Chapter 10: The Die Is Cast
Queen Celestia's palace was often considered the most beautiful building in Everfree City, if not the world. Located at the very heart of the city, it consisted of a series of expansive domes built into and around each other and arrayed in a careful, winding pattern. A sizable inner courtyard also served as the city square and center of upscale commerce. The outline of the building was smooth, largely unblemished by overt decorations. The predominant materials were moonstone and crystal, naturally in Her Majesty's preferred colors white and gold. Brown Nose, a prominent unicorn architect, had once said that the curves and slopes of the palace were "at once evocative of delicate femininity in both a sensual and a familial way." Nopony quite wanted to consider the implications of that statement.
Unlike most other surrounding buildings, the palace was windowed. Large clerestories opened up the domes to sunlight, though not to the outside heat. Through various tricks of construction, the offices, storerooms, quarters and museums inside – everywhere that ponies worked and lived – were kept illuminated at all times. There was, however, a place deep in the bowels of the palace where the light did not reach: the Queen's personal chambers underground. The inner sanctum, as it was called, was a place for secrets, but nevertheless kept bright by torches burning with magical flames.
Diane couldn't remember the last time she'd left the inner sanctum. Oh, she knew how long she'd been there – ten thousand tally marks in her calender made keeping track of time a cinch – but her arrival from the outside world was only a blurry memory. By this point, she had grown used to living in the Queen's basement and everything that came with it. Crowds, open spaces and natural light were if little concern to her. The palace was her home, and her home was the palace. There was nothing formal saying she wasn't allowed to leave, no rule or regulation that she'd ever been made aware of. The inner sanctum had no guards to keep her there. Yet, she knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that if she tried to get out, something very bad would happen. All in all, it was lucky that she didn't have a claustrophobic bone in her body.
At the moment, Diane was stalking through a dark corridor that wasn't. There was no particular need for her to stalk, but she liked it ever so much. Stalking was much more interesting than simply walking.
Her destination was right ahead – a large double-door leading to Queen Celestia's throne room. Now here, some stealth was called for. Diane pushed open one of the the needlessly heavy doors and slowly poked her head inside. Of course, she would never have come here if she thought there was any chance of the Queen actually being there, but it never hurt to be careful. Nope, the coast was clear! Diane slipped in like a butterfly.
Unlike the dark corridors that weren't, the throne room was actually dark. The chamber was vast and cavernous, roughly rectangular and filled with the shadows of a dozen columns cast by the flickering flames of six large fire pits arranged around it. The fire pits burned high and eternal, consuming nothing and radiating only a mild heat. Diane stalked past the first two pairs and the conference table where the Queen's Council held its sessions, and briefly came to a halt at the throne standing between the last two fire pits at the very end of the hall.
Most of the throne was pure white marble, though it could be hard to tell in the chamber's warm, orange glow. Golden ornaments depicting stylized flames decorated the hoofrests and the top of the throne, and a generously long carmine velvet cloth reaching down to the floor served as a cushion on the seat. The cloth was frayed and blackened in places, as if burnt. The base of the throne was held up by statuettes of various horrifying creatures like minotaurs, ogres and trolls, their faces twisted by hideous, leering grins. It was this element of ugliness among the elegance and beauty that always struck Diane.
There was noise out in the hallway. Diane turned around to look at the doors, then quickly pranced off into the shadows on the side of the chamber. A moment later, the door was slammed open to admit two loudly conversing ponies.
"...have a talk about tracking down and punishing those responsible for spreading these malicious rumors. What's the big deal anyway? It's not like I did anything wrong. I would never hit a lady, of course, but a courtesan isn't a lady! Being roughed up a bit is practically in their job description."
"I swear to all that is unholy, Blueblood, if you don't shut up right this damn second, I'm going to stick my hooves into your throat, pull out your guts, and jam them back in through your ass."
Blueblood was a physically impressive specimen: he was large and well-toned, and had a lustrous blond mane that he was forced to comb over the side of his face to hide a nasty burn scar. The scar was his only physical blemish, but it was a sizable one. Blueblood's one good eye was a piercing light blue, and quite beautiful. He wore a fanciful silver-blue cloak and armor, complete with epaulettes and a chestful of unearned medals and honors, as befitting the highest-ranked general of the Equestrian Army. Ponies often called Blueblood things that Diane didn't know the meaning of, like "philanderer" or "nincompoop."
The mare accompanying Blueblood cut a much less imposing figure, at least if one didn't know her. Redsky was lithe and small, with coat of deep, bloody red and a wild black mane and tail. As commander of Equestia's Air Force, she was quite literally the single most important and powerful pegasus in the world, but she wore no clothes to signify her station, only a pair of military-style spurs on her forehooves. There wasn't as much gossip about Redsky as about Blueblood – nopony much dared to say bad things about her – but Diane still occasionally overheard the horrified whisperings of cooks and other servants that had to deal with her. Redsky... was not like other ponies.
"It seems as if we are the first ones here," said Blueblood.
"Buffoonishly stating the obvious never gets old with you, does it?" sneered Redsky. Her voice was like ground-up gravel.
"You're a tedious little hag, do you know that, Redsky?"
Diane slinked over behind one of the pillars next to the conference table, measuring her steps on the hard stone floor. Alone in a room with those two was never a good place to be. While Blueblood only ever threatened and insulted Diane, Redsky sometimes had the courage to hit her.
"I can only hope this meeting doesn't drag on like last time. I have places to be, you know."
"Blueblood, I know you think I'm joking about this, but I'm not. I'm really not. I'm completely serious when I say I will murder you if you don't shut your mouth! Do you understand?"
"Whatever you say, Redsky," replied Blueblood with a generous roll of his eyes, "Whatever you say."
