>>178761178761

Sry, I'll try to find a different name to pick.

>>178779178779

Don't take it as a substantive criticism. I like the story. Have 5 stars.

>>178779178779

I found one!  Check again, and see the 20% cooler title!

>>178802178802

Ta da! 120% better.

i love Gilda fanfics, i never come by them.

Keep it up!

Really great start!

Interesting. Very, interesting. Tracked.

Tracked! Love a good Gilda fic and this seems to be just that!

This is a good idea....You should continue..I believe 5 of these stars outta be motivation, no?

>>184740184740

Sorry, but what does that mean?

>>185038185038

Ok here's I make of it.

Anger,sadness,craziness,suprised craziness,insanity,GASP,Pinkie Smile,Spike'stache,unamused,sleepy,feelin smug, feel cool,surprise again, Love(for what?) slight sadness, bad, ouch.

That almost hurt my head to think about.

Awww Gilda.....Evil plots don't make friends.....

Must....Resist......Urge...........To......Make Quagmiresque.....Joke

>>187900187900

Anyway, if you have any suggestions for the story, let me know

Sry about the chapter, I accidentally hit the delete key in the middle of typing the chapter.  Just ignore it until I fix it, plz

>>189468189468

Fixed now

>>185038185038 i dont kow what my feelings are doing

Sry I haven't updated in a while, here's a short chapter to tide you over!

So...Gilda dreams of cupcakes does she?

First major problem with this story: none of the viewpoints really "sound" like the character they're following, which exacerbates the real problem.

You DO NOT have multiple viewpoints in a 1st person story! ESPECIALLY when you do not use any signals to tell the reader who the viewpoint character is when the pov switches!

Here's a downvote.

>>257168257168

Fine, then, I'll work on changing the perspective

>>257168257168

Fine, then, I'll work on changing the perspective.

That is, provided you don't mind delayed updates while I fix it.

Sry if it detracted from your experience.  This is my first fic, so criticism is appreciated.  Next time, however, I'd appreciate it if you'd be a little more constructive

Whoops, sorry about the double post!

I'll be putting the story on hiatus for a little while, until I do some editing and deal with a few personal matters.  Stay tuned for the new and improved "First Impressions", coming soon!

An overall great story –– very creative, and I especially like the idea of putting the baddie Gilda in better light –– but there are quite a few punctuation mistakes here and there.

Cool story Bro

very nice, and intense.

really like where this is going, and the transition helps.

Huh, I'm using the same Idea in my new fic. The only difference is that Guilda is shipping with somepony.

Good story, great concept.

Hmmm, bats and apples. Very macabre.

gee, I wonder what that monochromatic beast could be

How is this not taken down? You have twenty-one character tags, HOW?

(Not that I want it taken down.)

Okay, only read this first chapter but I'll definetly continue. Only one thing, you've got some problems with keeping the narration consistend.

for example:

She smiled, happy I wasn't alone on her vigil.

I presume you meant 'happy she wasn't alone on her vigil.'

As I grabbed the animal and ended its life with a quick snap of the neck, I took out an apple she had been holding in her bag.  She ate the bat and the apple

Who is this 'she' Gilda is talking about here? It comes off weird, is there another person in the cave?

All in all, I'll read the rest, since the premise is interesting enough and I kinda like your style. Also: Tasty bats!