- Member Since 25th Dec, 2011
- offline last seen 6 hours ago
Wellspring
Teacher, short story writer and VNovel storyboard leader. Please forgive any faulty grammar you may find in my page/stories/blogs; English is my third language and I'm still struggling to master it.
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A/N: Hello, everyone. Wellspring here.This is my second fic and, consequently, the second of my "Tragic Villain" series, this time featuring our beloved Rarity.
All About Rarity is my nod and tribute to the classic age-old films I know and love (e.g. All About Eve [hence the title], 12 Angry Men, Sunset Blvd., On the Waterfront, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, etc) where violence were not in gunfights but resides in the dialogue–and where fiery explosions were not fired by giant robots but erupted from the hearts and souls of the characters. Despite my ambitious attempt, it should be kept in mind that the primary purpose of this fic is for my own practice and experimentation. I would very much appreciate your generous feedback and criticism, especially on these three points:
1.) First-Person Present Tense
2.) Psychological and/or emotional projection during sex (clop scenes)
3.) Pacing and exposition.
I hope, however, that despite the scrutiny the reader may wish to administer, it should not, in anyway, prevent him/her from enjoying the fanfic.
All the best.
-Wellspring /)
PS. Rarijack is best ship.
eight dislikes and yet no comments. well this story was confusing i had no idea what was going on half of the time. and the summery is just as confusing.
Beautiful.
I did spot a few spelling errors:
perhaps was supposed to be:
My eyes are still on that pendulum for a moment, and how it swings almost imperceptibly.
Still.
Wonderful piece. Poetic, subtle, powerful. I loved the showing-not-telling.
Dislikers don't know what they're missing.
If it wasn't clop, I'd say try for EQD.
EDIT: Have you heard of Equestria After Dark? It's like the clop version of EQD. Try sending this fic there. It deserves an audience.
i love the clopping on this part :D
2193955
Dislikers don't know what they're missing.
My thoughts exactly. This guy has a knack for creating engaging pieces.
What the... there's just way too much liquid pride in my eyes. OMG make it stoooop.
This is good, good stuff. My only criticism is that there doesn't appear to a be a reason given for Rarity's motivation. We are just expected to accept it to move the central premise.
2195751
A little confused by this. Have you read all three chapters?
2196797
Just finished the last chapter. I guess I was expecting clarification before now.
Hope the author plans to finish this. I couldn't stop reading.
It is well written, that is for sure. It just doesn't feel right reading a MLP story where every character is a terrible person.
Well, I am... somewhat torn on this one. On one side, it's a bit outside of my normal cup of tea (I'm more of your typical vanilla romance-type, maybe a bit bittersweet), but on the other side, it's not very often you see a story like this (that is quite well-written and not just pointless clop).
So... I'm very interested in seeing how we get from here, to the very first scene. Therefore, I'll be tracking this for now.
This is going to end badly, methinks.
As interesting as that description was, I feel it might have gone better in the prologue. When you get right down to it, it's supposed to be an advertisement for your story. While this description is well-written and interesting, it's quite a slog to get through all that dialect, and in the end, it only communicates the themes you're working with rather than the content or concept of your story. If I had to guess, I would have said it was a Photo Finish/Rarity fic. Nothing in there suggests Rarijack.
I'll certainly put this on my to-read list, though.
2211356
Don't worry, Rarity is the only (helplessly) "terrible" person in this fic.
2220435
Thank you very much for the comment, this is the reaction I wanted from my readers. I have added a new description to clarify the things you have pointed out. I did not think I was confusing the reader that much.
2222244 Yes, she seems to be the only irredeemable pony, but Applejack and Twilight both are, well, bitchier than normal too. It's okay, I just feel sorry for Rarity. Whenever there's a story that portrays one of the mane six as selfish and cruel, you can be sure that chances are it's Rarity. Darling, why would you do this to me?
That's okay. It's very OOC for the show, but it's still well written and entertaining.
2222277
One thing I don't understand, how can you find both Twilight and Applejack 'bitchy?' If you've read all three chapters, I think you'll find that Applejack goes out of her way to please Rarity, and Twilight's reaction to all this is well within the bounds of reason.
2224535 They're not necessarily "bitchy" (I need to find a different word, how about jerks?) on an absolute scale, just more so than they're usually portrayed. Applejack is trying to make Rarity notice her, but she's not taking rejection well. Twilight is just more forceful about things, wanting her friends to be friends again so much that she locks Rarity in a room alone with Applejack, her attempted-rapist. Both Twilight and Applejack are perfectly understandable in their actions (if not right), they're just more... impatient than usual? More easily agitated? More forceful?
