Innuendo (25)
Innuendo
WARNING: This chapter contains a large amount of sexual innuendo, wink wink, nudge nudge, and information regarding pony mating rituals, as well as interspecies relationships that is highly inaccurate, and does not represent the writer's view on such things, being written only as a plot device, for the humor and enjoyment of the reader. There will be NO sex in this chapter however, as this is not a clop fic. Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, on to the chapter.
Things were going well for Nightshade. The syrup sales had left him with enough money for at least six months, and it was only the second week of spring.
"Geez, if I keep this up, pretty soon I'll be set for life. What the hell am I gonna do with all this money?" He thought. During winter, once everything had been prepared, he didn't have anything to do, so he worked on his Forest Survival Guide. It was finished, and he had it drafted, and several copies printed. He brought one to Twilight, thinking she'd probably enjoy a good read. Stopping by Sweet Apple Acres, he ran into Applebloom.
"Hey, have you seen Big Mac? I wanted to thank him again for the help with hauling the carts." He asked.
"Naw, sorry, he's of town on a trip. Left two days ago, not sure when he'll be back." She told him. That was odd, Big Mac was never away from the farm, to go on a trip was unheard of. Maybe it was a vacation, but in the middle of growing season? Nightshade didn't know that much about apples, maybe they had finished and there was nothing to do. He dismissed it, and headed to the library.
"Hey Twilight, I got you a new book. I wrote it myself, 'Everfree Survival, A Guide to Forest Life." Nightshade said, handing over the book. She had already read all the books in the library at least seven times, and so was quite excited to have a new read.
"Umm, by the way. Do you have a book I can read on...." He trailed off, blushing as he said it. "Interspecies Relationships?"
"I have just the thing." She said, using her magic to pull a purple bound book from the shelf.
After two hours of reading, Twilight had finished the new book, Nightshade was still reading.
"Interspecies relationships are not frowned upon, and are actually encouraged. While no children can come from a cross species union, with the exception of the three variations of ponies, such couples are encouraged to adopt. This provides a deeper culture for the foal, and promotes a wider understanding of different traditions and concepts that they would otherwise not be exposed to." He read aloud.
"Well, that's good to know. Where I'm from cross species union is actually illegal, although that's probably because humans are the only sentient species, capable of logic, reason, and speech, so I guess it makes sense that in a world with a wider cultural pallet, it's more common, and not considered taboo." He reasoned.
"While mating does occur at all times of the year, it is most common during mating season, a 2 week period during spring. While males are unaffected, females become in heat, and upon sensing a male presence, either through sight, or smelling hormones, enter a state similar to intoxication, increasing drive and removing inhibition. During this time, unpaired males and young colts will leave town for the duration. Paired males and their partners will also leave, and find a private location, usually out of town to do the deed unbothered." Nightshade started to get a little worried. Big Mac had left town, and while males were rare in Equestria, he hadn't seen any in Ponyville today, although he didn't look that hard.
"It does not occur during the same two weeks each year, although it is always in spring. The residents of each town are biologically synchronized, but not with other towns, so often times the males will travel to another settlement for the duration of mating season. Since it is unknown exactly when mating season will occur, the males prepare early, and are on guard all spring till after the event is over. Telltale signs of mating season approaching are increased assertiveness and impulsiveness."
Nightshade thought of Fluttershy, and how strangely she had been acting. "As well as a higher level of energy, fueled by an obsessive sweet tooth the week before, in preparation for the activities of the next two weeks." He gulped. Oh no.
Glancing over at Twilight, who was no longer reading, but staring at him with half drooped eyes.
"I never took you for a genius." She said. "You gathered all this information on your own, catalogued it, and provided useful insights. You're scientific method is superb." She slowly moved closer.
"Heh, um, mind if I was a question?" he said, starting to sweat. She inhaled through her nose, apparently picking up on it.
"In Ponyville, when does mating season start?" He asked.
"This morning." Said the lavender mare, licking her lips.
