Merely a Mare

by Ebon Mane

Chapter 3: Laughter

The morning sun shone over Sweet Apple Acres, and Luna whistled cheerfully as she chewed on an apple. Applejack tried not to think about that too hard; she couldn't even whistle with an empty mouth. She suspected that whistling and chewing at the same time was not quite possible, but didn't feel the need to bring it up with the princess. Impossibilities seemed to spring up like weeds wherever Luna went. In the presence of a goddess, the Earth pony reasoned, there is no need to take special note of miracles.

The alicorn polished off her second basket of apples. Applejack was glad that the princess insisted on growing new fruit to replace any that was bucked for her; Luna's ability to eat as many apples as the rest of Ponyville combined had been worrying, at first. The regrown apples put any possible objection to rest; each and every one was exquisite. Sometimes Luna's apples were even better than natural ones, like the intriguingly sour blue-skinned fruits or the batch from the day before that had grown in fermented. The Earth pony smiled at the admittedly fuzzy memory. Those had sold well.

The alicorn stared at the third basket in front of her, her brow furrowed in concentration as though it were filled with puzzles instead of apples. Seeing that she had paused, Applejack coughed to get her attention, "So, Luna, how're'ya likin' Ponyville?" After Luna had spoken with Fluttershy, Applejack asked her to spend some time in town. Anything the princess did there, other than laughing maniacally and trying to bring eternal night to Equestria, could only improve the residents' opinion of her. From what the Earth pony had seen on the occasional visit, the alicorn just sort of wandered around, looking at plants and playing with animals. She only seemed to speak during her daily visits to Sweet Apple Acres, where Applejack shared stories and apples with her.

"It's quite nice," she replied with enthusiasm, "the architecture is so modern. In my time, I was never really one for small communities, but they have their own charm. I've always been more at home in the crowds of whatever capital we had than in the outlying villages. Towns are terrible for solitude; it's much more easy to be alone when you're in a crowd. Towns are also terrible for socializing; it's much more easy to find a friendly face when you're in a crowd."

Applejack nodded and smiled. It was her normal strategy for when ponies said things that she didn't quite understand and didn't really want to, and she'd found herself using it quite often around Luna. "How 'bout the ponies? You make any new friends?"

The alicorn's face fell, "No. But at least they don't go out of their way to avoid me anymore. Mostly. It's a start."

Applejack had expected that; even the ponies that didn't resent Luna for being Nightmare Moon would be be too nervous to approach a princess in most situations. Today, things would be different. Applejack had a plan. The idea had come from an offhoof comment about common ground. She'd thought about what her friends had in common with Luna, and it had become obvious to her the next time she'd seen the princess devouring apples with reckless abandon.

The Earth pony explained her plan to the alicorn, and as Applejack spoke, Luna's smile grew. By the end, the princess was positively beaming. Then, with a flash of magic, she was gone.

***

The long hall glimmered in the morning light. In place of walls, thin marble columns rose, spiraling, fluted, and intricately carved, framing views of royal gardens below and sky all around. The ceiling, high above, was a flawless surface of gleaming white marble, interrupted only by the brilliant silver of a crescent moon and countless stars. It was mirrored below by the unbroken expanse of the floor; Celestia's golden throne, shining like the sun on its stepped dais, was the only furniture, the only object in the room. A sunburst of gold inlay radiated from it; the widest beam extended to the entryway, an arch on the only closed wall, leading back to the palace proper.

The throne room was designed to fill ponies with hope, awing them with its beauty and inspiring them with its majesty. It was meant to be a joyful place, of contemplation or convocation, a place from which the princess could rule her subjects with wisdom and generosity, sharing in their joy and comforting them in their sorrow. A place from which the light of the princess could shine all over Equestria.

Celestia brooded on her throne; the atmosphere could not have matched her mood more poorly. In less than an hour, the audiences would begin, and she would have to put on a mask of cheerful benevolence. The ponies of Equestria looked to their ruler for confidence and tranquility; the princess hoped that they could find it, even now that she could not.