Like I said, it doesn't really hurt the story, as they seem to act consistently in the universe here, it's just OOC when compared to the show and other works.
Wall virginity. I am intrigued. And Pinkie wondering why Rarity chose Shining Armor over her, I am wondering something similar.
Rarijack is the best ship, but have you considered her rival EmenaPie?
?
I would not say it is confusing, but your psychological description did take a little getting used to. And it's very original.
Poor Applejack, her first time is a substitute for Shining Armor. Looking forward to the rest of this!
2225799
Twilight is just more forceful about things, wanting her friends to be friends again so much that she locks Rarity in a room alone with Applejack, her attempted-rapist.
Well when you put it that way
I see your point. While I can agree with your take on Applejack, I don't necessarily agree with your perception of Twilight. She's trying to keep the group together, and understands that Applejack is not a threat. I won't spoil the story, but you can expect more on this uneasy relationship in the coming chapters.
well, that escalated quickly
2233688
Wow, were you reading my mind? That was my primary intention. Before I wrote this fic, I had in mind: "What kind of novels would Rarity read?"
2233885
I've thought of EmenaPie several times, there's that awesome psychological twincest/selfcest polarity in there. Although I haven't read any good ones yet, I look forward to reading some. Maybe in the far future I'll write one (I'm saving best pony Pinkie Pie for last for my tragic villain collection). As for my psychological description, I would very much appreciate your opinion in the matter. What made it confusing? Original? I honestly thought it was perfectly standard and normal. Thanks for your input again.
Surely living to my expectations
Why the rut is EVERY-ONE shipping Flutterdash!? Why? Rarijack have a lot in common beneath the skin but I see none of that beneath Rainbow and Fluttershy. Please some-one explain to me, legit reasons why this is a ship I shouldn't roll my eyes at. It's cliche and unsupported, but I will listen to a good argument.
Back to the story: you had me smiling like I have not smiled in months, no joke. This is my favorite Rarijack story to date, I love the roller coaster Rarity puts herself on. Might I say I hated how she and Shining Armored betrayed the ones they loved, but you did it right. Oh, and them rolling down the hill side, words can't describe that beauty. Applejack's speech was more heartfelt that anything I've heard at a wedding. Is any of this from experience? True brilliance right here.
Many bravos.
A wonderful, almost perfect chapter (sans a few typos). One of the best fics on the site right now. Nothing more to add
Man, it's like watching an oncoming car wreck. You can't look away.
Only flaws I see are Shining coming kinda out of left field, but I am guessing Cadence's foreshadowed alcoholism may do it. Probably a sham marriage at this point.
Applejack's monologue would be better broken into smaller paragraphs. Right now, it's a giant wall of text which is hard on the eyes.
Other than that, can't wait to see how you connect the prologue to where things are now.
This is at the same time my most looked forward to and most dreaded story to follow. Your writing is both brilliant and devastating. I'm holding out for rarijack to make it in the end, but you have me completely and I will offer no scream and the most token of resistance~
- all my favs
God. Damn.
Ok, so, I love this an all, particularly the way Applejack does things, and I really, REALLY hoped that the scene with Shining was just a daydream. I was reading so damn fast to get past it just to see a line about Rarity pinching her hoof again with a needle, but no.
No problem, it can still work... And then you drop that bomb. That's gonna get intense. Very intense.
[Edit] This thing needs more exposure. I wonder how many people got instantly put off from just the preface? Silly people. There's literary gold past that!
Just read all the chapters and I must say this is quite good.
It's been a while since a fic managed to make me feel for the characters. I'm glad I decided to give this story a shot.
Looking forward to more.
This has a tragedy tag, so it means it's going to have to end badly, right? Well in that case I'm going to stop reading it now, because I can't bear to get any more emotionally invested just to have my heart stomped on later. By no means is this terrible or whatever because of that though, sad fics (or at least sad fics that end badly) just are not my cup of tea and especially in a story like this when Rarity and Applejack are so flawless together and it has the potential to be so sweet and perfect and uplifting. That Rarity herself knows it perfectly well is the very worst part I think.