"Well, thanks for the read, but I must be going." He turned around only to have the library door slammed shut behind him, locking. It was the kind of lock that needed a key to be opened from either side, really old fashioned.
"Oh no, I don't think so. I'm not just going to let an intelligent, handsome stud like yourself get away." She said in a sultry tone, picking him up with her magic, and pinning him to the wall.
"Don't do this Twilight." Nightshade said, more warning than begging.
"You know, now that I think about it, I don't have any books on human anatomy. I think I'll write one, and I know just where I want to start." She said, eying his trousers. That was all he needed to hear.
"Sorry to do this Twilight, but it's for your own good, and mine. Goodnight." He said, as the magic faded and Twilight slumped to the floor, asleep.
"That was too close, and if my hunch is correct, she won't stay asleep for long." He tried to open the door, locked. He could break it down, but that would cause a commotion, and the last thing he wanted to do was bring attention to himself, the only male in a town full of sex craved females. Maybe try the window?
Heading upstairs, Nightshade found Spike, still in bed. He shook him awake.
"Hey, what's the big idea?" Spike asked.
"What are you still doing here?" He said loudly, not quite yelling, as he didn't want to attract attention. "Get in my backpack, there's no time to explain in detail, but right now, we are the only two guys in a town filled with crazy girls."
"What!? That's not supposed to happen till next week!" Spike exclaimed.
"Book downstairs says it doesn't happen the same time every year, although I guess that explains why you're still here, but not why nobody told me about it." He said, a little annoyed. Thinking back to when they were all sitting around the table in Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie explained that everyone would start going crazy, and that sugar was a part of it. Everyone looked like they were keeping something quiet.
"Of course! They set me up! I knew they were hiding something! Come on Spike, we need to get out of town." Nightshade was a little upset that they hid that from him, seeing as how he trusted them, but now that he thought about it, they were probably trying to push his relationship with Fluttershy to the next level. Wasn't there a friendship lesson or something about not trying to force something that came naturally? Oh yeah, it got thrown out when he got the crusaders their cutie marks. Spike climbed into the backpack, and Nightshade jumped out the window, slowly jumping down the branches of the tree, and slipping into an alleyway.
"Alright, you okay Spike?" He said over his shoulder. The dragon popped out of the backpack and gave a nod.
"Okay, here's the plan. We're gonna try to get to the forest. Nobody will follow us in there, and all the different forest scents will mask our own. We'll be fine, since I lived in the forest before." He put the dragon's worries to rest before he stated them. "It's just that there are four things we must avoid at all costs."
"And they are?" Spike asked.
"A large crowd, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy." Nightshade replied.
"Why?" The pint sized dragon inquired.
"Well, if we get in front of a large crowd, there's no way I could put all of them to sleep. They all have much more energy due to the season, and so the earth ponies will be stronger, the pegasi will be faster, and the unicorns will have stronger magic. If we get in front of a crowd, we can kiss our virginity goodbye. You're young, so they will probably be less attracted to you, but they're crazy, and they still might go for it." He explained.
"Pinkie Pie?" Spike asked.
"She ate so much sugar this past week, she's going to have more energy than an entire crowd combined, and given her randomness, unless we can hide, we're sure to get caught, and I don't feel like getting ridden by a hyper pink pony till I die." He said. Spike nodded in agreement.
"Rainbow Dash is fast, and probably the only one I couldn't outrun, other than Pinkie with her strange ability to pop up anywhere." Spike was just listening and processing the information.
"As for Fluttershy, I've got a soft spot for her. If she asked me to... you know... I wouldn't be able to say no. Which is why we have to avoid those three at all costs." He blushed a bit.
"Well what about Twilight, Applejack, and Rarity?" Spike asked, his eyes widening a bit when he mentioned his favorite white unicorn.
"Well, Twilight is passed out on the library floor, although I don't know for how much longer, Applejack we can just avoid by staying away from the farm. In fact, she's probably working off all her 'excitement' bucking apples, or hauling fertilizer. She might actually be more of a help than a hindrance. As for Rarity, if I can handle Twilight, she won't be a problem at all. She's the most reserved of the group, save for Fluttershy, although that isn't saying much, considering how she's been acting lately." Nightshade said, blushing, thinking about how she had kissed him.