A shadowed spot appeared amidst the blinding brightness of metal and marble. Luna was dwarfed by the size of the hall, but it was impossible to miss her; the contrast between the dark coat of the night princess and the brilliant white of the floor drew Celestia's eyes immediately. For a moment, neither spoke.

The day princess stepped down off the dais to meet Luna on even height, "Welcome, sister. This is the Grand Audience Chamber, and my throne room. It will be our throne room, when you wish it to be. You've been gone; rumors have come from Ponyville, saying that you're spending time there. Are they right?"

Luna raised an eyebrow, "Your faithful student hasn't mentioned me in a letter? From what you've told me of the little pony, I would have expected you to know the very day I saw her. I'm fairly certain that my visit made some sort of impression on her. Did she forget me so quickly?"

Celestia looked away, her face darkening, "She is not - I have not corresponded with her, of late," she looked back toward her sister, feigning serenity, "Sister, I apologize if Twilight has been hostile to you; I fear she may blame you for some of my indiscretions."

"I see." Something in the words made Celestia suspect that her sister had seen far more than she wanted to reveal.

"In any case, dear sister," the white alicorn smiled, "What were you doing in Ponyville? And to what do I owe this visit?"

"In Ponyville, I am working to gain trust and make friends. As for my visit," Luna looked a bit sheepish, "I came to ask to borrow money. I apologize for the horrible cliche. I just need a modest sum, a pittance by the reckoning of the treasury."

Celestia felt a strange mix of confusion and pity at that, assuming the worst. "Money cannot buy trust, or friendship, or happiness. You haven't forgotten that, have you, little sister? It's very nearly as bad as power for that purpose."

Luna nodded, "I know. It is, at this point, necessary but not essential. I will use it wisely, with the knowledge that the things most worth having are obtained by a more valuable currency than notes and coins."

"Very well. Take what you need." Celestia expected her sister to teleport to the treasury at that, but she did not. The princesses were silent for a time, each lost in their own thoughts.

Eventually, Luna spoke again, "You are sad, sister."

"As are you. It is said that tragedy leaves one sadder but wiser. We have seen much tragedy in our lives, sister, and gained much wisdom. Isn't sadness to be expected?" Celestia let her mask slip, just a little, and the light of the throne room seemed to dim in kind.

"For me, perhaps," Luna said, "But you never showed sadness, and I don't think you even felt it, before my exile. Even during the fall of the alicorns, you were detached, analytical, unfeeling. Did you shed even a single tear for your favored creations? I suspect not. I didn't understand then, and I still do not."

"Be glad of that. I was different, then. When sadness became possible for me, the tears came. I mourned my children. I mourn them still," Celestia sighed, "But I never understood your actions during that disaster either; in the darkest years, when we thought that nothing could be done, you yet smiled and joked and laughed with those doomed ponies."

Luna's unfocused eyes stared off into the distance, "And died a little inside, every day, as I cried where those that were left could not see it. Even when I was sad, I tried to be happy as well, because laughing with tears in your eyes is better than weeping in undiluted sorrow. And where your detached analysis failed, my laughter found a solution. A solution worth laughing at."

"A solution I could not have imagined on my cruelest day," The day princess said, her eyes shimmering, "But it serves. As detestable as your blessing is, sister, it serves. Laughing while sad, you say? A wise lesson. Why have you forgotten it, my melancholy, mirthless little sister?"

Silence filled the throne room once again. Neither alicorn could meet the other's eyes. Eventually, Celestia noted the position of the sun, and spoke in a grave tone, "Beware, Luna. A terrible event approaches us."

"What?" Luna's eyes widened.

"Go now. If you're here when they come, then you will share my fate," the white alicorn whispered urgently.

"What fate, sister?"

"I will be forced to sit on my throne all day, and listen to the most boring ponies in the land talk. My court comes into session soon." And with that, the ruler of Equestria began to laugh.

