So there I was. Chillin’ in Twilight Sparkle’s basement looking through a book she let me pick out. That’s right, the books are in English! I totally knew they would be. As I recall, Granny Smith was singing the English alphabet in the Zap Apple episode. Also, Cheerilee was using Arabic numerals when teaching arithmetic in school.
Anyway, I was looking through a book on magic theory. It was surprisingly vague. When you think science, you typically think of lots of figures and formulas. Of course, the study of magic couldn’t be the same. I’m good with formulas, but when I read a book and it talks about “channeling your inner will power,” I kinda lose interest. I just want to know the how and why of magic. Meh, I guess it doesn’t really matter all that much. It’s not like I’m going to learn how to use magic, right? Right? (Please let me be wrong.)
The book quickly grew boring as it droned on and on about “envisioning” and “embodiment” and other big words that don’t really mean all that much to me. I lazily tossed it to the side and leaned back onto my jerry-rigged cot. It was really a cot, a chest, several stacks of books, a few blankets, and several decorative pillows from around the library. I’ve slept on worse (The worst would probably be when sleeping on rocks covered with about 2 inches of rainwater. That was NOT a fun backpacking trip...), so it wasn’t all that bad.
I pulled my iPod out of my bag and popped in my earbuds. I hit shuffle and smiled softly as Louis Armstrong’s voice began singing in my ears, and I joined my voice with his.
Twilight waited for Spike to get home from Rarity’s and paced the floor, her mind abuzz with the many questions she wanted to ask the alien she had in her basement. There was so much about him and his companions that she wanted, no, needed to know. It was taking all of her self restraint to keep from flying down the steps to start picking his brain.
Just as she was about to lose her mind (again), Spike arrived at the door.
“Twilight! What is going on? Rarity was walking with these two weird looking creatures! They seemed pretty nice, but I’m still worried about her.” Spike wrung his claws anxiously. “She said you had one of those creatures here too...” Spike glanced around the library, looking for anything out of place.
“Oh Spike, don’t worry. He’s really quite nice,” her mind reviewed some of Isaac’s more unusual remarks (something about bananas?), “...in a strange sort of way.”
“If you say so...” Spike still looked a little worried. “Where is he now?”
Twilight gestured to the basement door. “He’s resting downstairs with a book on magic theory, though why he chose that, I’m not sure.”
Spike shrugged in response, and the two went through the doorway down into the basement. The stairway was a little crowded with some experiments that had to be moved to make room for Isaac to sleep down in the cluttered room. They saw Isaac resting on his homemade cot with some sort of string coming out of his ears. His eyes were closed, and he didn’t seem to have heard them come down the stairs. Just as Twilight was about to open her mouth to greet her alien visitor, he started to sing.
The song was smooth, and his deep baritone voice crooned beautiful lyrics of the majesty of the world. A peaceful smile graced Isaac’s face as he recited the words of the song, singing to music that only he could hear. Twilight and Spike stood there, entranced by his song. They found themselves smiling at the song’s message. As Isaac sang the final words, he opened his eyes and finally noticed Twilight and Spike staring at him.
As the final notes died, I opened my eyes to see Twilight and Spike staring at me. “Was I too loud?” At least they hadn’t walked in on me singing anything bad... Though I wonder what their reaction would be to some of the Irish drinking songs I have on my iPod.... Hmmm.... or perhaps a selection from The Producers?
They recovered from their shock and Twilight stammered, “N-no! Not at all. It’s just that, um, well... you have a very nice singing voice.” Spike nodded emphatically as well. Hmmm... Not sure if honest, or being nice... I mean, I think that I have a pretty good singing voice, but to leave them speechless?
Twilight suddenly seemed to remember Spike’s presence. “Oh! Isaac, this is Spike. He is my assistant and dear friend.”
“Sup brah?” Spike looked at me, confused as to the meaning of my unusual greeting. I sighed. “It’s a slang term from my culture. Essentially it evolved from the phrase, ‘What is up, brother?’ asking how they were doing and referring to them as a brother as a term of endearment. Over time, the phrase was shortened and mutated into various forms. The most common of which being, ‘Sup brah?’ That’s just a bit of American etymology for ya.”
While my explanation was going on, my iPod continued to play in my ear. French opera had begun to play after Louis, and while I do enjoy a good opera, I wasn’t really in the mood. I clicked the in-line remote on my earbuds, earning an odd glance from my observers, and skipped to the next song.