"What do you mean?" Spike didn't understand.
"Let's just say that Fluttershy hasn't been living up to the 'shy' part of her namesake." He said plainly.
"Oh." Was all Spike could say.
Together, they went over the plan for getting out of town. They would head across the street, into Sugarcube Corner, hopefully avoiding Pinkie Pie, and onto the sweet store's roof. From there, they would head onto the roof, and run across the roof tops to the edge of town. Once they were out of town, they could hole up in his house for the next two weeks. Besides, Nightshade always did want to get to know Spike a little better, being one of the few guys around.
"Umm, I don't want to interrupt, but there's a crowd of mares over there, and they're coming this way." Said Spike nervously. They both swallowed hard. The only place to hide was in Carousel Boutique. The back door was in the alley they were hiding in. They slowly pushed the door open, and entered. They heard humming, as Rarity was working on a dress.
"Oh my, you two surprised me. Didn't you know that it's impolite to come in a ladies back door without asking?" She said. That phrase can mean more than one thing, but judging by the way she said it, she clearly meant the second, less obvious one.
"Erm, sorry to disturb you Rarity, we are hiding from a crazed mob outside." He said, scratching the back of his head.
"We?" Rarity asked. Spike popped out of the backpack, and his mouth started watering.
"Well hello Rarity." He said, trying to sound smooth. Great, now Spike was going too, and he wasn't even in heat.
"Cool it lover boy, I'm sorry for what I'm about to do Rarity, but for your sake, and Spike's, I'm going to have to knock you out. You'll be back up in ten minutes, and we'll be gone." With that, the white unicorn passed out on the floor. Spike looked like he had hit the jackpot.
"No way pal, you're too young to even THINK about doing that. Besides, when the season is over, what would she think of you, having taken advantage of her in her sleep?" It took a minute for the words to sink in, and for Spike to snap back to reality.
"Yeah, you're right, sorry, I just kind of lost myself. What now?" He asked.
"I need you to check out front, and see if the crowd is gone. I'm too big, and will draw too much attention to use. I'll go put Rarity on the couch." Spike wasn't happy about it, but he did it anyway, he was just about to signal the all clear, when he felt a tap on his back. A large number of droopy eyed mares were looking at him.
"Erm, hi ladies. Sorry, I know what you're thinking, and I am FAR too young to do that." He tried to convince them, but they didn't seem to care. "Little help shady?" He said, glancing back towards the shop. Spike was now surrounded.
"No! I'm saving myself for Rarity!" He screamed, when a white cloaked blur sped out of the storefront, landed in the circle, snatched up the draconian child, to a leap over the crowd, and barreled through the door of Sugarcube Corner. It was dark inside. Good, nobody was home.
"Thanks, that was way too close for comfort." Spike said, a little worried.
"I don't think they saw where we went, and 'Shady?' Just for that, I actually thought about leaving you behind. Call me Shade if you have to." He said. They both started laughing, only to find that there was a third voice, giggling. The only two males in town said at the same time. "Pinkie."
The pink pony came out from the shadows. Taking a look around, Nightshade noticed that while the lights were off, there were some candles in protective lanterns hanging around. Presumably to set the mood. How Pinkie knew they would be there, well, that was just Pinkie being Pinkie.
"Hey there, sugarman." She said. Her mane wasn't as poofy as usual, but not because she was sad, because she was calm, and a calm Pinkie was something to be afraid of.
"Hi Pinks, um, what's shakin?" Spike said nervously. Pinkie didn't even notice him, she was staring at the worlds only supplier of maple sugar.
"Spike." He whispered. "There's a bottle in one of the backpack compartments, get it for me will ya?" Spike obliged, and began to dig through the contents. He had brought it with because, knowing how much she liked it, he was going to give it to her after he was done at Twilight's. Now he hoped it would bail him out of this, 'sticky' situation.
