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Fallout Equestria: Stories of the Wasteland44 stories ·63 members
In this lightless world, the line between good and evil is not as clear as it used to be. I am no hero.
My name is Spring, and I am a bounty hunter in the Equestrian Wasteland.
Alternate link: Google Docs (NEW: sync'd to my PC - now with bleeding edge spellchecking)
Prior knowledge of Fallout: Equestria is advised but not mandatory.
Disclaimer: This story has nothing to do with Fifty Shades of Grey.
WDTP: S3E12\NC
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A the official Noakwolf of the group I welcome you to the FoE community! And as such, I wish you good luck on your story. And from the first chapter I read it seems to be pretty interesting. I hope that you'll be able to post more chapters in the future.
- Noakwolf
2274793
Well thank you!
The third chapter is as of now on my proofreader's desk, and the fourth is on its way.
I may not keep up this pace in the future, but I will still try to post a chapter per week.
Is it a trope that you can't have a good Fallout: Equestria character without letting them get addicted to something? (Mint-Als, Med-X, drugs, etc.)
Aside from that, I like the straightforward and logical approach that Spring takes to her situations.
2283979
Oh, well, I'm not asking you to like the characters. Not really - my pitch revolves about the idea that everypony in the Wasteland isn't the Stable Dweller, nor completely nuts.
But yeah, both Sunburn and Spring behave like raiders at time. But they aren't raiders: they just don't give a damn about the others.
The 'blow up the whole down' part is a bit overplayed by Spring. She's totally unreliable as a narrator. In fact, Sunburn just leveled the building, but this kind of explosion is LOUD AS HELL. Had the town been blown up, they wouldn't have left just like that. But it's true I failed to empathize this point.
Spring didn't have a 'tragic childhood' though. It's an average Wasteland childhood. Had she been enslaved, raped, tortured, or whatever, yeah you'd be right - but she simply lost her parents in a raid. Compare with Zenith or Calamity in FOE, and with Rampage or P21 in Project Horizon. That's a tragic backstory. Spring's average.
But otherwise you're right, and I'll try to keep your comment in mind for the future.
Feeling the aftereffect of Mint-Als, hitting on the married man, ordering an expensive salad, and destroying force fields.
It's just another day in the life of Spring.
2334204
You are right for the overall poor quality of the first chapters. I am aware I should make a lot of modifications to improve them, but I lack the courage to put them back on my desk as of now. I'll try to do it ASAP though.
I am disturbed, however, by your lack of understanding of Spring's psychology.
To be clear, yes, she kills people without even the slightest trace of regrets. With today's standards, she'd be a criminal, a psychopaths waiting to be locked up in some asyleum.
But it is Fallout - the 'neutral' karma actually involves being a dick. I tried, in the game, to have a 'neutral' character, and even with somebody behaving like Spring (stealing everything, killing people I don't like, etc.) I somehow end up with a 'Good' karma...
Yet, I agree with the fact she IS behaving like a raider, in the end. But she doesn't know it, yet. I cannot say much without spoiling parts of the story yet to come, but she'll come to realize she had crossed the line between 'normal' and 'asshole'.
On a last note: my previous project (not in English, and not on the FiM fandom) featured an anti-hero, borderline gary-suish (it stayed in-universe still), who behaved like a dick. Yet, somehow people liked the story because of the way it was narrated, so I believe Spring's personality isn't the problem - it's more the way I narrate in this story. Understand it is my first serious work in English ever, and I had never played with the first person even in my mothertongue. A diminished quality was to be expected, alas...
2455419
You'll have the answers to all those questions in the next chapter. Those are actually already written and ready to go - I'm just not done with what follows.
The 'tendrils of smoke' are, err, the best description I found for a physiological phenomenon appearing when you're dead drunk, high, in semi-awake state, etc. : your brain doesn't process all you see, leaving you seeing black 'holes' and visual hallucinations.
... yeah, she definitively shouldn't use so much drugs.
2605125
(I was writing a lenghty answer, and then a !$& misplaced shortcut closed my window)
Technically, the contract isn't suicide. Spring proved it was possible, after all. The security in Tenpony is nothing compared to the real deal you'd find nowadays (no ID check, you can bring your weapons...). The only problem is that you have to sneak ammunition in - that is, if you're not using a blade or something. And if you're hoping to earn 500k with the mission, you can afford to spend a few thousands caps to bride somepony, or find another way in.
Trouble is, it's still very dangerous. It's worth the half million reward.
About the guards: while it is not said in the story, those two ponies were colleagues and friends of Liberty Shield. Along with other ponies, they took a week off to track and kill the pony who shot their friend. Alas for them, they expected to find the wounded, drug-high unexperienced, unarmored, unarmed short mare they had seen running out of Tenpony. Spring didn't exactly shine by her professionalism back then, but in the meantime she had her gear and her mind back. They simply were no match.
