• Published 21st Mar 2013
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Synthesis of the Atheist - BlackRoseRaven



Luna and Scrivener become the targets of a malicious, narcissistic psychopath. 8th story in the 99 Worlds Saga/Blooming Moon Chronicles.

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Literary Culture

Chapter Sixty Four: Literary Culture
~BlackRoseRaven

Scrivener Blooms smiled lamely across at Underbrush as the moss-green earth pony simply glared at him, while Luna glowered back and Barry fidgeted wildly. They were in Canterlot, meeting with Underbrush after a short visit with Cheshire, and the charcoal stallion felt horribly intimidated not just by the mogul sitting around a desk so large you could probably land a dragon on it, but the massive shelves full of books, the ornate and pointy furnishings that caged them in, and of course, the enormous portrait of Underbrush himself mounted on the wall behind his desk. Clearly not there because Underbrush had any taste in art, but as both a sign of his wealth... and probably as a very, very, very effective intimidation tactic, with how the goddamn giant picture just glared into your soul.

Finally, Underbrush asked distastefully: “So what, precisely, is Ersatz Major doing alive, and why is she dating that ridiculous demon? Did he buy her, is that it?”

“You mean the demon you almost bit the ear off of?” Scrivener asked before he could stop himself, and then he immediately grinned awkwardly and leaned back in his seat, mentally cursing his own stupid mouth as Barry slowly turned a horrified look on the charcoal stallion. “I mean. Uh. That demon is... a good friend of ours, Burning Desire, who is... a good friend.”

“A good friend.” Underbrush said moodily, and then he shook his head slowly before rubbing at his face, closing his eyes. “Answer my question, Scrivener Blooms.”

“We didn't lie about anything. She... she died protecting me. But Burning Desire and some of our other friends brought her back from Helheim. Saved her soul. And... so... she's... here now.” Scrivener said finally, not really wanting to get into the subject with Underbrush as he shifted a little in his seat, and earning a scathing look from the stallion.

Underbrush went back to moodily tapping his hoof against the desk, and Luna twitched a little before she asked distastefully: “So why precisely are we here again? Art thou done scolding us, or does thou need to pump us for more details regarding the mare who thou hast apparently never gotten over?”

Underbrush's hoof froze against the desk as he slowly turned a glare towards Luna, and Scrivener and Barry both turned almost-disbelieving gapes towards the sapphire mare. But Luna only looked steadily back, and after a few moments, the businesspony snorted and asked mildly: “You've never been dumped, have you Luna Brynhild?”

“Nay, but I have left many ponies behind, suffered mine own share of unrequited love, and seen friend, foe, and all between the two die. Many upon or because of my account.” Luna replied calmly, meeting the stallion's eyes. “So do not think that-”

“I'll think whatever I goddamn well please.” Underbrush retorted, and then he slammed his hoof against the desk, making several of the gold-plated pens bounce up out of the wells they had been anchored in. “I gave that bitch everything she could ever want, without even caring she was a unicorn. I gave her jewels and treasure and she told me she wasn't like any of the other unicorns from the north, and at first I believed her. But all she wanted was more of everything, to look nicer, to get the better job, to be set up with her own little place. I'm not surprised the materialistic proud-horn ended up in Hell for all of that. I'm more surprised they let her in.”

“Come on, that's enough.” Scrivener said quietly, and Underbrush favored him with a dark look. “Ersatz has her flaws, but she's not greedy. I think you know that... and she deserves the chance at redemption Burning Desire is giving her. In fact, I think they're going to do good things for each other. So... let's... let's not go there, okay?”

“Don't tell me what to do. You are my employee, I am not yours. Yes, you're a writer, and yes, you get to do whatever the hell you want, whenever the hell you want, but don't forget that my publishing company owns you and your trademark.” Underbrush said moodily, pointing across at Scrivener. “That makes me your boss.”

Scrivener smiled a bit at this, replying quietly: “Ersatz is my family. Family trumps business, Xeric. Unless it's business with my family, I suppose.”

The businesspony glared angrily at Scrivener, and Barry began to open his mouth as he leaned forwards, but Underbrush only slammed his hoof against the desk and said icily: “Barter, if I hear you say one word, I'll have you blacklisted and ensure you never work in the publishing business again. You can go roast hay fries at the local Mr. Happy's, do I make myself clear?”

Barry whimpered loudly, and Scrivener rubbed slowly at his forehead: it was funny, but Underbrush's threats made him somehow feel less intimidated and more assured of himself. Maybe it was because again, Scrivener was reminded of the unicorn way of doing business: picking on ponies who seemed helpless to do anything in response. Except he wasn't helpless anymore, and... he didn't have to just sit here and take this, did he?

Scrivener looked down thoughtfully at this, then over at Luna, who grinned suddenly and widely, nodding rapidly, before the stallion sighed tiredly and said finally: “You have to make this up to me, though. I mean, seriously, you have to do something nice for me for once.”

“Oh, Scrivy. I shan't do one nice thing but a hundred.” Luna said with relish, and Underbrush frowned at them as Barry looked up dumbly, before Luna and Scrivener both suddenly grabbed the edge of the desk in front of them, then both ponies hauled upwards with a grunt and flung the desk hard backwards, sending it crashing into Underbrush and knocking him crashing and bouncing backwards out of his throne of a seat.

Barry screamed like a filly in horror at this as Underbrush laid dazedly on his back, mouthing wordlessly, before Scrivener giddily leaned over the massive bulwark of a flipped desk and looked down at the businesspony laying amidst a pile of papers and pens. “Underbrush, you're not happy because you're turning into the exact things ponies like you and I tried to run away from. So I've decided that from now on, I'm going to treat you like I would gladly treat those same ponies. You can blacklist me, throw me out, do whatever you want, but I don't need you. The only ponies I really want to actually read whatever drooling idiocy I write down on paper next are ponies like Luna and Twilight and Celestia. Ponies who matter.