"So, Shady." Said Pinkie, picking up on the nickname Spike had used. "Wanna do it?"
"No, I don't. For one, I've never done it before, and am saving myself for the right person, second, NO." He said sternly.
"Oh my gosh! I've never done it either. You've never done it, I've never done it. We should totally do it! Then we could have a Pinkie and Shady did it party!" This mare was clearly crazy, and not her usual sugar crazy.
"The answer is still no." He said, trying to hide his growing bulge. Being surrounded by so many females all wanting one thing was starting to take it's toll. "Spike, hurry please?" He whispered over his shoulder.
"Well, if the answer is no, at least let me try have some of your syrup." She said, licking her lips.
"Just a minute. Any day now Spike!" He said, no longer trying to hide the dragons presence.
"I'm looking!" He called back.
"Oh, not that syrup." Said Pinkie. "Your syrup." She put her hooves on either side of his waist, and reached down with her mouth, trying to pull his belt off with her teeth.
"GOT IT!" yelled Spike. Nightshade quickly snatched the bottle, opened it, and shoved it into Pinkie's mouth. She began sucking on it like a baby bottle, lying on the floor, holding it in between her hooves.
"Well, that's one of the three down, but that maple syrup won't last for long, given the rate she goes through it. Let's get the heck out of here. On the rooftops, we should be able to avoid notice, except from pegasi." They headed upstairs, and found their way to the roof. Running on the rooftops, they escaped notice of all the crazed ponies but one. A rainbow maned one.
"FOUND YOU!" Dash yelled. She flew straight at the hapless Nightshade, tackling him, and sending them both into a distant field. "Got you." She said. Nightshade had landed on his back, crushing poor Spike.
"Fine, but if we do this, I've got one condition, I'M on top." He said, thinking quickly. He needed to get off of Spike, he didn't want to crush the poor guy.
"Nope, you'll try to escape. I'm not falling for that." Damn, she was getting smarter. Having shifted a bit to get his weight off Spike, the dragon was now free to move. Rainbow closed her eyes to give him a kiss, only to meet dragon lips. She recoiled.
"Bleaaagh. SPIKE?" She screamed.
"Spike, FIRE ONE!" Nightshade yelled. Spike gave a breath of fire, that caught the tip of Rainbow's mane on fire. She jumped off, and sped to the nearby lake to douse herself. She turned around to see the dragon and human duo get up, and begin running off. Rainbow flew straight up into the air.
"We lost her!" Spike exclaimed.
"Not just yet, look up." Nightshade said calmly. She was about to do a sonic rainboom. Like a bird of prey, she went into a dive, picking up speed. At that moment, a green mist began to swirl around the pair.
"Say Spike, you ever break the sound barrier?" He asked his pint sized partner.
"No...." Spike was worried.
"Well, you're about to, keep your head down!" At that moment, Rainbow Dash broke the sound barrier. with the adrenaline from the speed, plus the added fear of being caught by the pegasus, he passed the speed of sound immediately.
A double boom rocked Ponyville, causing several shattered windows.
"New plan Spike, forget my place, we run in the open field. She's got to get tired eventually right?" Nightshade hoped. Both of them moving at the speed of sound for ten minutes, he only had to use 2 years to get himself started. The entire time he just sapped stamina from Dash. They ran circles around Ponyville
"How much FREAKING endurance do you have!" He called to the pegasus next to him. Apparently, she heard him, which should be impossible since they were moving that fast.
"As soon as I catch you I'll be glad to show you!" She called back, not even winded.
After running around Ponyville about 200 times, Nightshade finally had enough.
"There's no way I can lose her like this!" Slowing down slightly to below the speed of sound, Nightshade allowed a wall of air to form in front of him. He jumped, kicked off the dense air mass, and did another sonic boom, now heading in the opposite direction, straight towards Sweet Apple Acres.