Luna shook her head, but smiled despite herself as magic took her away.

***

"This building looks delicious."

Applejack chuckled at Luna's observation, "If you think that's appetizin', wait 'till you see what's on the inside." The two ponies walked into the overgrown gingerbread house that was Sugar Cube Corner, and found that it was mostly deserted. They'd managed to arrive after the breakfast crowd and before the lunch rush, just as planned. Luna's saddlebag seemed to have enough bits for the operation, the farmer noted, judging by how the princess clinked when she moved.

The only occupant of the store was the pink Earth pony behind the counter. Pinkie Pie grinned when she saw Applejack and shouted, "Welcome to Sugar Cube Corner. How may I fill your day with deliciousness on this delightful... day?" Her grin disappeared when she noticed Luna standing behind her orange friend. It was replaced by a suspicious scowl, "Oh. I see you brought Black Snooty. Welcome to Sugar Whatever, how may I yadda yadda yadda?"

Applejack's brows furrowed, "Pinkie Pie! Is that any way to talk to a payin' customer?"

"But Applejack! I've got to be rude. Rainbow Dash told be not to 'be all Pinkie nice to her' cause Luna wants to," Pinkie Pie's eyes became distant and her face scrunched up in thought, "wreak horrible vengeance upon us," Her bright countenance returned, "which is bad because I don't have any perfume."

Applejack raised an eyebrow, "Rainbow Dash said that. Exactly that? 'Wreak horrible vengeance?' That sounds more like Twilight than Dash."

"That's what I said! But she just grumbled something about a calendar and flew off. Woosh!" Pinkie Pie threw a hoof in an arc in demonstration.

"Do you believe everythin' Dash says, sugarcube?" The orange pony asked.

"Yep," the pink mare replied with a nod and a smile.

"Do you believe everythin' I say? How about that?"

Another nod, another smile, "Of course I do."

"So I say that Luna isn't here to... uh... whatever with the vengeance," Applejack nodded, satisfied with her logic despite the momentary stumble, "What now? We can't both be right."

"Sure you can," Pinkie insisted, looking quite pleased with herself. Applejack and Luna waited for the pink pony to elaborate on that, but she just sat there, smiling.

"Riiiiight. Well, I know y'all can't turn away a payin' customer, in any case. The Cakes won't let you. Luna, go ahead and buy somethin'." Applejack waved a hoof at the displays and the diverse array of cakes and pastries just behind the glass.

Luna rushed forward, eyeing the bounty hungrily. She walked slowly back and forth in front of the counter, examining each row in turn. Suddenly, she stopped, staring at a cupcake. Her eyes grew wide as she examined it. Dark cake was visible though a thin, white wrapper. It was topped with a towering spire of scarlet frosting; how the item managed to stay upright was a mystery. Little blocks of chocolate and ripe raspberries were embedded in it, barely clinging to the sides of the heap. The princess seemed mesmerized. She tapped the glass with her horn, "Is that... raspberry chocolate?"

"Precisely," Pinkie Pie proclaimed with perceptible pride. The price was pronounced, payment passed from patron to proprietor, and the pink pony presented the pastry to the princess.

Luna levitated the cupcake closer and began to rotate it. Her eyes seemed to trace every line of the frosting swirls. She sniffed it, then sighed contentedly. "This is going to be good," she whispered, apparently to nopony in particular. Finally, she opened her mouth and, with one huge bite, devoured the pastry. Her eyebrows lowered as she chewed thoughtfully, and Applejack wondered how it would compare to her apples. Part of the businesspony didn't want to lose the monopoly on princess-feeding in Ponyville.

Luna swallowed, then sighed contentedly, "Please give my compliments to the baker. That was exquisite."

Pinkie Pie giggled, "I baked that one, silly. And thanks." Applejack resisted the force pulling her hoof toward her face; leave it to Pinkie to call a princess 'silly.'

