Chapter 12: Shades of Grey Clouds (Part I)
The longest span of space Twilight had ever teleported was somewhere in the range of a few miles. The trip from Trottingham back to the border of the Griffon Kingdom was several hundred miles as the pegasus flew. To add to the challenge, she was going to have Fluttershy and Spike along with her. The learning curve was such that Princess Celestia had decided that Twilight should make the journey in four jumps, just to make sure she wouldn't be over-taxed or get lost along the way.
The Princess had seemed vaguely distant and distracted throughout their short lesson, but her teaching was impeccable as always. Twilight was reasonably familiar with the theoretical underpinnings of teleportation already and she'd been a passenger on a number of long jumps; Celestia helped her put the pieces together. Much of the impromptu lesson was spent on stressing the importance of maintaining focus.
A lot went into teleportation: expelling the appropriate amount of magical energy, maintaining perspective on topology, finely calibrating two calculated rips in space-time, and so on and so forth. The most complicated part of the procedure – and also the most unpleasant – was the lack of sensation. On a short-range jump, the time-lag involved was practically imperceptible. On a longer journey, several seconds could pass in an empty void between arrival and departure. Twilight could neither see nor hear nor feel – and disconcerted like that, a few seconds could seem like an eternity. It was easy, then, to lose your head and also your sense of direction, ending up somewhere you didn't intend to go as a result. Twilight had to ignore instincts she'd honed for years in order to teleport to a place she wasn't completely familiar with.
Twilight made one jump, she made another, and then a third, and still she didn't get used to the process. Even when she appeared in the thin grass of the northeastern frontier, she instinctively gasped a deep breath she didn't need. A moment later, she felt a wave of fatigue hit her like a mule. All of a sudden, she was exhausted once again – mentally if not physically. She felt much as if she'd just spent an entire day doing exams. Fluttershy and Spike were both there with her, holding onto her tail for dear life.
"Are you alright?" asked Twilight, "Everypony still has all their parts?"
She was trying for some levity, but only caused Spike to pat himself over to make certain. Fluttershy, looking paler than usual, did not respond. She let go of Twilight's tail and inched away into her own personal space. She'd been just as awkward bunching up close to Luna with the others for the trip to Trottingham.
They'd landed several miles further northeast from Fluttershy's hometown, just at the edge of where the hills were becoming mountains. Up ahead loomed sharp inclines and cliffsides. The grass was already noticeably thinner, and the earth was caked and spotty from intermittent rainfall. The remains of Luna's giant storm cloud lay scattered in the sky above them. Much of it had come down in the mountains, either obstructed by the higher ranges or evaporated by the heat, and some had remained drifting aimlessly in the borderlands, but the magic of the cloud had allowed the rest – against all odds and meteorological sense – to pass beyond and provide shade for the Griffon Kingdom. Twilight could only see occasional glimpses of sun on the horizon, with impossible gray clouds swirling around underneath it to block out the light. They were safe from the sunshine, at least for the moment.
"So now what?" asked Spike, "We're just going to wander around and hope we come across some griffons?"
"They should have a defensive perimeter somewhere around here," said Twilight, still running her eyes over the surrounding countryside, "If we don't find it soon, we can head further inland and look for a settlement, but I'm worried that might leave a rather hostile impression."
Fluttershy mouthed something wordlessly, then turned her head away.
Twilight suppressed a sigh. "It's all right, Fluttershy. What were you going to say?"
"I was just wondering whether the griffons would recognize you..."
"Well, I don't think so. The border's been closed off for a while now, right? So, I imagine the average griffon wouldn't be up to date with the newest political developments from Equestria, like who Daylight Sparkle is. I suppose they're bound to have an intelligence community that would keep track of these things though."
"You mean spies?" said Fluttershy, "I'm not so sure about that..."
"What do you mean?" asked Twilight.
Twilight hadn't had nearly as much time to familiarize herself with the Griffon Kingdom as she would have liked. She only really knew the basics – that it was a hereditary monarchy in which the king or queen usually governed in concert with a parliament, but had control of the military and other emergency powers during wartime. The current King of the Griffons was Humphrey the Third, the latest in a dynasty that supposedly reached back to before the dawn of the Eternal Day. Twilight also knew that the griffons had a proud military tradition, but even that wouldn't be enough to make up for their immense numerical disadvantage.
"The impression I've always had is that they'd be too honorable for spies. But, um, I'm not an expert or anything. I'm just going by what I've heard."
Twilight nodded, pondering over her words. Fluttershy stepped back from her in a clear attempt to end the conversation. Twilight didn't push it, only cast a worried glance at Spike, who shrugged his shoulders.
"Well, we better head on," said Twilight, "We might not have a whole lot of time."
They had to walk uphill, of course. Even if they wouldn't have had to split their attention between scanning the surroundings and keeping an eye on the ground due to the difficult and potentially treacherous terrain, the environment didn't make things easy for them. It was hard to get a good overview with so many nooks and crannies that could have been used as hiding places, and it was really only a matter of time before the crags and cliffs made further passage by hoof impossible.
Cantering through the desolate wilderness, it was so easy to get the impression that they were all alone there. For miles and miles, all they could see was raw and empty nature. From time to time, they found some dubious signs of life, like a lost piece of equipment or a claw-mark on rock, but nothing concrete. Even if the area hadn't been swept over by rainfall recently, griffons would probably have stayed airborne often enough that there was little hope for finding any pawprints to conveniently lead them to a hidden camp. Still, finding some griffons was ultimately less important than some griffons finding them.
Perhaps it was the urgency egging her on and making her antsy, but Twilight quickly lost her sense of time. It felt as if they'd been on the move for hours. In fact, she was finding it rather difficult to keep her mind in the moment.
To begin with, she was acutely aware that somewhere on the plains behind them, there was an army on the move: ten thousand earth pony infantry and hundreds of unicorn officers and magician-specialists. Each one of them was, whether willingly or unwillingly, a trained killer. They might have been a hundred miles away or only ten, there was no way to know. The troops had spent days and weeks on the march; they were tired and frustrated. Twilight could only imagine that they couldn't wait to take out their frustrations the only way they could – on the enemy. Thousands of soldiers more were spread across the border, and somewhere further away, the main body of the invasion force was waiting. Their encampment must have been as big as a town. Twilight could barely imagine it, nor dare to speculate how it was all organized or provided for.
Were the ponies there fearful of the coming battle, or were they looking forward to it? It must have been a bit of both. Many of them were no doubt fixated on the danger, or thinking of loved ones back home, or just wanted to do the right thing, but others... others may well have enjoyed the opportunity to shed blood. In the end, all of them would do as they were told and stomp down every single griffon in their path. Twilight knew she wasn't there to do anything about the Equestrian army directly, but it was hard not to worry when that army might come bearing down on them at any moment. The way Spike occasionally turned to glance at the skyline over his shoulder made it obvious she wasn't the only one this matter weighed on. It was odd to think that she was going to walk into the Griffon Kingdom and tell them to ignore this profound existential threat at their doorstep...