His little maneuver gave him some distance on Dash. He crashed through the barn door, Spike being tossed from his backpack. He quickly got up, and slammed the barn door, putting up the door bar on the inside. Rainbow slammed into it, but it held. Now sweating, as even though he could take stamina, he couldn't disperse the heat that built up. He found a bucket of water, and dumped it on himself.
"Why hello handsome." He heard a voice behind him.
"Not you too AJ." Nightshade said.
"What are you doin in my barn?" She asked.
"Trying to avoid a promiscuous pegasus." He said with dread in his voice.
"Ah, I see, you want a REAL mare." She said as she walked towards him.
"No thanks. Maybe I should just go." He backed up against the wall.
"I still have to pay you back for hiring me to pull them carts." She said, droopy eyed.
"If it means that much, you can bake me an apple pie." He said, trying to change the subject.
"Oh, I already have an apple pie, one that you can eat ALL. DAY. LONG." Applejack said, turning her back to him, and flicking him with her tail.
"I think I'll pass." He said, suddenly getting her meaning.
"You know, that there maple syrup makes a mighty fine caramel. What do you say we go lay over in that hay bale and make some candy apples?" Applejack said, walking over to the back of the barn. Rainbow Dash was pounding on the barn door.
"Well, I really must be going, it's been a nice visit!" Suddenly, Nightshade found one of his legs caught by a lasso.
"I wasn't asking, I was telling!" She said with the rope in her mouth. He grabbed onto the door bar, and held on, his legs in the air from the pony's strong pull. Looking over, he saw Spike get up.
"Spike! I was wrong! I'd much rather have to put up with Rainbow than Aj! Open the door, we're getting out of here!" He yelled. He lost his grip on the door, and fell to the ground, Applejack standing over him.
"You know how Granny Smith threw her hip out? Riding stallions too rough. All us Apples got it in us, but since it's you're first time, I'll be gentle." The farm pony said with a smirk.
"TOO MUCH INFO AJ!" Yelled Spike, throwing the door bar off. At that moment, Rainbow Dash had been preparing to bust the door down, and charged. The door opened suddenly, and Dash flew right through, colliding with Applejack. They landed in a very compromising position, quite literally, in the hay. Nightshade and Spike just laughed while they tried to regain their bearings.
"Ha! You two make a great couple!" He said while laughing.
"Yeah, these lovebirds obviously want some privacy!" Joked Spike. The dragon climbed on his back, leaving the two confused mares behind.
Nightshade and Spike reached the house, ran inside, and barricaded themselves within using a dresser.
"Whew, that was way too close. We almost got busted what, 6 times? By the way, thanks for the save Spike." He huffed. Even being able to drain energy from the nuclear reactor mares around town, he was at his wit's end with these crazy ponies. That's when they heard a soft giggle. "Oh no."
Fluttershy was in the house they had just barricaded themselves within. She had the telltale bedroom eyes, her tail was swishing back and forth, and she had a sultry smile.
"Oh, *giggle* hello there. Such a big *giggle* strong stallion aren't you?" She said. She was clearly loopy.
"Please Fluttershy, I've had one heck of a day running away from your friends, and the rest of Ponyville for that matter." He said, trying to appeal to her good nature.
"Oh, you poor dear, come lay down, and let Fluttershy make it all better. She said, ogling him. "Do you think it would be okay if we..." She was interrupted. Nightshade had put his hands over his ears.
"I know what you're about to ask. I can't let myself hear you ask that, because I wouldn't be able to refuse." He said, she looked a little sad.
"Listen Fluttershy, I like you, a lot but we're just not ready to do that yet. You're in heat, and we still haven't known each other that long. If we decide to do this, it will be when we are ready, and we will make the decision when you're back to being yourself, not when you're intoxicated by hormones. Right now is just too fast, and I'd hate to do something when we're not ourselves that we might end up regretting. Not that I'd regret it, it's just too soon." He said, trying to be as gentle as possible. Fluttershy seemed to go back to normal a little bit. Spike had already pushed the dresser out of the way of the door.
"I understand." She said, kissing him on the forehead. "Now go, before I change my mind." She ran her tail over his face, trying to perhaps make him change his mind.