“Yeah, it was wonderful to be published. It feels amazing to have all these fans out there, to have made an impact. But I'm also not anypony's puppet. Not anymore.” Scrivener shook his head, smiling wider at this thought, getting strength from it before he nodded firmly once. “So I'm going to leave now, and go home. Because I am a writer who sold half a million goddamn books and I don't have one hot wife, I have two, and I fully intend to live the dream and make out with both of them. So. Goodbye. Barry, are you coming?”

Barry only mouthed stupidly, as Luna grinned brightly over at the stallion, eyes absolutely glowing with joy as Scrivener turned and strode towards the door. But he only made it halfway across the office before his triumphant exit was ruined somewhat when Underbrush flung himself in an absurdly long tackle into Scrivener's back, knocking him forwards onto his face with a yelp.

Underbrush scrambled over him, and Scrivener cursed and bucked the earth pony off before standing up... and wincing, hearing the crack and blinking stupidly at how much the punch Underbrush landed against his face goddamn hurt. He mouthed slowly, then blinked a few more times before Underbrush shouted at him: “We are not done here, and I am no goddamn unicorn!”

Underbrush swung a hoof at him again, and Scrivener gritted his teeth as he caught this in his own with a flinch, snapping: “Well you sure as hell act like one! How the hell did you get so rich when your first instinct seems to be to punch the crap out of things that make you angry?”

“How the hell do you think you get respect in business? Good lawyers and strong hooves.” Underbrush retorted, throwing another jab at Scrivener, and the charcoal stallion yelped as this caught him across the face before he shoved the smaller, lankier, furiouser earth pony backwards. “You are not allowed to quit!”

“I didn't quit, I expected you to fire me!” the charcoal stallion avoided another punch, then grabbed Underbrush by the head and shoved him down against the ground, wincing away like he was holding down a vicious, nasty dog. “Will you calm the hell down?”

Underbrush responded to this by yanking backwards and shoving himself to his hooves, then shoving almost face-to-face with Scrivener Blooms, baring his teeth at him. “You listen to me, and you listen good, slave brother. I am nothing like you. I am successful, I am angry, I am not a unicorn, and I am not content to whittle away my time betraying my own race. You want to quit, you quit, but don't you goddamn think I'm going to fire a coward like you.”

“What? What?” Scrivener's eyes widened, then he gritted his own teeth and seized Underbrush's collar with his hooves, but the earth pony wasn't fazed in the slightest even as Scrivener yanked him upwards, glaring back at him. “The only race is pony, do you not get that? Yeah, the unicorns up north are complete assholes, but I've learned there's two other good unicorns out there for every bad one, just like there's plenty of assholes like you for every good earth pony!”

Underbrush shoved Scrivener hooves away, then he shoved the charcoal stallion backwards, snapping: “And which category do you fall under? Arrogant goddamn horn-polisher!”

“Stupid... jerk!” Scrivener retorted after a moment, struggling for words through his disbelief and frustration before he added flatly: “And at least I don't fling chairs out windows and jump on ponies and... and how the hell did you get to be such an asshole, anyway?”

“Because I get away with goddamn everything!” Underbrush shouted, stamping a hoof on the ground and snarling across at Scrivener Blooms, and the charcoal stallion simply stared. “Because everyone's so goddamn scared of all this worthless power and money I have, they let me do whatever the hell I please! Because I'm so connected that I might as well run Canterlot myself, I have the goddamn Royal Council trembling in their hooves at the mention of my name and anyone who wants to sue me has to represent themselves, because my legal team will sanction the ground out from beneath the hooves of any lawyer who stands up to me!

“Now are you goddamn standing up to me, or are you just a piece of snot coward who can't handle me anymore, and you're trying to run away with your stupid whores to go and make more freakish little babies in that brothel of unicorn horn-licking you call 'home?'” Underbrush snapped, and Scrivener Blooms snarled before he stepped forwards and slammed a hoof into Underbrush's face, snapping his cheekbone and sending him crashing down on his side in a broken heap.

There was silence for a few moments before Scrivener stared in horror as he realized what he did, and Barry collapsed in a dead faint out of his chair. Luna was staring stupidly at Scrivener as well... but Underbrush only gave a dry chuckle before he spat out fragments of tooth and a stream of blood, slowly picking himself up and grinning despite the visibly broken bone and bruising forming over the side of his face. “There. Last time I was hit so hard was back when the master found out I spat in his whiskey. Good, reminds me of old times, reminds me that I'm an earth pony, not a unicorn.”

There was silence for a few moments as Scrivener simply looked dumbly from Underbrush to his hoof, and then the businesspony spat to the side again, saying calmly: “I want another book from you. I don't give a crowbait's flank what it's about, but I want another book from you and I want it soon, do you understand me? Rose Thorns held up fine: better than I expected, to be honest, poetry press rarely does too well. But you got a good thing going still. Let's play on that, and see if we can keep you turning out writing on a regular schedule.”

The charcoal stallion only nodded awkwardly, clearing his throat and shifting lamely before he gave a dumb smile, rubbing slowly at the back of his head. Underbrush only studied him moodily, and then he said distastefully: “And don't call me Xeric again. My name is Underbrush. Maybe you can show a little respect and add a proper title in there, too.”

“Yes sir.” Scrivener said ironically, and then he hesitated and looked down at his hoof, adding lamely: “I'm... uh... I'm sorry, by the way.”

“Shut up, slave hoof.” Underbrush said distastefully, and Luna bristled even as she grinned over at the businesspony, but Underbrush ignored her as he turned moodily back towards his desk and spat out blood again. “By the way, I'll be taking the cost for cleaning up my office and breaking my jaw out of your next paycheck. Not the teeth, though. You can keep the teeth.”

“You know, you could just clean up the office yourself. You're supposed to be a slave hoof like me and all.” Scrivener said before he could stop himself, and Underbrush slowly turned a moody look over his shoulder towards the charcoal stallion, who cleared his throat and nodded awkwardly. “Message received. I'll... just be going now.”

“Take his teeth!” Luna almost hissed to Scrivener, nodding excitedly, and the stallion stared at her before the mare huffed and strode over to the glinting, broken fragments of tooth. A blue glow surrounded them, and they lifted into the air before steaming faintly and sparking as Luna concentrated on them, before nodding firmly to herself and slipping them into her flowing mane for safekeeping.