Diane cringed. Could Blueblood truly have been so dim that he didn't realize that he was teetering on the edge of a knife?
Prime Minister Gelding was the next to arrive. He trudged in with his usual shuffling gait, eyes dull and indifferent to everything. He was so quiet and unassuming that Blueblood and Redsky didn't even notice him until he was close by.
"Oh, it's you," said Blueblood, raising his snout as if he was smelling something bad. Redsky, meanwhile, sneered and bowed mockingly before the new arrival. Redsky was big on sneering in general.
"It is me," said Gelding impassively. His dull, high-pitched voice carried badly in the throne room. He walked past them like a ghost and took a seat at the table.
The Prime Minister looked feeble at the best of times, but being near the Duke didn't favor him at all. He came off worse in every possible way. He was pudgy and small, while Blueblood had an ideal stallion physique. His simple orange cape, already plain-looking compared to Blueblood's ostentatious attire, was becoming more and more dusty and frayed. His pale silvery coat seemed to reflect the firelight oddly in comparison to Blueblood's white. And of course, the horns... Blueblood's was long and magnificent; Gelding's was broken.
If there was one thing to be said in Gelding's favor though, it was that he simply didn't care.
Then at last, Daylight Sparkle came.
If Diane had a watch, she was sure she'd have found that the Lady Commander of the Secret Police entered the room on the dot, right when she needed to be there. She strode in – as always – with her nose buried in a grimoire of magic held aloft by a violet glow, wearing only her wizard's hat. Her long, straight hair had a precise, regal-looking cut to it. Her dragon, Spike, followed closely at her heels, head bowed reverentially and carrying a briefcase of state documents. The door shut itself after them.
Daylight trotted along the length of the chamber and took her place at the table. Only when she'd closed and put aside her book did she acknowledge the others in the room.
"Greetings, fellow oppressors!" she said, "I hope the last 48 hours have gone as well for you as they have for me."
Blueblood nodded his head in a cordial greeting, while Redsky inexplicably began giggling in a most disconcerting manner. Gelding didn't show the barest glimmer of a reaction.
"You're in rather good mood, aren't you?" asked Blueblood.
"Why wouldn't I be?" replied Daylight, "I've just received some rather gratifying productivity reports, I have an interesting book of magical lore on hoof and a dinner-date with the Queen later on. The Day has been good to me. There's just one little thing..." She frowned mildly. "Can somepony explain what that earth pony is doing sitting in out meeting again?"
Diane grimaced. The cat was out of the bag now. Well, in truth, the cat was still in the bag, but whatever. Diane stepped out into the firelight and waved.
Blueblood shuddered, looking extraordinarily unmanly for a moment. "What do you want, Fool?" he demanded.
"Did you say 'fool' or 'Fool'?" Diane cocked her head to the side. "I can never tell! Oh my, but a jester's life is hard!"
Redsky looked as if Queen Celestia's birthday had come early. She made a wing-assisted leap over the table and stalked closer to Diane, grinning all the while. At the sight of her sharpened teeth, Diane backed up against one of the pillars, trying not to look as fearful as she felt.
"Well, if it isn't the mud pony!" said Redsky, "You don't mind me calling you that, do you, mud pony? Or would you prefer I call you giftless? Or dirt-eater?"
"Actually, I'd prefer it if you called me-"
"Diane," said Gelding without looking at them. He was staring off into the darkness with half-lidded eyes. "Her name is Diane."
"I want that freak out of here!" exclaimed Blueblood. He looked around, then – finding nopony he had the authority to boss around – turned back towards Diane. "Do you hear me? Leave, you dreadful thing!"
"Okay-dokey-lokey!" said Diane, and briefly rose to her hindlegs and waved around her forehooves in an exaggerated gesture of galloping off. "I guess I'll just have to go find the Queen and tell her you booted me out of here... She'll be a teeny-tiny bit confused though, since she said I could be here."
It was as if she'd said a magic word. Redsky stopped in her tracks, muttering something under her breath. Blueblood startled and paled – if there was one thing he was more afraid of than anything, it was angering the Queen. Neither of them dared call her on that particular bluff. Daylight wasn't likewise daunted, of course, but she wasn't going to say anything either. She only glared at Diane with irritation and impatience and jealousy in her eyes, and and then looked away, shaking her head dismissively.
All at once, everypony in the room seemed content to ignore Diane. All of them seamlessly went on with the meeting. Redsky hopped back over the table and took a seat beside Blueblood. Diane slowly sat down on her haunches, keeping a close watch of the others. Daylight cleared her throat.
"Let's get to it, shall we? Spike, take a note!" The dragon, standing close behind her, obediently procured a quill and parchment and set to writing down her words. "90th Council meeting of the year. The Queen is not in session. Lady Commander Daylight Sparkle presiding."
As the prime minister, it would have been more appropriate for Gelding to be in charge of Council meetings. Relinquishing this duty was another concession he'd been forced to make to the Queen's rising protege.
"We all know what the first order of business is, don't we? Duke Blueblood?" Daylight leaned towards the General, who stiffened and then deflated with a sigh. "Why don't you give us an update on the invasion plans?"
"It's not my fault!" exclaimed Blueblood immediately, "I can't be held responsible for any of this!"
"I didn't say you were, Duke."
"Look, a train connection breaks down, an army group has to march all the way from Stalliongrad – that's unfortunate, but these things happen."
"According to the reports of the engineers Gelding sent on-site to investigate, the accident was caused by sabotage. That means the incident was a security failure and therefore falls under your purview."
"These reports could have been falsified!"
Daylight looked at Gelding expectantly. "They are, however, not," said the Prime Minister.
