Merely a Mare

by Ebon Mane

Third Interlude: Slapstick

Luna watched as the light of the sun dimmed, the last rosy touches of twilight slowly dwindling. Night had begun to fall as she escorted Applejack back to Sweet Apple Acres, and so the alicorn's horn lit up with a milky glow. As she set the moon on its nightly course, the light from her horn danced, sending out tendrils and flares of brilliant illumination. None of it was necessary for the task, of course, but the princess found it amusing to indulge her Earth pony companion's faith in the 'rules'. Horns always lit up when magic was done? Sure, why not? She noted with satisfaction that the farmer had assumed the dumbfounded stare that always came when Luna brought forth beauty with her spells.

When stars emerged from the deepening darkness of the night sky, Luna let her own light dim. The princess found that she couldn't stop smiling. Even so far from Sugar Cube Corner, the sense of playful joy that had filled that place lingered within her. "Your friend has very powerful magic, Applejack," the alicorn said.

The Earth pony blinked, tilting her head in confusion, "Twilight?"

"My sister's student? I suppose she does," Luna replied, "But I was talking about the baker."

"Pinkie Pie? Uh, Luna, you do know that Pinkie's an Earth pony, right? She ain't got no magic," Applejack chuckled, "Leastways, no more than I have, and I ain't noticed any parts of me glowin' or things around levitatin' or nothin'."

The princess shook her head, "All ponies have magic, Applejack. Unicorns have one kind, but only the most obvious. Pegasi have their own power, to touch the weather and bend it to their design, and to allow them to fly. The wings alone could not hold a pony aloft; it is magic that allows that. Only the most powerful of unicorns can hope to replicate, even for a short while, the gifts granted to a pegasus at birth." She paused.

Applejack took the opportunity to interject, "Pinkie Pie can't fly, neither. Well, except when she has that contraption...."

"Contraption? That lets her fly?" Luna doubted it, but many things could change in a thousand years. She didn't pursue the issue, "In any case, Earth pony magic is nothing so flashy. You were given the most subtle form of it, one that you cannot control, one that can neither be seen nor heard. It is unsurprising that most ponies know nothing about it, though they feel it every day. Earth ponies provide something of themselves to those around them, sharing their greatest advantages with other ponies. In such a way, an Earth pony can become, for her colleagues and companions, a fount of cheer and laughter," the princess turned her head to meet Applejack's gaze, "Or of confidence and resolve."

The farmer looked away. She remained silent, and Luna was content to let the rest of the journey pass quietly. In time, they found themselves once again among the apple orchards. As they passed a familiar clearing, the princess paused, contemplating the basket of apples that she had abandoned that morning. Applejack continued on for a moment, then stopped and turned, "Luna? What're you waitin' on?"

"I just got a good idea for what to do with those apples. Come on, I want to show you!" The princess shouted as she took off running. Applejack angled her head to keep the wind from taking her hat and followed, remaining just behind the alicorn. Eventually, Luna slowed to a trot, then stopped when she reached her goal. The basket was right where she remembered. The princess noted with satisfaction that it was still quite full of apples.

Applejack came to a stop beside her, breathing hard. Luna smiled at the Earth Pony, "Watch this." She lowered her head and touched her horn to the apple on top of the pile. A red aura appeared, spreading from the tip down to the apples below. The fruit on top began to glow a brilliant red, and one by one the others lit up, dozens of them, in orange, yellow, green, blue, and deepest violet. Applejack squinted and turned her head, protecting her eyes from the overwhelming light. With a satisfied nod, Luna turned away from her work, lowered her front, and kicked her target high into the air.

The basket flew in a lazy arc, spreading a cloud of glowing apples across the sky. The container dropped gracelessly after the apex, falling to the ground, but the fruit seemed to hang in the air before drifting slowly downward. Each time one struck the ground, it bounced in a seemingly random direction, though their paths never took them far from where the basket had landed. The grass beneath them became a prismatic sea of flowing light, its colors ever-shifting as the orbs' complex pattern played out. Applejack fell to her haunches near the edge of the illuminated area. The mare's shadow flickered and danced as the occasional apple passed near her.

Luna smiled. All was going according to plan; she twisted her magic just a bit. One apple detached itself from the crowd and began to float toward Applejack. The farmer's gaze locked on the slow projectile, tracking it as it descended toward her. The orb's orange glow pushed the shadows away from her, its brilliance nearly blinding. She was so entranced by the spectacle that she didn't even try to avoid the fruit. It bounced off the tip of her snout with an audible zap.

There was no force of impact, but the discharge of magic and electricity must have been quite shocking. The princess grinned at her inward pun; the greatest acts required a lot of setup, but they yielded the finest reward, and Luna found herself very pleased with the results thus far. Applejack had not moved save to allow her jaw to drop. She could do nothing more than blink in shock, her eyes crossed as they remained focused on the point of impact.

It was the most ridiculous facial expression that the alicorn had seen in quite a long time. She snorted in amusement, but waited for the real payoff. She knew better than any that the most important part of comedy was....

Applejack turned to look at her, shock and disbelief playing across her face. Just as the Earth pony closed her mouth, preparing to speak, a wave of magic and static washed across her coat, causing each hair to grow several inches and stand on end. A single, confused word emerged from what appeared to be an orange puff-ball wearing a cowboy hat, "What."

...Timing. Luna's shoulders shook; her lips pressed tightly together as she tried in vain to contain her mirth. Then, like a bursting dam, the alicorn's laughter spilled forth, booming in the quiet of the night.