Underbrush didn't seem the least bit disturbed or put off by this, moodily looking after Luna before he shook his head and absently rubbed at his swelling, bruised face. For a few moments, Scrivener hesitated, before he finally asked: “So just... Underbrush, why are you such a...”

The businesspony looked moody at this, and Scrivener decided to try and rephrase the question. “So precisely when did your business model become 'I should keep the people who punch me in the face' instead of firing me for... I don't know. Cowardice I suppose. Racial inferiority. I'm not really sure what your reasoning is for anything you do, I think you're just a ball of anger and bitterness... with uh, all respect.”

“I thought I told you to get out of my office.” Underbrush asked moodily, and Scrivener grinned lamely as Luna sighed and rolled her eyes, before Underbrush snorted and turned away, striding over towards where Barry was laying prone. “Besides, it sounds like you have me all figured out. You see, there are two kinds of ponies in this world... slaves, and kings. And slaves, no matter how successful they are, no matter who they become, no matter what they tell themselves, are still goddamn slaves even if they escape all the kings in the world.”

Underbrush kicked Barry in the stomach, making him wheeze and blink, then yelp and scramble to his hooves, cowering away from Underbrush and clearly not understanding what was going on as the stallion continued in his harsh voice: “Slaves got no rights. Slaves can't make themselves refined even in ten thousand dollar suits. Slaves don't deserve good treatment, colt. Because it ain't the shackles on your legs that make you a slave, it's the shackles on your heart and soul, and I've never met a king who didn't wear rags, and a slave who didn't wear a suit. Now get the hell out of my office, Scrivener Blooms, and take this crybaby with you.”

“Only you can remove those shackles.” Scrivener said quietly, and when Underbrush gave him a dark look, the charcoal stallion cleared his throat and gestured awkwardly to Barry as the agent looked dumbly back and forth. “Come on Barry. We're getting out of here before we end up in more trouble and I end up getting part of my body chewed off.”

Underbrush only glowered as Barry hurried quickly over to the charcoal stallion, almost plowing into him as he grinned awkwardly over his shoulder and opened his mouth, but the glare that Underbrush favored him with made the lanky stallion turn and hurriedly bull Scrivener out as quickly as possible, all-but-hyperventilating. Luna, meanwhile, stayed a moment longer even as Barry shoved Scrivener through the enormous oak double doors that guarded Underbrush's office, and the mare paused before saying gently: “She is safe from thee, Underbrush, with a pony who cares very deeply for her. Perhaps even loves her. Let that be enough.”

Underbrush only turned moodily away and made a quick, dismissive gesture, and Luna glowered at him before huffing and turning, striding quickly out through the double doors and into the enormous, unsurprisingly-empty waiting room watched over by a single bored-looking secretary. Even the hyperventilating, whimpering agent didn't seem to catch her interest as Scrivener only looked dryly down at Barry, before he glanced up and asked finally: “Remind me why I ever thought it was a good idea to do something you would do?”

“Oh come now, Scrivy. Thou art always like that. Thou gets pushed too far, and thou snaps on some poor, unsuspecting individual.” Luna replied mildly, flicking a hoof disdainfully, and then she turned her eyes towards Barry, adding grumpily: “I suppose that we should bring the child to the ice cream store to settle his nerves, though. At least, that is what we do for my daughter, but my baby Innocence is of much sterner stuff than thou art.”

Barry blinked dumbly as he realized this was being directed at him, looking up after a moment and mouthing wordlessly before he held up a hoof... then winced and cowered when Luna leaned forwards and glared at him. “Do not speak. We are going to the ice cream parlor now, and thou shall enjoy thy treat, and thank us for it, and cease they insufferable filly-like whining. Is this understood, Barry Barter?”

“Yes, ma'am.” Barry mumbled as he shrank his head down between his shoulders, swallowing nervously and offering a lame grin, before he finally squeaked out: “You're... we're not... he didn't...”

“What did I say about the whining?” Luna smacked Barry on the head with a hoof, making him yelp and wince, and Scrivener sighed and looked almost pleadingly over at the mare for a moment, which made her grumble and moodily relent. “Oh, very well, fine. And watch, I shall be perfectly civil and polite. Afterwards, Barry, I would like to insist that thou return to Ponyville with us to see our daughter, who is currently having another playdate, I believe, with Cheeky.”

“Clinker.” Scrivener corrected, and Luna only grunted and shrugged: Scrivener knew that Luna knew that she was using the wrong name for the chubby little foal, like she knew that he knew she knew and he was just going to keep correcting her on the matter. In other words, she was seeing how close she could get to the nickname 'Fatty' before he got mad at her, like Twilight did.

They were all glad that Innocence finally had a friend, though, even if Clinker was a little... odd. He was one of those big, slow-learning foals, who rarely smiled and didn't seem to communicate very well with others. But Innocence liked him, and even if she was a little rough on him, Bean Counter seemed very, very happy that his son had found someone who he could at least spend time with, although even Twilight had been a little surprised to find out Clinker was actually three years old.

Scrivener, Luna, and Barry made their way out of the waiting room and into the halls of the building, the agent calming down little-by-little, and then his worry turning to something more like glee when Scrivener noted that Underbrush did, in fact, want him to put together another book. The agent immediately began rambling away, but Scrivener only tuned him out for now, wondering mildly why the hell Barry wasn't asking any important questions, such as why the hell Underbrush would want to still publish him even after Scrivener had very literally broken his face.

The stallion paused thoughtfully at this, but then Luna only gave him an amused look and a gentle nudge with her mind as they strode down the stairs, and Scrivener grunted after a moment, deciding she was probably right. It really was better not to think about things like that: Underbrush was too much of a conundrum even for him, and he thought that even if it was somehow possible to explain away all the crazy earth pony's behavior... part of it was the fact that whether he had lived a hell of a life or not, no matter what kind of hardships he had been though... Xeric Underbrush was still also just an ass at the end of the day.

