Rorschach in  Equestria?

You have my attention..  

...I am intrigued.

Rorschach's journal, January 31, 2012

PONIES ARE AWESOME!

That's all.

Caution is the keyword here. You have to be very careful with how you do this. I'll track you.

Wait, if it's 1985 does that mean he gets to meet all the G1 ponies?  

Okay. This is fucking AWESOME. For the love of god MOAR

Curious... The writing style feels similar to the journals from the graphic novel, so that's a plus.

Also, what's Rorschach going to eat? If he tries snacking on some poison joke, I will just laugh so hard.

Interesting. Please, do go on. "Munches popcorn"

Will it be continuously through "journal vision" or will the POV shift to normal narration once he starts talking to the ponies?

The streets fill with cake and punch, and the ponies will look up and shout "Come party!" and I will whisper "No".

inital reaction:

*sees title*

..........get the f*** outta here.

This pleases me...

Proceed.

oh god this is awesome but....

>>174767174767

This.

Tread carefully. Very carefully.

ONLY THE PENITENT MAN SHALL PASS....

Continue...

The accumulated cute of all their parties and apples will foam up about their withers and all the ponies and unicorns and pegasuses will look up and shout "Love us!"... and I'll whisper "d'aaawwwww."

>>174767174767 Originally I came up with the idea a week ago with a single event in mind, the hard part was making a story to go along with it but I finally have a rough draft of what I'm going to do.

>>174872174872 I've thought about that and really came to the conclusion that it wold be mixed. I felt it would be better if it wasn't all in Rorschach's rambling journal but it will still all be from his perspective for the sake of continuity.

>>174929174929 I assure you I have every pony's safety in mind! Of course that doesn't mean terrible things aren't going to happen- quite the opposite- but still!

>>174937174937 Well its hard to say if Rorschach is penitent or not. He lived his life without compromise breaking fingers and throwing people down elevator shafts in order to cleanse the city of its criminal underbelly. Still you'll just have to read on and see

Wow, you guys have really put me in a better mood! I literally just overslept through a class before I checked my page here.

My mind is ready

Hmmmm.... intrigued I am. Please go on.

All right... I'll bite.

Tracked. :3

I like it :D... You get 5 stars for the idea alone!

Seems interesting....it's just....after so many "(insert important person from a game/book/movie) is in Equestria" they all look the same and get boring, like reading a Story about a popular shipping. Seen it 10+ times now and it's not interesting anymore.

0_0    i am interested tracked

Rorschach is about to become a brony. I'm a huge fan of The Watchmen - I've read it a dozen times or so and still find new things. I think you present Rorschach very authentically. Just... Eh... Don't make Rorschach kill a pony unless it's Snips or Snails.

You have my attention.

Will track to see where this goes.

Please, don't derail this. Rorschach wouldn't like it.

I'm also holding off on rating this, but you write Rorschach quite well. I'm with everyone else in waiting to see where this goes. The premise sounds so absurd, but as a huge fan of Watchmen and now MLP this could be the most amazing fic ever if done right.

Some class-A trolling by Dr Manhattan there.

>>174854174854

OMG. Author. AUTHOR. DO THIS. THIS SUGGESTION I'M REPLYING TO RIGHT HERE D: DO THIIIIS :D *squee*

You, sir, just got yourself a track.

However I find myself curious, did Dr. Manhattan simply send Rorschach to Equestria? Or, like he said at the end of the comic, is Equestria the simple, peaceful world he intended to create for himself far away from humanity?

Like many others, I have to say, this is very interesting. You have written Rorschach very well so far, but tread carefully, my friend. You could either have hundreds of fans screaming your name in praise or hundreds of fans trying to burn down your house in anger. Good luck!

This looks interesting. Very well written, and it seems to be taking an interesting direction. Two thumbs- er, hooves- up!

**Sits back into my chair and stiples my fingers togeather** go on

*Read the tags*

This is not going to end well for the ponies.

What I am hoping for here can be summed up quite simply as follows.

Choose Your Deity: Player 1, Dr. Manhattan

Choose Your Deity: Player 2, Discord

Manhattan vs Discord, Battle 1, Fight!!!

>>175255175255 I can see how you feel about that and in a lot of cases I would agree with you. What I've found though besides who the character is that matters but rather what they are, what they represent. I find a crossover fiction for MLP must have a character who is vastly different to the main storyline's mood or one who is quite similar and can be played off (or rather made fanon). If you just pluck some random guy out of reality, like say Ezio from Assassin's Creed without reason and without purpose and put him in some place that isn't really interesting, just sort becomes a 'what if this guy was there for this event and did this thing'.

>>175413175413 You sir are thinking quite ahead of yourself. I will say this though, that does get addressed some time later in the story but don't hold your breathe for it... cause you'll probably just pass out and miss the other stuff in between.

Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes.

This could be the best crossover ever, tracking

Greatest. Unexpected crossover. Ever.

Wow, this is really good.  Keep Rorschach's character on track and this will make a great story.  The only thing I have to say is that Rorschach isn't really a sociopath like you said in the description. He cares too much about other people, has standards, and feels guilt (when he confronts his landlady and sees her kids, he backs off).  He's violent and unpredictable, but those alone don't make for a sociopath.  The Comedian fits the criteria much better.  

>>175743175743 I actually regret using the word sociopath a few hours after making the description because honestly you're right that he isn't really a sociopath or a psychopath either.

Image: http://i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/001/732/winternet.jpg

Seriously, you wrote this amazingly. When I started reading this, I was expecting the standard, "Mr. X gets plucked up, and dropped off in Ponyville. Blah blah blah happens," but the way you did it by using his "journal speak,"... just... wow...

T-T-T-Trackin'!

Rorschach's Journal. October 12th, 1986: Unicorn lying in alley this morning, stomach full from the salt lick no doubt. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended troughs and the troughs are full of sugar and when the drains finally scab over, all the ponis will drown. The accumulated sweetness of all their sunshine and rainbows will rise up about their waists and all the bakers and princesses will look up and shout "Save us!"... and I'll whisper "neigh."

Very nice, I love how the story isn't grimdark (yet?) but being told from the point of view of a man of questionable sanity like Rorschach leaves a definitely grimdark and definitely delicious taste in my mouth. I also think you did a great job of mimicking Rorschach's writing/speaking style, it definitely helped to build the atmosphere. I'm very intrigued by this story, I'll be waiting for more. You've just won a track and fave, my good sir. I'll wait for subsequent chapters before I rate it, but expect my rating to be high. Great job, keep it up!

My body is ready...

Image: http://www.twistappel.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/come-at-me-bro.jpg

next chapter

Wow. This is going to end up really good. I read the watchmen as well as watched the movie. Brilliant idea.

>>175377175377

Trolling? Hell, Manhattan gave him something better than death to end his "pain" if we can stay that. He sent him to the most peaceful place in all realities so he could heal those psychological and emotional scars from earth. Thats not trolling, that's compassion right there. A glimpse of humanity is still present in manhattan apparently.

Why does this work. I am so confused.

Whoa. That was intense.

Lots of things could go wrong.

You are avoiding everyone of them. Keep it up !

Interesting first meeting, I can see that having several unpleasant repercussions down the line.

....

That...

Was...

AMAZING!

Dang nab it... I am so hooked on this now

You've left his traditional voice behind - the writing is too correct and clear - but that's rather nececassary for a story like thins. KEEP IT UP.

promising, very promising, i will watch this with intent interest.

>>176084176084 Again part of the reason why I didn't want to do everything in a journal way even though I had an idea to do it that way. Rorschach I feel isn't much for writing into detail or explaining things since it would technically be reiterating what he says. So I plan to switch to a more overarching first person perspective, more clear and correct but still sounding like it is Rorschach (or at least I'll try to). I plan to make it clearer in chapter three where Rorschach's journal begins and ends. though I think I'll make an edit or two on the second to correct any confusion.

Love the concept of a Journal but I hope it breaks off into story soon !

This is flipping awesome!

I haven't even seen Watchmen yet... I was told by my cousin that it was a godawful movie.  And I believed him.  But now... I really want to see it... cuz even though i don't fully know Rorschach, this story is... FANTASTIC!

"I found I had wandered to a tree at the edge of the forest and in my rage I began to punch the trunk. Bark chipped and shattered away at my ferocity. As I smashed into that tree I could see their faces. Dr. Manhattan. Adrian Veidt. Little Figure. A dead dog. The child murderer Grice. My mother. I saw them all as the tree heavily dented under my rage." After a while, i had close my eyes while still continuing the punching. Then when I tried to punch again, I swung into air and fell forward onto my face.  In surprise I looked up to see that a piece of the tree 1 meter tall, where I had been punching was gone. The part of the tree above which I vented my anger was still and seemed to be in the same state as it was in before. I stood up and tried to touch the missing trunk finding only air.

I looked down at my hands to see them battered and bloody, but there was also something strange in my right hand. It was a floating piece of wood that looked remarkably like the section of tree I was taking out my rage on. It was spinning as it was floating in my hand, turning counter clockwise as it did, and slightly adjusting its elevation also.

Confused at what it was I threw it on the ground where it proceeded to float just as like it did over my hand. Now curious I picked it up again, and tried to fit it back onto the tree (I didn't know as to why this might work because it was scaled down about 10 times to what the original must have been) and surprisingly it popped into place.