Redsky let out a ragged laugh. "Take some responsibility for a change, you pathetic worm!"
"I'd have had the troops there by now, but these earth ponies are as stupid as they are lazy! There's only so much I can do!"
"So, am I to understand there's been another delay?" asked Daylight.
"72 more hours until they reach the border. That's the final word from General Reinherd. If he doesn't come through on that, I'll have him executed, and that's a promise. Goodness gracious, I could use a drink..."
"72 hours," repeated Daylight, weighing the figure in her mind and then nodding, "and then the invasion can finally begin. Queen Celestia will be so pleased!"
Daylight broke into a bright, slightly unprofessional smile. For a moment, her youth shined through. She returned to form when Redsky abruptly slammed her forehooves into the table.
"Gah, this is all so pointless!" Redsky cawed, "Can't we just get on with it already? We should gotten this attack started ages ago! I've been saying for weeks that we should go ahead without the missing troops!"
"And I've been agreeing with her!" said Blueblood, "It's on record!"
"The forces we have are more than enough to overwhelm and crush the griffon army," continued Redsky, "We don't need ten thousand more, so really, what gives?"
"The Queen has been very specific on this matter, Duchess," said Daylight patiently, "She told me herself that she wants the invasion launched only with a full force. I'm sure we can all agree that it would be nice to have this over with, but there is really no great hurry – especially not for her."
At the invocation of Her Holiness, Redsky was forced to back down. She slid down in her seat and pouted. "Still... haven't you asked her what her reasons are?"
"Well..." started Daylight, but quickly fell silent. Diane thought Redsky was a little bit silly for even asking something like that. As if Daylight Sparkle ever questioned her mentor...
"It is really rather simple," said Gelding, again without deigning to look at them, "The more ponies, the bigger the spectacle. This could well be the last great war in the history of the world, and so the Queen wants to savor it."
Redsky was, perhaps not surprisingly, completely satisfied with that explanation. She nodded in quiet appreciation, the corners of her mouth twitching slightly as she – in all probability – reflected on the love of slaughter she shared with the Queen.
"Let's move on. Now, what's next on the agenda?" She picked up one of her personal papers and gave it a cursory glance. "Ah yes, I have some good news to report. We've confirmed the capture of a member of the Apple Underground during the earlier street-sweeps. I'm feeling rather optimistic about our chances of getting some very relevant information out of him. There's a number of new techniques I'd like to test on him. The interviews of the rest of the detainees are proceeding on schedule as well."
"It is my understanding," said Gelding, "that one of your special agents has not sent in his regular update report as he was supposed to."
Daylight steepled her hooves and gave Gelding a sideways glare. "You're referring to Agent Striker? Yes, I'll have to reprimand him for not following procedure once he gets back. I hope you weren't suggesting the termination of some insignificant thief would be any cause for concern? Really, Gelding. But while we're on the subject of you sticking your snout where it doesn't belong, esteemed Prime Minister, could you please explain what you were doing at my headquarters interrogating one of my prisoners?"
Gelding looked about as cold and expressionless as a rock – and Diane knew a bit about rocks. However, he chose not to make use of his flawless poker face. Denying it was probably useless anyway.
"Because you were not there to do it yourself," he said.
"I was out in the field trying to capture the ringleader of these outlaws – the most dangerous terrorist of them all – as you very well know."
"A bird in the hoof is worth three in the bush, is it not? You should have been focusing on the ponies you had already taken in instead of wasting time doing the work of grunts. Since you failed to capture Applejack anyway, your venture accomplished nothing but to waste time."
Daylight narrowed her eyes, but her voice was sugar-sweet. "You would do well to remember that the Queen put me in charge for a reason, Gelding. Just because your... disability left you unable to do field work doesn't mean I'll constrain myself likewise."
"You could have had someone else handle the interrogations while you were away on your chase. You wanted to handle both yourself, and that was a mistake. A leader is meant to delegate. Had your mistress not taught you that?"
"There was no need to delegate. Between the interrogations and the chase, I was in a time crunch with one and had plenty of it for the other. But I think you're trying to misdirect me, Prime Minister. Please, answer the question. Why did you try to interfere in my investigation? I don't believe for a second you were just hung up about your former duties."
"I am surprised you even need to think about it. I did it to get even with you for reassigning my ministers to Zebrica. You should not have done that, Daylight Sparkle. You did not have the authority."
Daylight graced Gelding with a smile that was – at least on the surface – conciliatory. "To get even? That's unexpectedly petty of you. I've never known you to make decisions based on grudges before. You needn't have bothered anyway. The Queen approved my suggestion, remember? Your ministers would already be on their way back if they simply did as they were ordered and fixed the Zebrican economy. And besides, you've shown yourself to be able to step up and fill the void wonderfully!"
It wasn't a secret to anypony that Daylight had pulled her move with Gelding's ministers to keep the Prime Minister busy. There were still some among the Secret Police that preferred to have Gelding in command, so Daylight had hoped to keep him away from state security matters by drowning him in domestic issues. The ploy did not seem to have worked.
"The reason my ministers have not been able to complete their mission is because they are scared witless. One of them was run through by a spear thrown by a zebra headhunter. The Secret Police has been unable to secure their safety."
Daylight shrugged. "Yes, the situation in Zebrica has grown uncomfortably unstable – hence why I intend to head there to take care of things personally once I've dealt with the Apple Underground. But you're still trying to misdirect me, aren't you? You removed one of the prisoners from the Panopticon. That prisoner is now unaccounted for. What did you do with him, and what did you learn?" She lifted up one of her hooves and tapped her snout. "I'll give you this one chance to tell me."
"Or what?"