Luna grunted in agreement with this, nodding thoughtfully as they made their way down the steps, before she interrupted Barry irritably: “Scrivener Blooms has already decided precisely what he is going to have published, idiot, cease this... prattling and babbling away. Besides, if thou art so obsessed with having two mares at once, go wander the streets of Canterlot tonight and find two mares selling their wares, thou clearly art well enough off to pay for that sort of thing if only the sex is important to thee.”

Barry mouthed wordlessly at this, and Scrivener cleared his throat loudly before Luna continued mildly: “Oh come now, 'tis true enough! Sleipnir always bought plenty of whores, although they were often the ones who paid him. Damn him for being so cheerful and charismatic and simply skillful in that regard. Sometimes I truly do wonder who between myself and my siblings is the better on the fertile battlefield of the bed.”

The lanky agent wheezed slowly at this, and Luna huffed at him as Scrivener cleared his throat loudly and looked awkwardly away. This just made the sapphire mare grumble louder before she muttered: “Oh, thou art both just idiots. That is all there is to it.”

“Yes. We're the ones there's something clearly wrong with.” Scrivener said mildly, and Luna huffed and bopped him with her horn, making him wince a little as they emerged from the stairwell onto the first floor. “You're such an evil little... thing.”

“Thou art an evil thing And thou art fat, too” Luna grumbled, and Scrivener sighed a little before the two flailed at each other childishly for a moment, then both turned down the long hallway, Luna adding huffily: “And now I believe that I require ice cream as well, because thou art both a pile of idiocy. There had best be ice cream nearby. I desire ice cream, and I shan't stop until I get some.”

“I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.” Scrivener intoned before he could stop himself, and Luna gave him a dry look for a few moments as they passed into the gorgeous foyer of the building... then threw her head back and yelled loudly, shaking her head wildly back and forth and making the glass statues that lined the red carpet running down the center of this magnificent entrance shudder, ponies wincing and staring in shock at the sapphire mare.

Scrivener only grinned awkwardly as he turned bright red, and Barry mouthed wordlessly at Luna before several large, angry-looking security guards approached, but the mare only huffed at them and said flatly: “We are already leaving, fear not. And if thou lays a hoof upon me I shall bend thee over my knee and spank thee.”

The guards glared at her, and Luna glared back before Scrivener gently strode over to her and began to slowly push her towards the door, mumbling: “I already punched Underbrush and I don't think anypony else here shares the same nutjob philosophies as him. Let's get out of here before we get arrested, okay, darling? Dearest? Yes?”

“Thou art a darling-dearest-yes. And fat. No ice cream for thee.” Luna grumbled but she allowed herself to be pushed towards and out the large revolving door. And, just as when they'd first entered the building, Luna then shoved Scrivener off and trotted quickly back to the revolving door, forgetting her frustrations to childishly shove her way back into it and circle several times as Scrivener sighed and dropped his head slowly, but couldn't help but smile all the same. Her moods were so goddamn wild and she could be so goddamn childish, and yet... she always surprised him into a smile, whether he liked it or not.

Then Luna finally stepped back outside from the revolving door, smiling at him and looking like her mood had much improved, while Barry awkwardly came out one of the other doors, approaching them and asking weakly: “Why do you guys have to push every pony's buttons? Why? Just... why?”

Scrivener and Luna traded looks, and then they both shrugged before Barry sighed and pointed down the street. “We can take the Celestia Bridge to downtown. There's a whole bunch of food stores and stuff over there.”

“What? Celestia Bridge? Damnation, I refuse to stride across a bridge named after my sister!” Luna stomped a hoof, looking outraged. “Where is my bridge? Where is my street, or city? Although 'tis of no surprise at all to hear that her bridge leads to food. Celestia is-”

“You really need to learn a new insult, Luna.” Scrivener remarked mildly, and the sapphire mare glowered before Scrivener gestured at Barry. “Lead the way.”

Luna did eventually consent to crossing Celestia Bridge, if only because she badly wanted ice cream, but she complained the entire time, stomping her hooves and concentrating magic into her crystal horn so she could scratch up the supports when they passed and cut her name in runes along one of the larger girders. But she cheered up when they strode off the bridge and to an intersection filled with booths of candy and chocolate and all kinds of treats, set up in front of specialty stores and bakeries and sweet shoppes...

Luna sampled quite a bit of everything, and Scrivener knew the last thing he should be encouraging was her pickpocketing, but it always amused him when she put her old skills to use. She stormed up, loudly and brazenly demanding free samples from the various ponies, then she would flick her mane so the starry locks twisted upwards and settled over part of their stand and some of whatever was on sale, usually going completely unnoticed. Then she would flick her mane back and storm off, whether they gave her a sample or not.

Eventually they headed to the ice cream parlor nearby, and once they were comfortably seated at a booth, Luna shook her head wildly before her mane twisted forwards and sparked, spilling all kinds of candy and chocolates and other treats out onto the table in front of them. She grinned happily at this, licking her lips slowly as Barry gaped and Scrivener said mildly: “I don't know why, but I always find it kind of cute when you steal stuff. Not big stuff, but little things like this. You're a trickster.”

“Aye, I am. 'Tis wonderful. And thou hast my thanks for not lecturing me today about how I am a bad little filly.” Luna grinned after a moment as she unwrapped a chocolate bar, raising this up to her mouth and slowly licking up the side of it. “Thou can tell me what a naughty girl I am later.”

Scrivener cleared his throat at this, then he reached out and gently patted Barry's shoulder as the agent mouthed slowly. “Uh, Barry? Why don't you go get us ice cream stuff. I like vanilla, Luna likes... well, just get whatever has the most sugar in it for her.”

Barry nodded lamely after a few moments, then he turned and pushed himself out of the booth as Luna looked with entertainment over at the lanky agent. Scrivener paused, glancing over the candy pile, and then he reached out and absently picked up one of the lollipops, saying mildly: “You know, you really do have more than enough of this stuff at home, though.”

“Aye, I do.” Luna paused, then glanced over at a foal who was staring at her and her pile of candies at the table across from them, and she smiled after a moment, sweeping up a chocolate bar and tossing it to the young colt. He blinked in surprise as he caught it more as a reflex than anything else, then he smiled brightly and nodded several times before happily unwrapping it and beginning to eat, Luna laughing and returning her eyes to Scrivener. “But 'tis such a fun game. And candy tastes sweeter when 'tis the reward, Scrivy. I wish that monsters became candy when they died, so we could have something to look forwards to when the battle ends, no matter what.”

