(Story original written by AmaraDash19, transferred and continued with permission. Warning!: Contains Diapers, Diaper Useage, AND Ageplay! If you're not comfortable with such material, do not read!)
After her past starts to come back to haunt her, Fluttershy reaches out to the Cutie Mark Crusaders to help her. Unfortunately for her, none of the trio accepts.
But one filly comes back and surprises Fluttershy...and herself!
Can Fluttershy provide Scootaloo with the home she needs, and will Scootaloo give her new mother the courage to stand up for herself?
(Chapters 5+ proofread by Matt11. Feature on 11/01/16)
Chapters (8)
This is cute. I like it.
so there's not going to be any dark in this is right?
static.quickmeme.com/media/social/qm.gif
Aw this is so nice. I feel sorry for both Fluttershy and Scootaloo hope their situations improve.
This might be the best non Rainbow Dash fic involving Scootalove.
2281955
There's going to be a bit of a dark backstory, but that'll be at the very end of the story as an epilogue or final chapter.
Pretty good.
Even if the opening is a bit cliche.
So far so good. I don't think I've seen a Fluttershy adopts Scoots before. Most of them are Rainbow Dash.
I think more explaination is needed for why the diaper and pacifer are being used on a kindergardener
2283050
It's in there. A great way to bond with a child is to actually treat them like a child. Basically be with them from infancy. Basic child psychology.
2283170
While I understand where you wanted to go with this, I think the diaper and pacifier thing was...uh...a bit weird. You simply don't use either of those on a child anywhere close to Scoot's age and it really makes fluttershy look borderline crazy. Unless she's supposed to be crazy that is...
I like this, but that romance tag is confusing me a little.
This story was cute, And I liked it.
Now for some critiques... as always when I post a a critique, I have to say that this is solely my opinion and you are not obligated to act on anything that I suggest. I am just trying to help, so keep that in mind when reading this.
I saw a few grammatical errors like use of the word "Are" instead of "Is" and other similar problems. To solve this, I recommend reading your story out loud to yourself instead of in your head, it helps because you can actually hear the error better than you would in your head.
I noted that each paragraph (Though it could just be the settings on my computer) had no spacing between them, it went like this:
Generic Example Paragraph1
Paragraph one continuation.
Generic Example Paragraph2
Paragraph two continuation.
That is not really a problem, but it looks more aesthetically pleasing if you put a space between the two paragraphs.
I also noted that Fluttershy seemed a bit out of character, again this is just my opinion, but she seemed too confident. I don't really have any suggestions for that one other than try to make her less confident... if you want, that is.
And finally, from personal writing experience and the experience of my older brother, who specializes in 'darker/unhappy' back stories, try not to flesh it out too much, because it turns people away, but don't make it to vague either, I find that if you can strike a balance where the reader is sympathetic to the character, but not so much dark/unhappiness that the reader is thinking "Oh, now the writer is just torturing so and so."
Anyways, I hope my suggestions help and again, it's just my opinion and you do not need to even read it if you don't want too... but if you are this far then... I guess you did read it... so... I hope it helps.
2283515
Patience XD And no, it doesn't involve Scootaloo with Fluttershy.
2283538
And it won't be fleshed out too much. It's a necessary evil in my mind (I've got pretty much this entire story mapped out, just need to write it.) It'll become clearer in later chapters.
2283690 While I wouldn't have had a problem with that, thank you for the info.
Now...
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/279/040/d98.png
2283700
I appreciate that picture. Hmmm *strokes my non existant moustache* I do hope to have the next chapter out in about a week, time permitting.
Very good so far I look forward to the next chapter
“Well my parents are coming to visit in two weeks and I kinda lied to them and said I had a foal a few years ago so I need a filly or a colt to look after for a few days otherwise my dad is gonna beat me again!” Well that escalated quickly. The same comment goes to Scootaloo's reveal about her not having parents. Honestly, that's the biggest problem with the story. There isn't enough buildup for anything. This is especially problematic for these two big reveals because offering up such key pieces if information radically changes how we view these characters but the lack of buildup means that it never really sinks in. Parental abuse or abandonment is not something that people divulge easily and how you presented it feels too sudden and jarring. Maybe the idea was to make it come off as a surprise but really I wasn't so much shock as I was confused. Buildup doesn't necessarily mean broadcasting it on a speaker phone there are subtle forms of it. The lack of buildup also hurts the growth of Fluttershy and Scootaloo's relationship because it feels to sudden for them to start acting like mother and daughter. So, to make a long criticism short, like a storm cloud you need to collect energy and then at the right moment strike like lightning.
Although, don't get me wrong I liked the story. It was cute, the premise is interesting, and overall I like how Fluttershy and Scootaloo were characterized. I just feel that there is a lot of potential to this story and I want to help offer up criticism to improve it.
2285616
Honestly, I'm used to characterizing Scootaloo as homeless and an orphan through many other fanfics I've written so I might be a little numb to it.
