- Member Since 20th Apr, 2012
- offline last seen Mar 10th, 2013
Pegacorn Ondacob
Just a humble pony writing stories. https://twitter.com/#!/Fluttermommy
Pegacorn Ondacob
Joined 20th Apr, 2012 ·
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I choose >rape.
Interesting concept!
Option P is the only correct chapter in this story. Here's to more retroactive changes to beloved brony fics. Clearly Pinkie Pie created Rainbow Dash from cupcakes, and realizing just how much of an overly egotistical asshole she was, set her back to her native form o frosting and cake. Someone should write that.... I'd read it...
interesting
It was... something.
Rushed, not particularly engaging, with lacklustre writing. As someone who likes this sort of thing, I didn't like your presentation of it.
That was pretty good Pegacorn, amazing as always.
I loved the bit where Fluttershy took a dose of her own medicine.
Where the heck have you been!?
I cant do this
It was good but to hard to follow I wanted ready a story not play hide an seek with it lol
Honestly I think it would have been better to not have the the readers trying to find there choices but that's my option tho
For those having trouble navigating the story, remember that Ctrl-F is your friend. ;)
2228814 1. I'm using an iPad.
2. I'm a male, dang it!
Huh... this is interesting, but looking through the choices after completing it once naturally, there are a few immediate problems I'm noticing. (Spoilers below for anyone who hasn't read it already.)
-In a few endings, Fluttershy seems to rather honestly state that she doesn't force this on anypony, and sure enough, she does release everypony involved except presumably Rainbow Dash. But this is rather strongly and directly contradicted by Section J, in which she does so anyway. I suppose you could argue that the pressure of getting law enforcement involved could change her tune, but it feels more like Fluttershy's belief system is changing based on the reader's unrelated choices, which is a negative trope of the choose-your-own-adventure genre. Characters should be consistent throughout all paths unless something observably changes them.
-For a choose-your-own-adventure, it seems to lack a few obvious choices! In every path where you're accepting of what Fluttershy is doing, it ends with one personal session at most, and then you're back to being a normal adult mare, but in the "bad" ending, it's likely to be permanent. Given who your readers likely are, it seems like an odd omission that there's no voluntary path toward something more permanent (or at least longer than one session) even if every choice made was in favor of the treatment. If Fluttershy is willing to take the reader in due to the events leading to Section J, surely she would be ecstatic about a voluntary addition to her family.
Other than those nitpicks, it's well-written and largely pleasant, not a bad read at all. And the joking Section P for people that try to skip the choice system for the ending was utter hilarity.
I did Section I, then Section H, then Section N, then Section A, then Section D, then finally Section G. Section G feels like the best ending for me but to each their own.
2228814
I'm just thinking if roaming through the text to find the appropriate choices is a problem for readers, you could always put each ending and choice into a separate chapter with a clickable link at the bottom.
dat fucking end to this story , rofl....
2228231
How Would you even start that
P is best section
I had to take some time to properly review this, so I'm going to say the following:
As a fan of choose your own adventure type things, I approve of someone attempting to do this, really I do.
And I pretty much liked your execution. I wish you had taken a bit more time to take the edit bat to things, or possibly had divided the choices into chapters (though the editors might have been mad at you for that), but I enjoy your writing and I enjoy your work. I think you just needed to take more time to polish this.
Good day.
I'm a bit late to the party, but I enjoyed it non-the-less
J is best ending 
I really liked this. :)
Liked this.... I'm waitting for more...
I...uh...
well, i don't have much to say about this story. But, it was really good. And...kinda hard to read. Well, if someone thinks of reading all of the sections in order. Yup, that's pretty hard.
Still good.
I got the section M ending
Section P is best ending. xD
In this series would Fluttermomma be an antagonist or a protagonist? I can't tell because people seem to accept the idea, yet Rainbow Dash is forced into it.
3062907
She's only ever been the protagonist in Pattycakes 0. As for the first two, she's clearly antagonistic. In this, with the exception of Section J and possibly Section O, she's honestly neither since she's not opposing you in any way since, with the exception of K, the other endings has you voluntarily choosing to either accept or respectfully decline her offer to join in.
Speaking of Section O, that's got to be the worst ending of them all due to how badly The Protagonist and Bon Bon treat Fluttershy.
Section P.
I got out alive!
I have this weird conspiracy. It goes like this first someponies number comes up for fluttershy then when they feel the pleasures of infantilism for a bit pinkie takes them in and turns them in to cupcakes so they can't tell anypony. Weird theory yes but it makes some sense considering they both use the 'number' system
This was amazing
great job 
4121496 I disagree. Pinkamena uses a mysterious, unexplained different "number system" than Fluttershy from this story to brutalize and kill ponies, even her own friends. Fluttershy uses a Bingo "number system" to destroy the adult minds of another pony whose name popped up for about 24 hours or longer ("longer" for Rainbow Dash, who remained in this state for a whole month) by forcing them to think like a 1 year old using Foalmula. True, they both use "number systems", however the systems are different. Good theory, though.
Did this make sense to you?
It barely did for me.
My reaction to Section P: WHAT?!?!?!
4572980 yes but as you said pinkie's number system is unexplained And fluttershy's is random by her bingo machine. So unless there is a pattern to pinkie's system, it still allows a direct lead off to fluttershy's bingo system .
And yes I did understand what you where saying. ( well I'm most certain I did )
Uhh.... quite confusing.
I got the section J ending.
I ALWAYS GET THE SECTION J ENDING.
4573201 Not only that, but when Pinkie straps you to that table, there's no going back (unless you're my OC, but still).
interesting. I liked ending J
okay so I got 2 things to say:
1.This all started from a BOOK
)
2.Section P was so random. It wasn't even a choice in the entire story (unless I misread and I am wrong; I am pretty sure the was no lead to Section P tho.
5622654 just play safe with fluts except when u side with Bon Bon. that ending was the first I got
4814613 no there wasn't.
2827731 She either:
a) has a "right" to doing this to ponies (so the authorities captured you)
b) did it to some of the authorities so that she could get on their good side (so the authoritites captured you)
c) was informed by pinkie pie (refer to Pattyckes 2) so fluttershy spyed on you the entire time when you were looking for Lyra and took you away when the authorities escorted you in the office
5622654 No! *Crosses arms, pouting*
dude HOW do you get to section P?!?! I WANNA KNOW!!!!!
7689534 You don't. It's just a joke option.
Final E e G strange but sweet
Final P strange,strange,strange,strange,strange,strange,strange,strange,strange,strange,strange,ecc.
Final J not good but sweet.
Best ending G,sweet
As someone who use to skip and see the endings in Choose your own adventure books, P gave me a chuckle
OK. Your writing looks very guiding. Commendable for a CYOA... But placing it in its entirety inside one chapter?? Dang! Thought it wasn't a CYOA at all! You had me going there!.. And the inconvenience of SEARCHING for the section titles? Man! Da fudge?? I like to navigate CYOA-s via links, thank you very much!..
(Got the "Section M" ending, by the way.)