Two pegasi from Stable 199 are forced to flee when a group of Steel Rangers invades the Stable. They find themselves in the relatively forgotten city of Seaddle, a city built by Luna at the beginning of the Great War. Together they stumble upon the greatest kept secret of the war, the most unlikely surprise ever, and the ultimate weapon. In a tale filled with twists, turns, and action at every corner, there is only one outcome, clearer skies.
Fallout Equestria: Clearer Skies
This is totally the freaking theme song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OM1AvMuUy4
On Hiatus until after I've finished To Live Another Day. I need to re-think where i want to go with this story, and probably go back and re-write a few chapters before continuing with it. My writing skills have been improving (I think) and I want this story to reflect that.
I have power armor, your argument is invalid.
178579 yes XD
178579
I haz fat-man your power armor is invalid.
Jk
but in all seriousness, Really like man! Welcome to the club!
*has read prologue*
178579
I travel the UNIVERSES, your argument is invalid!
178894
Sniped.
Anyway, iz a good start. Continue, I say!
178960
DAMN SATS!!!
178969
*ahem*
178894 Thanks! :D
178967 I shall!
good story make more now
awesome story bro
Long term, the issues with this story aren't really in the areas of grammar, spelling and punctuation.While these issues are certainly present, along with a habit of telling instead of showing, it'd be hard to argue that they are the main problem with this fan-fiction. Also, the use of 'nommed' as a verb kills a little bit of my battered soul, but that is neither here nor there.
Really, the issue lies in that the main character, Desert Eagle, is a flawed creation. He is, for lack of a better phrase, a Gary Stu.
The problems begins really with the explanation of his equipment. The baton, PipBuck, and security barding ( I assume on the last) are all fine as part of the idea of a security guard in a stable. The problem comes in at the inclusion of two .50 caliber weapons, one of which is weapon designated as an anti-materiel rifle. Neither are things one would want a guard(ostensibly a cop) to have, nor does their presence on what appears to be an average one at that. Especially in the case of 'The Undoer', which by dint of being a named weapon, draws the reader's attention. We don't have an explanation of it; it's just sort of there.
This is further compounded by the fact that they (Eagle and Quick Scope) happen to have armor piercing rounds on them, ready to deal with Steel Rangers.
(Aside: the proper terminology is sniper rifle. Sniper refers to the specialist.)
As the story goes along, I'm left confused by the protagonist's reactions.Instead of reacting with horror (or at all) to the slaughter of everyone they've ever loved or known, they just leave without reservation.There's no emotional punch here, no connection for the reader that this is a big deal. It serves more to get the characters out of the Stable and not much else. What could be a solid moment is instead squandered. And it also leads us to the first fight in the story that the reader gets to see. It establishes that the characters are powerful, and in turn makes it clear that nothing is going to be much of a threat to them after that. You've take a significant threat and deal away with it rather easily.
I'll be brief, and say that Calamity's appearance is both OOC and serves as little more then to impart exposition to the characters.
Finally, Eagle and Scope's reason to get into Luna's Needle is a 'just because'.
There's a good idea in here, but it needs to be brought out by improvements to the characters (characters that people care about, and who we want to see succeed are crucial to any story) . I'd suggest revision.
180600 First off, thanks for the critique! It is much appreciated
I think that most of the problems you mention stem from my "make-it-up-as-I-go" style, which is meh at best.
And I'm also sorely lacking in the character development, as you pointed out.
Off to editing! XD
cool story bro
cool
*Patiently waiting of RD to appear, as the character tags seem to promise*
Desert's idea of helping someone? Shoot them in the face.
387389 Touche
cool story bro
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/dis-gon-b-gud.gif
393739 XD
yay new chapter whens the next one I cant wait
574782 It comes out whenever I have time in my schedule to type it XD
very nice so far but you need to slow it down a bit, so far its been battle after battle after battle, you need to add calm parts, develop your characters a bit, having all action can get boring. should also try to keep the battles more realistic, taking down 50 enclave troopers with just those 3 is unrealistic and overpowered
nice chapter cant wait for the next
a little short... but beggars cant be chosers
819126 Eh, I thought about adding in some travel time to get to Tenpony, but it just didn't flow as well.
Well I got around to reading your story finally. For a first chapter it was pretty good, like the guy up there said it seems like, "rush into the wasteland, know it, and go." It's too quick, rather what would be more interesting if they learned as they went along their journey. Story wise it's a quest for revenge, which is cool and classy which is okay with me. However getting the cool weapons from the start is.. mehish something a lot of people try to avoid to prevent sueness.
I do like the world description, and the battle scenes are really cool and nicely done. However physical and character detail is lacking, for instance I have seen your DA page and already know what they look like, but to another who hasn't they aren't detailed as to what they look like. This goes for most of the other characters in the story, so for future advise I thought you should know.
Over all, it was a good start. Better then some I've seen. I will need to keep reading to see what happens next. Just make the detail about characters more often described and make them seem more emotionally stressed or emotionally taken, because besides that this is really good. :twilight
That's it, I look forward to more, and I hope you continue to enjoy my story as well.
- Noakwolf
(P.S. I didn't mean to sound rude, I just want to help you get better.
)
1021750 First off, thanks for getting around to reading, and thanks for the suggestions!
Heh, yeah, I'm actually planning on going back and rewriting this chapter again once the rest of the story is done, because it is really fast.
Well, there is a revenge element to the story later on, but it's not prominent for awhile.
Yes, I was afraid that my main chars would come off as sues, but I do believe they come off as less of so as the story progresses.
I know, I'm terrible at describing characters and emotions. I think I do a better job as the story progresses, but you can be the judge of that XD
Thanks again for the critique!
~TicTac
I have a power to call down Exterminatus, your arguments are invalid.
178579>>178894>>178958
1137137 I wrote this story, and therefore have the power to do ANYTHING
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/133408830328.gif?1335169536
1137137
I am in a Broadside suit and have your puny little powerarmor in my scope Spacemarine. Your argument is invalid. PEW PEW!
On another more serious note that are actually relevant to Fo:E and this story. My review are coming later on, but I can already see that this is a rather large mouthful with all the "epicness" in the presentation of this story. It is either going to be very good with a goal that is so high, or a disappointment. I really hope that you can live up to the expectations that you bring to the table, because I know a lot of the secrets out in the Wasteland (bragging turning off)
omigash is it Rainbow Dash? Be so awesome
really good chapter 
1425416 You'll just have to wait and find out! XD And it won't be another 3 month delay between chapters either, since I finally got rid of my writers block.
1423085 I'm hoping that you are not disappointed. The original idea for this fic was to put my own twist onto the end of FoE, and play with some of the ideas that were left unused by others.
1425957
Good, I was pondering my decision on tracking this story, but you seem to have it under wraps.
1443919 Indeed good sir, indeed.
A little oddly paced, but enjoyable.
Please let this not be dead.