"You did?" Luna asked, "Well, then thank you. The rice paper wrapper was an interesting choice, but did not go amiss."

"You liked that?" The pink pony seemed overjoyed, "I do that all the time, ever since one day I thought to myself, 'Pinkie Pie, what's the one part of a cupcake you can't eat?' and then I was like 'the wrapper!' and I put my plan into action as soon as I got out of the well."

Luna nodded and smiled, her attention once again focused on the display case. Her horn glowed, and a red aura appeared around several pastries. "How much for these, my good mare?"

Bits changed hooves and baked goods disappeared in a frenzy as the night princess consumed a dizzying array of sweets. Luna had a comment or question for each, and Pinkie Pie was delighted to respond with information of varying relevancy. The princess praised a sour blue apple, boysenberry, and lime pie, and the pink pony lamented a failed pineapple, potato, and pickle pie experiment that she described as, "Not nearly as popular as I expected.'" In response to Luna's lamentation that there were only a dozen cinnamon cookies available on the display, the baker produced a box from the back room with scores more; they lasted less than a minute. Applejack couldn't begin to understand how the alicorn managed to avoid being covered in crumbs.

Luna purchased a gigantic three layered vanilla cake, and devoured it in one bite. Applejack objected on principle, "Land's sakes, how'd you get that down like that? It was bigger than your head! It don't make no sense."

Pinkie Pie laughed, and Luna just shrugged, "Magic or something. I wasn't really paying attention to the how of it. Cake is far more important."

"Your horn didn't glow!" The farmer said, "The world follows some simple rules. Apples fall down. Ponies grow old. Horns glow when unicorns are doin' magic. You're gonna drive me crazy one of these days, Luna. Messin' with my trust in the rules."

The pink pony behind the counter laughed all the harder at Applejack's confusion, and Luna's mouth twisted into a wry smile. Her horn began to glow, "There. My horn is glowing. Happy, Applejack? Am I allowed to ignore the rules now?"

The orange mare grumbled and turned away, only to find that the approaching lunch hour had provided an audience; nearly a dozen ponies stood in a rough line behind her. They were obviously waiting to be served, but were all too entranced, awed, or just plain confused by the spectacle that Pinkie Pie and Luna were providing to complain about the wait. Applejack suddenly felt a bit guilty for bringing the princess. Luckily, clopping from the stairs heralded the arrival of Mrs. Cake, who greeted her shop with a, "Oh, hello dearies. Busy day today, I see. I'll take the next customer over here, please." She swiftly took her station next to Pinkie Pie and smiled, motioning to Applejack with a hoof.

The farmer blinked, confused for a moment. "Oh," she turned to the pony behind her, "You can go ahead. I'm with the princess." Applejack moved to an out of the way corner and watched as Mrs. Cake sold to a seemingly endless stream of ponies. The ponies in line couldn't help but stare at the spectacle of the alicorn, who seemed hellbent on running Sugar Cube Corner out of baked goods. Many patrons even stayed after eating their lunch, murmuring to each other and taking in the show, forming a crowd around the edges of the room. Luna didn't seem to notice them; the food and the baker kept her thoroughly distracted. Bread, cakes, anything that Pinkie Pie suggested added to the growing pile of bits on the counter. Sometimes, suggestions became a bit... exotic.

"Oh! I know! You've got to try cupcakes with hot sauce. They're my favorite!"

Luna raised an eyebrow dubiously, "In all my years, I've never heard of that particular combination. It sounds absolutely insane." She leaned forward, eyes wide, and nodded eagerly, "What kinds of hot sauce do you have?"

Pinkie Pie's face scrunched up in concentration, tapping one hoof against another to count out her list, "Well, from least spicy to most spicy, we've got eh, mild, hot, very hot, hottest, inferno, 'I'm not kidding seriously Pinkie I just breathed fire what is wrong with you why did you let me eat this', rainbow, and double rainbow. Some of them are named based on taste-tester feedback!" She grinned, "Rainbow and double rainbow use real rainbows, as fresh as I can get. I hear they're spicier directly out of the pools of Cloudsdale, but I've never been there, so I just use the ones at Dash's house."

