You, my good sir (or madam), need to go over your writing with a fine-toothed comb. I found numerous spelling and grammar errors, as well as an outburst of erratic capitalization.

Another problem was that it seems formulaic (but then again, Trixie fics all follow the same two paths, I guess it can't really be helped). What i'm trying to say is that there isn't much novelty in the piece. if you continue writing, i'd like to see the tropes so commonly used in these fics (alcoholic abusive fathers, trixie is angry at twilight) used in a more innovative way.

Still, you did an all right job.

3/5

>>188051188051

Thanks :) I am going through and working out the typos and grammatical errors. As for the trope of Trixie's father being included, it was included due to a comment i made on a youtube video of a filly Trixie crying. Someone told me to include it in a fan-fic. I have plans for dear Trixie in the future of this fic, don't worry. :)

Please oh please write more, I wanna know how Rarity and Applejack disappears!!

>>226788226788

All in good time :) I'm working on the next chapter now, should be ready next week  

For now I'm too sleepy to write

Well....

Dis Gun b good.