LAIDIES and GENTLECOLTS! Welcome to the GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie's AMAZING and EXTRAORDINARY magic show, where the great and powerful Trixie will DAZZLE and CONFOUND you with tricks NEVER SEEN BEFORE by pony-eyes! the GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie will step into the cage of DEATH which will be suspended in the air by Trixie's lovely assistant.... which I don't have!
Trixie dreams big, but her hooves are firmly on the ground of the dirt roads that leads trough Equestria. There's loneliness, hunger, mass-murder and a touch of romance, pretty much what you can expect when you're travelling...
Chapters (6)
I'm not entirely sure how this description and the "Everyone" rating blends together... And Slice-of-Life? Huh?
2198651 T'is a slice of her life.
2198833
I'll take your word for it, I guess.
I will totally read this but you're an evil bastard for getting my hopes up thinking this is a pratchett crossover.
2198905
In retrospect, it was a stupid title.
If only because there already IS a book with that name. That was my working title, and as so often happens with working titles, I ended up unable to think of any better once it became time to unveil it. 
The great and powerful massmurderer? No. I don't think so. Owlor, your fired.
2199739
If this story has thaught me anything is that people don't friggin read. 
I mean, the story is right friggin there, its not even that large.
Y'know, I had just about enough of your bullshit quite some time ago.
Even if you don't want to read a whole story, if you have an issue with it, it's not too hard to just skim the relevent chapter to see what it's about. I wonder what the point of me writing these friggin thing is when people are evidently too lazy to spend five friggin second to do a word-search.
2199739 As I once ago said:
You always were a retard.
PS: It's you're, not your. Learn the fucking difference.
Sorry about that, dear author. I shall work with the story now.
Chapter 1:
individual's. I don't think that the "an" preceding it is wrong, but it definitely sound awkward when I read it out loud.
Again: Not sure if this is right or wrong... but when you lead someone or something, you lead it to a place. I don't know if you can lead from...
Okay, the first chapter is pretty tame. Nothing happens; we're just thrown into Trixie's POV to get to know it.
Chapter 2:
the
Please hit the return key (enter) one more time between those two paragraphs.
This sentence right here sounds mighty confusing. That or I should just go to bed...
You first used the verb "noted" to refer to Trixie's thoughts. Be consistent, dear author. Either use it for her thoughts or for her voice.
Ellipses only have three "dots". There are two (or three) instances in which you place a 4th "dot" on the text.
Again: A tame enough chapter, but this time, with something behind it all. Trixie tells us that the Everfree Forest has the potential to ruin her magic altogether (either by making it not work or by blowing it out of proportion).
Chapter 3:
Finish one sentence with a period (same as a dot) and then start the newest one.
With
Awkward sentencing... How about "came the cold. Damp, insidious, creeping under her skin."?
Please hit the return key (enter) one more time between those two paragraphs.
basic alchemy)
Missing a period after the closing parenthesis.
Please hit the return key (enter) one more time between those two paragraphs. And I'll also add that I'm liking how the narrator is involving himself with the story!
Please hit the return key (enter) one more time between those two paragraphs. And start the second one with H, not h.
Add another "dot" to your ellipsis.
Well, another pretty straight-forward chapter. In this one we get to learn that Trixie doesn't do things for her show off the bat. She plans them with calm. And we also learn that she is braver than we thought!
Chapter 4:
brothers'
I don't think the parenthesis are needed.
A vanity mirror, you say?
I love this entire paragraph!
Missing a period over there. Between "tedious" and "When".
Please hit the return key (enter) one more time between those two paragraphs.
Missing a comma before "and".
I get why some people would turn from this story just because of the chapter's name. I myself checked the tags before opening the chapter. They readily eased my mind; I know you know how to properly tag a story; so there was something else with this chapter. It's no rocket science.
That said: I find Trixie's reaction to her invention escaping rather funny. Like a little child, reaching for the cookie jar and unknowingly making the entire cupboard fall to the floor.
