"Alicornundrum" will be in the Nyxverse.

#12 · 86w, 4d ago · 2 · · Chapter 1 ·

>>2351186

Granted I was going by the fact that Twilight's solo ascension basically only left a black smudge on the floor. So maybe a good sized firecracker?

#13 · 86w, 4d ago · 3 · · Chapter 1 ·

>>2351794

I guessed at about 100 grams of gunpowder, which is about right(I think? apparently firecrackers measure in grains, not grams, but also don't tend to leave multiple meter wide marks on the ground when suspended 3~ feet above the ground, so it has to be bigger than that).  If you correct your math(5 orders of magnitude, instead of 6, because you only added 5) it'll be 10 tons, which is probably only about 4~ times what you want(based on the examples of large explosions I found), so close enough within margins of error for increasing by 5 orders of magnitude.

I AM A GIANT NERD

#14 · 86w, 4d ago · 2 · · Chapter 1 ·

>>2351704

Just how many stories are you planning on writing simultaneously?

#15 · 86w, 4d ago · 7 · · Chapter 1 ·

>>2352022

I... I don't know!

#16 · 86w, 4d ago · 2 · · Chapter 1 ·

>>2352104

Easy now. I just want to make sure you're pacing yourself. Having new stories from you is great, but nobody wants you to be focused on completing so many stories that none of them end up being finished.

#17 · 86w, 4d ago · 4 · · Chapter 1 ·

"No need to panic, girls. In fact I think I rather like..." then she glanced over and saw a gleefully grinning Pinkie Pie poking and prodding at her own new wings and unicorn horn.

"Oh boy oh boy oh boy, does this mean I can do magic now too?"

"GOD HAVE MERCY ON OUR SOULS!" Rarity screamed, eyes starting in horror.

Yeah, that's pretty much the reaction any sane pony would have to Pinkie Pie being able to use magic.

Comment posted by IDontKnowYouAnymore deleted at 5:12am on the 1st of April, 2013
#19 · 86w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 1 ·

Goodness, this was unexpected. And really cool.

I can't wait to see what happens next...

#20 · 86w, 3d ago · · · Chapter 1 ·

I like how calm Spike is upon discovering that his big nerdy sister/adoptive mother has managed to blow herself and her friends up with some after-hours magic. Along with the entire house.

#21 · 86w, 3d ago · 1 · · Chapter 1 ·

In another time and place the casting of Starswirl's last spell had resulted in a single Element bearer to disappear in a flash of light

"Had resulted in a bearer to disappear" doesn't parse.  It should be "had resulted in a bearer disappearing".

#22 · 86w, 2d ago · 7 · · Chapter 1 ·

"Oh my," Rarity said, flexing her new swan-like pinions. She pirouetted on one hoof, fanning them for best effect.  "No need to panic, girls. In fact I think I rather like..." then she glanced over and saw a gleefully grinning Pinkie Pie poking and prodding at her own new wings and unicorn horn.

"Oh boy oh boy oh boy, does this mean I can do magic now too?"

"GOD HAVE MERCY ON OUR SOULS!" Rarity screamed, eyes starting in horror.

I couldn't agree more Rarity I couldn't agree more :facehoof:

#23 · 86w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 1 ·

Love a good Mane Six alicorn story myself...!  I thought Hasbro fumbled the ball on "Magical Mystery Cure"... unless they don't anticipate the show lasting long enough to have to deal with long-term implications of one friend out of six outliving all the others.  :derpytongue2:

#24 · 86w, 1d ago · 6 · · Chapter 1 ·

The canon version seemed to be more about fulfilling one pony's destiny...which made it seem like the spell was about exploiting five other ponies to ascend oneself. Starswirl, I suspect, was a jerkass.

Well, Celestia did mention that he had no friends, so that actually makes a fair amount of sense.

I'm enjoying this. Make more! :pinkiehappy:

#25 · 86w, 11h ago · 7 · · Chapter 2 ·

"I'm starting to get... just... a little.. TENSE."

:rainbowlaugh:

Oh geeze, that made me laugh. :pinkiehappy: Poor Luna. She needs a hug... and apparently a lot more than that. :raritywink:

Also, the princesses' happy dances were insufferably funny, cute, and awesome. I so wanna see that animated; wish I had the skills, because I'd do it myself.

A great chapter. :twilightsmile:

#26 · 86w, 11h ago · 1 · · Chapter 2 ·

aaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddddddd She noticed :facehoof: SIGH that's right Dash, AJ you two have been hit with the curse of the froufrou more commonly known as princess-hood :rainbowderp: well good luck with that.

#27 · 86w, 10h ago · 3 · · Chapter 2 ·

And I guess in the canon-verse Celly couldn't take it anymore, and that's the reason that Discord HAD to be depetrified. Guess that's also gives the reason that Cadence is the Princess of Love. She knew that that would be the easiest way to always get some...:rainbowlaugh:

#28 · 86w, 5h ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

Luna and Celestia screaming like schoolfillies

Twilight, no.  Tic-Tac-Toe is a game of skill.  You're just bad.

that is all

#29 · 86w, 5h ago · 2 · · Chapter 2 ·

To Luna:

They make... things to help with this little problem you know.