"I'll see you in two weeks, please take care of Scoots while I'm gone. By the way, where is she?" He asked.
"Right here dad." Scootaloo was completely normal. Of course! She was under age, so she wasn't affected by it.
Nightshade and Spike headed out into the Everfree forest, where they would be undisturbed.
"What do we do now?" Asked Spike.
"Well, do you like fish?"
Nightshade and Spike spent the two weeks in the forest, Nightshade catching fish, and Spike gathering wood and tending the fire. They had a good time, learned a bit about each other. They had saved each other several times from the mares in town, and working together, survived in the forest. Bonds forged in fire are the strongest of all. After the two weeks were over, the pair walked out of the forest, and called themselves brothers. Living in the forest had caused Spike to beef up, and he had visible muscles, which he though was fantastic. Taking a look at Nightshade, he saw his own ripped figure.
"Believe it or not brother, I was a string bean before I came to Equestria. Two years in the forest, and a half year working in town, and look at me now! You're still just a kid, and look at you already! Once you grow up, Rarity is gonna have a hard time keeping her hooves off you." They both laughed.
"Hey, Shade, this was fun, you think we could come camping again sometime?" Spike asked.
"You bet. Heck, we can camp all summer if you want, once syrup season is over. We can bring Scoots with, and anyone else who wants to come. Just no comforts from home, they gotta be willing to sleep in the trees."
The pair arrived at Nightshade's house, and opened the door. The mane 6, as well as Big Mac were there, and they were back to normal.
"Well well well, is there something you all want to say to me, something about not telling me about mating season?" He said sarcastically. They all let out a weak laugh. Applejack apologized first.
"Heh, sorry Shade, we thought it would be kinda funny if you were in town when we weren't... ourselves." She said.
"We were confident that you would be able to care for yourself, and that you wouldn't take advantage of us in our, uninhibited state." Rarity explained.
"I almost had ya! There was no way I was gonna let somepony else get the only one capable of keeping up with me!" Rainbow was next.
"RAINBOW DASH!" Twilight was mad.
"You may be faster than me Dash, but I'm smarter. There was no way you could have caught me." Nightshade said.
"You know, the whole, you and me find a quiet spot offer is still open. I wonder if it's possible to do it at supersonic speed?"
"RAINBOW!" The entire group yelled.
"I'm kidding alright, I know you belong to Fluttershy." The cyan pegasus was met with angry glares from the rest, except for Mac. Fluttershy blushed at the thought that he belonged to her. Well, he did agree to be her special somepony.
"I have to say, it was an very good prank Big Mac." Twilight said.
"Wait, you mean all this was YOUR idea?" Nightshade asked the stoic red stallion.
"Yeeeaaaap."
"Well, I'll just have to remember this. I WILL get you back Big Mac, but It will be when you least expect it." He said sternly. Everyone laughed, including Mac himself, until they were interrupted by Celestia and Luna, teleporting into the room. They had a strange look in their eyes.
"Nightshade, we require your services." Luna began. "It is currently mating season in Canterlot. As we have royal duties we would be unable to perform should we have to care for foals, we cannot take that chance."
"Oh, so you came to Ponyville to avoid all the craziness?" He said.
"Actually, since you are the only eligible, and worthy, non equine, we need you to come with us to Canterlot and relieve us of our... urges." Celestia said. Luna licked her lips.
"I am shocked an appalled that you two would suggest such a thing. I belong to Fluttershy, and to do what you ask would be a terrible betrayal." Nightshade said, trying to find any excuse to deny the pair of all powerful ponies.
"Oh, I don't mind." Said Fluttershy, back to her usual timid self, but not entirely, as she said it with a hint of lust in her voice. Nightshade grabbed Spike by the tail and ran his ass off into the forest.
"It is for the good of Equestria!" Celestia called after him. At this point, is was clear that she was actually NOT trolling. She was serious.
Once within the forest, back at their campsite Spike was working on making a fire.
"Fish?" He asked Nightshade.