“You are so weird.” the stallion said mildly, and Luna shrugged agreeably before he unwrapped the lollipop and slipped it into his jaws, rolling it thoughtfully back and forth before adding meditatively: “I should probably be more frustrated with you than I am right now. I know in the past I would have been. But either your emotions are mixing more into mine these days, or I'm just still elated from the whole Underbrush incident. Even though he does kind of scare me.”

“He scares me a little as well, if thou wants the honest truth, Scrivy.” Luna said mildly after a moment, and the stallion cocked his head curiously. “He reminds me of the old war-dogs that became Barons, not by choice but because of their age and the clamor of their own people. Forced to be a noble despite wanting nothing to do with it, trying to act as preening peacocks when they are truly hawks and eagles. They became bitter and grudging and furious, sick of the part they played in the world and keeping those close to them who reminded them most of the old days, doing whatever it took to get a glimpse of the past.”

“I don't think Underbrush wants to go back to being a slave. But I do think he wants to go back to being a slave hoof, if that makes any sense.” Scrivener said after a moment, and Luna nodded in agreement, not needing to read into his emotions as she smiled across at him. The stallion paused, then rubbed thoughtfully at his features, murmuring: “Huh. You know, for the first time I think that I get why Sleipnir always says that sometimes being called a slave hoof brings back good memories for him, instead of just bad ones. You know, apart from how that's just what earth ponies were called in the old days and everything.”

Luna laughed quietly at this, replying easily: “Aye, but my brother has always been... silly, as thou knows. And special. Even by our standards, he is special.” Luna paused thoughtfully, then took a large bite out of her chocolate bar and chewed slowly as she fell into quiet.

There was silence for a few moments, apart from the sounds of conversation around them from the happy ponies around the store, and Barry fumbling his way through ordering ice cream at the counter, before Scrivener glanced up and asked softly: “You're worried about Thesis, aren't you?”

“Thesis, Nightmare Moon, Valthrudnir. I worry about much.” Luna replied quietly, glancing out the window and watching several Royal Guards stride by, with a few foals following behind them dressed in cardboard armor, imitating the soldiers. “Thesis still has not attacked us, and Cowlick has prepared and stored all the White Matter she can, weaponized the rest. Celestia is finishing training Eventide herself, Selene has readied an army of demons for us, Kvasir is doing... well... something. I do not even have the heart to mock however he may be trying to help us from Valhalla, though. There is too much at stake, and it feels too possible that soon...”

“We're going to end up in trouble again, yeah.” Scrivener hesitated, then he looked down at his hoof before saying quietly: “Maybe... maybe it's just because... I'm nervous about things... but do you ever get the feeling that something else is going on, Luna? I mean... I can't explain it or anything, but I have this strange sensation that... Thesis is up to something right now. That the reason he isn't focusing on us is because he's focused on something else, he's got some... plan of some kind he's putting into action. He's making... adjustments.”

Scrivener looked up awkwardly after a moment, expecting to be mocked, but Luna only looked across at him seriously before she said softly: “Those are thy instincts, Scrivy. No, they do not make sense, but that does not mean they are not right. And thou art more attuned to Thesis than I am, because of what thou art. And loathe as I am to do this... perhaps we should speak to Celestia. Tell her of this, and ask her to speak to Kvasir for us, if nothing else.”

The stallion nodded hesitantly, reaching his hoof out, and Luna smiled as she took it gently in her own, the two studying each other in silence for a few moments. “'Tis a dangerous time for us, Scrivener Blooms. But we shall push through, as we always do. After all, it seems to be what we do best, surviving against terrible odds with all the world against us.”

“Except for all the times we haven't.” Scrivener said blandly, and Luna grumbled, flicking her horn to send a peppermint shooting off the table and right into Scrivener's eye, the stallion blinking rapidly and grabbing at his face with a curse. “Uncalled for.”

Barry returned a few short minutes later with several bowls of ice cream: some caramel rocky road fudge mess for Luna that she delighted in, plain vanilla for Scrivener, and frozen yogurt for himself. Luna broke up several chocolate bars over her already-extremely-sweet treat as she scowled over at Barry, chastising: “What art thou, some fancy filly who has to fit into her dress? And for a rich stallion thou does not even have a stomach, much less a gut. Where is thy fat?”

“I thought being fat was a bad thing.” Barry said dumbly, and Luna shrugged, raising a hoof and tilting it back and forth as Scrivener sighed and swirled his ice cream.

“'Tis... 'tis both. 'Tis good and 'tis bad.” Luna said finally. “Those who were fat in the old days were mostly those who were well-off. So it could be a sign that one is doing well for one's self. But it could also be seen as laziness and overindulgence and many other things.”

“You really don't want to get into this subject with Luna. She's a hypocrite.” Scrivener said mildly, and Luna glared at him before flinging a bit of ice cream at him with her spoon, making him scowl as it splatted against his chest. “I hate you sometimes.”

“Good. All romance and mastery is made of love and hate. Thou must love me as thy wife but hate me as thy superior.” Luna flung a bit of ice cream at him again, this time hitting his platinum collar, and Scrivener grumbled as he grabbed a napkin to quickly clean this off before he balled the used paper towel up and tossed it back at the sapphire mare.

She glared at it, and it burst into blue flames in midair, disintegrating rapidly into nothing as Barry squeaked, but Scrivener only calmly began to eat his ice cream as Luna huffed, then picked up her bowl to start eating herself. The three settled, though, Barry now used to Luna's sporadic changes of mood and the random bouts of violent love between the two. He felt almost comfortable with them... although he was still shy as hell, and not completely certain where he fell in Scrivener's mind.

So it took him a few moments to work up the courage to finally ask the question that had been bothering him for a while now: “So what... what book are you thinking of selling to Underbrush next then, champ? I mean... if you've already decided, does that mean...”