"Double rainbow?" The Luna asked, "What does that mean? What's the difference between rainbow and double rainbow?"

Pinkie Pie shook her head, "That's a trade secret." She paused, "But, since you're a princess and all, I guess...," The pink pony looked to each side before leaning forward conspiratorially and whispering at a volume that probably carried her words halfway to Canterlot, "I use twice as many rainbows." She returned to her previous position and raised a hoof to her mouth in a shushing gesture, winking at the princess.

Luna just blinked, "Okay, double rainbow it is then."

After she managed to extinguish the majority of the flames, the alicorn gave her mixed compliments to the baker, "That was delicious, but you probably shouldn't serve those to your mortal customers. Repeat business comes primarily from ponies that remain fully intact inside after eating your products."

Pinkie Pie nodded, seemingly awed by this revelation, and thanked Luna profusely for the advice.

After a few dozen tarts, Luna pointed to what appeared to be a decoration on the counter. It was a short cylinder of black marble, encrusted with gems of all shape and color. It almost looked like a stylized cake. The princess asked about it, and Pinkie Pie's face fell, "I baked that when Spike moved into town, because I know how dragons love to eat gems, but Twilight Sparkle won't let him buy it. She says it's unhealthy because it has too many empty carats."

The princess bought it, and ate it. Applejack shook her head. Why was she surprised? She grinned and called out from her resting place, leaned up against a wall, "Are you gonna eat the counter too, Luna? It's right shocking that there's a moon left, now that I know y'all can down rocks."

The princess just smiled, looking in equal parts both sheepish and amused, but Pinkie Pie yelled back indignantly, "Hey, you'd be pretty hungry too if the only thing on your menu for a thousand years was moon pies!"

It was impossible to tell whether or not the pink pony meant it as a joke.

The ponies spent the remaining time before closing talking and cracking jokes. The energetic inanity of the baker, the straightforward semi-seriousness of the farmer, and the dry wit of the princess complemented each other well, and the customers that passed through often lingered to chat with the trio of ponies. Pinkie Pie and Applejack laughed loudly and often, but Luna just smiled enigmatically, breaking into a grin when anything particularly amusing was said.

Eventually, the sun began to set, and Pinkie Pie locked the door, the day's business done. She turned to Luna and said, "You know, I've been thinking. We should throw you a party! Like a, 'hey, remember that other princess?' party or a 'welcome back to Ponyville' party. Or something. We could have it tomorrow!"

The princess tapped a hoof against her chin in thought. "Well, my birthday is next week. We could throw a birthday party...."

Applejack raised an eyebrow, "Y'all have birthdays?"

Luna blinked at her, seeming slightly confused as she asked, "What? Don't you? I thought that would still be around," completely missing the point.

Before Applejack could answer, Pinkie Pie, bouncing with excitement, interjected, "How old are you gonna be? It's gotta be over a thousand, right? Is it a thousand and one? Two thousand?"

"Four hundred and eighty seven million, seven hundred and ninety two thousand, four hundred and twenty one," the princess recited.

The Earth ponies' jaws dropped. Pinkie Pie seemed to be, for once, speechless.

"But I've been told that I don't look a day over five hundred thousand," Luna added with a wink.

Applejack gave a weak laugh, "Heh. Good one. You really had us going there for a second. Four hundred million. Heh."

"That part wasn't a joke."

Applejack blinked, "You mean... really?" Luna nodded. "That don't make no sense. How's that possible?"

Luna smiled wryly, "Immortal, remember? I don't age. I don't die. In a billion years, I'll still be counting off birthdays. What makes you think that you caught me in the first few thousand years of my life?" The princess sighed, "Ponies have no sense of scale. They measure all things against themselves, a measurement that for many purposes, I'd find quite lacking. Ponies always think that 'distant' means 'just a bit past the furthest I've gone', and that 'ancient' means 'just a bit older than me'. Try to understand that the stars are more distant than you can possibly fathom, and that I am equally ancient. If you can't, just take my word for it."

