An interesting start, not enough to rate just yet, but you definitely have a lot of potential

Tracking to see what comes next!

Very unique (as far as I've seen) story idea and interesting plot and main character. But chapter 2 will need the same love chapter 1 got with grammatical fixes. Keep it up.

Oooooo this intrigues me so but grammar could be better but I'm

Tracking this to see what happens nexts.

A great start, and won't deny that I got a few manly tears from the video

I rushed the first chapter out because I was so excited. I'll make sure I don't do that again in the future. Now enjoy the first chapter since it's actually readable. If you already read it, I suggest rereading it.

If that's your first story, then you've been hiding a talent away from yourself for far too long!

I'm not big on the whole "no posessions" thing, but I can see where it would form a hook for your story. Bravo, carry on, I'm intrigued.

Take your time on the whole spelling and grammar - I advise (though I rarely follow my own advice, just like Alice) to finish writing, sleep on it and then edit it the next day before posting.

Ahem, a couple of (trivial?) things. 15 billion in 2035 is impossible -- that'd mean the birth rate of the world would almost triple for the next 23 years. Also, why would synthetic food taste bad? This is one of the most unbelievable things in many, many stories with synthetic (or artificial, or whatever people choose to call it) food. Remember the stuff they eat in The Matrix? Anyway, taste can be added into anything, and that's not sci-fi, they do it every day. And also, computers making all our music... Really?

If you want to create a setting like this so that it doesn't take too much time to write, I don't think this is the best way (or even a relatively decent way) to do it. Again, you're not alone here, even I may have done things the same way not too long ago. Instead of just explaining very briefly how things are -- right now it seems like corporations want to destroy Earth -- either reveal details gradually, or just make someone declare: "The world is shitty. Too much people, too much pollution, not enough alcohol." These, of course, are mere two examples.

Anything else? Well, nothing much, the real story hasn't begun yet. The short paragraph with "one of the problems my mom said I had" feels very out of place.

>>184500184500

My character was born in 2035. It is about 2055 when the story takes place. I forgot to mention my character's age...

Well, that kinda stinks... though looking forward to the next chapter to see if he does get Converted

Good story. I'm not really with the conversion bureau, but good, all the same. tacky-tacky-tracking time.

hmm...where have I seen this before Looking forward to helping you with editing in future chapters.

>>198623198623

If my rehearsal schedule wasn't so demanding, I would have put it this chapter. But don't worry, He shall get converted soon...

>>198641198641 Excellent, looking forward to it friend

CURSE YOU CLIFF HANGERS!!! I demand to see an update soon since you have left me on the cliff hanger of death and doom and curiosity... but keep up the good work mate.

A WILD SPOILER HAS APPEARED IN THE CHARACTER LIST!!!

Tracked as promised

An excellent chapter Les, though you're a terrible tease for making me wait to see Nathan get Converted

THANKS! Sorry man, but I told you I don't really plan stuff in advanced. If something seems to be working, I go with it. I'll get there eventually, and it will be glorious!

I require more.

>>172451172451 indeed, i can already tell this should be good.

You are forever such a terrible tease

Keep it up bro

Sees update and is happy. Reads it and theres cliff hangers. So that means we get a whole chapter of the conversion process, looking forward to it.

short and sweet, could do with more meat on the bones though.

The speech was great, i'm confused as to why a person who looks like Adolf Hitler was saying it.

>>348517348517

That's Charlie Chaplain!

sorry, it looked a bit like him.

I am on your fic. Readin' yo shit.

The odd typo.

A competently written, simple conversion fic. (So far.)

I like it - have a banana sticker. There's more where that came from, so keep it up!

yay! A banana sticker!

Yay! It updates!

Also, can't wait for next chapter!

Yay it updated AND OH MY GAWD ITS BEAUTIFUL!

>>605243605243

Aw shucks

>>605711605711 Not as a beautiful mare like your self, but its really really good... now may I please have some more?

>>605741605741

Sigh...

I should have it up in a week. It was already half written and will end up pretty long.

Holy crap, I thought you'd abandoned this! What a blast from the actually quite recent past!

>>608786608786

I got a little stumped as to what to do with this story for awhile. I worked on the beginnings of Easy Flier for a bit, and one day it hit me as to where to go with this fic. I'll be rotating between the two stories until they are finished. There now you all know my evil-I mean happy plans...

Yes. Happy...

I find this relatable.

Not really but another chapter well done.

…I'd forgotten about this! I'm happy that you haven't abandoned it, that seems to happen more frequently than an ending. Then again, the ORIGINAL just stopped, so perhaps one can call it a perverse tradition.

>>802485802485

lol. Yeah, I never plan on abandoning my fics. My OCD would prevent that... I just take a bit of time to update.