“Well, I recorded that full history about Sleipnir I still have in the office upstairs. It's a whole saga... focuses on him a lot, but gets into all kinds of things that he, Celestia, and Luna all did together over their five hundred years of journeying and adventuring.” Scrivener replied, smiling over at Luna, and the sapphire mare nodded firmly a few times. “I don't think Sleipnir would have a problem with it. It could sell as fantasy, if no one wanted to believe this is a real history of the past.”

Barry laughed a little at this, but then he nodded and rubbed slowly at his features, giving a small smile over to Scrivener Blooms. “Okay, champ. Tell you what, then, you get it over to me, I'll put it through editing, and then we'll submit it on over to Underbrush, how's that sound to you?”

Scrivener nodded, then he asked mildly: “Does that mean you're going to actually read it, Barry? Or even maybe just a chapter of the story this time?”

“Hey, big guy, take it easy! I read a good bit of that other story of yours and all, didn't I?” Barry replied in an injured voice, touching his own chest. “And I definitely read most of that Rose Thorns book, even if I didn't understand half the damn poems. I still wanna know what the 'giant's grater' refers to. You got a lot of weird references to books I don't think even exist in this Equestria anymore.”

“Some of them should. And hey, lots of stories are passed down orally still.” Scrivener said pointedly, before he glowered over at Luna when she giggled stupidly. “Can you... you know... like, try and get your brain out of the gutter?”

“Nay.” Luna said staunchly, and then she glowered down at her mostly-melted ice cream. “Look at this! It is turning to sludge already. And the pieces of chocolate are beginning to resemble that which comes out, not that which should go in. Damnation, I cannot eat something that looks like cold sewage, Scrivy. 'Tis gross and foul and loathsome and ick.”

“You mean like your cooking?” Scrivener asked in a mutter, and Luna glared at him before she flung her spoon at the stallion. He winced and dodged to the side, and there was a yelp as the ice-cream covered spoon splatted loudly into the mane of the mare sitting in the booth behind him.

Luna's eyes widened at this, and then she hurriedly swept up as much of her candy as possible before scrambling out of the booth and towards the door, and Scrivener grinned embarrassedly over his shoulder at the now-furious-looking mare the spoon had hit. “Uh. Sorry.” He paused and picked up a chocolate bar, offering it to her lamely, and when she only glared at him, he carefully put it down on the back of the bench before slowly pushing Barry out of the booth.

The two stallions awkwardly hurried to the doors themselves, emerging and then both glaring at where Luna was now safely across the street, waving a hoof at them. Scrivener grumbled, and then he shook his head before glancing at Barry and saying mildly: “Come on then. You can walk back to Ponyville with us, I think Celestia has a copy of the Sleipnir stories, so you can see them and all that. Plus you still have to wish my daughter happy birthday.”

“Uh... okay champ, sure, sounds good.” Barry said halfheartedly, but as they crossed the street, he couldn't help but smile a little while following behind the charcoal stallion, feeling oddly positive about everything despite how Scrivener Blooms was by far the most frustrating client he'd ever had... but maybe one of his first real friends, too.

It was going on late evening, and Twilight Sparkle had taken Innocence back home, and Barry had returned to Canterlot, happily taking the first of the set of books detailing the old stories of Celestia, Sleipnir, and Luna with him. Scrivener and Luna were still at the library with Celestia, however, and the ivory mare currently had a large mirror in an ornate gold frame propped up on the table beside her, all eyes focused on this as it didn't reflect the world that gazed into it, but instead showed the faintly-blurred image of Kvasir.

The homunculus god rubbed moodily at his features, then he looked through the scrying mirror and out at them, his voice both distorted and echoing at the same time, like they were speaking to each other from across a hollow cavern: “Yes, we've caught several abnormalities in other layers. No, I have not investigated them... it's not that I don't want to, it's that you know as well as I do, I can't risk attracting something like Thesis into Valhalla. Our forces are still minimal, and even if we've begun new training programs, we have no veteran Valkyries and few champions.”

Scrivener and Luna traded grimaces at this, but Celestia only nodded calmly, looking unsurprised before she said softly: “I'm not asking for Valhalla to intercede. I'm asking for you to tell us about these abnormalities, Kvasir. And if we can at all, to let us step in and help.”

Kvasir made a face at this through the mirror, but he looked uneasy as he swept one hand through his mane before closing his eyes and sighing tiredly. “Freya... you know that I respect you, but... I'm not sure at all about this. The core world must be protected, but I can't have you... happily running off to try and defend every layer all by yourselves. For Mimir's sake, if I could, I'd have you and Sleipnir and even Brynhild come to Valhalla to run these training programs and help protect us. Especially since Hel continues to send her nasty little ambassadors up to Valhalla for apparently no purpose except to harass me.”

“Aye, Hel always was a bitch.” Luna remarked mildly, and Celestia sighed but nodded grudgingly after a moment, and Scrivener could swear he heard a grumble of agreement even from Valthrudnir. “Paranoid, completely lunatic, and apparently less-interested in performing her role in Helheim and more interested in endlessly tormenting and mocking the gods and Valhalla from her safe little bubble far, far beneath Helheim.”

“Has Hel herself ever appeared in Valhalla? Not in physical form... it's well-known she never leaves her throne. But as I recall she can project herself through a variety of forms and guises.” Celestia said quietly, and Kvasir hesitated for a moment before he shook his head a few times, and the ivory mare smiled after a moment. “Good. Let's hope it stays that way.”

Yes, the last thing we need is to deal with that ridiculous hag. Valthrudnir muttered in Scrivener's mind, and the charcoal stallion tilted his head in surprise as Luna frowned over at him curiously, picking up on the dragon's voice. She is nothing but a babbling lunatic. As a matter of fact, she reminds me very, very much of the obnoxious little pink pony twinned from the demon. Except somehow even more devastating to the senses.

“Sounds like we'd get along great, then. The sad thing is that I'm not entirely surprised.” Scrivener mumbled, and Luna shrugged and dropped her head against his shoulder.