Diane gasped inadvertently. Even Blueblood and Redsky, who'd been observing the confrontation with casual boredom, took notice. Gelding was not known for being confrontational.
"Will you complain to the Queen about me?" continued Gelding. Another pony's voice might have been mocking, but his only sounded heavy and tired. "What do you imagine she could do to me that she has not done already?"
Daylight Sparkle didn't seem perturbed in the slightest. She was smirking. "Oh, so you do have a spine!" she said, "It's a fair enough question. I mentioned new interrogation techniques I was introducing, didn't I? Tell me, have any of your spies told you of them? No? Well, let me enlighten you. I've invented a spell of telepathy. Breaking into and dissecting the minds of criminals directly will provide a much cleaner, much more efficient avenue of gathering information than your crude tortures ever could."
To any casual observer, Gelding must have looked as cool and emotionless as ever, but Diane had known him since she was only a little filly and could recognize the subtle undercurrent of shock that passed through him. But of course, Daylight had known him just as long...
"You've served the Queen oh-so-dutifully for, what, seven hundred and fifty years now?" asked mused Daylight, "With that in mind, I give you the chance to avoid me taking what you know from you by force when you least expect it. Put your cards on the table right here, right now, and I'll let you keep your dignity... well, what little of it you have left."
Gelding considered it and considered it. His eyes were a little bit wider than usual, his face drawn a little bit tighter. Finally, he lowered his head.
"There is no grand secret I've been keeping for you," he said, "The pony I picked up from the cells is a non-entity. He puzzled me with a strange story he later recanted in a most suspicious manner. I thought he must be hiding something, so I went about breaking him and found that he genuinely seems to believe he is a traveler from another dimension. What can I say? He must be mad, no?"
Daylight scowled, less from irritation and more from confusion. "A traveler from another dimension? How odd. I'll have to speak to this madpony myself when I can fit it into my schedule. Well, thank you for being so accommodating, Prime Minister!"
Gelding lifted his gaze and looked Daylight in the eye. "Will you be resorting to this threat often from now on, Daylight?"
"That's entirely up to you and how cooperative you choose to be, isn't it? I'd like to believe that we're a tyranny whose strength lies in working together. By the way, I'd really prefer if you addressed me by my rank."
"You know, my mind might not be a place you would want to visit, Lady Commander..."
Daylight ignored him and turned back to her papers with an appreciable amount of smugness.
"Now, what other outstanding issues do we have to go over?"
Before she could go on, the doors of the throne room burst open with an thump that echoed through the chamber in the ensuing silence. A unicorn officer had bucked them open. Diane recognized the brown and white stallion as one of Blueblood's adjutants. The officer turned around and galloped the length of the hall, momentarily stopping once he reached the conference table to hurriedly bow to each of the ponies sitting around it, then stepped up to Blueblood and started whispering into his ear.
The officer's explanation took a few moments. At first, Blueblood only squinted. Then he lurched upright, throwing over his chair doing so.
"What did you say?" he bellowed, grabbing the officer by the shoulders and giving him a shake.
"What is it?" asked Daylight Sparkle, her brow furrowed.
"One of- one of our outposts near the Griffon border was attacked," said Blueblood.
"What?" said Daylight.
"Don't say the birdies struck first?" asked Redsky.
"Just... tell them what you told me," Blueblood instructed the officer.
The officer nodded. "An entire platoon was broken up and forced on the run by a surprise attack. We're still trying to determine casualties. It's just... the descriptions of what happened... they're a little confusing..."
"Will you just get on with it, Lieutenant?" snapped Daylight.
"Yes, ma'am! The reports we're getting indicate the lone attacker was an alicorn. Several sources have compared her to Queen Celestia. She's supposed to have had immense magical powers, and control over shadows, and, um, she called herself 'Princess'."
Diane was more than a little lost what all this meant, but the reactions of the Council made the gravity of the situation obvious. The unicorn officer was growing uncomfortable under their intense gazes. Gelding slowly stood upright. There was nothing subtle about his display of emotion anymore. Diane had never, ever seen him like this before: eyes bulged, mouth wide open, barely able to breathe. He was shocked.
"Luna!" he rasped.
"How can that be possible?" muttered Redsky, "Luna is-"
"Don't you see, Duchess?" said Daylight. She had a vague smile on her face and seemed to be looking somewhere far away. "This isn't the Luna, it's merely a Luna. We actually are dealing with an incursion from a different reality! The theoretical implications of this are staggering, and..." She snapped to attention and glanced at Gelding. "And there are steps we must take to defend ourselves. You'd better bring your 'madpony' to the palace, Gelding. I'm sure the Queen will want to talk to him. In fact, I better go see her now and inform her of what's happened. This is very much a big deal."
Daylight scrambled to her hooves and took off, her dragon scampering after her – she then turned around and returned to pick up her book before taking off again. Blueblood and Redsky stared at each other in confusion, while the unicorn officer hesitantly waited for futher instructions. Gelding stood still as a statue, but the shock was already abating. He was hard at work, thinking, but who could say of what?
"Well, isn't this a doozy?" said Diane quietly.
Nothing good would come of this...
Next chapter: The Plan.