---

Pinkie Pie is now "The Faithful Student". I am very afraid.  

#30 · 86w, 3h ago · 1 · 1 · Chapter 2 ·

Whoa, whoa, whoa. End mortality? Cease death? Does Celestia have any idea what a monumentally bad idea that is? Overpopulation, crippling ennui, geopolitical backlash from jealous mortals... Seriously, this is incredibly ill-advised. Please tell me someone's going to point this out in the story.

On a lighter note, what's the fracas to rumpus conversion rate?

#31 · 86w, 2h ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

*Laughs at Celestia's and Luna's victory dance*

Luna nodded. "Exactly." Her eyes got a little round. "I'm starting to get... just... a little.. TENSE."

Twilight leaned back from the lunar princess. "Rrrright. We'll keep that in mind, then--"

Would this be an improper tizzy then? :raritywink:

#32 · 86w, 2h ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

Interesting. Who will the other Alicorns be? I hope Trixie will be one of them. Also who's to say it will just be ponies who ascend. Like take Spike or even Iron Will as examples. Maybe they could ascend to a new form of being. After all even the Alicorns had to start somewhere.

You know while the story and the prequal are great. I can't help but notice the balance between good and evil are seriously off. I mean there's now a lot more Alicorns on the good side. The only who would seem to stand a chance would be Discord. Who is also now on the side of good. Well maybe Tirek or Grogar could be a threat if you brought them into the story. Anyway the point is the scales between good and evil have shifted big time into goods favor. Any chance of changing that a bit? To make things interesting.

#33 · 86w, 56m ago · 1 · · Chapter 2 ·

Thus is your mission, from ourselves to thee

"to you", since she's addressing more than one pony. "Thou" is not just archaic "you", it's archaic singular "you".

#34 · 86w, 3m ago · 8 · · Chapter 2 ·

>>2378743

Overpopulation,

There's a whole lot of empty space on earth, lots of it nicely habitable.

crippling ennui

If they're bored, they're not trying.  It's a big, brilliant, wonderful, HUGE world out there.  And, hey, Alicorn Space Race.  That fixes the overpopulation problem, too.

You would never have to worry about not having time to live your dream.  You could have millions of dreams and achieve them all!

geopolitical backlash from jealous mortals

They would like to end all death, no jealous mortals because there would be no mortals!

Please tell me someone's going to point this out in the story.

Looking at Reality Check's other works (particularly Nightmare Night and Nix), when they do point it out, they'll point it out so that he can mercilessly destroy the concept that "Death is Good, Immortality is Bad."

#35 · 85w, 6d ago · 2 · · Chapter 2 ·

>>2379488

There's a whole lot of empty space on earth, lots of it nicely habitable.
So habitable that other species are already inhabiting it! Life thrives wherever it can, and given the nature of the world in question, there's no telling which species are going to be sapient and objecting to an exponentially growing surge of alicorns encroaching on their borders.

If they're bored, they're not trying. It's a big, brilliant, wonderful, HUGE world out there. And, hey, Alicorn Space Race. That fixes the overpopulation problem, too.

You would never have to worry about not having time to live your dream. You could have millions of dreams and achieve them all!

And then what? The problem with immortality is that it never ends. Even after you've done literally everything you can think of. Though I admit that you make a good point with the space travel. Even with slower-than-light travel, immortal astronauts will be able to explore distant galaxies... provided that they don't go insane along the way. Or something goes wrong with the ship, leaving them to suffer eternally in the vacuum of space, unable to die yet desperately wishing to.

They would like to end all death, no jealous mortals because there would be no mortals!
Oh?
"You know of my plans for Equestria," she said. "To someday end the scourge of mortality upon our little ponies."
Not all life, just the ponies. What will the griffins, the minotaurs, the Diamond Dogs, the dragons, the donkeys, the sheep, the cows, the goats, the zebras, and all the other self-aware races think of that?

#36 · 85w, 6d ago · 2 · · Chapter 2 ·

>>2379637

So habitable that other species are already inhabiting it!

Yes, but I was thinking (and should have state sooner) about the miles and miles and miles of open, cultivatable prairie*; the unending cold of the north, just waiting for a love-spell to thaw it out; empty spaces like that.

And then what? The problem with immortality is that it never ends. Even after you've done literally everything you can think of. Though I admit that you make a good point with the space travel. Even with slower-than-light travel, immortal astronauts will be able to explore distant galaxies... provided that they don't go insane along the way. Or something goes wrong with the ship, leaving them to suffer eternally in the vacuum of space, unable to die yet desperately wishing to.

Granted, an immortal body cannot work with a mortal mind.  There would have to be incredible mental changes in addition to the physical changes.  That is, not personality changes, but an expansion of mental capacities.

No sickness of the mind, in addition to no sickness of the body.