2880140
There's so much to do with that kind of places~
2954503
You do? Well you won't be disappointed because I love sciency stuff and Saios ain't gonna shut up anytime soon ^^
Unless you explain that goul-killing flash or show him actually doing something or talking to someone, I will be forced to assume Meridian is a prolonged hallucination of Springs.
Not that that's a bad thing...
3003885
Thank you for taking some time to comment the story!
Well, what can I say, Meridian is even less into social interactions than Spring
Ohh a new type of Alicorn I like it
So Meridian is real after all.
Or he's a delusion Spring shares with the alicorns. That hive mind stuff is tricky...
3049888
Who knows?
3047890
Well, technically Evey is not a 'new' type of alicorn. See, from what I understood of the way artificial alicorns are created in FoE, the IMP (aka 'taint') turns anypony who get into contact into an alicorn which template is given by the recipe.
The alicorns from the Unity have multiple templates - in fact, they have one per pony assimilated, though Trixie, Twilight Sparkle and the twins (Gestalt & Mosaic I believe) are the dominant personalities.
The C-subjects from Stable 87 were based on Celestia's DNA. Once they broke free, they joined the Unity and mutated into something more like the master templates (blue, purple, green). They specialized in wings with three different abilities.
Evey on the other end is a L-sample, therefore based on Luna's DNA. Since she got shunned by the Unity (and grew to hate them herself), she never joined the Goddess' army and therefore never got exposed to the master templates. She retained her 'original' mutated form.
Furthermore, since she has no one to share her mind with, she did not specialize. Her spells are varied, yet weaker than their specialized counterparts.
Okay, finally got around to reading (even though it was only the prologue at the time of this writing). College is just not kind to time-management, and Engineering just wants to make sure I have no time for anything fun. But okay, enough of my griping and excuses and on to the review!
I really like the idea for the story that the prologue hints at. No worries, I fully intend to read on, just wanted to get some thoughts out. What I did notice in the prologue, grammar and spelling-wise (Since this was one of the reasons I came to this from that one forum thread) was that you have almost every-thing spot-on. There are a few tense uses and minor grammar mistakes that stick out, but nothing bad enough that is really jarring. For being non-native english speaking, you've done a terrific job with this!
But okay, on to more reading. I'll prob drop a comment on any chapter that I feel really deserves a comment, or whenever I get caught up to where you are still writing (in the next month, minimum)
3134383
Thank you for taking on your time for commenting!
The prologue and the first two chapters had not been proofread. Well, they are, but the version on the site is still 'raw'. I need to update it.
3134804
gotcha, I'll be sure to leave another comment on the third chapter then, since it isn't 'raw'.
So she's going into a vr machine? Liked this chapter
I hope this simulation gets over with soon.
3309069
It is done. Spring gets back to reality with the next chapter.
Why are you saying that, though? Did it feel out of place? I'll admit it wasn't really relevant to the plot itself.
3309075 It kinda did a little bit.
3360894
Well, now that's an upgrade in our relationship~
Anyway, the next chapter is already written and should be uploaded (eventually) - as soon as my proofreader reads his mail and finds the time to read it.
)
(Hint: it may takes a while
Now I'm not only confused about whether Saios can hear Meridian, but whether Meridian can hear Saios. If he could hear Saios over Springs intercom that would be evidence of him being a hallucination, but all we have now is him getting uneasy about Springs volume.
The worst thing is that once Evey gets further into Springs mind, she might start to project him to other ponies as well.
"Saios didn’t seem to know what to make of the Earth pony’s lack of marksmare skills."
That right there...
Oh, and I have a new prediction. Spring's contract is to kill DJ Pon3. We'll see how long you can string that out before I have a definitive answer.
3451144
You sure have a lot of... interesting theories about the story's twists! I reckon I should be extra careful to the words I use in the future when I write about Meridian, before you start a lobby to prove his non-existence
3582271
Yeah, since Spring is always connected to Saios through the suit they spend their time talking. Don't forget Meridian is kind of a loner too. Besides, he isn't all too happy to help Spring breaking into Tenpony to murder somepony, so yeah there's that too.
As for her suit, you can see it on the story cover. Spring is the second character from the left. While it's not exactly what I had in mind they are similar.
The real suit would be a tad more bulky, with more plating and enough space to put the retractable claws along the forelegs. The collar can roll up to meet with the muzzle piece (gas mask...), which can be in turned sealed along the lower edge of the goggles (picture a ski mask...).
As said in chapter ten, the rest of the headgear is missing, so the horn, the ears and the rear of the cranium is unprotected.