My iPod must have a sense of humor because the Pony Chorale from Homestuck started playing. I couldn’t restrain my grin as it stretched across my face at this oddly apt choice of music. Spike seemed to be a little stunned at my seemingly inexplicable behavior, so Twilight attempted to move the conversation along. “So.... um, how are you enjoying that copy of the Principles of Theoretical Unicorn Magic? It isn’t too far over your head I hope.”
“Hm? Oh this?” I held up the discarded book. “Well, it’s mostly a lot of gibberish to me. I was hoping for more hard facts like formulas and figures. Perhaps even some diagrams of how a unicorn’s horn converts will power into a usable energy field.”
Twilight looked somewhat taken aback. “So, you didn’t like it?”
“Not at all, I found it quite interesting, but I’m just used to working with numbers and data, not mental states of enlightenment. I’d love to know the quantum physics implications alone of magic, but I never really got that far into it before switching majors, so I can’t really do too much theorizing.” I love the science and theories behind everything, but I hate doing the actual work of calculating and such.
Spike spoke up finally, “What kind of physics? I didn’t think there was more than one kind.” He scratched his head with his clawed hand (?), confusion clearly showing on his face. Even Twilight looked a little confused, though she looked to be more interested than anything. I’m almost worried as to what will happen if I teach her about atomic theory... How to change the topic...
“Er... um, I’m not sure if I should- OH HEY LOOK! A SCENE TRANSITION!”
Meanwhile at Sugarcube Corner, a pink pony giggled to herself as she sensed the ripples in the fourth wall.
The screen flashed with a notification. An incoming call.
“For your sake, I hope you have good news.” There had been far too many reports of failure lately. None of them were met with the slightest show of lenience.
The man was clearly sweating, but he managed to reply, “Y-yes sir. We’ve found them. Some sort of freak energy surge pulled the transfer off course.”
“Did the flash clones make the transfer?”
The shadowed figure operating the screen slowly grinned. “So everyone on that dirtball of a planet still has no clue what we’re up to?”
“That is correct sir. I have already dispatched an agent to retrieve the cargo. He should be arriving shortly.” He peered into the shadows, attempting to see some sort of detail other than that sadistic smile. However, the room was so dark, nothing else could be seen. Just the light reflecting off of those pointed teeth.
“Excellent. Notify me upon their capture, and inform our agent to feel free to grab any extra assets that he comes across.”
With that, the call terminated, leaving the room pitch black once more, but even in the dark, one could still see that predatory smirk...
After an exceedingly long conversation about who I was, where I came from, yadda yadda yadda, I finally managed to get them to leave me alone and go to bed. While I was still interested in learning more about the land of the best show of all time, I was really tired. Turns out chasing after a crazed Greek warrior and then having to explain interdimensional and time travel to people and ponies who have no concept of what I’m talking about is really tiring.
Anywho, I woke up the next morning feeling pretty groggy. Well, “woke up” is a relative term I suppose. Ya see, I’m not really what’s known as a “morning person.” I work the night shifts for a reason. If I’m awake before 10:00 AM, then I’m a zombie. Now then, this being said, you can see how I wouldn’t be too enthusiastic about being awakened at 7:00 AM by Spike jostling my shoulder.
“Hey, you need to get up or you’re gonna miss breakfast!” Spike nudged me harder.
His efforts were met with an unintelligible stream of grunts, murmurs, and sighs. Friggin dragon won’t listen my distorted complaints and bug off... He continued jostling me. So I responded, “ahjaphnaziasdfmovie breakfast.....”
“Oh come on! I made pancakes!”
He used the magical word. PANCAKES! I sat up quickly, practically launching him across the room. “Why didn’t you say so in the first place? Do you have maple syrup?”
“Course we have syrup,” casually replied Spike, dusting himself off. “What kind of pancake doesn’t go with syrup?”
“Good answer.” I stood up, stretching my back and popping various joints.Now I towered several feet over Spike, who only came up to mid thigh on me. “Now then, the important question... Do you have orange juice?”
“Ummm.... no?” Spike was having to lean back to talk to me.