This was, however, not the only issue that stuck to her mind. Twilight's thoughts inadvertently kept wandering back to the war council, Celestia's plan and the objections she'd made, and the more she dwelled on what had happened, the more the situation weighed on her. A queasy sense of doubt in her chest that she might have gone about things the wrong way was becoming an ironclad certainty that she'd failed, failed, failed... She'd failed her mistress.
Princess Celestia was acting unlike herself. Twilight had noted that fact and thought it disconcerting, but she'd put no real thought into why that was – so consumed had she been by her moral dilemmas that she'd completely neglected to consider the strain Celestia was under. The Princess had taken responsibility for so much, she was up against the worst possible enemy and had to make everything right while still dealing with allies who didn't understand her and questioned her wisdom. Right now, more than ever, she would have needed Twilight's support. Whatever misgivings she might have had, Twilight should have been ready to raise her voice in support of Celestia's plan instead of second-guessing everything. All the while that Twilight had spent on the road on her quest, she'd expected Celestia to have the answer to any dilemma or question she faced. Now she rejected Celestia's solutions out of hand instead of trusting in her judgment as she always had. In the end, didn't the Princess know best about what was right and what was wrong?
It was maddening. How could she have undermined her mentor like this, on such an important matter? Twilight could only conclude that she'd been a bad student and a bad subject. She'd have liked nothing more than teleport back to Celestia and beg her forgiveness. Since that wasn't an option, she at least resolved to do her very best as the Princess's agent. What other option was there?
Twilight gave her head a shake, trying to clear away the intrusive thoughts. This was neither the time nor the place for deep thinking. It would have been rather silly if she slipped in her inattentiveness and broke a leg or something.
She was finding the journey uncomfortable, especially with her head still fuzzy from the teleporting, but in truth, she was more worried about Fluttershy. The pegasus looked perennially tired anyway, so it was difficult to say how she was doing, but the heavy rising and falling of her back certainly gave the impression of exhaustion. Twilight veered closer to her.
"Can I ask how you're feeling, Fluttershy? Everything okay with you?"
Fluttershy's ears twitched. She responded without turning to face her. "You mean aside from the fact I'm under-qualified outlaw wasting time stumbling around in the middle of nowhere while my love might be having his eyes gouged out this very moment, if he's not already dead? Aside from that, I'm fine."
Twilight and Spike both cringed. Fluttershy didn't even raise her voice, but the bitterness, subdued as it was, was palpable.
"Well, I'm glad you're holding up," said Twilight, "The cloud's not bothering you or anything, is it?"
Fluttershy looked at her impassively. "It's just a cloud."
"Well, yes." Twilight chuckled nervously. "I just thought you might find it a little... disturbing."
"...It's just a cloud," repeated Fluttershy, "I did use to work with them, you know. We had to corral some of these every few weeks when they came floating in from the sea, and then either disperse it or gather it up. This one's just a little bigger. And more willful." She hesitated before going on. "Would... the other me be afraid of a cloud?"
"Well, maybe. She's afraid of a lot of things, but then again, she's also got this enormous reserve of inner strength and always ends up surprising both her friends and herself." Twilight hoped she wasn't being too obvious with the encouragements.
Fluttershy seemed to struggle internally with whether she wanted to express her curiosity, but finally gave in after all. "So what does she do? Doesn't she work in the Cloud Patrol as well?"
"Our Fluttershy's just an associate member. Her main job is taking care of animals. She pretty much single-hoofedly keeps the fauna around our hometown in order. And of course, when somepony's pets or farm animals are sick, she can take care of them."
Whereas Fluttershy had only kind of sort of focused on their conversation so far, Twilight could tell she now had her full and undivided attention. There was a barely-masked gleam of envy in her eyes. "I never really wanted to be in the Cloud Patrol anyway," she said after a moment, "I'm not really much of a flier, and... training in meteorology always struck me as as something with very limited usefulness. But I was lucky to get a position like that, with my family history, so I had to take it." She sighed. "Do I have a lot of animals in your world?"
"Oh yeah, tons," said Twilight immediately. She thought Fluttershy would be happy to hear that, but the pegasus only lowered her head and stared mutely at the ground. Conversing with somepony so melancholy was difficult, but Twilight found her annoyance receding in favor of an ever stronger desire to make Fluttershy feel better.
"She sounds coddled," said Fluttershy quietly.
Based on the little she knew about her parents, Twilight wouldn't exactly have described her as coddled, but she doubted that this was what Fluttershy wanted to hear. "Maybe so," she admitted with a shrug, "But I guess we're all coddled compared to you and others who live in this world, aren't we? We've had it pretty easy." She didn't quite say Fluttershy could feel proud for managing as well as she had, but nevertheless hoped her meaning would be understood.
Fluttershy only twitched. She seemed to pick her next words very carefully. "I can't really look down at her anyway. You know, before Gilda crashed down in my back yard, I was starting to think about... I was starting to wish I could just lay down and-"
"Halt!"
The voice came from the sky. Twilight looked up just in time to see a blur strike the ground ahead of them, perhaps twenty meters away. The griffon was large, and covered head to wing with a bulky armor of leather and plated mail. The emblem of the Griffon Kingdom was displayed on his chest: 14 golden slashes arranged in four ordinal clusters, two groups of three talons at the top and two groups of four claws at the bottom. The uniform must have been unbelievably hot to wear – not to mention heavy, but the griffon didn't show the slightest sign of discomfort. He stood up straight and spoke.
"I am Sir Reynald Oldhome the Reliant." The griffon's voice pierced the air, sounding as loud and clear as if he was standing right next to them. "I hereby declare you to be prisoners of the Griffon Kingdom. Will you resist, lady unicorn?"
It was game time. Twilight cleared her throat. "We're not here for a confrontation, Sir Reynald. We're here on a mission of peace."
Other griffons were touching down around them. The group was an even mixture of male and female, with plumages reaching from white to light brown. Most of them were light and willowy rather than heavy-set and tall like the knight. They were also not armored nearly as heavily; some were only wearing shoulder-guards, half-helms or sharp gauntlets on their forelegs. Several held weapons, mostly lances, but the majority seemed to rely on their claws and talons. Upon suddenly finding herself in a crowd, Fluttershy kept her head down and edged closer to Twilight. They were, after all, in the presence of predators.
Sir Reynald was cocking his head to one side. "Pardon me, but I find that hard to believe."