My biggest complaints about this, other than me wishing you could give it a happy ending are that Shining totally came out of left field like some others mentioned, plus I can't ever see Rarity doing what she did to get him in the first place, because that whole attraction kind of came out of nowhere, and she seemed completely OOC to me when she was throwing herself at him and doing everything she can to undermine Cadance etc (I know she can have a slight selfish streak on occasion, but she's the element of generosity for a reason and it bugs me when people forget that and just make her bitchy, petty, or slutty for no reason). Even if not for character bias though, I think you could have built up more reasons why she fell so hard for Shining and how she got to point of being so desperate she was willing to do anything to get him, because as it is it kind of comes out of nowhere and feels rushed and again, very OOC.
Again though, by no means take this critique to mean that I don't like the story, because even despite those flaws with some lack of development there's no doubt you're a brilliant writer (and since you asked I thought the sex scene between Rarity and Applejack was amazingly written and it provided the feels and emotional punch that most stories with clop lack). I actually really love what you've done so far, which is why I have to stop reading since I can't stand to see it fall apart after you've built such a beautiful relationship. Sorry for that, but cheers, and please let me know if you decide to go for a happier ending after all! I'll be the first to upvote, fave, and recommend it to everyone I know.
2409571
Hi Barbed Pegasus, Wellspring here.
First of all, thank you very much for the time reading the fic and for the time and attention you gave to write a comment. I'd like to take this moment right now to respond to some of them:
[SPOILER ]
First of all, yes. I guarantee that All About Rarity will have a happy ending. AAR is the second in my tragic villain collection in which the main theme is the fall and failure of a villain (hence the tragedy tag). But this isn't one of those vanilla-stories; before arriving at the happy ending, everypony–from Rarity down to Pinkie Pie–will plow through emotional and psychological hell. Basically, it's gonna hurt. If you can bear that much for the happy ending then please bear with me; since, if it pains to read, it pains me much more to write.
As for the aforementioned issue with Shining Armor and Rarity, both regarding their sudden and rushed, almost bipolar, characters, please keep in mind that we are still only in Chapter 3 (out of 10). Shining Armor's psychological motivation is the missing piece in the puzzle to be answered in the upcoming chapters, Rarity's desperation for him, which is the main theme, slowly reveals itself as the chapters goes by. I don't plan to leave anything out from the reader; I plan to explore and expose these characters down to their psychological roots. I just hope I will be able to pull it off in the most dramatized and literary way possible.
[/SPOILER ]
Again, thank you very much for the comment. I'll surely be taking this in consideration for tweaking my later chapters.
2409833
Wow, thank you for taking the time to answer me! And for addressing all of the points I brought up, I really appreciate it. I'm glad you didn't take my comments harshly, because agan I think you're a pretty amazing writer, and this story sucked me in and made me care so much about all of the characters, that I planned to stop reading only because I couldn't take the emotional pain if it had to all end tragically. It's not easy to do that, to make people care so much about fictional characters that it really hurts to read about their suffering, and just goes to show how much skill you have. The fact that you tell me there is still hope for this to not end horribly, and also that whatever I felt were flaws will be addressed and cleared up later, really gives me hope and means I will definitely not abandon this story, but I might wait until the chapters are a little further along so I don't have to suffer too much along with the ponies!
Is your other tragic villain story in the same continuity as this story? I haven't read it yet but will definitely have to check it out. Again, thank you very much for your response and no matter what please keep writing... you have talent.
2414421
No, no. Thank you for commenting. You, as well as the others, are the fuel that encourages me to write further and better.
Also, as for my tragic villain collection, all my stories are independent from one another and in no way related. I plan to make a tragic villain out of each of the main6. I've only finished Twilight in Ptolemy so far. But a warning on Ptolemy, I wrote it half a year ago when I was, and am still, struggling to learn the English language so there's a lot of grammatical errors. It's also crammed to one chapter, all 60k words of it.
welp, you have my utmost interest you have me amazed, anxious, blown out, curious, intrigued, morbidly awaiting for more, i hope you are happy
great story, the foreboding from the preface, you know it will end "bad" and all hell will break lose in the story, but you clever little "
" the words Rarity was about to say at the end of the preface could be a huge mind blowing thing you have planned 
i´m here for the ride i know its gonna be good
Now that the villain has finally and explicitly showed her true self, we move to that slow transition of clop-psychology: from erotica to smut.
On a side note, I showed the (humanized) clop scene to my ex-girlfriend for a quick proofread. She responded by saying the following: "Wow, you're so good at writing fellatio it's like you've had alot of practice sucking dicks."
I have very high expectations for this chapter. So excited.
Edit: You monster. I can't stop reading this. Keep going. I think you have kept all the characters believable, good job.
Holy. shit.
Well, ok, that says very little. First, let me get this off my chest: God damn it. God damn it! GOD DAMN IT!