Kvasir, meanwhile, was once more deep in thought, the image in Celestia's scrying mirror distorting and blurring as he leaned away from whatever he was using up in Valhalla to speak to them, and then the homunculus god finally sighed and leaned forwards to appear more clearly through the mirror, saying finally: “There is one particular instance we detected in another world that perhaps warrants your attention. A powerful fluctuation of energies was noted, very likely a portal. But what was more disturbing than this was the fact that this constant abuse of gateways between reality may have let something else in, something that has stained that reality.”

“Something from the spaces between worlds?” Luna asked quietly, looking up with a grimace and a shiver. “Damnation, Kvasir! Whether it has to do with Thesis or not, then we have no choice but to go to that layer, to protect the ponies and destroy whatever it is!”

“It That Is.” Celestia shivered for a moment, then looked up and nodded calmly. “That's out of your hands, Kvasir, and you should have reported the presence of one of those creatures to us immediately. That kind of threat takes precedence even over Thesis: you know as well as I do that when something like that enters a physical layer, it starts shredding apart and endangering reality itself.”

Kvasir only shook his head quickly in response, saying in a moody voice: “Don't patronize me, Freya, I know my job and if it was one of the Hræzla-”

“Do not speak their name!” Luna snapped at the mirror, as the very air seemed to shiver around them, the walls and floor of the library creaking quietly as the branches of the enormous tree swayed in the windless evening. “Do not tempt fate, idiot god! Reality is thin, and to speak their name invites them to spread their malice into our world and thy precious Heaven!”

Kvasir grumbled at this, brushing at himself as Celestia murmured: “Names have great power. I do not desire to tempt Those That Are. They are better left forgotten in their exile between the worlds. They are one of the very few things I do not desire to know anything more about than I already do, and wish would vanish from our memories forever.”

“Very well.” Kvasir muttered, and then he shook his head slowly. “But it was not It That Is. Similar in some respects, which by itself is disturbing, and why I have decided to speak to you about this problem. The presence of the creature alone is creating a massive amount of interference, but I am also concerned that this is a strategy being used by Thesis to lure you into a more vulnerable position.”

“And so what, thou would prefer to leave a layer at the claws of a monster, to be destroyed, and keep thy sorry little secret instead of telling us so we may go there, pummel it, and then possibly pummel Thesis himself?” Luna asked incredulously, and then she glared over at Celestia. “Punch him. Punch him through the mirror. I know thou can and I demand thou do it!”

Celestia only gestured at Luna to quiet and calm, but she did then turn a disapproving look on Kvasir. Kvasir faced her calmly, his eyes unflinching as he said quietly: “I am an administrator, in charge of keeping Odin's legacy intact, and watching over the core world. I must weigh and measure every option carefully, and look at things as coldly and logically as possible to consider every positive and negative. I had to look at this old middle-ground layer only as territory, in spite of the fact that yes, I recognize those are real lives on the planet, who are going to suffer and die. But I will gladly sacrifice one world if it means protecting the core world, and saving many, many others.”

Luna shivered at this, and Celestia closed her eyes as she murmured: “I appreciate your logic, Valthrudnir. And I know it's true, and that you have a hard, difficult job, making decisions that can literally save or destroy entire layers of reality. But do not underestimate our strength.” Celestia's eyes opened, sharp and cold and calm. “We are Valkyries, and we do not hide or run from battle. We face our enemies, no matter whether they're demons, or gods, or Those That Are.”

There was silence for a few moments, and then Kvasir sighed quietly before he said finally: “Give me two days to finish business in Valhalla, and to examine the layer as much as possible. Whatever it is, reality is stable, and I don't think the idiot mortals of that realm are even aware of its existence yet. It's been mostly roaming an uninhabited pocket of land on the far western side of Equestria, away from most civilization and everything but rocks and trees and wildlife.”

Celestia frowned at this, hesitating before she said finally: “Promise me that if it does make a move, you'll inform us immediately and we can decide on a possible course of action.”

“Very well, Freya, you have my word. But you should be concentrating on Thesis right now. Not on saving other worlds from unknown monsters that may not even have anything to do with him.” Kvasir said irritably, but Celestia only smiled a little at this and shook her head slowly.

“No, Kvasir. If we fail to stand up and help protect others because of our own problems, then we let down Odin's memory and fail in our duties. Who and what we are... requires sacrifice at times.” Celestia looked down and nodded slowly. “And I will not let down ponies in need. Be they of this world or another, I will help them. As a Valkyrie, and as a pony... I have to help them.”

There was silence for a few moments, and Kvasir sighed and nodded grudgingly before saying moodily: “Fine. Fine, I won't argue with you any further, Freya, you know best. Even if I do disagree with your philosophies and think our time and efforts are better saved for the future. Excuse me.”

And with that, Kvasir vanished from the scrying mirror, which now only reflected Celestia's uneasy features as she looked into it silently. Scrivener and Luna both gazed across at her, and then the mare sighed a little before glancing up and smiling as Discombobulation walked in, carrying a tray loaded with several glasses of cola and a tall stein filled with amber liquid for Celestia. “Here. Not-drinks for the drunks, and drinks for the not-drunk.”

“Wondrous.” Luna said grouchily as Discombobulation set the tray down, and Bob only nodded pleasantly before he snapped his fingers, an enormous bowl of party mix appearing on the table. Luna's horn glowed to lift a hoof-full of pretzels out of this, tossing them into her jaws and chewing loudly even as she asked: “So what are we to do now? And Scrivener Blooms, does thou think this has something to do with what thine instincts were hinting at?”

“I think you have to learn to chew with your mouth closed, for one thing. For another...” Scrivener paused, then nodded slowly as he picked up his glass of cola, and Luna became a little more serious as Discombobulation and Celestia both frowned a little.

The Draconequus looked meditatively at the charcoal stallion, then he sighed tiredly and glanced down at his metal arm, flexing it slowly. “Look at this. I just got it back. And now we're going to go and get it broken again. Well, you know what they say... when life gives you lemons...”

Discombobulation paused, then frowned before he slammed his metal fist down against the table, rattling the surface and making all the ponies stare. “No, you know what? When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade! Make life take those lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these?”

The chimerical creature leapt up on top of his chair, clenching his metal hand into a fist and shaking it up at the ceiling as he glared towards the sky. “Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Discombobulation lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the Draconequus who's gonna burn your house down – with the lemons! I'm gonna get Cowlick to invent a combustible lemon that'll burn your house down!”

