Great story. Well written, and shows a lot of promise in future chapters. Favorited and following.

“This box!” He held it up for Impact to see and her stomach dropped. The wooden panel bore the words Crusaders Only, painted on it in fairly elegant hornwriting. HER hornwriting.

Just saying that apple bloom does not have a horn so it should be hoofwriting not hornwriting

I am enjoying this. I haven't noticed a single error and everything is written very well. Seems Apple Blooms shenanigans have gotten her into yet another situation. Faved and looking forward to future chapters.

>Big Mac is eating chicken soup

>Chicken soup

>Chicken

Ponies eat meat?

Also, Impact Hammer strikes me as almost in Mary Sue territory. I haven't read your first story, though, but that character is pretty close here. A bionic alicorn who is the daughter of Celestia, conveniently knows CPR (this isn't terribly Mary Sue-ish, honestly), and somehow her mechanical leg turns into defibrillator paddles and saves the day. Sounds like a regular mechanical miracle worker, eh?

(Also, if she could do that, why did she wait until they got to the hospital? Why not just run inside the nearest shelter, the Apple family's house, and do it there?)

Other than that, you write well, grammatically and descriptively speaking, though.

>>11929741192974

It was Impact herself who painted the box.

BLASPHEMY

So awesome...

So much feedback... I'm so happy that everypony likes my new story! Thank you so much!

On a side note, if you haven't read Brace for Impact yet, feel free to give it a look!

Huh. A Spike/Apple Bloom story, tagged "Adventure", with song names for chapter titles. Never seen that one before. Nuh uh, no sir.

Have to read this later.

>>11933671193367

YAY! Somepony noticed the chapter titles!

wait a second those boots may have had a shutdown in them, but what about heat? the bolts from a lighting bolt are hot enough to slag metal in relatively few seconds, lighting can even create glass which sand becomes at 3000 degree's the heat would have flash fused the boots to her skin.

Chicken Soup? They're Ponies, bro.

>>11929741192974

It's Impact's writing, not Applebloom's

>>11936531193653

Very good point. It shall be addressed in the next chapter.

>>11937531193753 >>11930321193032

Is there really any better way to get over a nasty head cold? Really?

Spike gasped audibly and clutched his chest with his hand, feigning a heart attack.

“Blasphemy! Blasphemy, I say!”

My reaction to that:

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/NIgfiSzCy1o" frame border="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Edit: Youtube video why u no work?!

>>11933711193371 I probably wouldn't have, were it not for the fact that I've written (and posted on this site) two stories with the exact same pairing that used the same naming convention for chapter titles.

Oh dear sweet Celestia. Is that an alicorn OC? With implants that go way beyond anything we've seen in the show technology-wise? And she's Celestia's adopted daughter?

Congratulations. That's a Mary Sue three-way strike in one go. All that's missing to complete the scheme are achromatic eyes and a relationship with one of the Mane Six. Seriously, when you have Scootaloo compare your OC to Rainbow Dash and the OC comes off looking better, you're not establishing personality, you're shilling. I sure hope this character is not that important to the story, because she makes alarm bells go off like nobody's business. And this is coming from someone who has an alicorn OC in one of his own stories.

Urgh. I agree with >>11937531193753. Ponies are herbivores- deviating from this stance is really only excusable if there's a compelling reason. It's possible a few ponies raised around carnivores (like Rainbow Dash) might eat meat occasionally, but it is likely that they would have to go out of their way to get it. Even so, since their gut flora would be adapted to primarily herbivorous fare, it makes it highly unlikely that they would feed meat to sick ponies to prevent the ponies in question from getting even more sick.

>>11948071194807 Well...if you read the original...you would know who she has an interest in. This is a sequel to the original story, Brace for Impact. I recommend you read it...I know the author and they would say the same thing.

I can't wait for more. Both of your stories are so good keep up the good work

When are you gonna write the next part?

>>16476411647641

School has been eating up all my time. I'll try to get something done over Thanksgiving break.

>>16478631647863

Thank you. Arigoto.

>>16479581647958

No es problema. Have you read my other story yet?

>>16481161648116

Yeah. It was interesting to say the least.

>>16485271648527

So you enjoyed Brace for Impact?

>>16485591648559

It made for a good read, yes.

>>16485661648566

That's good to hear.

Is this going to be updated soon? I read this a long time ago and loved it! I wanna read more!!!

Tone down Impact.

OC are likable.

A Mary Sue is not

So ... When ya next update? this is so good I can't wait for more.

But don't rush ya school work and get marked down school work is important

>>21437692143769 Honestly, Double? I can't say for certain. I work on it in bits and pieces when I find the time. Hopefully, I'll have the next chapter ready in a couple of weeks.

>>21437932143793 Hey like I said no rush it's just a really good story

both of them.

>>21439822143982 Thank you. The fact that somepony enjoys my work makes me happier than anypony could imagine.

More! Now! I said, Now!

>>21440642144064 sorry not possible... pinkie is

come on man update, I need this man, be a bro *Twitch*

-Kiryu