Twilight has been asked to look over Canterlot while Celestia and Luna are away, and is forced to cooperate with Discord to make up for her inexperience. However, can Twilight trust him when a great threat comes upon the city?
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 2nd May, 2012
- offline last seen Aug 3rd, 2015
Spiral Eyes
I can't believe I'm here.....
Spiral Eyes
Joined 2nd May, 2012 ·
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Not bad start
hope to see the next chapter soon
2214969
Thanks for your feedback, I'll try to write up the next chapter as soon as I can.
Allow me to be the first to congratulate you on this interesting and no doubt amusing ideaThe prospect of Tiwlight and Discord promises plenty a snicker, and I'm looking forward to seeing just what you might do with this.
From a technical standpoint, it could use some polish. Do you have a proof reader? If not, I'd advise you find one. If you do... You should probably find somepony better.
*Twilight and Discord ruling together.
I hate typing on an iPod.
2215011
unfortunately, I do not have a proof reader. I just wrote this up today and typed it up after xD I'll remember to get someone to proofread next time.
And thanks for the compliment on the premise, I'll try to keep more interesting things going on with it. Thanks for reading the fic
Fun first chapter, can't wait for more.
2215138
Thanks for your feedback, and for pointing out that gaffe xD
2215138
lol it is some times good to have dyslexia because i did not see that at all
2215006
NP love to see where this will go
Oh no it's Chrysalis and she's going to show everyone her One Piece fan art. RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!!!
2231456
...One Piece fanart? I'm not catching this, is this a thing people are doing with Chrysalis now? xD
2231506
I don't know, I was just being random.
Grab a proof reader. You haven't written much, so one could easily fix the (few) mistakes in both of your stories.
Also don't write blocks of text. Give your readers some breathing room. Just look at the 1st paragraph of the second chapter to see what I mean.
4263930
I'll have to do that. I usually self edit, and usually think that I catch everything, but after doing 'Teatime'....yeah, the comments on there make the mistakes I've made very clear.
And in regards to the text blocks, I fully admit that that's one of my bigger issues as a writer. I know 'To Trust Chaos' has a lot of issues in that regard, and a few of those in 'Teatime' as well. Its something I'm gonna work to push past. Thanks for the feedback, criticism is always welcome.
Ay, ya gonna write sometime soon?
It's almost been a decade now.