The knight's voice was polite, even gentle, but his posture gave the impression of a wrecking ball that could start rolling towards them at any moment. Despite his large stature and heavy armor, there was a practiced ease to all his movements that made Twilight feel like he could lunge at them and tear them apart in the span of a heartbeat – and Twilight's heartbeats were getting to be rather quick. They'd never even have seen him approach if he hadn't announced himself...
"I understand that," said Twilight breathlessly, trying to avoid glancing around at the other soldiers, "But we're not who you think we are! We're a diplomatic envoy from Equestria's resistance movement."
"A diplomatic envoy," repeated Sir Reynald, "With whose authority do you speak?"
"Um, my own, I suppose? Ah, you could say I represent Applejack of the Apple Underground."
"Please accept my apologies for interrupting, Sir Reynald," said one of the griffon scouts from the sidelines, a female. "I believe I have heard stories of this Apple Underground. They are said to fight a shadow war against Queen Celestia. They hide in secret bunkers, they disguise themselves and lie to get what they want. They're assassins and pretenders who don't fight with honor." The griffon kept her tone formal, speaking her piece with no malice, hatred or distrust in her words. If anything, she sounded indignant.
Sir Reynald gave a slow nod once his subordinate was finished and turned back to face Twilight. Discerning the knight's thoughts was difficult with a visor covering his face. "Is that true?" he simply asked.
Twilight was at a momentary loss about how to answer a question like that. Yes, she supposed it was true – the Apple Underground did do some underhanded things on their mission – but describing these necessary moral ambiguities as "dishonorable" seemed to miss the point rather badly. Complaining about lying, hiding and secrecy? Wasn't that just a little bit ridiculous? Rebels and revolutionaries didn't exactly have a choice about following the law.
"That's..." Twilight licked her lips before continuing. "...a little unfair. The Apple Underground exists to save and improve lives, and I think that's very honorable. I hope you understand and appreciate the difficulties of fighting against steep odds in what is essentially enemy territory. They – I mean we – need to keep our heads down in order to survive. And survival is why we're here. We have just as much reason to hate Queen Celestia as you do, so we came to propose an alliance to your King Humphrey and offer our aid in dealing with the current troubles."
Twilight expected displays of skepticism or even anger from the group, but the griffons reacted mostly with polite disinterest, as if this sort of thing happened to them on a regular basis. She couldn't tell whether the stiff upper beak routine went along with the local military life, or whether this kind of composure was an aspect of griffon culture in general. Even the scout that had spoken out against them didn't raise her voice as she went on.
"Sir Reynald, I would strongly urge you not to put any trust in these creatures. The hearts of ponies are black and treacherous by nature. Even if they speak the truth, associating with terrorists who know nothing of chivalry would only stain our honor." She then turned to look directly at Twilight and said something absurd. "Please forgive me, I do not mean to offend. You may be aligned against Equestria, but are you really any better at all, in truth?"
Twilight was left so flustered by the seemingly rhetorical question that she almost forgot to answer. "Um, yes! Definitely!"
Sir Reynald stepped up to Twilight, Fluttershy and Spike, humming quietly to himself. The gesture deflated his physical menace somewhat, but every step he took closer made Twilight feel a little bit more antsy. The moment of truth came when the knight raised his talons and slipped off his helmet, revealing a large, curved beak and attentive blue eyes. His face was surrounded by a vaguely leonine crest of feathers – all wild and ruffled from wearing his helmet. His plumage was snow-white and flecked with gold like bright ermine. Twilight had time to realize that Sir Reynald might well have been called rather handsome before the nervous idea that he really would recognize her one of the griffons' worst enemies bloomed into an instant of full-blown fear. And yet he didn't. His eyes passed over her and rested on Fluttershy.
Twilight looked over her shoulder and found that Fluttershy had sunk down to her stomach and was staring up at the looming knight. It was the short of wariness that might have been expected of Fluttershy, and yet... her eyes weren't quivering or tearful, they were focused and clear.
Sir Reynald's aura of big and scary took a conclusive blow when he bent down and graced Fluttershy with an easy-going smile.
"Please, please, milady. There is no need to be frightened. We would never hurt you without due cause. A griffon never strikes the first blow."
Fluttershy opened her mouth and closed it again without saying anything – that was something she did often – but nevertheless relaxed allowed herself to relax visibly. Sir Reynald stood up straight.
"As much as I'd like to believe you, what assurance can you offer me that you speak the truth?"
"There's someone that can vouch for us!" said Twilight, "One of your own scouts. We met up with her some time ago and my friend here helped her get away from the pony forces."
"Indeed?" said Sir Reynald, "And what was that scout's name?"
"That would have been Gilda."
The knight stood silent for a moment, then cocked his head again, and finally leaned back to unleash an ear-splitting screech that made Twilight shudder as if a chill wind had passed over her.
This time, Twilight caught sight of a dark shape taking off from one of the surrounding elevations. She flew perhaps a little unevenly, but nevertheless reached the group in mere seconds, touching down at Sir Reynald's side and deferently bending her neck. Gilda still wore the bandages Fluttershy had fashioned for her, which finally caused the pegasus to speak up.
"You shouldn't be doing field work with your injuries," she quietly noted.
Gilda almost seemed to blush – it was hard to tell. "Don't be such a dork," she said, "I couldn't take a leave of absence even if I wanted to. Not right now."
"It seems there is no need to ask whether you know these ponies," said Sir Reynald.
Gilda stood at attention. "This pegasus is the one that sheltered me and treated my wounds. I wouldn't be alive right now without her. I met the unicorn and the dragon and some others when they came to recruit the pegasus to a rebellion. They helped me find my way back here, and one of their companions provided the pony battle plans I gave you." There was something eerie about seeing her take on such a courteous and correct mold.
"So you think these ponies can be trusted?"
Gilda looked as if she physically had to keep herself from shrugging. "Far as I can tell."
"This is a matter of great import, Gilda," explained the knight patiently, "Give me an answer with conviction or none at all."
Gilda cast a quick glance at Fluttershy. "I'm, um, sure their intentions are benevolent."
"Do you swear to take responsibility for these ponies and their actions?"
"I... swear it," promised Gilda.
Sir Reynald gave a nod of affirmation. "In that case, it is my honor to welcome you to the Griffon Kingdom as guests rather than prisoners."
"Pardon me, Sir Reynald," said the same scout from earlier, "but are you sure this is the right thing to do? I must remind you that Gilda's record is not without blemish."
Gilda seemed to be getting ready for a nasty rebuke, but Sir Reynald cut her off. "Your opinion is noted, soldier. Alas, this is a matter of state, and I am only a knight. This warrants the attention of His Altitude, and I'll do my duty by him." The scout fell back in line with no further comment, whereas Sir Reynald focused all his attention on his new guests. "Before I forget – may I ask for your names, esteemed ladies?"
