My name is Sea Swirl and I love swimming in the Ocean. That hardly tells you anything about a pony, though. My name is Sea Swirl and my Mother is a thief and a murderer. Maybe. Maybe that tells you too much.
Maybe a pony would say that has nothing to do with me whatever, sins of the mother, so to speak, but she's turned up after all these years, alive and well in Ponyville. My quest to find her and hold her to account is waylaid as she adds high treason to the list and leads me, as a bit of a tag along to the Element Bearers, on a desperate chase deep into the heart of Eagleland.
Airships, griffons, murder, scheming and magic. An unreliable narrator and often neurotic, Sea Swirl is toyed with by her mother whose motivations are her own secret. Is everything she ever knew a lie or is she likewise a killer as her mother insists?
Mediocre writer? Are you serious?
Alright, so how you space your paragraphs differ and were that habit to end it would be a good thing, but the vocabulary used is impressive and very detailed, and the plot of this story is very interesting!
You are a great writer!
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I thank you for saying so, and I'll admit I thought this first chapter was decent, but it's no kind of false humility. As I continue, and I will continue, you may find I have much to be humble about.
Thanks for reading, though. I'm uncommonly grateful for whoever'll put up with my prattlings and I hope you enjoy them in future as well.
As 2285625 said, you're a great writer! I'm surprised this hasn't gotten more attention!
These chapters make my day. Phenomenal, really.
With Princess Cappy as their new overlord!
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I'm glad to see my author's notes amuse somebody other than myself.
Did I like this chapter? I can't say.
Okay, I'll say it now: I should really be sleeping right now and anything I say is bound to be loopy to someone who isn't sleep deprived. Onto the other stuff!
I have had this on the back burner for a while now, and after reading it I frankly don't know why anymore. Your character hits rather close to home with me and the way you write is amazingly perfect for this story. That and the actual plot and funny authors notes make me honestly question the sanity of who decides what is and isnt featured. Maybe it's because the main character is the pony equivalent of a pot head? Probably not. Probably just retarded or insane or prejudice. Or some combination of all those. Yeah probably that. Did I mention I'm loosing sleep because of you? In a good way.
Also something that was shouting at me as a read it: you write your dialog in paragraphs but when you transition you use a new set of quotations. Now I'm not sure if it's proper or anything (Grammar is my mortal enemy) but what I've seen a rather lot of people doing is that they'd start the dialog but when theoved to a new paragraph of the same dialog the wouldn't put and ending quotation mark at the end of the other paragraph. Just a tip, if you understood that.
In conclusion I'd like to say that you've thoroughly caught my attention with this. Also that however mediocre you are, you're better than me. I'd love to hear your thoughts on my story on fanfiction.net called Bi-Demensional Shenanigains (the spelling is probably off) by Op3ratic. If you're into Homestuck that is.
In the actual conclusion: I can't wait to see more of this and egarly await the next chapter!
Did I mention I'm sleep deprived?
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Thanks for your kind words of encouragement and thanks for reading besides.
As for the punctuation style, I dunno. I do tolerably well laying out things that're meant to be printed on actual paper, I've still not got the Strunk and White's for fanfiction down just yet. Dumb as it sounds, I don't like the look of open ended dialog paragraphs, I really should run them together without a space or something cause it does seem a bit confusing in retrospect. Since I'm a couple chapters ahead, it'll be several before I switch.
The fact that I've got up thirty three thousand words for eighty five views and sixteen likes could be disheartening pretty easily, but it seems to me like a lot of getting seen is timing and so far mine's been bad and it's no one's fault but my own.
Also it seems like a lot of the more viewed fics have a gimmick or a twist and maybe a hinted at serial killer isn't sufficient these days, world being what it is and all. My old Fluttervalley fic seems to've got up a number of views concurrent with this one being posted, though.
That being the case, once I finish this maybe I should put something really flashy out there to promote my previous work?
Judging by the most viewed bar I'm thinking something like: Long before her banishment, Luna's dark affliction became manifest to her in her nightmares. Driven to the brink and losing control, can (Neil Gaiman's) Morpheus help to heal her shattered psyche or will he just make things worse? Warning: Shipping, Human in Equestria, Crossover, Sex, and... let's say Foalcon to round it out, that's what they call that, right? I'm not sure.
Something like that could do wonders to advertise my work, y'know, like a real think piece?
This fic my good sir is simply awesome and I can't wait for the next chapter
Shoo be doo, shoo shoo be doo~
OPEN FIRE
Interesting choice of weaponry...can't think of a more effective pie in warfare.
Well... Maybe one...
Sea Swirl x Whale OTP
Really enjoying this story, keep it up!
Those accursed cliffhangers!
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Well...I meant it to be a transitional device, but I guess it reads different when you're stuck with one chapter at a time. One supposes that Sacred Song/Sea Breeze/Ocean Song's actual name is fairly evident by now.
Anyway, there's three chapters left, I think. They're all done and being looked over.
Spoilers: Everypony dies!
...
why did she have to kick the puppy?
...why, Siren? Why are you so mean? WHY DID YOU KILL CAPPY!?
To be honest, I think the candy store part was my favourite part of this chapter.
It is over.
But it is good.
I approve.
...I'm still a little upset about Cappy, but the puppy is a good start. Keep it up!
An excellent ending. Jolly good work.
I dunno about you, but I can kinda relate with Seaswirl with shamepiphanies. I'll say stuff I'll end up regreting or screw up and act like a cold-hearted ass in, well fear and self-consciousness really.
I actually like how Seaswirl goes into philosophical ramblings like that, it's always interesting to read, and the candy store parable is perfect! I feel like I'm just that. If I could I would learn an instrument, write, construct, draw, paint, sing, learn a sport or invent one....but as soon as I start I give up, and now I know nearly none of these arts.
The tragic irony of he who is ambitious but not determined.
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I feel the same way too, at times, but equally vexing is the opposite problem. I've spent a considerable portion of my life trying to become a master of one particular discipline; Luthiery. The better I get at it the more I realize how hard it is to make a reasonable living at, (also I'm getting sick of it in it's current form) but now it's all I'm really good at and I face the prospect of starting over doing something else.
The tragic irony of he who is ambitious, determined, but ultimately misguided?
A cutie mark would have gone a considerable way towards clarifying what I should be doing without wasting a decade and a half at something else.
Then, I'm not remotely the same person I was when I would have gotten such a thing, which begs the question, would one want to be defined and categorized for life or would it breed resentment and rebellion?
Ah, blind zealotry
Vlad Tepes!?
I need to read this with a fucking dictionary