Furthermore, the suit's color is adaptive. It is black and white when the camouflage is off. When turned on, it blends with the background. It doesn't make it invisible, just less noticeable.
Too bad I can't draw to save my life ><'
Ver very well made! Props man, good job, I hope to read more!
3597946
Thank you!
I finished writing the next chapter yesterday evening. I am currently waiting on my proofreader, it should be set online within a week!
[commences slow clap] You magnificent bastard you did it again. [stops slow clap] I have to admit, that I have been reading this story from the beginning, and I did not have high hopes for it when it begun. I expected it to end, slow down to a horrendously slow pace or stop entirely after ten or so chapters. When non of the formentioned happened, I am ashamed to admit, my hopes soared (for only fools hope). As the story progressed even further, I finally admitted to myself, that although I don't usually play favorites, I liked "Shades od gray" a lot, enough for "janekfan's Fo:E Top Ten Non-canon Fanfics" (yes, such a thing exists and is official). The very idea behind this chapter (you made it pretty clear it would be a contract for Homage) however, thretened (in my opinion) to break the entire story, because, as we all know, non-canon characters meeting non canon ones ofthe results in one giant mess and "loss of immersion". You however, kind sir/madam, managed not only to avoid doing that, but handled it very well, keeping Spring's interaction with Homage to a minimum AND managing for it to make sense. Not only that, but the chapter as a whole was thoroughly enjoyable, and I am happy to announce that "Shades of gray" just jumped from 7 to 5.
Keep up the great work!
Sining off
- janekfan-
PS: ~Woohoo! Achievement unlocked: keep your spelling and grammar mistakes to a minimum. ~ Also be so kind as to excuse my mistakes, I'm not used to writing from a mobile device.
I just realised how long that comment is. Very sorry for that.
Also: F I R S T B I T C H E S !
3652423
I like how you made a first comment post as your second comment.
I also really like this chapter.
3654164 Well, to be fair I just said first on my second comment because I at the time of writing my comment I hadn't refreshed the page and wasn't sure whether someone posted before me or not.
3652411
Well thank you good sir!
I hear you when you say the first chapters do not do the rest of the story any justice. To be perfectly honest, I have grown to dislike the first chapters. They feel rushed and poorly paced. Then again, Shades of Grey is my first English fic ever...
Don't worry, I am not one to have my OCs interact with canon (as in 'FoE canon') characters. This chapter was an exception of some sort. I am glad to see you believe I handled it well enough.
(I don't mind long winded comments BTW)
(And WTF I got a 'first' on my story oO')
3654164
Glad you liked it!
. The quest name was a dead giveaway ^^
But you got no points for predicting this chapter's twist
3780299
Ah, no, the story takes place during the FoE timeline. LittlePip is still wandering the Wastelands, she is already dating Homage, and is actually on her way to Fillydelphia for the first time. Red Eyes is still at the height of his power, the alicorns are still controlled by the Goddess (well, Evey excepted) and Gawd has not founded the NCR yet.
I am aware I experienced a few issues in the time scale in earlier chapters... Someday I'll go back and fix them. Eventually.
I like this prologue, it's short, yet shows a lot about the main character's personality and your writing skill. I hope I see chrystal again in this story, as well.
not bad. not bad at all
about halfway through the chapter, and all I can think is this AI is not good news.
3911266
Thank you for taking your time to comment the story!
Chrystal is making a come-back in the fifteenth chapter (which I just sent to my proofreader). So yeap, you'll see more of her.
"Damn, in the darkness of the downpour, I could have mistaken him for my dad."
I've got it! Meridian is the ghost of Spring's father.
"Spring… I’ll never have children of my own."
Never mind.
.45 acp is king. Even better, .460 Rowland is king. Don't know what .460 Rowland is? Imagine a catridge with nearly the same dimension as .45 acp except with equal/more power than a .44 magnum.
3953082
Nah, you got it wrong. He is the physical manifestation of the Tree of Harmony, made flesh by Discord because he was bored
But keep on guessing, it's funny. There is nothing supernatural with Meridian, though.
3953263
Perhaps. I'd like to say I have a favorite, but hell, I'm in France. I got a twin-barreled 12ga shotgun with a grand total of 3 shells at home on a shelf, and that's illegal. So, handguns? I'm afraid I'll have to wing it.
I don't see the point of an overpowered .45ACP cartridge however. I believe it is plenty powerful enough to stop dead on its tracks any kind of assailant. In fact, given the shooter we are talking about here (Spring and her improbable skills) one can assume stopping power is not going to be an issue for her. While in real life we aim for the center of mass, Spring often aims for the head and hit it on the first time around. If she has to face heavily armored units, she would use her rifle instead. So, honestly? Her handgun caliber is more aesthetics than anything.