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Humbuggers. A large part of this chapter struck me like an aluminum baseball bat like you were attempting to answer questions and/or force along a part of the plot when you didn't necessarily have to do so, akin to the insecurity revolved around taking your girlfriends' parents out to assure them you're not a fanged maniacal rapist. You could've much more easily snuck in parts of this chapter in other chapters, so we could have a more gradual built up understanding of what was happening, in the stead of the hefty bludgeoning we were affronted with when we came to this host of new characters and totally new environment that came out of nowhere in this chapter. Which kind of leads me to believe that this is kind of the odd chapter out, less than the kind of awkwardish ending this chapter does have. I'd kind of handwave it in the direction that this could've easily been anywhere in the last few chapters, and there's not much practical connotation for smacking it here, instead of two chapters ago, or splicing it up partially for a slower reveal in the last few chapters. Because though the narrative for this story does wobble around somewhat, it usually does so within the constraints of the characters that're around or directly associated with the twinkly starred innocent eyes of twilight sparkle, and the direct influence (and perhaps contrast) between the narrations. This, however, has little connectivity other than to serve as potential scene coloring for a future chapter, which kind of breaks up the flow you've had thus far.
I like Diane
It took me an embarrassingly long ammount of time to make the connection of Diane to Pinkie.
Decent enough chapter, though Daylight made the connection to Luna being from another dimension extremely fast, even for a pony as smart as her. She made that leap instantly it seemed, didn't even ponder over if Luna was resurrected somehow or other or maybe had never been dead but biding her time. I'd have thought it would have taken her a couple more seconds to discount those possibilities before latching onto the 'Madpony' and his reality jumping lunacy.
Well that poses a problem, Pinkie Pie being in the inner sanctum...
Btw, I saw one little typo: "One of- one of our outposts near the Griffon border was attackeed," said Blueblood.
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Those are valid concerns to raise, I think, but that doesn't mean I completely agree with them.
First of all, let me assure you that this will not be the last chapter set in this particular locale. It merely sets up another strand of the plot. Here's the thing... This is a story where the protagonist and antagonist have very little direct contact - at least at this stage. In this case, I think a pair of eyes establishing and fleshing out the villains isn't just valuable, but crucially important. Now, perhaps I'm failing in the execution, but I'm sure you can agree with that idea conceptually.
There's several other reasons that justify this chapter's existence in my opinion as well. Firstly, don't think it exists in a vacuum - it's partly there to continue the Brainy Bright subplot started all the way back in chapter 1. Secondly, since Pinkie Pie is not with the rest of the Mane Six, I feel that it's important to make up for that in some way, and I do that by giving her her own POV. All I can say is that happenings at the Queen's court have been part of the plan from the start and that they will go on to establish plot points I feel I have to introduce into the flow of the story early on, lest they become asspulls at a later stage.
Now, as to the matter whether I try too hard to lay things out for the reader... I don't know, you may be right about that. On one hand, I try to be subtle with foreshadowing (don't laugh - I actually think I'm succeeding rather well in making this a story where a number of things will seem quite different on reread), but I also tend to be too expository and obsessed with... let's say "structural components." You're probably spot on that I tend to "unpack" too much, but I tend to regard this as clunky worldbuilding rather than actual plot development problems.
In any case, thanks for the critique.
i feel kinda bad it took until diane said "okay-dokay-lokay" to realize who she was...
anyways it was rather nice getting a court date with the queens assistants, rather enlightening. It is, however, a shame that her royal highness did not grace us with her presence, if only to get orders and reactions straight from her mouth, it's also a shame if we do not see the prime example of "regality".
Hmm. I do hope we will be seeing more of Gelding. He's a fascinating character. I am curious to know what side he is on, though, as he seemed to be, if not quite supporting "Diane" (Pinkie Pie in this reality, I'm guessing), then at least not opposing her. I also wonder how it is that he has lived for so long, and what goes on in his mind that makes him tell Daylight to be wary of reading it, as that did not seems to be a bluff. For some reason, he reminds me of Starswirl the Bearded. Knowing how much Twilight looks up to her version of Starswirl, I wouldn't put it past this universe's version of her and her mentor to reanimate him.
Regardless, this story has not yet failed to deliver greatness, and I eagerly await further chapters.
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Well, yes, I agree that we could've done with the shift in perspective to wave away that whole cloud of "who're we supposed to be fighting?" that's prevalent in many other single-minded narratives, which is partially why I praise the author of the fiction I'm editing for inserting scene shifts occasionally to the POV of the villain before I restart beating the spew out of his latest chapter with a bit of rusty old pipe.
But I think (believe?) my point was moreof to the timing and weight of the enemy's perspective. Though you did extremely well in giving flesh, bone and skin to the new perspective and you're justified in it feeling necessary, it feels a bit rushed and visceral in comparison to the more contemplative nature of the unveiling of the earlier chapters, which only adds to the neck snapping whiplash from the perspective change. Though it pains me to say so, I do tend to associate worldbuilding in directly the same messy, human-accident filled traffic jam lane as plot development, meaning that any connotative world building shouldn't be rapidly dumped on the readers unless it's a jammy-packy time where revelations occur and "oh my god, jimmy was a triple agent?!?!?!" etcetera. And anything that's world-buildy-esque I tend to push together and make kiss with the plot, because that's generally what they do in fiction, and how an author presents information and at what speed at which time is (in my opinion) as crucial as not speed-rushing through the dramatic climax like you're trying for a land speed record for reaching the toilet because you've got diarrhea.
Mostly, yes, this is rather nitpicky, but it's a rather irritating itch and there's not much else to comment on about your story that isn't me salivating over it and me telling you how (copypaste nice thing to say).
well daylight definitely more violent and cruel than her counterpart twilight sparkle. also i do wonder how their meeting will go and how daylight will deal with running into the princesses? and also Queen celestia will surly be pissed now that luna and her good counterpart have been revealed. i do wonder at her reaction other than trying to either destroy or capture them?
I love how open Daylight is about being part of a tyrannical despotic regime. It's kind of refreshing.
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(There's a little problem with the time frame, but that can easily be hand-waved away.)
Heh, that would be a nice twist. Gelding's dull and apathetic not because he's a eunuch, but because he's a zombie!
