In the wake of her harrowing search for her true self, Rainbow Dash wakes up to a hospital bed, surrounded by unfamiliar ponies. Or, is it even Rainbow Dash any more??
With the return of Flutterbat and the transformation of her entire group of friends, including herself; Twilight must put a stop to it all before things go too far.
Twilight Sparkle dreamed of having wings for the majority of her life, however immortality was not part of that dream. When Dash rejects her advances, Twilight decides failure is not an option...afterall...everypony deserves a second chance...right?
Before anything, your description gives away the entire plot. Why am I as a reader interested in opening your story when you told me exactly what is going to happen already?
For example:
Rainbow Dash has always assumed she loved Fluttershy, but a proposal of a date from Twilight makes her wonder.
Unaware of the brooding feelings for Fluttershy building up in her friend, Twilight asks Rainbow Dash on a date.
These are both terrible because I know nothing about your story but they're still better than what you have there.
Also when you don't spell-check your description it bodes very poorly for the quality of the story contained within. As a viewer if I see a short description riddled with errors such as yours, I have even less reason to click the link to read your story.
*she's
Before anything, your description gives away the entire plot. Why am I as a reader interested in opening your story when you told me exactly what is going to happen already?
For example:
These are both terrible because I know nothing about your story but they're still better than what you have there.
Also when you don't spell-check your description it bodes very poorly for the quality of the story contained within. As a viewer if I see a short description riddled with errors such as yours, I have even less reason to click the link to read your story.
Protip: Never release *just* a prologue when you post a story. Have at least a 1st chapter to back it up
Why are you in hiatus! I can think of several directions to take this in. Just write a chapter!
Lots of grammar errors might want to get an editor.
...is this readable? I can't tell.
I'll edit this for you if you'd like.
Interesting story, granted there are a few grammatical errors, nothing to really thumbs down about it I think.