As to Fluttershy's little outburst, I picture her as cracking rather easily so information may or may not come out whether she wants to or not.
All things being said, I do appreciate the criticism
That escalated fairly quickly. Especially "Oh yeah, I need a filly". "Oh yeah, I was abused terribly". "Oh yeah, put this diaper on".
Those parts made me do a doubletake and felt really quick.
(Edit: Basically, what 2285616 said, because it's better worded than what I said)
Not sure if want, but will stick around just in case.
well, i must say. you have certainly left me wondering how this is going to go. i have theories, and questions. you've definitely grabbed my attention
My feelings on this are... Mixed. I like the story, I like the idea, and I like the cuteness, but the diaper part was pretty creepy to me. If the baby treatment is only a one time thing it's fine, but I'll start to get worried for Fluttershy's sanity if she does it all week.
How old is Scootaloo in this fic?
2303713
Can be whatever you want her to be, but I imagined about 8-10. More leaning towards 8. Later chapters will explain why.
Sounds good so far. Can't wait to see more chapters in the future!
should be insecure
This was a really good story death shadow er.. I mean amaradash it's nice to see that you rp and write fanfiction
2335111
Typo XD
This is so cute! I love the idea of one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders (or all three of them) being diapered and babied. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes and whether or not Scootaloo will want to be Fluttershy's foal forever and ever.
aww..that's very sweet..
Interesting concept. It's nice to see something d'awww-worthy involving Scootaloo and somepony other than Rainbow Dash (although I love those stories too).
One comment. Scootaloo says she hasn't had a bath in weeks. She had one just a week prior at Fluttershy's. There were some grammatical issues too, but I think other commenters have pointed those out.
2407245
One flaw XD I never really caught that, and I had 3 different people proofread this for content. Though the bath Fluttershy gave them wouldn't be considered a proper bath. It was more like if your mom told you to go hose off the mud all over you.
But I do appreciate your input :3
My, my, diapers, we meet again, but a good story none the less.
2407388
I think any bath by Fluttershy would count as a proper bath.
I'm not averse to editing if you want me to look at subsequent chapters.
I am a mysterious stranger, you have never seen me anywhere else before.... WOoooOOooo
It's....different I'll give you that.
I like it. I'll be looking forward to the next chapter with much anticipation
Was this inspired by the Fluttershy arc of The End of Ponies by any chance?
Well anyway... Moving on to the actual story. To be honest, I really don't like the way you are writing
this. You do kind of have that emotional build up, but you are only showing it through rather quick one or
two sentence long statements. Basically, I feel like as if you are telling me that the characters are having
these emotions, but never actually give me details on the reasoning behind it. I want to know more about
what is happening in the characters minds. I was actually going to say more here but I'm really tired at the
moment and my brain just sort of derped on me.
I'm sorry... I just don't really feel that emotionally connected with the characters when you are just brushing
over everything. I actually really like the concept, just the execution is rather lacking.
2454147
That comment is noted and appreciated. I've been told that a few times and I'm working on it. It's just sometimes I feel that I'd be boring the reader with too much backstory/thoughts/etc so I might not put enough in. Constructive criticism is always welcome.
And it certainly was not. I've never heard of that story XD
2455083
Never heard of it?! Oh dear... You have been missing out!
The End of Ponies is a massive over 500,000 word long monstrosity of awesomeness.
If there is a fic that can teach you in the ways of character build up, it's that one.
2455313
Well right now I'm currently reworking the first chapter to be a little bit better. There's more explanation and a bit more character development and thoughts. Though some of it I am intentionally leaving out for later chapters.
Absolutely amazing. Can't wait to read more!
Sooooo... This isn't complete, the suspense is painful.
2539535
I've been absent on a lack of time. I've got the next chapter planned out, but not written. Just finished the semester today, hopefully I might have a bit of time. And the suspense is killing me as well. I wish I had more time to write this. Also, rewriting a bit of the first chapter to be more thorough.
2539648 Dont Worry dude, hopefully the wait will be long, but will be worth
I love seeing Scoots get the love she deserves. Keep it going!
Please update!
I'm not sure what you added in the rewrite, but you did not have a section where Fluttershy tells Scootaloo to come back in a week. So the reader was not expecting Fluttershy to expect her... not a big flaw but I think something was deleted maybe?
special somepony? 3 possible solutions. 1. if she's into mares, one of her friends, probably rainbow. 2. if not that, big mac. 3. maybe an OC. i see rainbow is tagged in this, so i'm gonna guess her.
2613718
It wasn't meant to be a surprise to the audience XD Just to Scootaloo.
The whole diaper thing is kinda freaking me out. Scootaloo just seems to old 4 diapers
2613746
I think you're missing part of the point. It's more of a rehabilitation through regression. If it's not your thing, I don't mind. Think about it, if you hadn't ever known your mother, and suddenly you had one who care for you unconditionally, you'd be more open to her wishes. It's a weird complex, I don't expect everyone to understand. It will get better though so I hope you stick around