And again, anybody who ever thinks that they've run out of things to discover probably isn't paying attention.**

Not all life, just the ponies. What will the griffins, the minotaurs, the Diamond Dogs, the dragons, the donkeys, the sheep, the cows, the goats, the zebras, and all the other self-aware races think of that?

If they know what's good for them, "Where can I get a piece of that?"

I know how i'd handle it: with Alicorns just being the doorway to an entire world of undying peoples.

How RC handles that, if at all, is up to him.




* And this time, work something out with the buffalo before planting an orchard in their sacred rite of passage.

**Because really, infinite universe out here.

#37 · 85w, 6d ago · 5 · · Chapter 2 ·

>>2378316

Think back, "Dragon Shy." Pinkie Pie vs. Rarity.

And no, it's not a game of skill: it's a SOLVED GAME. Once you've learned all the possible moves-- and everyone learns those moves very quickly--- all games of tic tac toe should end in a stalemate.

Yet Pinkie Pie kept winning.

#38 · 85w, 6d ago · 10 · · Chapter 2 ·

>>2378743

Those are called problems. They are things to be solved. And they're much easier to solve than a case of DEATH.

Oh I just LOVE how creatures with mayfly lifespans like ours get up and proclaim that immortality--- which they have never experienced--- is terrible (/sarcasm)

#39 · 85w, 6d ago · 13 · · Chapter 2 ·

>>2378856

I smell dualistic thinking....

Okay, let's nip that in the bud. Good and Evil are not equal-yet-opposite forces. If they were, then evil would just be another choice, because it would be just as effective as good. Impartial observation proves otherwise. Honesty works better than deceit. The open marketplace and voluntary exchange work better than plunder and theft. Kindness works better than cruelty. Justice works better than Privilege.  By good, good prospers; evil only contains the seeds of its own destruction.

Good is not the opposite of Evil any more than the Sun is the opposite of a shadow. In both cases the Dark is merely an absence, a void where Light has not yet fallen.

#40 · 85w, 6d ago · 7 · · Chapter 2 ·

To be clear, here, Celestia and Luna aren't seeking to end ALL death. That lies somewhere beyond the realm of the impossible.

What they're trying to end is senescence. The decline into old age and death from bodily failure.

#41 · 85w, 6d ago · 5 · · Chapter 2 ·

>>2378324

Dude. She probably invented them.

And there are some things for which there are no substitute... like someone warm to snuggle up to, or waking up in someone else's arms, or little cuddles and kisses and words whispered in your ear---

So Ronery.:applecry::fluttercry::pinkiesad2:

#42 · 85w, 6d ago · 1 · · Chapter 2 ·

>>2380201

because most people don't know all possible combinations.  which is where the skill comes in.  Pinkie took advantage of her knowledge, and she beat Rarity.  Between two people who have spent the time to know the solution? yeah, stalemate.  Between two people who haven't?   Not so much.  My guess is, Pinkie knew the combinations and Rarity didn't.  So Pinkie won.

#43 · 85w, 6d ago · 1 · · Chapter 2 ·

>>2380386

Most people learn the possible moves within a single year, as children.

#44 · 85w, 6d ago · 1 · · Chapter 2 ·

Poor Luna. Who'd want to go 1500 years without... that? :twilightblush:

Also, Pinkie Pie as Celestia's faithful student? Now that's something I approve of! :pinkiehappy:

And I always had the feeling that Pinkie was a logic bender :rainbowdetermined2:

#45 · 85w, 6d ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

>>2380757

Depends how aware Luna was during her 'exile'.  On the other Hoof, she went half a millenia without before cracking?

And RC did have Celestia mention that Pinkie would be more Luna's student, the Night Princess having more talent in the areas of Pinkie's abilities.

#46 · 85w, 6d ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

>>2380208

I look forward to their solution. :twilightsmile: [/notsarcasm]

#47 · 85w, 6d ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

>>2380570

I'm not sure I agree with your definition of 'most'.  Most people I know(excluding my group of nerd friends) aren't even aware the game is solved.  I beat my dad three times in a row before he started to catsgame me after I found a chart for it.  People get good at the game, but most don't memorize the moves.  They just figure out one or two that work, and go from there.

#48 · 85w, 6d ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

This fic deserves so much more. I see some absolutely disgusting garbage on this site get 14 times the attention and praise.

Anyway, fan theory time:

Big Macintosh and Dr.Whooves (or Time Turner if you'd like) are nascent Alicorns. Applejack is going to be extremely worried over the attentions that Big Mac will receive and Twilight will relentlessly flirt with Dr. Whooves.

Maybe we'll see a certain thestral crime fighter ascend to Alicornhood? Fancy Pants is the only other potential Alicorn stallion I can think of so you'll probably dip into OC territory.

Oh right, Shining Armor is going to become an Alicorn and Cadance will be overjoyed.

#49 · 85w, 6d ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

I have a question... Is Queen Chrysalis an Alicorn? I know Changlings are a whole different species then ponies but I wonder if she is an Alicorn.

#50 · 85w, 6d ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

So Luna's primary motivation is being super horned up.

Seems legit. I feel her pain.

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