Diane!
...I don't really have anything else to say but that I expected longer from you...
It wasn't necessarily a requirement that we have eyes on the antagonists for a good story, but it's a perfectly reasonable way to get Pinkie into the story in an unexpected place.
Daylight turned out to be even more similar to Twilight than I expected; it was almost disturbing how there is no discernible difference in personality.
The conclusion that dimensional interlopers were attacking bothered me. I can understand Daylight being smart enough to reason it out, but the leap of logic seemed way, way too big to make so quickly; you need a running start for that kind of jump. If Daylight had frowned and looked at Gelding thoughtfully for a few moments while some other character said something that reveals to the reader that they're all 100% certain Luna wasn't just in hiding all these years it would have been less jarring.
Seems a little... forced? They got a prisoner and Luna, so OBVIOUSLY they are being invaded from another dimension! She put it together too fast...
I would say make the chapter shorter and more concise, if not you are gonna take forever in finishing this story.
I would like to see Spike character in this dimension. Is he happy? agressive? evil?
Let's hope it doesn't go the same way as all the other evil reality fics, with the evil queen outsmarting everyone with a last minute win from the Elements. I can't see Daylight pulling a heel face turn and becoming good, so I dare say that's out, would feel weird if he became friends with the rebels and awakened the element of magic... after murdering all those ponies.
Well good luck getting Pinkie to join you.
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Or maybe, she's not dead or biding her time, and is instead in the dungeons.
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In a dungeon in the place where she's been banished!!! Oooo, that makes so much sense!
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Right, so Resurrection is out of the question, as she was never dead. And they know exactly where she is, so she's not biding her time and was incapable of being in two places at once. Therefore, it must be an alternate-universe Luna who wasted that town of soldiers!
873430
Makes perfect sense to me.
872359 don't feel bad, there was no other hints before that other than her name being diane, but who could have made such a connection?
872847 Maybe Daylight was still thinking about the prisoner (brainy bright) when she heard of Luna, that would allow her to make a connection alot quicker. twilight always was a fast thinker.
Daylight Sparkle+mindrip spell+inventor of interuniverse travel+regime sad about running out of wars to fight and lands to conquer=...
My first thought was that Diane was this dimension's Luna (Diane -> Diana: Greek Goddess of the Moon), and that she'd been mindwiped somehow.
But, yeah. I wonder why Celestia keeps her not-quite-prisoner down in the bottom of her palace? It seems a bit bizarre.
Diane? Pinkie. >_>
Lives in the bowls of the royal palace, isn't imprisioned, or restrained? Hmmm ...
Leaving would have 'ill' consequences. The Queen allows her to listen in on important matters of state. Hmmm ...
Court jester perhaps? Only pony other than Daylight Sparkle to get the queen to smile, to laugh?
Ah, the Council of Evil (I'm actually surprised they weren't shameful enough to call themselves that) Nice to see events from the side of evil. Heck I'm surprised we've gone this far and haven't seen hide nor hair of Queen Celestia herself, which needs to be rectified.
Well it's been a while so I could be remembering incorrectly, but didn't twilight have a feeling that someone was watching her earlier? It's possible that daylight (and the queen?) knows more than she's letting on, or at the very least already had some suspicions.
Also evil Twilight, best pony.
What about that big rift in the desert? Both Celestia and Twilight both felt that something was off about it. Maybe that's where the Elements are? Or maybe even that world's Luna?
Glad to finally see Daylight Sparkle, though. She was actually close to what I thought she would be, although a bit more calm and collected.
This Redsky pony is interesting. She has sharp, pointed teeth, and she's "not like other ponies". Definitely looking forward to seeing what secrets she has.
Gelding is a curious case, as well. The fact that he's been kept alive for 750 years, right when that world's Luna disappeared, is something to think about. He was also extremely surprised to hear about the real Luna, to put it lightly. I would guess there's a close connection between him and that world's Luna.
Daylight needs a pimp slap. Ain't no better medicine for a smug bully than a firm backhand to the face. Think of it: how many of these dark fics could be averted by the judicial application of pimp slaps?
"With that in mind, I give you the chance to avoid me taking what you know from you by force when you lea—"
"Um, excuse me, Lady Commander?"
"Yes?"
"What did the five fingers say to the face?"
"What are finge—"
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqnlajC5dQ1qkz0aa.gif
"... I surrender..."
I really like the fact that we finally got to meet more of the antagonists ( particularly Daylight Sparkle) of course. The atmospheric feeling was incredible.
also is it bad that i had no idea who Diane was ( apart from some sort of servant) until she said " okie dokie lokie"?
On the other hand i have to agree that Sparkle was too quick in figuring things out. Perhaps because I really wanted to meet " queen"
and get her reaction to Luna's appearance.
Also we have only just met her... Redsky reminds me a little too much of General Esteem from Ponies Make War ( now renamed " the immortal game") epsecially the whole sharpened teeth hints that they eat meat angle.
Oh my. Most interesting indeed.
It was 4:30 in the morning, and I had just finished the entire story up to this point finally. It is that good! It compels me to keep reading!
Anyhow, this could probably be called an Atypical chapter in this series, as before this, we kept our focus on the visitors from out-of-reality
Yet now, as the story thematically is taking a breath (with the chain of Elements stopping at 4/5), we do need a chapter to briefly see if it's even possible to have laughter in this hot, oppressive land. Truth be told, I probably should have expected this. In the strictest sense, Ms. Diane is a much different pony, as there was no rainboom to mess up her hair (I think at least) and here she is, perhaps in one of the most dangerous places on the planet (metaphorically speaking for the element squad beta), playing what so many in her counter universe see her as: the fool. That most interesting of literary characters, in that the fool is primarily there to make you laugh, but often, hidden underneath that silly exterior is a wisdom far beyond even some of the main characters. One thing is certain, this fool is now seeing and hearing things that she's gonna pinkie promise hide well for now, and might be super important in the future. 