"I'm Twilight Sparkle." Evidently, the name meant nothing to anyone there. "This here's Fluttershy, and the little guy's Spike."
Sir Reynald and Twilight each raised their forelegs in greeting. Twilight recalled once reading that it wasn't unusual for a griffon to be able to exert 1000 psi of force with their talons, and yet the knight's touch was as soft as silk. Surprisingly, he even bent down to touch his beak to Twilight's foot in a symbolic kiss. It was hardly a gesture familiar to griffons, so he must have done it only as a matter of decorum. He took an even gentler approach with Fluttershy, approaching her as carefully as if he was stepping over a flowerbed and bowing impossibly low. Fluttershy seemed more than a little perplexed at the attentions, but she was also blushing. Knights must have naturally been drawn to damsels...
"Truly a pleasure," said Sir Reynald, "Your dragon isn't going to cause any problems, is he?"
Spike let out a prolonged ruffled groan. "'The dragon' can speak for himself, actually! And if you're wondering whether I'm going to start spewing flame and start hankering for poultry, then the answer is no. Unless someone does something to make me angry."
Twilight quickly grabbed Spike to shut him up and tossed him on her back to get across that he should hold off on potentially causing an international incident.
Sir Reynald looked a bit shocked at the outburst, but recovered himself quickly. "Please forgive me if I've spoken with impropriety," he said, "Now then, shall we proceed? We can get you to the Capitolium Leo and a meeting with the King in less than an hour if you don't mind flying."
"That won't be a problem!" said Twilight, "As long as we get there as soon as possible."
"Gilda, do you feel up for carrying your pegasus friend?" Sir Reynald nodded at Fluttershy humbly. "I don't mean to offend, milady, but I would dare suggest we'd be slightly stronger fliers."
Gilda winced imperceptibly. "I... guess so. Yes sir." Twilight didn't exactly think that would be a good idea what with her recent injuries, but Gilda seemed to think saving face outweighed the discomfort. At least Fluttershy was light.
Sir Reynald addressed the rest of his troops next. "Report to Sir Darlton and explain the circumstances here. I am placing you under his command until such a time as I can return."
Before Twilight could give much of a reaction, the knight already swooped her up on his forelegs and held onto her. Spike wrapped his arms onto Twilight's neck for better support. Fluttershy smiled apologetically as Gilda picked her up. They were set, so off they went.
As they rose up on griffon wings, Twilight realized that she was suddenly brimming with optimism. The encounter with Sir Reynald had gone better than she would have ever dared predict. She hadn't known what to expect of griffons, and was relieved to find them (aside from a few hiccups) to be polite, reasonable and – above all – good. It was as if she'd stumbled into the very opposite of the empire of evil that Daymare Sun presided over. Perhaps the Griffon Kingdom had evolved specifically to fill that void as Equestria's noble opposite number. It only reinforced the feeling that Twilight wasn't just doing all this for ponies, but for the whole world. Whatever the case, she was again coming down on feeling good about how things were going. Hopefully, her meeting with King Humphrey would turn out fruitfully as well...
They did reach the capital quickly, though still not as quickly as Twilight would have liked. She had the feeling Sir Reynald held back from speeding for the sake of his passengers. Perhaps it was for the best, considering the way the air whipped in their faces and how close by the knight weaved through the mountains, but it gave Twilight the impression that he didn't quite understand the urgency of the situation.
The Capitolium Leo itself was magnificent. Even though both its population and land area were substantially smaller than those of Everfree City, there was a palpable sense of scale to the griffons' capitol. Unlike the vast complexes of Everfree, the Capitolium Leo's size reached up rather than around. Most of the city consisted of towers – each a mountain unto itself, together they formed a rough approximation of an even greater mountain. A citadel in the middle of the city took the place of a peak and a series of guard towers arranged on and around the gigantic walled defenses served as the lower reaches. It was an impressive replacement for the ranges that must have been picked apart to provide construction materials.
The city's centerpieces easily dwarfed the spires of Canterlot or even the skyscrapers in Manehattan. Some of the towers were so thin and tall that pony engineering would have declared them impossible, and yet there they were, with tops reaching almost to the swirling mass of cloud-cover hovering above the city. Many of the buildings were in turn capped with enormous statues so high up that anyone on the ground could only guess what they depicted.
The overall architecture was stark and not particularly ornate, but nevertheless elegant. Each tower seemed like the distant descendant of a fortress – the end result of centuries of evolution from something harsh and martial into something sleek and refined. There was a sense of timelessness to the city; most everything seemed well-kept enough not to show its age. The perpendicular pattern of the towers evoked stability and order, especially at a distance.
And yet – of course there had to be an "and yet" – the city was showing signs of decline. The grandeur was almost obscured under makeshift reconstructions. There was a large swathe of tiny, ramshackle wooden buildings outside the city wall, standing out all the more in their slightly pitiful utility clashing against the vast stone backdrop. The area almost had the appearance of a shantytown. Furthermore, some of the towers had enormous canvases reaching down from their tops that were meant to shield the streets below from sunlight. It took Twilight a moment to realize that the towers reached so far up – so close to the sky – that they would have been uninhabitable as long as the sun bore down on the city.
Luna's storm cloud must have been the best thing that had happened to the Griffon Kingdom in the last five years. Even with the protection it offered, conditions were far from hospitable. The air remained hot and heavy, feeling much like a blanket of heat enveloping and weighing down anyone caught underneath it. Whenever the sun did peek through the cloud-cover, it appeared as a bright spear of light driving down into the ground. Twilight did not even want to imagine what sort of living hell the city must have been like just a few days ago.
To Twilight's surprise, Sir Reynald moved to touch down just beyond the city walls instead of flying directly to the citadel. They would apparently walk the rest of the way. As they were landing, Twilight noticed an odd but unsurprising architectural curiosity – there were no gates on the walls. The group touched down on a small plaza leading into a wide-open avenue to the city center. The path must have been bordered by rows of trees at one point as well, but any plants in the city were long since dead and gone by now. In this case though, their absence gave a better view of the seemingly endless series of stone statues that ran along both sides of the street.
Twilight at first thought the statues were all completely identical – a bird of prey with its wings raised, about twice the height of a pony – but as they moved onwards, it became clear that each subsequent pair of statues was subtly different from the ones preceding it. As they walked on, the postures, expressions and bodies of the eagles changed bit by bit, like frames of film shown in three dimensions. The birds flapped their wings and unleashed a screech at the heavens, then folded their wings and turned their eyes to the ground. Gradually, the form of the eagle mixed with that of a lion, finally becoming a griffon at the steps of the citadel.