Next chapter is going to hurt, one way or another. Of course, this includes both possibilities of heartbreak and laughter, so I'm awaiting it eagerly.

I can see RainbowDash dive bombing him out of nowhere for this with... unpleasant results

This story appeals to my interests. Looking forward to more.

Getting interesting.... I'm looking forward to next chapter.

Yes ! We have left the Journal... Loving the story.

Pinkie Predator. And the story is good. Keep it up sir.

I quite like this. As has been mentioned, some of the writing doesn't sound like Rorschach, but the parts that have been written so far could be adjusted to his voice without losing anything, I believe.

I quite like this, and will be watching for more!

If I could make a recommendation? I love the way you've emulated Rorschach's self-narration style almost perfectly, but it's kind of hard to read for long periods of time. It'd be a good idea to switch to story mode soon, perhaps with only a paragraph of journal entry to start each chapter.

>>176214176214 haha minecraft joke.

>>176208176208

the movie itself is okay, it's the people who have read the graphic novel before hand that thought it was terrible, which I can understand why. In the movie, they left out a massive part of the plot to fit for time, as if they added the part of the actual plot, it would be like 3-4 hours or something.

>>176208176208 There are mistakes in your comment. Firstly, you called Watchmen a movie. It is a graphic novel. Second, you did not mention how you punched cousin in the face for his horrific claim. That is all. I hope you enjoy it when you get around to READING Watchmen.

Tracking like a bawss.

Rorschach found by the CMC. This is going to be interesting.

CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MONSTER FINDERS!! YAY!!

Im loving the story and the rapid updates.

>>175836175836 That is a far better ponification of the same quote that I tried to ponify in a previous comment.

Here have an internet.

>>175157175157 So it will be third person narration with a Rorschach filter when its not his journal or will it be third person narration following only Rorschach around rather than hopping to other characters?

While the question will be resolved (likely in the next chapter), I'm just curious as to how things will shift to accommodate conversations and scenes.

>>176530176530 The story will remain in first person perspective of Rorschach but I'm thinking of toning down Rorschach's influence in the main writing. Chapter 2 I had written first entirely as if Rorschach was thinking it with short choppy sentences. Honestly it looked terrible to me so I went back this afternoon and remade it. My plan is like I said, to have clearer sentences and structure. It might not feel as much as Rorschach in his journals (which will remain the same tone and style as it was in chapter 1) but I honestly think it will be better this way to be clear and descriptive at the sacrifice of some of Rorschach's tone.

Tracking with intent

>>176520176520 Gee thanks mister!

Wow, you sure made the ponies big.

Rorschach is twice as tall as the Cutie Mark Crusaders? That puts him at the same height as most ponies. Big Mac would be bigger and Celestia would tower over him too.

>>176621176621 Never honestly thought about that. In retrospect Rorschach would be taller but still he isn't that tall in the first place. Don't know any measurements but I want to say he's 5'5 to 5'7 (Jackie Earle Haley who potrayed Rorschach in the film was 5'5 but looking at the comics then back to the movie I figured an average of the two worked.

Okay now that's just going to bug me, I'm just going to change that.

I like this. You really seemed to delve deep into Rorschach. Quality stuff, though I'm stunned at quite how stealthy he's being... But thats a minor gripe.

Image: http://mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw892_131715680015.png

Have some stars

Love it love it love it.

Some constructive love though: A few times you change perspective between first and third person. "He had not thought though that it was a society devoid of crime." Also, there is some inconsistency with style. It started off with the typical "journal entry" style, then to him telling a story. I feel as though the story telling style makes it a bit easier to read for several thousand words.

Rorschach: I'm nutty!

(please tell me somebody gets that refrence)

>>176748176748 Oh thank you so much for catching that. I absolutely hate how sometimes my tendency to go into third person bleeds through when it should be first person, I triple checked to make sure but it seems at least one got through. Off to reread again. And also i did discuss the journal vs. story telling earlier- that should be corrected by the third chapter.

Yay, I'm the 666th reader.

Just... just the way you have characterized him is beyond perfect.  Such emotion and conflict... its all as genuine and compelling as Rorschach should be.  I am tracking this.  This is the best crossover I've seen in a long time.

mmm... so thats why Rorschach left his skelleton at the end of watchmen even though he was teleported, really good explanation, but there is a plot hole, how come Rorschach can read Equestrian? and if it is the same as English, why didn't he commented on that : "Books written in English, strangely convenient"  Also when he read about the princesses he didn't question the fact that they rise the sun and the moon? I am sure he wold have say something like "seems like a folk-tale maybe to glorify the royalty" or something like that. He seems to accept the concept rather easily.

I'm not even a Watchfan and I'm tracking thing.

>>176648176648

It's not that Rorschach's tall, I know that he's a bit shorter than average.

The thing is, how tall are you having the ponies be?