Furthermore, she's allowed in Daymare Sun's dark chambers, (darkness eh? 
Foreshadowing!) and can move political strings with a puff, despite her "lowly" position. She isn't legally bound up, but she knows she can't leave. She stays in the subbasement, but also keeps a sharp mind in organizing days. (10000/365.25 assuming the equestrian calender is the same as the Gregorian=Over 27 years. Yeesh) Yes indeed, this will be an interesting alternate person to see.
In fact, you could say that in this universe, instead of being the 6 archetypal personalities Faust used in her universe, they are the 6 reactions to tyranny/inequality. We have the rebel (AJ), the conductor (Rare, in reference to the underground railroad), the thief (RD), the fool (Diane), the broken yet civilly disobedient (with a side of the rebel with a personal rather than an ideological connection to the fight, which is shy), and the collaborator (Daylight). Each reacts to the harshness around them in different ways, and all are reactions seen in the real world.
Oddly enough, despite all this, they lack one thing that Twilight did bring with her from alternate equestria: hope. A fools hope given the situation, but hope nonetheless. Hope that things will get better. Hope that this isn't the fate of their universe. Hope that there can be something greater than just the individual who bites at ankles. Tis a unique spin on this alternate universe fic.
Finally, here at the end of what could be considered a recap review (I might go back for more later), Act I is wrapping up, but I think I might have just experienced a little fridge horror. Twilight Sparkle is technically a canon foreigner in this world, so the truth be told, I foresee a devestating twist: the elements only work with daylight sparkle leading them. Holy Smokes! If that was the twist, it would lead to some VERY interesting talks, particularly on accepting an enemy as a friend. Heck, it could turn into something of a fusion between Prince Zuko and Princess Azula (that is if you've seen Avatar the last Airbender) if it does end up being the case but with ponies. Yet, that's neither here nor there. And so, I have but one final thing to say to you.
Write on, and show us whether this is a Downer fic or a fic about seeking friendship, hope and justice even in the darkest of times!
Oh and one other thing. Daylight seemed a little too quick to draw connections between Luna and the prisoner, but perhaps in this universe, she's dangerously genre savvy. We'll see if it keeps going forward.
Thanks for the comments, everyone. In light of the feedback, I'll probably rewrite and refine Daylight's lines leading up to the end a bit. In any case, here's some responses:
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875000
I was rather deliberate about not introducing Queen Celestia just yet. I don't want to "blow my load" with her too early, if you know what I mean. She'll definitely start making appearances in Act 2 though. I also tried to make her presence felt in this chapter, even if she wasn't there. What she thinks dominates every conversation, and there's little physical reminders of her around as well.
872458
well daylight definitely more violent and cruel than her counterpart twilight sparkle.
Is she really?
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I would like to see Spike character in this dimension. Is he happy? agressive? evil?
What you see is what you get. He is a non-entity. The Secret Police breeds its dragons to be living weapons/slaves, nothing more, so don't expect him to give Daylight attitude like Spike Prime would.
In any case, I've made sure not to read the Daymare Sun/alternate Equestria stories of other writers so they wouldn't inform my writing of this story. I don't really know the big cliches and they don't affect me.
874919
That's a fine guess, especially if you consider this passage...
"Did you say 'fool' or 'Fool'?" Diane cocked her head to the side. "I can never tell! Oh my, but a jester's life is hard!"
875805
You're asking the right questions.
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Oh? As a matter of fact, I haven't read the story in question, so you can chalk any similarity up to literary parallel evolution.
876690
That was a very interesting comment to read. However, keep in mind that the tally marks represent 12-hour periods, not "days," so you'll have to cut the 27 years in half.
And yeah, I'm a big fan of Avatar. Have you been watching Korra?
>> BornIn1142 Yes, yes I have. (secretly has a liarjack face on). (Oh, come off it, you load a' horseapples!
) Sorry AJ. No, I haven't watched Korra yet. It's on my to do list. I've heard a lot about Korra, but I haven't seen it yet. And my mistake. Diane's only been keeping track of time for 13.6 years.
)
(can't use the P name yet. No proof of lighthearted randomness. Can't use P name yet. No proof of lighthearted randomness.
Anyhow, like I said, the concept is strong, and the talks are good. I think my favorite part though is the worldbuilding you do. Good stuff.
876914 from memory twilight definitely doesn't threaten other pony's nor does she really like the thought of killing so much yes they are definitely similar but this worlds twilight is cruel and near heartless to anyone but her teacher the empress, also twilight doesn't mind rape pony's at least not cannon twilight. daylight sparkle also seems to do her job without question another similarity between the two however it really is dependent on how they were raised by Celestia. and so that's the major difference between their worlds. daylight is well versed in combat magic however twilight if i am correct is more versed in the fact that she can manipulate spells on the fly and can learn almost any spell inside or outside combat within milliseconds.
and so that in my opinions is how they will be evenly matched if it ever comes to blows between them, however i do have a feeling that they will rather than fight, talk to each other and calm the situation down... maybe even stop the fighting with suggestions between them and start working for the better good of Equestria i do at least hope that daylight is not completely corrupted by power. if i missed anything... well i didn't think of it at the time. so cheers
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I know time has passed, that's obvious. I'm not worried about that. I'm just saying that it'd would be nice, convenient, and not as potentially confusing for lumox's such as myself if there was a blurb or two that stated what happened or gave us a bit more insight into what happened during the intervening time.
