• Member Since 5th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen February 20th

Taranasauruso_o


The freshest beats available any time, here. Also, the freshest ships and editing. Seriously, if you want me to edit something send me a PM. Please. I'm so bored. Also my favourite pone is Vinyl.

E

Twilight Sparkle, element of magic and beloved student of Princess Celestia, has never truly felt pain. She's never been seriously injured, never seen her love stolen by another, and never lost the ones she loves. When someone dear to her is taken, she has nopony to turn to but Fluttershy, who has been dealing with some internal battles of her own.

A one-shot sadfic written for Formal's Great Fanfic challenge on BroniesAustralia.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 19 )

"Twiloght". is that a new OC?
what does "fompassionate" mean?

Great story! I think it was very creative! (I am not a hater, but I'm not a big fan of Twilight and Fluttershy...gay... y'know? :twilightblush:)

lawl. just lawl:rainbowlaugh: but kissing:pinkiesick: hey anyways good story,

Good story. :ajsmug:

2223502
They're new words you silly!

No but really, I wrote this whole thing on my phone, so it was a little hard to pick out errors like that. Thanks so much! What did you think of the story otherwise? Too cliche?

2225521
Thanks! Yeah, I'm not really into the whole romance thing either, but I though it would fit better here, and it turns out it did.

2224865
Don't sweat it man, To be honest I don't really enjoy it either. This story was focused more on the emotional side of it, while my trixie x vinyl story focused on everyday life in an odd relationship. Still, tahnks for reading man!

2227697
Thanks dude!
Means a lot.

2223502
Did some editing, and fixed a bunch of stuff. God there were so many spelling mistakes.

Again, thanks for pointing those out!

2228437>>2228452 :heart:ed the story, but mistakes that once existed just make me so mad!:flutterrage:

Sad but very sweet. I like it! :twilightsmile: :heart: :yay:

I really tried. I did. Your word choice and tensing was actually off putting.
But I made it though all of that until I hit:

I knew it was naught but endorfins my brain had released

Bombarded with images of ewoks riding dolphins, the constant self correction of lines like "I tried to forgot" made this story too hard to read. Your mood is broken by the constant errors, your basis is questionable, and I'm almost sure it'll only continue getting worse.

2638026
Brutal, but honest, thanks for that, you just ruined my day.

And my Maths exam went so well!

And yes, I know this story is bloody terrible, and riddled with mistakes, but I want you to get on a mobile phone and pump out six thousand words in one weekend at your uncles wedding, alright?

Still, the endorfins thing was stupid, but I can't really understand what that has to do with Ewoks or dolphins. Maybe it's just your mindset, but whatever.

But maybe, instead of just blatantly insulting me, you could have done what other people have done before, and helped me out? Pointed out these 'constant errors' so that I can correct them?

Aside from that, I've already stuck this under a heavy rewrite, and I'm noticing a lot of issues here and there, so I'll give it another go, and see if I can fix up a lot of these mistakes. Also, I'm adding quite a bit onto the story itself, and extending a lot of what happened.

Hopefully you can give my other, more 'fleshed-out' fics a go and see that I don't just write sad-mushy romance stories that are riddled with mistakes.

Thanks for trying all the same!

2640605
The forest moon of Endor and dolphin fins. How do people not get that?

I have no problem with putting 6k words into a phone with the intent to complete a story. But that's the writing phase. I believe that the writing phase should also include an editing phase, don't you? Shouldn't you polish a work before it's put out for the public?

If you notice, I had no problem with the story. simply with the rough draft state of the story breaking the mood. And unfortunately, the mood of a sad-mushy story is what the story is about. I liked the story enough that having that mood broken regularly wasn't making me give up until I was distracted into thinking of a completely nonsensical image.

2642145
The editing process was pretty much null, seeing as this was for a competition and was to be done in time restraints.

I know I should have edited it more before uploading to here, but I thought 'what the heck!' And did it anyway.

......almost cried......standing ovation:pinkiesad2::pinkiesad2::pinkiesad2::pinkiesad2::pinkiesad2:/5

5478662

c:

Was it bad :O, or good :O?

5479350 uhhhhh great writing but the thought of fluttershy using spikes death to get with twilight is a real dick move

I sad (at first) and Cute story. Well to be honest i am not that type of person who cry's only in special occasions. But still a little sad. But then at the end it got nice and funny.

"Oh my goodness I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me, I must have been-"
"-Fluttershy-"
"-Out of my mind to think that-"
"-Fluttershy-"
"-was even a good idea in th-"
"Fluttershy!" I stopped, turning to face the red Twilight, who had leapt of the couch and grabbed me by the shoulders. "Stop." I breathed out a sigh, before nodding. I could see her breathing slow as she calmed. She shook her head, before continuing. "What you just did there was-"
"Brash and brutish?"
"No."
"Completely unforgivable?"
"No."
"A complete violation of your rights?"
"I was going to say amazing." She sighed, a smile playing on her lips.

That was my favorite part xD very good i did not expect that. 10/10 very well

"No." I stood, my horn glowing. Instantly, the doctors sprung to work, two of them wrapping their hooves around my forelegs, before dragging me backwards. "No." They pulled me out into the corridor, and I started to kick, flailing my limbs in a desperate attempt to loosen their grips. "No!"

Even if Twilight was about to do something she would possibly regret, doctors taking the initiative and just coldly dragging and locking a loved one outside of the room or restraining the patient 'for their own good' is one of my big pet peeves and one of the many reasons I hate hospitals.

That was an emotional rollercoaster and I love the story

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