Just when Applejack thought that Luna couldn't surprise her anymore.

Pinkie Pie whispered to herself, "Four hundred million... I don't think I have that many candles...."

"Maybe just one big candle?" Luna suggested.

Pinkie Pie's usual energy returned, "That'll have to do. That many birthdays just means that I'll have to try extra hard to make sure that this birthday is your best birthday ever!" She nodded to herself, smiling. "Anyway, I've got a lot of baking to do to replace what we sold to our best customer today! Come back tomorrow. We've got so much to plan!"

Applejack and Luna said their goodbyes and left the shop in good spirits. As they headed toward the road out of town, Applejack paused to glance back at Sugar Cube Corner. She whistled, "Well now, Luna, look at that. That's at least one more pony that respects your name." The princess turned around, and in the light of the setting sun, they could see that Pinkie Pie had hung a plain black and white sign in one of the windows of the Corner. A smile spread across the alicorn's face as she read the words:

Approved By Princess Luna.

Comments

[HeirApparent]

Okay, I normally wait until I get caught up with a story before posting comments, but I just couldn't pass this up.

"Precisely," Pinkie Pie proclaimed with perceptible pride. The price was pronounced, payment passed from patron to proprietor, and the pink pony presented the pastry to the princess.

This is the single greatest use of alliteration I have ever seen. I don't just mean on the internet, I mean that out of every single book, novel, story, legend, myth, or tale I have ever read, heard, or seen, this was the best use of alliteration I've ever come across.

You, my good sir, are an amazing writer.

[oblivion2k]

2289
Woah, I didn't even notice that that was an alliteration until you brought it up. It just flowed that well. This story is just too damn good. Tell me Ebon, are you an immortal like the princesses? Have you been writing for millenia? That's really the only conclusion I can come up with so far to explain how you're possibly so damn good at this.

[Jiopaba]

Holy crap, I didn't catch that either. That's insane.

[Cloudhammer]

2289 I'll second that opinion

[Vash_ts]

didn´t catch that one either...
also almost cried at the twilight / celestia part
and laughed my ass off at the luna / pinkie part...

you sir, are awesome...

[GraffyHooves]

If I weren't on my iPod I would put in the pic with hank hill doing his "blargggggghhh!" at the extreme range of emotions I have garnered from this story so far

[LunaTheFox]

...Oh my god. That alliteration is incredible. There are no words.

[MrNumbers]

walked into the overgrown gingerbread house that was Sugar Cube Corner, and found that it was mostly deserted

No, no, no no no nono.

The inside was mostly desserted.

[Antiguo]

OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
The great "merely a mare". This was my first, FIRST, fanfic I ever read from MLp and I love it. Until this day, I can't stop thinking of "Luna and Celestia as godeess who desire friends" as canon as a first reaction.
It was perfect, from beggining to end (althought I remember when Luna's motivation was different and part of me was kind of sad by the reboot) but man, I loved this story. Even when I tend to distrust and get annoyed by "lesbian MLP" fics, this is one of the few that it actually feels natural, RIGHT, to have this relationship between the canon characters.

The idea is innovate (in it's time), the characters are amazing, the humor is spot on and it never, ever deviate from the flow and nature of the original show. Even when treating themes as: depression, sadness, guilt, dead, the necessity of the god and the ruthlessness of the power, it alwasy stay in the realm of friendship, hapiness and personal growth.

One of the most mature fics I have ever seen, period.

Yayayayayayayayayay

[bronyvamp]

luna just reminded me of 2 different characters glunnty from full metal alchemist and chowder from chowder (?) when she ate that 3 layer cake in 1 bite

[Ice Star]

Luna has a nice perspective on age, both fun and wise. I really see her enjoying birthdays.