"Did I jus' get pranked!?" Applejack's question only drove the princess to new heights of amusement, and she nodded an affirmative, too busy laughing to speak. "What the hay!" Luna sank to the ground, pounding a hoof into the grass repeatedly. "A whole day with Pinkie Pie with not even a chuckle, and now you're laughin'?" The princess flopped over onto her back, still shaking. "Hush already! It ain't that funny!" Luna shook her head and waved a hoof, and a conjured mirror appeared in front of the Earth pony. The still-bouncing apples provided more than enough illumination to see by. "...Okay, maybe it is that funny. But that don't mean you gotta keep laughin'." Luna ignored her appeal. "Can you at least fix it?"

The princess subsided into giggles as she undid her act with a fiery flash. The flames consumed the extra hair but left Applejack unharmed and back to her accustomed grooming. The alicorn finally fell silent, but a pleased grin remained on her face as she awaited further commentary from the other mare.

"If you'da told me two months ago that a princess would be playin' tricks on me, I'd'a called you a madmare," the Earth pony said, grinning as she shook her head slowly.

Luna rolled from side to side, freeing her wings from where they had been folded beneath her. She spread them out along the grass, stretching them, and sighed, "I always loved pranks. Before the banishment, humor was my constant and treasured companion. I was known as a trickster, a mischievous foil to my sister's stony seriousness. I'm sure that the capitol has been frightfully dull in my absence, though Celestia seems to have taken up some of the slack, I'm proud to say. I was concerned for her, even when I resented her for what I thought she had," The alicorn's smile slipped a bit, "But now she laughs."

Silence hung between the two ponies for a time. Eventually, Applejack spoke, "I've never heard you laugh before, Luna."

"It has been quite a long time since I have," The princess frowned as her eyes grew unfocused in recollection, "As Nightmare Moon, I laughed only to mock, and I took no true pleasure in it. When you rid me of that part of myself, the jokes and jests and jabs returned, but the joy did not come."

"Until today?" The Earth pony asked.Pink

"Until very recently." The alicorn replied, gaze locked on the stars above.

Applejack smiled, "So now you can laugh?"

"So it would seem."

The farmer began to walk toward where the princess rested, "I reckon I need to get you back for that prank you just pulled."

The princess looked at her, raising an eyebrow, "And how do you plan to do that?"

Applejack stopped just beside where Luna lay, and she leaned forward to loom over the princess, a wicked grin spread wide across her face, "Bad jokes, of course," the alicorn blinked in confusion as the Earth pony continued, "What do you say when a dog runs away?"

"What?" Luna asked, more out of confusion about Applejack's way of getting her back than as a response to the joke.

"Dog-gone!"

"That was a terrible joke!" the princess managed, her laughter giving lie to her assertion.

The farmer scoffed, "You ain't heard terrible yet. Did you hear about the fire at the circus?"

Luna shook her head, eyes wide in a silent plea for mercy.

"It was in tents!"

The alicorn managed to laugh and groan simultaneously.

Applejack managed to look more and more pleased with herself with each joke, "What did the apple say to the carrot?"

"Was it 'my farmer is a sadist'?"

The Earth pony ignored Luna's jab, "Nothing... apples don't talk!"

The princess covered her eyes with a foreleg and tried to keep her mouth closed. She hoped that the other mare would mistake the shaking of her shoulders for something other than repressed amusement.

The farmer's voice lit up with excitement, "Oh! Here's one that you should know the answer to, Luna: how does a stallion on the moon keep his mane short?"

"Please don't tell me."

"Eclipse it, o'course," the Earth pony said with a satisfied nod.

Luna curled into a ball and rolled over, her sides shaking, "Such awful puns. Why am I laughing!?"

"Because I'm... uh... what was it... oh right, I'm wreakin' horrible vengeance upon you. And now for the final blow!" Applejack paused for effect, "Clop clop!"

The princess looked up at her tormentor in stunned disbelief. That joke form had been begging for a merciful death since long before her imprisonment on the moon.

The Earth pony's brow furrowed and mock impatience filled her voice, "I said 'clop clop'! I know you know the response, I can see it in your eyes. Clop. Clop."

Luna, resigned to her fate, responded, "Who's there?"

Applejack uttered a single, grave syllable, "Ya."

With a sigh and a shake of her head, the princess said, "Ya who?" and winced in anticipation.

"Don't go cheerin' yet, I ain't even finished with the joke!"

Luna went limp on the ground, "I think that one actually killed me. Is this what death feels like?"

Applejack put a hoof on the alicorn's shoulder and puffed out her chest in a triumphant pose, "I've slain the prankster. My vengeance... uh... I got it. Got vengeance. Is that right? Whatever."

The princess chuckled appreciatively, "You have great delivery; why don't you tell good jokes instead of using your powers for evil?"

"'Cause I learn most of my jokes from Pinkie Pie. And they don't got to be good, sugar cube. You just gotta laugh. I like when you laugh; you should do it more."

Luna smiled up at Applejack. "I should."

Sugar cube... she could get used to that.

Comments

[Zege]

Oh man, I love this. I can't wait to see more.

[kits]

152
You and me both.

Confound you Applejack shippers. Between this and Always Sunny you're moving her up in my personal pony ranking.

She's closing in on Scoot. Of course, then she hits the Pink and Blue wall.

[Marrock]

Luna the trickster, this chapter was pure gold.

[PresentPerfect]

Clop clop jokes. Headcanon'd forever. Time for an upvote.

Oh yeah, and rainbow apples that zap Applejack on the nose? How'd that feel after Family Appreciation Day? :3

[Tinker_Metal]

Luna went limp on the ground, "I think that one actually killed me. Is this what death feels like?"

Death by Pun is a very dry and terrible death and I loved every one of those jokes, were you grinning ear-to-ear writing them or face-hoofing the whole time?