They were remarkable pieces of sculpture, all the more so for the amount of detail and nuance in them considering they seemed to be carved from granite. Twilight actually recognized the statues, though she wished she didn't. She had seen some of their molten and slagged remains in Canterlot's Museum of the World.
There were griffons in the city. In fact, there were quite a lot of griffons in the city. They could see dozens walking the streets or soaring around between the towers. All of them in total wouldn't have amounted to much of a crowd, but many more must have been inside. The capital was still populated. The more Twilight thought about it, the more baffling this idea seemed.
"I thought for sure the city would be abandoned," said Twilight, addressing both Gilda and Sir Reynald, "I mean, I didn't think it would be inhabitable with the sun so close? And we're so close to the border as well, so once fighting breaks out..."
Gilda was the one who answered her. "His Altitude did try to have the city evacuated a while ago, but the idea fell through."
"Fell through? Doesn't he have complete executive control?"
"His Claws – uh, I mean his bodyguards – managed to convince him that it was a bad idea. Abandoning the capital would have destroyed the morale of the people."
Logical enough, supposed Twilight. Still, it was amazing that the inhabitants hadn't taken off on their own. The discipline and stick-it-to-itiveness of the griffon people was truly admirable.
This turn in the conversation was a welcome reminder for Twilight. There hadn't been much chance for conversation up in the air, so this was her last chance to find out a little more about who she was heading to speak with.
"What can you tell me about the King?" she asked to begin with, only to raise a quizzical eyebrow when the question caused Gilda to stiffen and look to Sir Reynald for guidance. The knight demonstratively ignored them and maintained his distance from the whole subject matter. Gilda was already starting to roll her eyes before abruptly snapping back to a more formal expression.
"King Humphrey is..." said Gilda at last, "very well-meaning."
"Well-meaning?" repeated Twilight in deadpan. As descriptions of monarchs went, that was decidedly less than impressive.
"Don't get me wrong, he's not incompetent or anything," continued Gilda, "When your Queen moved the sun over our capital and Parliament granted him emergency powers, King Humphrey started up a program to store as much of the flood water from the mountains as possible. That and the strict rationing probably kept a lot of griffons alive in the long run, and he moved quickly to mobilize the troops as well. He knows how to keep a country running, it's just that... he might not know how to, umm, keep it running the right way?"
Twilight frowned, but before she could ask for elaboration, Spike already spoke up. "The heck does that mean?" he asked.
"Well, let's just say that..." Gilda glanced over to Sir Reynald once again at this point. "He's not as steadfast in the ideals of chivalry as he could be."
"So King Humphrey is a knight as well?"
"Oh no. Not him. But chivalry is the standard for all griffons, whether old or young, male or female, strong or feeble. Nobility in thought and action is important in all walks of life. It makes sense, right? You don't need to be a warrior to act proper and decent." She sounded like she was reading off a previously memorized script. Funny enough, that more than anything reminded Twilight of the Gilda she knew. She wasn't quite a jerk, but still a little... irreverent.
Twilight hesitated before continuing. Considering how Gilda was dancing around the subject, asking outright how the King had been less than chivalrous seemed like a poor idea. Still, she'd have liked to know as much as possible about the fellow before meeting him.
"But you said he was a good person, right?"
"Oh yes. He might not be as awe-inspiring as one of the old hero-kings, but his heart's in the right place. It's just that he keeps to some... bad company."
"Hero kings?" piped up Spike, before Twilight could inquire further about the "bad company."
"Oh yeah," said Gilda, "His Altitude has some very illustrious ancestors. Did you know that Humphrey the First once killed a dragon in single combat? And then there's Gilbert the Great, the griffon who defeated the ponies at the Battle of the Traps and the First Battle of the Valley, holding back the Equestrian advance. Me, I've always been a big fan of Dolores the Thrice-Crowned. She took her throne back from the Goldwing Pretenders and pretty much single-wingedly kept the country from falling into civil war. Oh, and His Altitude's great-aunt Princess Frieda personally went out with a war party and rescued the royal chicks when the Secret Police abducted them."
These anecdotal bits of history were interesting, but not particularly useful to Twilight. She didn't have the time to ask any more questions before they reached the citadel.
The tower didn't have any sort of main doorway, but rather a line-up of entrances covering its full height, only one of which was on ground level. The inside of the citadel was busier than the streets outside, and that's where griffons finally started noticing the ponies amongst them. None of the griffons they met said or did anything untoward towards them, but Twilight didn't exactly require a lot of social acumen to pick up on the barely-withheld hostility – not that she didn't understand it, of course. It was also obvious she and Fluttershy were only allowed to proceed by the grace of Sir Reynald's presence.
Sir Reynald led the group downstairs. King Humphrey's chambers seemed to be located underground, probably as a necessity due to the heat. It was hard to imagine griffons living beneath the earth if they could at all avoid it. When they reached what must have been the throne room, they found the doors guarded by two armored guards. Twilight at first thought they were equal in rank to Sir Reynald, but the way they bowed down in greeting disabused her of that notion.
"May I ask what this could mean, Sir Reynald?" asked one of the guards while cocking his head to the side, "What are these ponies doing here? Are they prisoners or war?" The other one only glared – obviously while still trying to look prim and proper.
"A diplomatic envoy, actually," replied Sir Reynald evenly.
The guards exchanged mystified glances and then moved to open the doors. Twilight followed Sir Reynald inside, finding the throne room filled to bursting. There could easily have been as many as a hundred griffons in there, making the wide-open hall look tight and cramped. Why ever all these people were there – audiences, reports, inquiries – they had the room completely blocked up. For a moment, Twilight became frightened of the prospect of having to wait in line before she could go on with her mission, but the crowd actually started receding when they noticed the new arrivals. The buzzing of conversation in the room quieted down and the throng split apart to open up a path for Sir Reynald.
The throne was located on an elevated platform at the far end of the room, surrounded by four guards in bright plated mail like Sir Reynald's. An elderly griffon was sitting slouched on the throne. To his left, a large female griffon was floating in the air. To his right stood a dark-feathered shadow. Twilight took a deep breath and stepped forward to meet the King.
To be continued in Part II.
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Weeks of dry spells of pony only to wake up and be bombarded by alicorn twilight, 6 fics updated in the last hour and now THIS fic updates. So much pony
And I thought the fandom was stagnating!!!
Never have I been so wrong.
Comments on the chapter:
I actually have much less to say about this one than I have about the previous one. Plot development happened, and we got to meet the griphons oops I mean griffins oops I mean griffons. I kind of like them really, at least the ones we've met so far.