I'll keep an eye out for further chapters! But I'm liking this simple Trixie as it is. It's good to read some [normal slice of life] now and then.
2199880
Disregard them retards. Keep writing these delicious "slice of life"s!
2202130
Thanks for the corrections, I'll definently fix those next time I edit.
2202130
I looked it up, and there are several sources talking about roads leading from places, in both encyclopedic and literary writing. It is not the most common phrasing, however. It is more common to say "leading FROM somewhere TO someplace else", but I don't think it's incorrect. If it sounds awkward, I could use "away from" to clarify it, what do you think?
Another Pratchett quote that comes to mind:
2203444 I think that "away from" would clear out any eventual doubts.
1) These = These ponies right next to me | Those = Those ponies far away over there
2)
where = location (Where is my car?)
were = past tense of are (These ponies were)
we're = we + are (We are rockin' | We're rockin' [at the Grape St.])
to protest. "This is a true chantarelle... But this-"
Turn it into this:
Poor Trixie. Well, I guess that with such uncanny knowledge of mushrooms (or fungi in general), she could find some chantarellas for herself to eat. She could, at least, ask for the little fillies for their false chantarellas. They don't taste as good, sure. But they are food nonetheless. This brings me to another point: the fillies' reaction.
What bitches.
I strongly disagree with you. I don't think that this is a problem with the audience of fimfiction. This is a problem with the general mediocre public. Period. Apart from that, much love to you!
PS: Isabella.
2209445
Was/were/where is the trio of henchmen led by the typo gnome to twart my writing. I never seem to get it right, even as I type with an english dictionary in the browser window next to me. Y'know, I really should get an editor, I do try to self-edit these, but it doesn't work out. It's just that the editor I have is focused on Sky Matron, which is a massive undertaking in and of itself. In the meantime, I'm thankful for your comments, you're going above and beyond the call of duty.
I figured that if she's used to being on the road and finding things to eat along the way, she'd pick up a thing or two about edible mushrooms. That being said, knowing about mushroom and finding them don't necesserily go hand in hand, as anyone out picking mushrooms probably knows.
They are in a dark forest and they are encountering a stranger who prolly still look a bit disshelved and who's clearly acting suspicious. They are prolly going to turn tail and run at the slightest provocation.
This is something I've discovered about writing from a disenfranchised POV, often people get mad at characters for acting in a way that's actually logical from their POV. And that's really nice, if I can make people think of people outside of society as people rather than just some “other” to be feared or ignored, then I've done something worthwhile at least.
Yeah, you're right, I'm being terribly unfair.
People around here are smarter than they get credit for. It's just that there's a minority of people who comment on EVERYTHING and who just doesn't seem to get it.
And I tend to get more than my share of these simply cus I'm farily obscure, my commentors are going to be in one of two camps: my handfull of frequent readers, mostly at least acquaintances, or the people who click on and comment on EVERY SINGLE STORY that crosses their path. So yeah, it's always a mixed bag. It just got to me more than it should, I guess... .
. Oh well, I can't kvetch forever, there's stuff to write.
Too many errors for me to read it. I won't dislike it, though, since you obviously put your heart into it. Good luck to you in your future endeavors!
Your probably should. Make it either Diamond Tiara or Silver Spoon. Just so you have a reason to explore the contrast between the things one pretends to be and the thing one really is.
PS:
இڿڰۣ---
2260235
Any particular reason you're handing out roses, or are you just feeling spring in the air? Around here, they usually hand out red roses during election season...
2260375 Spring is in the air, yes. Finally coming out from this hideous winter.
But I'm merely handling them to stories I enjoy the most.
2260449
Oh holy mother of Athena yes! I have mentioned my position on the globe, right? By Zeus, am I friggin tired of the cold and the snow.
Before March, I don't think I had SEEN the friggin sun in a month (thanks to delayed sleep phase 
)
2260512 Dang! Near the polar circle?! How many hours of sunlight have you got during the winter solstice?!
2260772
At the solstice? 4 hours.
2261511 Dear lord! And here I was, claiming to be cursed just because I've got 6.