I mean, I wasn't deluding myself, I knew it was going to just descend further into the abyss (metaphorical abyss), but I still wanted this to turn around a bit in my heart. I'm a fan of the vanilla love, what can I say.
But damn that was a nice descent. That whole analogy with the plastics to snitches? Freaking amazing. Abso-freaking-lutely amazing. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Interesting. Seems SA's personality is shifting a bit, or he's acting out repressed bits of it.
I i i Rarity you.....
this is turning into a soap opera and that isnt a bad thing. i can't wait to see where this goes.
*clap* *clap* *clap* well done, and if you let me get something off my chest, you magnificent bastard
, the romance between the two, the love from Jacqueline to Rarity is so beautiful and sweet, the whole castle thing was just beautiful, first time that reading something like this i thought to myself, "god i wish i was with her there, embraced by the sky in the pool of water, holding her close to me" (why can´t i find a girl like that in my life xD), i know that by the end i won´t be hating Rarity, but already i´m starting to feel my heart broke for poor Applejack, the preface once again, comes to bite and stab at my heart, the broken mare in the weeding, the one with an injury so deep that no amount of alcohol would be enough to ease the cries that are inside of her.
and the villain what can i say, masterfully done, well thought and sufficiently ambivalent to left the reader with a mix of hate and pity, there could be a grand revelation to why she acts like that, or not, but everything that Rarity has said and done i was able to picture her doing, all except this one
don't ask me why
sure she doing almost anything to steep up in the social ladder that is 100% Rarity, but she saying that Friendship is immature that i´m not sure, like sure she become friends with Twilight almost just for her personal gain at the beginning of the show, but still she values her friends in an honest matter, maybe it will be better for me to shut up and move to something else 
one last thing, since that Author´s Note at the end of the chapter, since you put that, is it a sign that the next chapter is close to release?
Celestia helps me, if you have the chapter ready and you are only letting time pass to build up tension.... lets just say that every Fanfic that puts Pinkie like a psycho and all that she does is nothing but a spec of dust compare to the desert that would be brought upon your SOUL!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA (insert evil lightning sound effect here) oh right i forgot i can actually put the evil sound effect MUAHAHAHAHAHA (Lightning Sound) 
P.S. sorry for the long comment
loving the story 
I hate you, Rarity! You bitch! Well, so much for even a smidge of redemption. Rarity's gone full blown evil. If I was a villain, I would attack now. The Element would no longer work. I can't stop reading this. I bow down to your superiority. Almost makes me want to give up writing my story in the face of such quality.
Glad I hopped on this train at the beginning. One small note: I still find Shining's motivations hard to understand. Is he just unhappy in his marriage? I understand why Rarity wants what she wants, but not him.
30,000 words?! Hmm.. I'll have to block out some time when you publish.
DEAR MOTHER OF ARCEUS! D:
This is possibly better, and yet somewhat worst, than an ever-changing emotion filled roller-coaster of doom.
In other news, I didn't find the deep and profound fellatio taking place in the story, being so explicitly and eroticly-maddening composed, that only those with a "first-hand experience" could had expressed it in writing.
Welp I shall await eagerly and/or terrified for what await us in the next chapter... *whimpers* Please have mercy
I truly hate shining armor in this. And I'm sure killers do not only act on strong emotion.
One thing I remarked and that Rarity should know.
Rarity's all about Shining's a prince, Applejack's just a farmer.
Shining's got a castle, Applejack's just got a beautiful cavern
etc etc etc.
How doesn't she realize that Shining only has all that because of Cadence?
Without Cadence, shining's just a soldier. (A bit exaggerated, but never the less.)
If he decided to break up with Cadence for Rarity, He'll lose everything she likes in him.
His honor (thing that he seems to lack already), his status, his castle, his job (probably), and so on....
If she's clever like it seems to be told, how come she hadn't seen that already?
Well if she had, there wouldn't be a fiction so.....
anyway, great writing and story, but unless it goes better for Applejack and Rarity. I'm not sure I'll read it to the end...(I'm a RariJacker all the way in.)
So keep up the good work, that's a very good story. only to dramatic and sad for me.
Ehh... I really hate to say it, but I think you're losing me again. I really can't praise your writing talent enough, and this story is compelling to no end but I just can't bring myself to like any of it at all, even if you say it is supposed to have a happy ending after all this. I just can't see or justify Rarity acting like this and ever doing this to any of her friends for any reason (including Cadance and Shining), and definitely not if she loved them romantically (Applejack) because she is exactly the opposite of this, she represents generosity and we've seen she's willing to give up everything for her friends even when it doesn't involve baseless lust and making them suffer horribly. Dark and grim psychological fics are one thing but I don't want to read anything that makes me hate one of my favorite characters like this, because I really can't stomach her in this story and how cruel and selfish she's acting, it's just WAY too OOC for me to be able to reconcile it.