"Fish."
Well that was fun. See? I told you no sex. I mean, okay, it was a super hyper unrealistic chain of events. Especially the part at the end with the sisters, but I felt like I needed to have a chapter like this, and so I decided to have fun with it, and get it out of the way. There will NOT be any more of this in the entire fic. This is the last you will see of it, so if you didn't like it, then don't stop reading just because of this chapter. There was a LOT of mature themes in this chapter, but it was meant to have a laugh at. As for him being the only worthy non equine, they weren't just about to use any riff raff, they wanted to use someone they respected, and who wouldn't let their secrets out. After all, they have reputations to protect.
Ponyville is finally back to normal, it's summer so now what? What will happen next. What is Lyra up to? Find out in the next, non sexual chapter of 'Monster'!
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
BlackWing: You ponies are crazy you know that? Making me write that garbage, just because you wanted a laugh, and to feel all lusty.
Pinkie: Aw come on Mr. Writer, it was fun!
BlackWing: Okay, maybe it was fun, but seriously, I'm not doing that again!
Discord: At least not till the sequel!
BlackWing: Which you should be in right now, shouldn't you? Get out of the present and into the future!
Discord: *Poof*
BlackWing: Now that that's taken care of, what do you want to do?
Celly: I know who, I mean what I want to do! *Looks at BlackWing
BlackWing: You know what? Until you get over this, I'm gonna go chill in the 'The Mad Gentleman' blog, bye! *Poof*
Pinkie: Ooh! Does that mean I get to write the story?
Twilight: No Pinkie. *Looks up from Everfree Survival* It means that until the Princess Molestia gets over herself, he won't be coming back. So, he'll be back tomorrow. You know how fast time moves in this story. 2 weeks is a day, and a year is a minute and all that.
Rainbow Dash: I can't believe I landed like THAT on Aj. Now everyone is going to think I'm a fillyfooler!
Applejack: Aren't ya?
Rainbow Dash: *Bucks AJ*
Applejack: I'll take that as a yes?
Rainbow Dash: *Face red, steam coming out of ears* You're gonna get it AJ!
Applejack: Sorry, I don't swing that way Dash.
Pinkie: Well, since the writer is gone, I guess I have to end this breach in the 4th wall. See ya later everypony!
Fluttershy: That is, if it's okay with you.
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Oh goddesses
This chapter was... Scary...
I wouldn't want to be in Equestria during the heat weeks
Being in Equestria during mating season isn't so bad if you know it's coming. For example, Big Mac and all the other stallions went to Appleooza for the 2 weeks, as they had already had theirs. Also, this season was particularly intense, since they had a new type of sugar, they gorged themselves on it, meaning more energy, meaning more drive for certain activities. In fact, the sugar is a direct contributor. If a pony somehow manages to restrain themselves from eating sweets before and during the event, they will actually be relatively normal. Lyra, for example, was too busy making plans, didn't partake in the sugar fest, and so was mostly unaffected.
-THE MORE YOU KNOW!
Also, this means that Pinkie is basically a sex godess during mating season, which is one of the main reasons all the males clear out of town that time of year. I wonder how Nightshade with get back at Big Mac, oh wait, I already know how. SEQUEL.
Not only was this chapter hilarious, but it addressed some of the plotholes earlier chapters had.
224289 Yes, that was pretty much the whole point of this chapter. Rather than simply giving an plot hole covering update, I steeped it in innuendo, and made it funny to read. You know what? I was going to go work on 'The Mad Gentleman' Until Celestia left me alone, but I'm in a good mood, I think I'll work on the next chapter here. Someone was asking me about the lull in action. I addressed the issue. He's basically just living it up right now. He's finally got friends, a family, he's no longer on the run, he's making major cash, LIFE IS GOOD, and he's having a grand time. So when it all get's taken away from him, it will be all the more painful. SHIT! I just gave away more of the plot.
Owwwwwwwww......My mouth.....I just got back rom the dentist and read this....I laughed WAY too hard and now my mouth is sore......