According to most of the theories, the average pony (Twilight Sparkle, Caramel, etc..) is just about 3-3.5ft tall and Celestia being about 6-6.2ft tall. This would also put the average foal (cutie mark crusaders for ex.) about 1.5-2ft tall.

This is all speculation of course, but you can see how this could make it seem like Rorschach was made pint-size. *DAMN YOU MANHATTEN!*

My apologies if this seems like bitching.

I had my doubts on the first part of the story and how it would work, but now I'm liking this thing more and more.

Firstly, I think your way of constructing Rorschach is fine. Although I wasn't one to fully read the graphic novel and never once watched the movie, I was able to grasp his thought patterns and way of rationalizing things into short sentences. You kept it to heart, but expanded it a bit more, giving us as readers a better view of his thought process.

I also noticed the third person in that one sentence, but heck, this story is keeping me enticed so I never mind an error or two.

I must say that the absolute BEST part of this one was the twist that he is technically "dead" and yet just alive in another dimension. The way you played it, I wouldn't have believed it beforehand.

Kudos, 5 stars, an Internet, a Track, and a Watch. Keep it up.

>>175393175393

Suggestion noted and added to my queue!

I like where this is going. I cant wait for the next chapter.

>>176995176995

Granny Smith's map from Family Appreciation Day was written using the roman alphabet, so it's plausible, if not canonical, that they write in English

I'm curious as to how Rorschach is gonna get any answers out of anypony.

They don't have any fingers to break!

I'm surprised that Rorschach didn't jump to the conclusion that ponies were communists and their "tattoos" indicated the assignment issued to them by their "communist" leaders

I still never understood how Rorsh's mask works...

>>176783176783

STRONG TOGETHER

UNITED FOREVER

THEY'RE THE BEST OF FRIENDS!

Also.

If you finish this soon, I will give you cake.

I will find out where you live.

And I will mail you a cake.

Now this looks interesting. Love the graphic novel (Movie: meh), so I couldn't resist.

Glad I didn't. Keep this up.

Am very curious as to where this new journal came from, or how his mask returned to his mug.

>>175413175413  Interesting thought on this. It would explain why the author mentions it being 2012 when Rorschach dies in 1985. Maybe Manhatten teleported him to the future he already knew he'd create. Although why Manhatten would create ponies is beyond me, but that would make him like, the ultimate brony or something.

Initial expectations were bad, I thought this was basically another GORDAN FREEMANS WAS STUDYINGS IN HIS WAS STUDYINGS LABRATORIES', but was plesantly prooved wrong when this turned out to be nothing short of brilliant! You write pretty much exactly like 'Rorschach' did from the novel and it exhibits the desperate struggle of the Watchmen and the character nigh perfectly. Pour butter on my head and call me a joystick, it appears a diamond has risen from the rhinestones. Continue, but don't over do it with pinkie pie or have him do anything other than 'wtf is this shit' lest this become inanely typical.

TL;DR: MOARplzkthx

... Must have more... Tracking... AMAZING!!!!!!!!

>>176208176208 do yourself a favor, read the comic. the movie is... passable, but the comic is amazing.

>>176208176208

Fuck the movie, read the graphic novel.

Alan Moore >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

You know, normally I dislike human-in-equestria fics. For whatever reason they rub me the wrong way.

I also dislike Rorschach - the character was a large part of what made the Watchmen story so compelling, and I'd not have a thing about him changed to better suit my tastes, but if he were a real person I'd have no choice but to slap him. Repeatedly.

Somehow, this combination of two things I have no favor for have made for an interesting story so far. I am so glad I chose not to pass this up.

Let me preface this statement by stating that I have always found crossovers an "iffy" proposition, and "Humans in Equestria" stories doubly so. It was with a grain of salt that I undertook the reading of this work. As someone who first became aware of The Watchmen way back when it existed only as a graphic novel I decided that I would undertake the reading of this story only if one aspect immediately and continuously "worked" for me.

In short, I decided that I would be continuing to read this story if Rorschach acted and behaved the way he did in the novel (and to a lesser extent, the movie).

That I have sat here eagerly anticipating the next chapter should be proof that you have done excellently with this concept and this work  to this point. You are to be congratulated for finding the middle ground between Rorschach's world and the series canon. The character himself is believable in his actions.

There are many traps awaiting you. You have not chosen an easy path for this story. I would only caution you not to go too far towards any one strong temptation, maintain the balance of Rorschach's gritty, dirty worldview and the essentially Utopian society the ponies enjoy. If you can maintain his characterization while letting him grow, question his beliefs, then you will have accomplished something of immense worth.

Without trying to influence your plans for the story I genuinely hope that his murderer's last wish for Rorschach will come true; That Rorschach will die, and that Walter will find peace.

Well done, good luck!