I'm really sorry. You're amazingly talented and your writing is great, but I don't want to read something I don't enjoy and I just can't enjoy this at all.
I wish you luck though, please don't stop writing no matter what because you have a ton of skill, even if I can't bring myself to like this particular story.
2473902
Well, there's nothing I can do about it if these kinds of stories aren't really your cup of tea. Having justified contempt for the villain is the main purpose of the story afterall, and you can't make a villain out of any of the mane6 without being OOC to a degree (because there's no way Hasbro will show any of these in a kid's show).
So, anyway, thank you for the patronage and the time you have taken to read as well the criticism you have given. Here I am hoping, fingers crossed and cherry on top, that when All About Rarity is finished you'll have a change of heart–shall we say, a more courageous or tolerant one?–to finish it as well.
2475032
I hope you don't get me wrong, it's not really the fact that it's a dark story, even if they're not usually my favorite. I guess I feel like there could have been ways to have Rarity make bad choices and still be a villain while keeping her a little more in character, for example in this chapter I can see her giving into her temptation and sleeping with Shining then yelling at Applejack in the story universe you've built, but the way she so casually goes back to have sex with him again immediately afterward and then blackmails Fluttershy with almost no (if any) visible remorse kind of takes it to the point of no return for me. I think it would have gone down a lot easier if she had displayed more distress about what happened with Applejack instead of just smoking a cigarette before going down on Shining again, like Applejack was a lost cause not bothering about anyway and she didn't feel much real guilt about what she'd just done, and if we could have seen some inner conflict and desperation in how she handled Fluttershy instead of just cold calculation, indifference and manipulation, bordering on real cruelty. It would have been much, much better and still felt like something that was within the realm of possibility for her character I think, even in a dark setting like this. In other words she could still make the same selfish choices and ruin everything in all these characters' lives but at least retain a modicum of conscience to feel appropriately guilty and react accordingly, so that she still feels a little bit like Rarity instead of just coming off like a complete and total selfish b!tch (sorry, I can't think of any other word that feels appropriate) who is completely unlikeable and unsympathetic... like I said I just can't reconcile that at all.
So yeah, I don't know. I really do want to try and come back to this again someday, but if it's going to keep continuing like this probably not... I'm really having a hard time seeing how there can be a happy ending after all this, or how Rarity will be able to live with herself if she ever comes to her senses (or how readers can be made to forgive her). Sorry again, please keep up the great writing no matter what though, you're still crazy talented.
Edit: Added some stuff for clarity.
2475211
First of all, please don't apologize because I love your comments. It means you're taking the fic seriously with the amount of conscious attention and scrutiny you are giving it. This story, as I have stated in the first Author's Note, is only for practice and experimentation so every intelligent criticism helps.
In my own defense, I'd like to address the following:
Yes, Rarity does feel guilty, best indicated by the line "I'm trying to, desperately" when asked by Shining Armor if she's going to cry. It's also true that Rarity isn't "distressed" because, despite that she didn't saw it coming, she knew it was bound to happen one way or another. I made it this way because it's still too early in the fic for Rarity to be crushed by guilt. That comes later because, if I added it here now, in this chapter, to a more heightened degree then it will diminish the effect of future scenes. As of yet, Rarity still haven't gone past the point of no return (to which the scenes here doesn't nearly compare in terms of villainy). When she does, that's the time the distress and the soul crushing guilt comes in.
This (speech about "Plastics") is really a mild form of blackmail in my opinion, the kind of friendly threats that happens almost daily IRL as opposed to the FiM universe. I mean, sure it's cold and manipulative and contains a profanity but I'd say that this is more "bad" than "evil" and not enough to warrant inner conflict. This just goes to show how serious Rarity is about keeping the secret than anything else. But then again, maybe that's just me. Primarily, I think, because this is nothing compared to what threats Rarity is capable of in the future.
Again, I can't thank you enough for these insights of yours. It was, and I truly mean it, beneficial.
I'M IN.
Didn't you say this had something to some high class movie? (Yes, I found this in your shameless promotion thread.) Anna Kendrick, no? I want to see that, but to read it with ponies is even better! Not approving of Rarity and Shining though. RariJack on the other hoof is an ultimate yay.