“Oh, I like thee at times like this, Bob.” Luna said with relish, grinning widely over at the Draconequus and dropping her chin in her front hooves, and Celestia smiled warmly up at the chimerical creature before she reached up and grabbed him, yanking him down out of the chair to kiss him firmly, and Bob's eyes went stupidly wide as he flailed his limbs a bit before simply dropping limp, then falling back into his chair with a dumb smile when she finally let him go.

Luna laughed at this, then looked amusedly across at Scrivener, who smiled back despite himself before Discombobulation remarked awkwardly: “I really hope no one demands that I properly attribute everything one day. After that, I believe that my memory's just been wiped. Like in that movie. Except in a much more physical and fun fashion.”

He cleared his throat, then patted at his chest a few times. “No, I think I'm safe from deletion for now. We're not Sprites struggling to survive in a Mainframe hounded by an evil virus or two, after all, nor do we have to fear the Master Control Program or anything ridiculous like that.”

The Draconequus nodded thoughtfully to himself, then lightly patted a tattoo against his chest before glancing over at Celestia and remarking seriously: “Girl, look at my body.”

“I do.” Celestia smiled slightly, reaching up and stroking a hoof gently down his arm, and Discombobulation cleared his throat awkwardly at this response, rubbing lamely at his neck before the ivory mare turned her eyes towards Luna and Scrivener. “Discombobulation is right, though, in his... own strange way. Let's not simply make the best of what we've been given, but use it as momentum to push back against our enemies. If Thesis is involved somehow, maybe we can turn this against him.”

“That would be nice. I would adore watching Thesis struggle against one of Those That Are.” Luna muttered, then she shivered a little as she thought of the Gray Mountains of the Equestria they had lived in, where reality had always been thin and poisonous, letting in monsters from between reality and other horrible, should-have-been-left-forgotten places: things like the Black Wolves, and that creature they had seen while leading souls away from the Black Baroque...

“We have two days to think on things and prepare...” Celestia hesitated, looking over at Scrivener and Luna quietly. “I know I can't stop you from coming with us. But you cannot bring Innocence... while we're gone, she'll have to stay here, with Antares and Meadowlark, or Sleipnir and Pinkamena. We'll have to again ask our little brother to stay behind, after all.”

“Aye, but I do not think he will complain if we leave Innocence in his care. I shall ask Morning Glory to come with us as well.” Luna said softly, nodding once, and Celestia nodded back in agreement. “We shall speak to Twilight Sparkle about this tonight, though... Innocence very much does not like being left alone. She is a very...” Luna stopped, then smiled a little and shook her head. She didn't have the words for her daughter. She only knew what she was: special.

Scrivener nodded a little, and Celestia gazed across at them softly before Discombobulation sighed and swept up his glass of cola, drinking it quickly down and muttering: “Well, I suppose that I'm coming too, if you hadn't figured it out already. We'll be a party of five.” The Draconequus paused, then looked up thoughtfully. “Huh. I didn't even mean to make that reference. Which Final Fantasy game was it that let you have five people out at once, by the way? Or are we going to do that switch-in, switch-out thing? And how will that work with Luna Brynhild and Scrivener Blooms, are their HP bars linked? I think that would be a rather tricky thing to deal with. Enemy area of effect attacks would suddenly become twice as dangerous, and let's not even get into what happens if it carries a damage per second effect, too. That would just be uncool.”

Luna glared at the Draconequus, and Scrivener rubbed awkwardly at his features before the chimerical creature shrugged. “It's a fun thought, though. I think you'd like video games... both of you, really. You can kill things all day without having to feel bad, then do it all over again tomorrow. You can meet people all over the wide, wide world, and enjoy the sounds of twelve year olds screaming and swearing at you with impunity because they think you can't do anything to them. Except headshot them over and over and over again until they break down into tears.”

The sapphire mare sighed at this, rolling her eyes before she asked mildly: “Discombobulation, I sometimes fear the wonders and terrors of the world thou hints at existing out there, beyond our realms of existence. Pray tell, are there Valkyries there too?”

“Well, yes, but they're not like you, Scrivener Blooms. Blonde-haired and blue-eyed, and people argue all the time what their real purpose was... sex-objects or bodyguards or whatnot. And they were really liked by Nazis.” Discombobulation paused, then said mildly: “You have no idea how nice it is to be able to call you by a really not-pleasant term and not get punched for it, because you have no idea what it means or what the specific context happens to be. I can also call you a Twilight-lover and mean several things by it, and you would just nod in agreement, yes?”

Luna nodded firmly in agreement, and Discombobulation sat comfortably back and laced his fingers with his metallic digits before glancing down at these thoughtfully. “You know, I have to admit, Tia, I'm very jealous of the way that you were able to so easily part yourself from being deified. Yes, yes, I know, you're still seen as a holier-than-holy figure by many, but all the same. You've avoided crucifixion, beheading, snarky comedians... all the usual ways that saviors get killed.”

Celestia only smiled slightly at this and shrugged slowly, looking across at Luna and saying softly: “Well, the memory gap helped quite a bit with that, and being a Baroness instead of a Princess or Queen thought to be beyond the touch or reach of any average pony.”

“Yes, I do know that you do like to touch ponies, and other things.” Discombobulation remarked dryly, and then he covered his mouth at this thoughtfully. “Huh. I sounded almost like Luna for a moment there. Now that's a terrifying thought... the last thing I want to be is a poet.”

Scrivener only rolled his eyes, giving a dryly-amused look to the Draconequus but not bothering to respond, and Luna smiled a little as her horn glowed and scooped up some party mix from the bowl, tossing it into her jaws and chewing loudly. She began to raise her glass, then glanced up in surprise as Celestia rose her own stein quickly, saying softly: “To family, friends, and honor.”

“Aye, may they all last forevermore.” Luna agreed with a smile, and the four rose their glasses in a toast, clinking them together before they all drank deeply back, ready to push forwards and rise to meet whatever conflict or threat was waiting for them in the all-too-near future.

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