Comments on the notes:
Personally, I feel that your relatively arbitrary standards for self-contained chapters actually work pretty well. It allows me to reread single chapters of the story when I want to refresh my memory of a particular event without needing to start like two chapters before the event just so I can remind myself of all the context-ish stuff, which can be a big issue when I'm trying to reread bits of something like Fallout Equestria.
I guess the chapter-combining thing would have been an issue like that if you'd done it immediately, but if you do it once it's no longer an immediately recent chapter (like, say, after completing two more chapters after it), I don't think it'd be as much of an issue; maybe you could just stick something in the notes to explain the issue to any newcomers, since I kind of imagine that most of the incoming comments would be on the most recent chapters.
"His Altitude" is an awesome title. I approve.
Spelling/grammar corrections:
There's actually only one correction actually, but I'm still pluralizing the header because I have no idea.
Should be used instead of use.
I wonder, what happened to Discord?
And did Daymare Sun conquer the Crystal Empire?
Oh look, its the story I started reading before I joined fimfiction
Dat title. 38 Chapters too early.
Anyway, i like those griffons. Hopefully the kings bad company doesn't deviate too much from that.
And no doors in the city walls? Do they haul all the huge cargo through the air or do they just not trade that much?
1549587 Allow me to ask you this question. What would you do in a story in your Lunaverse where Luna and Trixie found themselves transported to an Equestria where Nightmare Moon won 1,000 years ago?dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png
Celestia is forced to be careful and act OOC in this fic because she is fighting against herself. How would you handle that sort of scenario?
(Joke) Alt. Title: Sunshine Of Your Dumb
There's a fire making this featured.
Don't worry. Take the time you need. I enjoyed this first part.
Operation Feather is now commencing.........
1981098 or perhaps the sun is what corrupted her alter ego in the first place and it's slowly affecting her.
Dis Gon B Gud
It's always a treat for this to update.
Delicious worldbuilding.
Thank you for your comments, folks.
1980623
Understandable, since this update was 100% setup... which, incidentally, is another reason I tend towards self-contained chapters. The more segmented approach should create more immediacy for reader reactions, but it often just results in people having little to say as they wait for the real meat of things.
1980816
I'm considering formulating a master list of references, to be released when the story is completed... some day.
1981058
Nope. It was the description of the emblem of the Griffon Kingdom. I think it was both very inelegant and fairly bad at actually giving the reader a visual of it. As it happens though, I did create a quick sketch of how I pictured it (though this came off as a tad too sinister).
1980998
Why I oughta... I'm trying to redeem that phrase here!
As to the question about the city walls - I figure water and such would be brought in through underground pipes. Most other cargo would be flown in, yes. (This would be fairly easy for griffon aeromancers.)
1905893
1980646
I've mentioned this before in comments, but Queen Celestria destroyed Discord in stone form centuries ago. Obviously, I never really accounted for the Crystal Kingdom, but... eh, let's say it and King Sombra just never reappeared in this history.
Alt!Luna, yes?
1981862 Well, you could say the crystal empire disappeared out of self-preservation. Another option is that is was destroyed/vanished by the Empress herself, seeing as how it could effect Equestria. This brings up another question, where is Cadance? Was seh even born in this 'verse?
Btw, is there any chance that we are going to see Gustave Le Grand again, maybe as His Altitudes (great title btw, so many great minds in this fandom) personal chef?
I can savor the story better with smaller portions.
Grandma, why are you a Griffon in a pony story?
I dunno sonny ask Gilda!
Very nice as always
Very nice chapter, I love your world building. It's good to have you back!
I was waiting for next chapters, started to worry that this story is abandoned...
Nice work, hope that Celestia's plans with the Griffins works.
2007438
one pony
many ponies
and an update!
Must Read!!
Right off the bat, the detail is SUPERB! Entire scenes and emotion is written OH SO WELL! I'll admit, I'm jealous.
I have heard of other stories that use the 'What if Celestia is evil?' angle, but for them it was a matter of just swapping out Nightmare Moon for Celestia. Here, it's already over, Celestia has taken over, she won. Normally I'd read pretty far into the story to see if it continues to show the quality that's represented in the beginning chapters, but I've found myself in a slight pickle for my time.
So, here are some thoughts to those that may be interested in viewing the story as I was able to pick out from the first two chapters.
- World Building is amazing, gives you every sense of the area
- Story is intriguing on the fact that Celestia is both evil and has no opposition
- Characters respond like they should, no OOC in regards for Spike, Twilight, or Luna.
Despite my time being short, I will not hesitate on favoriting this story and continuing with it when I get the chance.
It was the short of wariness that might have been expected of Fluttershy, and yet... her eyes weren't quivering or tearful, they were focused and clear.
Pretty sure that should be sort.
Great chapter, can't wait for more!
I think every brony, in that cauldron of disparate and melting ideas we draw our fanfiction ideas from has at some point or other thought of the idea of Daymare Sun. Indeed, in my mind the idea was called Solar Mare (cause punny names are worst/best). At least, that was until I was set upon this fic.
I am your WRITE reviewer and, having read so far as chapter five, will delve straight on into a (vastly mostly positive) review.
Pacing, Structure and such gaff: The constant, founding trend in this adventure I’m getting is the feeling of playing-it-straightedness, which with a heroic fantasy yarn like this is wonderfully correct to do. It means that at 100k+ you're taking it a fair turn of speed, fleshing out your settings and characters without getting dragged down into getting too caught up on irrelevant or even irreverent details and musings.
A leads to B, character C causes D, chance meeting E brings group F together. Things like this are an age old formula and frankly, it’s a good one. Indeed, this notion of sticking to the well worn path is probably going to crop up again and again in this review.
Twilight Sparkle as the protagonist, Luna and Celestia yet to reappear (in either incarnation, for the latter). At first I was surprised with the absent princesses considering their roles at the opening, but pleased in this. Again, this gives the story the ever essential pacing, and gives room to establish characters like Glint, Brainy, and the collectively called Quirky Underground MiniBoss Squad (henceforth ‘QUMBS’ Like crumbs, ‘cept imagine an adorable filly with a lithp is saying it. How a’daww’able is that? I’ll tell you - pretty damn adorable indeed.) Glint is, in the honoured traditions of Strider and Old Ben (Aragorn and ObiWanKenobi respectively) clearly more related to the plot than initially revealed, and in due time his importance will be known.
Having the narrative joyride with Brainy is an interesting, and very agreeable, decision. It really adds to his character, and the strength of reaction he provoked in chapter one is much too good to waste on a one act villian for for villiany’s sake. Many times with an out of world story such as this, the intial reasons and circumstance are contrived in the extreme, but -Worse Still- lose all releveance once the characters are actually there. This is not so in Sunshine and Fire, and Brainy’s absurdly intelligent stupidity and perspective is certain to make for a fantastic foil to Twilight as well, far as perspectives -both of the new world and their own- go. It will be interesting to see what decisions he makes and what stances he comes to in the fullness of time.
