In the cold north of the Crystal Wasteland, Stable 46 has thrived despite the horrors, acting as a trading post into the Crystal Wastelands from Equestria. But when Twilight Twinkle chooses to leave her life of relative comfort to step into the frozen wasteland, she doesn’t know just what she is really stepping into.
But there is something else stirring in the Wasteland. Something which is slowly casting its shadow over the frozen north and beyond. Something which is older than Equestria itself.
And, unknown to Twilight, she is setting herself up to walk right into its heart.
Credit to the original story goes to Kkat. Her legendary fic can be found here and here.
Chapters (1)
This has potential. I'm looking forward to seeing where this is headed.
2281689 Actually, the story's name comes from Elbow's 'The Long War Shuffle.' I tend toward the rock/metal end of the spectrum myself, so I'd never heard of the Cubic Shuffle
looking towards the next
first problem there are 2 that's in the first sentence sorry if I'm wrong but that dosen't look right. And you wrote ever not every in the 2nd paragraph. Just some small errors i hope this helps.Opens the story quite well gets the introduction done well. Just some of my thoughts none the less a nice start.Oh and yay first comment.
This story is delicious!
2849950 Thanks for that. Can I what aspects did you find the most appealing? PS. This story isn't dead, I just don't write chronologically. The next five chapters are all half-done, though I want to make a push to finish Chapter 4.
2864447
"-Sit on the wall during the summer months and look out towards the Crystal City Ruins, enamoured by the thought that a princess used to live there." I think the setting is what gets me. Stable 46 really feels like a frontier town, and coupled with the images of icy caravan trails coming to thaw, the search for an archaic book and the faraway ruins of an empire, it makes this story feel like a western and a fantasy all at once - The Minotaur gun-for-hire helps, too.
Here's two pieces of advice: make sure to proofread before you post.
See ya!
some of your sentences are missing words, and look at this: "At the front, River shit me a wide grin."
And, as your doing that, don't be afraid to tear your old work up from the root, and try writing it another way. I just started rewriting my story - thanks for the favorite, by the way - and I find that, sometimes, its better to redo an entire paragraph than fiddle with it until its forgivable. (Oh, and find some cover art.)
Anyway, we've both got work to do!
They should have tried buying her instead of letting her get killed and let her free soon as they left town.
3339818 Wouldn't have worked. The ponies of Blinkerlight have a very black-and-white sense of law, so bribes for a criminal slave would be close to the entirety of the funds for the trip. Plus, Twilight still so baffled by the social differences that she doesn't think of it, Lazy has seen it all before and Precision wants nothing more than to fade into the background.
3342404 Alright, point taken.
I may have a chance to fix up the Precision issue in about three chapters, but I'll have to tread carefully.