WORTH IT!
Spike n Shade, bro's before ho's :)
Oh Lawdy
That was pretty funny
...........................is all i can say......................O.O
224541 Or do you...... Ah the Everfree Forest, the only safe place to be during 'Syrup Season'.... On a side note could use Big Mac as a decoy.... or Spike..... Better him than Kyle.....
224660 Yes, I DO know what, and who's kyle?
Aw
Waned to see some princesses on shade action.
Hmmm...
*mob of crazed mares approaches*
"Look, a distraction!!"
Fish, anypony?
This chapter was effing hilarious.
And now, Princess Molestia makes a lot more sense.
I have a strong feeling that I have read something about mating season and a guy chased by entire town... just cant remember the name of it. Anyway, good chap :D
O.O he had REALLY bad luck and timing, but couldn't he have put dash to sleep?
This was definatly HILARIOUS
I got to use something like this in my fic. Just for that random laugh moment.
Ya know It can be understood why the mares act this way given the low male population.... I wonder what it would be like it if humans were like that....... hmmm.
226038
"Ah' Should've Stayed At the Barn" - Big Mac vs the mares
"How Did I End Up Here" OC vs the mares
"Living the Dream" OC's vs the mares
take your pick from the 3
All bestiality aside, that doesn't sound half bad...
I laughed hard
To be honest I thought that fluttershy would be waiting for him in the forest seeing that he taught her a few tricks. But in all it was really funny great job especially with AJ I was caught off guard with what she said lol.
Obviously if you're watching a scene with a woman tied to a bed while a man forces sex on her, the final act of that movie will involve said man getting shot in the face by Bruce Willis. If, on the other hand, it's a man being tied down and forced into sex by a pretty lady, well, you're watching a wacky romantic comedy.
— C. Coville, 6 Romantic Movie Gestures That Can Get You Prison Time, Cracked.com
Perfect reason chapters like these, in ALL story types (not only romance ones), exist. Just thought I'd share this.
I read this at 1 in the morning and nearly woke my parents up. This was probably the funniest thing I have ever read. One favorite to this story good sir
that ending was LOL
i lold to hard thanks you now i need a tank to breath!
you just had to put this chapter in didn't you. Completely irrelevant but I must admit very funny and well done. Spike and Shade are now bros forged through the fire and flames.
My GAWD! I couldn't stop laughing through this entire chapter. bawhahahahhaah
I still cannot stop laughing. hahahaha
I cannot wait till i get to the sequel! bawhahaha!
One thing missing.
Why wasn't this playing?
224224
Tell me about it (read my bio)
I just realized, Nightshade has the Speed Booster (you know, the one power-up from the 2-d Metroid games?) and he just pulled off a shine-spark turnaround (didn't know what else to call it). That's how he was able to turn around so fast.
static4.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/3504585+_55b83eb2309195e5ab3b40d6fc99d96e.jpg
Fish.
224335
i whould tottaly agree all thou the only reason i read the chapter is it said
This chapter contains a large amount of sexual innuendo, wink wink, nudge nudge, and information regarding pony mating rituals, as well as interspecies relationships that is highly inaccurate, and does not represent the writer's view on such things, being written only as a plot device, for the humor and enjoyment of the reader. There will be NO sex in this chapter however, as this is not a clop fic. Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, on to the chapter.
i lol'd so hared when i read that last bit
what would she think of you, having taken advantage of her in her sleep?
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130205013135/mlp/images/thumb/c/c4/Spike_hears_Twilight_S3E11.png/800px-Spike_hears_Twilight_S3E11.png
BUT Dude! She can't say "no" now!
It took all of my power not to burst out laughing from the ending that was great and hilarious.
Called it.
Oooooohhhh that's why :o
*BOOM* Childhood ruined.
That is his first reaction after his first kiss? The kiss was not with Rarity AND he was forced into it by Nightshade! I would have kind of expected him to feel betrayed. I know, I would feel like that.
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You monster I've read up to this part and now i can't sleep you made this story to darn good