As of my reading, he’s capable of going good or evil, and not knowing is a pleasure.
The major strength of this fic is, however, is also its minor weakness. Your consistency with the formula is good, but the old pattern doesn’t like to change - it’ll be hard to pull a surprise that doesn’t feel jarring, if you ever decided you wanted to surprise us truly, or get the plot in a headlock and bend it a new way. To be honest, what I usually review is of a more working and learning calibre than this, so don’t let a lack of negative go to your head. Basically - there’s not much to criticise because, in playing the story so generically (not a bad thing, remember!) straight, you’ve cut away the usual abcesses and tumors that afflict other, trying-for-more-but-less-able-to-do stories. Hence, we get a simple, very functional thing.
It is a fine story. The imagery has been consistently rich and tantalizing - The sun swollen and angry like a blister, the way the very light bends around the world and pervades it’s way into what otherwise would have been shade and rest. The desert, the scorch and sand. We’ve got a strong cast, from a well balanced Twilight and backup Spike, not showing all his cards yet Glint, thoughtful Brainy, the mix of comedic relief and action potential of the QUMBS, the potential for counterpart Six, with a Spanish Inquisition Daylight and frightfully tyrannically Summer Lady AND Luna and Celestia as an abundance of cherries atop this cake.
Seriously, if something doesn’t explode in an epic fashion all things considering, I will be shocked and flabbergasted.
Just between you and me, I’m gonna keep reading this one...it’s pretty damn good, really.
2062885
First of all, obviously, a great big thank you for your efforts here. I do appreciate it, and you've given me a fair bit to think about - probably more than you realize. I like to style myself "methodical," but I've never really acknowledged the very real danger that this approach might make the reader feel more like they're riding in a golf cart rather than a roller-coaster. Aside from that, even despite the lack of direct criticisms, your comments did highlight several notable flaws in the grand scheme of things.
I should also mention... I'm aware of the "cliche" of alternate universe stories starting with Twilight messing up a spell. I made a point of avoiding that idea, but I also tried very hard to clearly think out the alternative - Brainy Bright's means and methods. The end result was that the beginning ended up very, very important to the overall conclusions I want to reach,
That said, can I ask whether, um, you'll be covering the rest of the story as well? I don't know whether you saw my original comments from when I was submitting this to WRITE when you inherited this case from Quick Fix, but I was actually particularly interested in criticism of the later chapters. The main reason I was reaching out for more input in the first place was because I felt the story's length was getting such that no third party could really help me out with the later parts at all. Besides, the strengths and weaknesses of stuff I put down over a year ago aren't necessarily 100% to my writing today. (The first couple of chapters were actually looked over by two reviewers on Ponychan's /fic/ board when I was starting this story - though you cover some very different ground from them, I have to say.)
I would dare say that you'd have more to complain about once up to date, but perhaps more to praise as well.
Unless, of course, those twists and turns had been carefully foreshadowed from the very beginning... Well, that's the idea anyway. The success of my foreshadowing is a pretty big deal for me, but I'm afraid that can't really be judged very well until the story has concluded.
2063560
I don't usually do ongoing reviews, but I see no reason why not to. You've got a good story going, and so long as you want to keep hearing me ramble on this that and the other, I'll be happy to songbird it for ya.
P,S, - QUMBS as said by a filly who's just lost her front teeth and has freckles. Fricken' adorable or absurdly adorable?
2067679
Oh, I'm very glad you're willing to make an exception then. I mean, at the end of the day, it's my continuing development that I'm concerned about, not mistakes I might have made over a year and a half ago. Also...
I'm a little confused.
2068559
like "Crumbs" except, more like "Kwumbs", which would be how a pony with a lisp would say it. Then think of that it's usually children with lisps, and there's Twist, an established filly with one. Then I imagined her happily swaying "Kwumbs" and was d'awwing at the image, whilst writing on something or other for the review. There's not really much sense to be made of it beyond that,
'cept ponies.
2076030
Weeeeelllll, I didn't really think those things were particularly important.
Actually, you can categorize this one as "completely intentional..." mostly. I got around to writing this part only after Luna had been reintroduced in season 2, so I had to reconcile my previous plans with the canon characterization. For the most part though, I think that worked out pretty well. Instability was one of my main focuses in writing Luna's character, Fluid and contradictory emotionality, erratic behavior, lack of self-control and uncertainty of her own perspectives - those were all things I was going for, so I could take cues from her melancholy and anger management issues in "Luna Eclipsed." (My Luna is certainly a bit more angstier over NMM still, but that can be justified by situational context.) Overall, while I think my handling of Luna solidified a bit afterwards, my displeasure with this particular chapter came more from everything beside Luna.
My original plan for the chapter had them relating the story to Luna. However, that ended up feeling unbearably cheap to me. Actually going out and looking for someone to explain things, no matter how easy the process itself was, mitigated that feeling. The idea that only one pony in a given community might have known anything about this world's Luna also reinforced the impression that she was indeed "forgotten." What really bothers me about Old Pony, like with Sandy and Sweet Potato, is wasted potential. I remember watching an episode of Boardwalk Empire at some point in the process of writing this chapter. It started with a short scene of an old man living in extreme squalor and decrepitude, with him clearly being too elderly to take care of himself anymore. Even though the character itself was very minor and a complete asshole, that quick scene demonstrating his lonely, pitiful existence evoked an emotional reaction from me. That's something I wish I could have done here. In that case, I think the character's existence would have been more justified.
Well, I'm hopeful that this is something that'll clear up once you get to the aftermath of the situation. Regarding the feeling of disjointedness, do you think that was because of the fairly quick cut from the start of the engagement to Luna having won? I skipped quite a bit there...
Really looking forward to your thoughts on chapters 8 and 9, since I'd consider those pretty much the best in the story so far.
2083332 Having read 8 and 9, I think I can see why you've been keen for a review on them.
They certainly change the pace a good bit, with that dark tag finally catching up with the story. This was a pretty necessary development, I feel, because I do recall around chapter 5 wondering if they'd essentially be their normal-verse selves - that style would have been functional, but uncaptivating.
These two chapters really strongly - and from several directions - drive Twilight to the realization that she's not in Kansas anymore. I can only imagine that Celestia and Luna understood the implications of it all much, much earlier. I like what Luna's done with the place: a huge sky-viation of cloud is a fantastic image over the scorched sounds, challenging the Eternal Sun. It's a manevuer that effectively puts her in a fantastic position - she's essential, she's doing and advancing the plot, but not in a way overlapping with the main arc of Twilight and the band. It's a good dichotomy you've got going, where Luna is operating out in the open, whereas it's Celestia working at the covert angle.