“Aaaaand like that, you’ve lost me.” I plopped back down onto the bed. You can’t have breakfast without OJ. It’s another one of those unwritten laws that I have. Though milk is an acceptable substitute under certain circumstances, the ideal substitute is a cold glass of limeade. Don’t ask me why, but it is the best thing to wake up to in the morning. I don’t drink coffee. I mean, I have plenty of energy as is (excluding the mornings), I’d hate to see what happened if I drank that much caffeine.
Twilight’s voice came down from the door, “Isaac if you don’t get up here, I’m going to let Spike eat all your pancakes.”
No one touches my pancakes. Ever.
In a flash I was up the stairs, past Twilight, in the kitchen, sitting at the table with fork and knife in hand. Wait. Why do they even have utensils? Well, I guess Spike can use them, and Twilight could always use her magic...
My musings were interrupted by Twilight and Spike entering the kitchen chuckling. “I’ve never seen somepony who likes pancakes as much as you do.”
“Well, when you come from a fairly big family, if you don’t get to the table fast enough, the food will be gone before you even get a bite. Plus pancakes are just amazing.” Spike joined me at the table as Twilight levitated stacks of steaming pancakes over to our plates. Spike immediately drenched his in syrup, but there was something missing from mine.
“Say, I don’t suppose you have any peanut butter?” I raised an eyebrow hopefully.
“Peanut butter? Well yes, but what do you need it for?” Twilight floated a jar of it out of a cupboard.
“For my pancakes.”
Now it was her turn to raise an eyebrow.
“No I’m serious. Peanut butter on pancakes is amazing.” Gotta have my peanut butter fix, and since I’m not likely to get any meat around here, I need to get protein somehow.
Twilight shook her head, dismissing my question as another of my quirks and tossed the jar of peanut butter over to me. I used my knife to put a layer of the brown goodness on each of my pancakes till I had constructed an edible tower of peanut butter and syrup smothered breakfast. I took a bite.
“This is INCREDIBLE!” I dug back into the pile of food. I took another mouthful of pancake, only to stop and look at them. They were watching me intently as I chewed softly. I chortled in my throat and gave them a pancake and peanut butter coated smile as I began to chew again.
After breakfast, we all cleaned up the dishes. They were surprised at how quickly washing dishes goes with hands. I never really cared for dishwashers, so I always did everything by hand anyway, so we had that kitchen spotless in no time. I popped into the bathroom, which looked disturbingly similar to a human one, and freshened up a bit. Gotta look good for da ladies, know what I’m sayin’? *facepalm* Nevermind.
Once Spike and Twilight finished making up their to-do list for the day (thankfully, they did that while I was in the shower), we headed out to check in on my fellow humans, and to see about properly introducing us to Ponyville. This ought to be fun...
Stalliongrad is a magnificent city with towering buildings and a booming industry-fueled economy, but beneath it’s shiny exterior is a dark underbelly that could rival even the darkest of cities on Earth. The high crime rate attracts all sorts of shady characters, both ponies and monsters alike. Anything was for sale if the price was right.
The agent winked into existence in a side alley. His dark cloak shielded him from any prying eyes. Intel said that the bar across the street would be a good place to pick up some mercs to track down the missing cargo. While he could probably get all four of them by himself, having some extra muscle would be quite helpful.
He strode across the empty street into the run down bar, The Dragon’s Scale. A hush fell over the tavern as an unfamiliar figure blocked the doorway. Minotaurs, griffins, ponies, and an assortment of other creatures looked at him with undisguised suspicion. It appeared that the subtle approach was out the window.
“What have we got here? Looks like somepony doesn’t want their face to be seen.” A griffin with something to prove was hovering in front of him. It reached forward to pull back the hood. Before it ever touched the cloth, the griffin was launched across the room by an explosive kick. The taser built into his shoe shocked the offending creature into unconsciousness. All was still while the bar goers waited to see who would make the next move.
“I’m in no mood for games. I came here to hire some... assistants to help me track down some important cargo for my employer.” His voice was sharp and deep.
Whispers flew around through the bar, but before long, a clawed hand raised into the air. “We’ll takesss your offer sssstranger...” an emaciated lizard-like creature hissed, gesturing to the minotaur, griffin, unicorn, and diamond dog who he shared a table with. The agent’s heads up display informed him the creature speaking was a kobold. A barbaric species who only lived to kill and eat. It appeared this one was the speaker for it’s little band of mercenaries.
“Very well... come with me, and we shall discuss the details and your pay...” he turned and walked out of the bar with his new entourage behind him. It will be a busy night...