By the way, since the beginning of the story, she used:
- A Beretta M9, 9mm (Lost in Chapter 4)
- A Glock 17 9mm (Sold back to Chrystal)
- A H&K USP Tactical 9mm (Sold back to Chystal)
- A FNH Five-Seven 5.7mm, which she hasn't managed to destroy... yet.
3953421
Ah, you live in antigun France. I kinda live in the US and hold a title in shooting... Eh. Also, the point in having an OP .45 is it gives it more penetration and stopping power. Despite being more powerful and flying much faster, the .460 Rowland also boasts higher accuracy and less kick. Also, .460 Rowland is actually the most powerful standard sized pistol you can purchase without getting a revolver or oversized hand cannon like a Desert Eagle or a .500 S&W. Also, pistols chambered in .460 Rowland can also .45 Acp and .45 super withput any modifications to the gun or magazine. Hooray for gun nuttiness!!!
3953436
Oh, we're not anti-gun per see, it's just that you need a license to shop for hunting/competition rifles, and that you have to be in law enforcement to justify the possession of handguns. As for military weapons, well, they stayed in the military.
.
But as a civilian you can actually do some competition shooting, even with handguns - it's jut that those are not the 'standard' handguns from everywhere else.
Plus, in some cities (Marseilles comes to mind...) gangs actually shoot at each other with AK-47 - you can buy one for less than 500€ over there
Anywhere else, you don't actually need guns bigger than shotguns to defend yourself.
Funny you mentioned the Desert Eagle (the .50AE version I presume?). Guess what gun Chrystal is using. Fuck ergonomics, that mare got style.
EDIT 5 years later: as it turns out, I was mistaken about what it takes to get handguns and semi-auto rifles in France. You just need a few months, the ability to write your name on a form and enough skill to fire 120 rounds without shooting yourself in the foot. I'm now the proud owner of several rifles, I'll have my .357 mag revolver within a few weeks and I plan to eventually buy an AR15 variant.
3953457
Its antigun to me. You see, I live in Arizona. Phoenix, the capitol of the state, to be specific. Why is that relavent? This state is the most gun pro state in all of the US. There is barely any gun control here. There's no ban on ammo capacity or type of gun (except for class 3s), no permit is needed to carry or concealed carry, and you don't need a license or dealer to sell/purchase a gun. Heck, we have an official state gun (Colt Peacemaker/Single Action Army). I'm only sixteen years old and I have 3 guns within a foot of my bed and 300-400 rounds of ammo. I'm a 1911 fanboy. I has one 1911 from 1942 chambered in .460 Rowland.
Can you see how I call France antigun? Also, of course I mean the .50 version. I'm a gun nut!
3953479
Oh don't worry I know about Arizona and how much you love your guns x). Honestly, abroad is kind of a running joke. Even for gun-loving people like me, your laws are a bit too lax.
That being said, as I said in France owning an assault rifle is a crime and still gangs shoot at each other with AK-47 all day long in Marseille. The only reason they haven't whipped out each other entirely is because they can't aim for shit.Thanks goodness the psychos who go postal with their guns aren't those who actually know how to use them...
Eh, another fun gun fact: a few months back in Paris, somebody showed up with a shotgun in a newspaper headquarter or something, opened fire, burned a grand total of one shell before jamming his gun and running away with his tail between his legs.
3953508
Hah! That is hilarious! Also, imagine if ever gang member had the tact and accuracy of your average shooting title holder. I has one and I'm able o keep a one inch grouping from fourty yards with a pistol. Rifles are a matter of if I can see you or not. Also, our gun laws aren't too lax, the criminals that do have guns obtained them illegally and in the US there are lots 'o people that know how to make guns illegally. The people who are attempting to restrict guns/add in more gun control are arrogant and basing their facts/ideas on biased, false thoughts. Best example? Kevin de Leon from California. Listen to this man's speech.
If you can find nothing wrong about his speech, I'm afraid you suffer from stupidity.
I'm really liking the story so far, and I'm looking forward to the next update. The second escape from tenpony... Priceless. If only I could see the looks on their faces. (I'll throw a fav and an upvote your way when I get to a more functional device. )
4079658
Thank you for taking your time to comment!
Yes, Spring did make an impression that one time. Eh, that earned her her own Dj-pon3 nickname!
The sixteenth chapter is, as of today, halfway written. It shall be poor of action but rich in callbacks from the past.
4247163
Ah, well, honestly Meridian's issues have little to do with radiations and everything Fallout-y. Had he been living in pre-War Equestria, the issue would have likely been the same.
Plus, remember Spring is the narrator. What she understands is not always what was said.