It's not hard or particularly tasking. Heck, you could probably have fit it somewhere after the line that revealed that Twilight and friends knew good Celestia was in the city, and the chapter would have been no less for wear.
""Luna!" he rasped.
I will totally admit to "squeee"-ing when I read that, I mean, she IS the best Princess ever.
872249Your not the only one
Looks like Daylight Sparkle hasn't heard about her success in capturing Applejack yet. Or maybe she has, which might also explain why she made the connection with the alternate universe Luna so quickly.
Yeah, Gelding serving Celestia right about the time Luna disappeared? Things in his mind that Daylight might be better off not knowing?
I am still undecided if he is Luna, an aspect of Celestia (something that split apart from herself during the battle) or maybe Celestia herself. (Who knows, maybe it was Luna who won the fight but was overwhelmed whens she tried to absorb Celestias Power after the fight. This isn't the first time that the Big Bad turned out to be the one who was supposedly beaten in that big conflict a long time ago...)
And... well, I made the connection between Diane and Pinkie immediately. Not sure why, but she came over earth-ponyish right away.
I love this chapter. I think something like this was overdue to bring some balance to the story. Up until now it's been a bit like shadow boxing. It's time and past time that we got to see some informed reaction from the antagonists. (The reaction to Luna's appearance is something I'd been particularly impatient for.) I don't have a problem with blatant exposition either. I have 40+ unread story chapters in my favorites list, and I often feel like I'm sinking in quicksand. Thanks for throwing me a rope!
I agree with the others that Daylight Sparkle put 2 + 2 together too quickly and neatly. Some discussion of the possibilities before arriving at that conclusion would have been fascinating.
The fact that we still haven't seen Queen Celestia is a little bit ominous and creepy. I can almost imagine some sort of twist is coming, for when she's finally revealed.
So that world's Luna is...displaced, shall we say, wince we do not know for certain her whereabouts, and Celestia has been possessed by the Ethereal being that, in the canon universe, possessed Luna instead. What happened to Discord?
Discord was defeated before the possession fiasco in the canon universe, so is he still in stone now, or did Daymare Sun shatter him to keep him from reassembling himself and proving to be a threat in the future? Seems to me that if he should still be alive but imprisoned that releasing him again could work to their advantage at least as far as having him harass Daymare goes. After all, it took the combined strength of Celestia and Luna to beat him the first time. With only Daymare confronting him alone, and him not really of the mind of destruction but simply using Chaos magic for personal enjoyment he could be a valuable asset.
Of course, if that world's hero-team can't effectively use the Elements of Harmony (assuming that Daymare Sun didn't destroy them or shoot them off into deep space to prevent them from being used against her again) then they'd need to, once Daymare's overthrown, have the other pair of Alicorn sisters beat him up...if they had the strength to after the confrontation...
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or did Daymare Sun shatter him to keep him from reassembling himself and proving to be a threat in the future?
Correct! That's indeed the answer. I plotted most of the story out before season 2 started airing, and although releasing and forming a dangerous alliance with Discord to help liberate Equestria would be a great idea in itself, I didn't want to accommodate such big changes into my plans. Having Discord be destroyed seemed like a pragmatic idea, since it would make sense for a Celestia without moral restraints to get rid of an old enemy of hers - especially since she alone could probably never defeat him if he got loose.
903557
Well, the depiction of Luna's emotional state is something I was satisfied with, and I'm glad you feel the same way. (My only other long-form fanfic, which I sadly left incomplete to work on this one, was all about depression and wallowing, so I had quite a bit of practice in that regard.) It was mostly other things that I felt weren't as good as they could have been.
But in any case, thank you for the praise, and especially the thoughtful analysis.
I was under the impression that destroying Discord's statue wouldn't actually kill him; Celestia seemed to hate him more than just a little, and really if her plan is eternal petrification then is there really any difference between that and killing him?
That's just how I envisioned things though; as BornIn1142 says, it's not on the menu for the planned story so assuming him out of the picture for good is important; otherwise I'd still be waiting for Luna to have a talk with Twilight about what to do if the worst should happen because even if it would be a desperate move it's too obvious to ignore.
I just rediscovered and reread the entire thing (I think I lost track of it around chapter seven?). All of the mane six counterparts, including Daylight, are similar enough that despite their very different circumstances you can see their original (from our point of view) personalities colouring them. Ths latest chapter isn't weak, and as the end of act 1 stepping slightly back in time for this reveal makes thematic sense. Though it maybe feels as if Daylight and the PM got to the right conclusion a bit quick, the fact that they aren't just dismissing any connection between this crazed prisoner and the destroyed platoon does work with the pacing, making them entertainingly smart rather than annoyingly slow.
This chapter made me smile hardcore. Yes the ending is abrupt, but due to the lack of physical action, the abrupt ending servers as an excellent intellectual cliffhanger. I both love and hate how Daylight is so similar to Twilight, personality-wise, but so antithetical morality-wise.
I think you meant "on our" or "our".
I LOVE the story so far. I think I'm going to do a reading of this and post it on Youtube; I'll send you the link if I do.
Chapter one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncC57GCIAtg&feature=g-upl
when are gonna make a new chapter?!
you did a great job with this thing, and i've been very paitent.....but please 
can ya please make a new chapter?
1131838
Maybe the author has been busy in real life, and real life comes first. You should think about those who wait for a story's update for half a year or more.
Please update soon
I really like the story.
1183019
I'll actually probably update later today, albeit only with "part 1" of what the full chapter was meant to be. I'll explain it more once I post, but the first half ran a little long and I can't bring myself to sit on it while people are waiting. Luckily, there's a clear demarcation point.