I have to say, I was much more intersted and pleased to see Gilda than I was to see Fluttershy. Fluttershy was just sort of there, being morose. This is, of course, her intended function, a kind of melancholy speed bump that preludes the aforementioned speculation, doubt and musings of Twilight and the rest. In this regards, Fluttershy has handled her introduction quite brilliantly - any other way and they'd move on too quickly for the underlying conflicts between the characters to be addressed, like that talk with Dash, for instance. And did I mention Gilda? Good to see her.
As for Pinkie Pie, I haven't the faintest certainty as to how'll you'll have that written out, but I'm eager to see it. Pinkie Pie is best pony, after all, though I get the feeling she'll take her time showing up, or that her relevance will be somehow different, perhaps more challanging than the rest have so far been.
Likewise, Daymare and Daylight have yet to make a move, I feel we'll see one soon, specially now that Luna's started the deitifitic equivalent of smack-talk.
I would touch on the battle with Striker for a moment though - it was good, properly unsympathetic and dangerous enough to play the part needed of him. That said, the battle was a little choppy to read - there was quite a lot of teleporting, and action requires a constant flow of context and detail as it is, all the more so. The fact that Striker believed her to be Daylight but didn't seem to give a damn left me confused and slightly uneasy, as was the involvement of the dragon. That said, battle a bit awkward to read as it was, the action served its purpose in setting up the dark and ponderations therein fine all the same.
All in all, a good two chapters that have really added a depth to the story that wasn't there before. Nicely done
2089839
That's actually kind of a bummer to hear, since I was feeling pretty good about the action so far. I mean, I meant for it to come across as fast-paced to the point of bewilderment, but I definitely didn't want it be confusing. I was hoping to give the whole fight scene - and subsequent ones as well - a certain idiosyncracy. In this case, the "theme" was defined by Striker's particular skillset, which was instantaneous movement and, um, lightning. Leaving that aside though, how did you feel the scene did in regards to intensity/menace?
Are they? I think you'll find each of the four of the Mane Six introduced so far has some subtle differences from the originals on Equestria Prime - differences that are eventually going to be significant. My number one rule was to categorically not have any character be their exact opposite. Fluttershy came closest, since I actually took my cues from her from Fluttersnide in "Return to Harmony," but I tend to regard that as more of a manifestation of her genuine dark side than anything else.
2118675
The fight scene was intense in a Michael Bay-ish kind of way - big important things were happening, that we're certain of, but the proverbial camera was jolting around to much to be entirely sure what that was. It probably comes of having guy who fights like he's something out of DBZ
It's not really something to worry yourself with.
As for the alternate six - The uncanny feeling is spot on. They're not the exact same, or exact opposites, or exact anythings. They are, well and truly, an interpretation of them given a different world to be born into. It's a good thing to play with.
2130686
Hmmmm. Well, I can say that the scene between Celestia and Twilight had a wider purpose than perpetuating the ethical dilemma from earlier, and it certainly wasn't meant to close the book on the matter for the characters or the readers. I think the scene is very important to both their characters. As a matter of fact, it sort of provides the basis for Twilight's central arc throughout the story (which definitely isn't just something as simplistic as "Is it all right to kill?" either). You commented earlier that the violence was the big break that demonstrated to Twilight how different this world was from her home. Well, I felt it was important to illustrate that Equestria Prime wasn't always sqeaky-clean either, that it had known warfare as well, even if Twilight was ignorant of such things.
As for the scene being unsubtle... well, to be perfectly honest, I basically was going for a kind of shock value there, so it's difficult for me to take it as the criticism it's meant as. All the while I was writing this part, I was patting myself on the back hard because I felt I succeeded at making it difficult and even a little disturbing. I can elaborate on what I mean by this by PM if you want.
In light of your thoughts here, I'm really curious what you think of the second part of the chapter, which I don't think it would be an exaggeration to say includes the single most controversial elements in the whole story.
Also, I'm afraid I didn't get the reference.
(Unless it's a reference to Farseer?)
What is Redsky's cutie mark?
2153771
A black feather dripping blood. I have some extra information about various original characters in an old blogpost:
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/62586/ocs-in-sunshine-and-fire-redux
2149241
Well, I'd like to think that there's a bit more nuance to the situation than just "good" or "bad." I would say that Bright thinks Celestia is ultimately benevolent, but that her rule has some detrimental effects on pony society. I hope you found chapter 3 to clear his views up a bit. Some upcoming chapters in the present will also focus on this issue.
I am so embarrassed to admit... I had to Google details from this to find it... I forgot the title, and it dropped off the bottom of my autofill's history!
I can't wait for the next chapter!
2397811 Don't forget the Bucky McGee twins.
2398449
Give 'em the old one-two-three-four!
2404858 Yo!
Any word on progress... This is one of my old favorites, and I'd love nothing more than to see it continue... its been months... Pweeeeeease! If you don't do it for me, do it for fiwwy Woona and Twiwy! Who could say no to those adawwabow faces...
Umm...
You'll have to imagine the faces... I'm posting from my phone and have no good fiwwy pics.
2796836
2830608
There will be an update within the next few weeks.
2853098
I'll be there!
Twilight's foot in a symbolic kiss.
Ponies with feet are creepy. You also use use hand a lot. You could just run a control find search and replace with hoof.
Great story by the way
4398036
Except ponies have feet. The hoof is the toe, the thing that clops. The hoof and other parts are the foot, like how our foot includes the ankle and toes.
Ehehe, no splinching yourselves now. That would get mighty uncomfortable.
Oh, I like that. A fitting term for the King of an eyrie.
Lots of details here. You sure love setting a scene, although I wonder if it isn't taking things a bit too far. I think I've found what it is that's been bugging me about your writing style this whole time: it's like you're dropping back inside your own head instead of describing things how the ponies would see them. I imagine the narrator leaving the characters and just taking his time with his slow-moving camera to take in and point to the world, as if to say, "Look how detailed this place is! Isn't is wonderful/despairing?" There's also the matter that you quite often flat out tell us things that we can infer from body language and vocal tones well enough. We know how a lot of the characters think, and how odd their situations are; whenever you lapse into a sentence explaining Twilight's thought processes, for example, we're seeing something about her we really don't need to—or even ought not to.
World-building is nice, but taking two whole pages to describe a city from the faceless narrator's PoV instead of just mentioning little details as the characters explore it is not the way to go. This is something I dislike about Tolkien and Jordan's writings, for all their other strengths.
Okay. Now it's do or die for the griffon alliance... but I get the feeling that the next chapter will see us on a very different side of the world.