[Humanized Universe] [Slightly Crossover?*]
The existence of demons and monsters is quite widely known across Equestria. The fact that they live among us, however, is a well kept secret. Well, of course it is, silly. If things were otherwise, that would mean that I'm not doing my job properly, which is a ridiculous notion in itself. Who am I, you ask? I'm Scarlet, Equestria's very first demon slayer. And this is my story.
Marked teen for partially violent scenes.
* Scarlet's general appearance and fighting style (nothing more than those two things) are based off the RWBY series by Monty Oum. I'd have done things differently, but then where else am I going to get a cover art image that I like? You don't have to follow the RWBY series to understand the story, as nothing else will be making references or going back to its lore and plot.
I'm going to watch this. By any chance do you watch doctorwho, her line about killing vampires reminds me of it.
2154722 Shh. It's a secret.
Btw I'm only halfway through season 6 so no spoilers please.
Hah! I knew it
I took one look at the cover art and went
"Hey isn't that Red from RWBY"
looking forward to this story especially if the main character fights like Red and has her gun/scythe.
Please tell me Spike isn't going to be the constant damseal in distrest here? I would love for Scarlet to at least teach him to hold his own in a fight.
this is a good story Black Lightning! can't wait for Chapter 2!
Good first chapter. Didn't spend too long on a lot of things and you didn't over-analyse the fight. (Eg, putting detail into every single thing that happened)
Looking forward to a second chapter, looking forward to more Scarlet. Will you be bringing the other RWBY characters in later on? Just checking is all. Now that "White's" video is out.
keep up the good work
2167563 That sounds like a good idea, actually. I might just add that in. This whole fic's kind of up in the air at the moment.
2169675 Thanks for the feedback. The overanalysis was actually one of the things I had trouble with writing the fight scene, and I'm glad to hear you think it turned out well. I'm going to sever all ties with RWBY at Scarlet, as the story will be mainly focused on her character. In fact, the original idea of the fic had nothing to do with the series in the first place, but then I came upon the trailers and thought to myself, "Hmm, this looks like a good, undeveloped character template I can turn into a fighting female vampire."
2169772
Sounds good. Glad I could help.
Any thought or planning put into her backstory. Like, why she is a demon hunter instead of trying to live a "Normal" life?
I just enjoy characters having planned(ish) out backstories. So that they don't randomly change something about their story later on.
2169857 Oh yes, Scarlet's backstory is going to play a large role in the fic, and I'm going to really enjoy unravelling it.
2169887
Fuck yeah you are.
*Whispers* If you ever stop writing this without giving it a good ending..I will find you... and I will end you...
hmm not bad i will fav it for now but i wont click like just yet
Interesting chapter, thanks for uploading. Great way of ending this chapter
I do have to say that I find spike annoying. He knows her less then a day and judges her, nags her and intervenes in stuff that he isn't even involved in.
Hello, I'm Kookie and I am returning a review. I hope you will be well-pleased with the review.
Grammar Score from 1 to 10: 10 from me. Nothing really stands out.
Pros:
-I enjoyed the many fight scenes. (I always do).
-Scarlet seems like a interesting character. Her weapon of choice is creative as well.
-I liked the vampire lore.
Cons:
1)I think there should be more of a back-story to help ease the reader in. What type of human/ alternate world is this? Are they humans or ponies? I'm just a little confused on it.
2) This is my personal opinion but the ole vampire vs werewolves thing is kinda of stale, isn't it? I was expecting demons. I know that vampires and werewolves can qualify as demons but still...
3)Some of your paragraphs are awkward. Here's a example from chapter 3,
To spice up the scene, I would have broken up the parts of his thoughts and the knight thinks he's winning to single sentences. Here's my example.
The use of breaking up paragraphs helps with how the scene is read. When I first read it, I mostly skimmed over it until I read the last sentence and decided to re-read it. I was thinking 'okay, the knight with a grudge is fighting and realizes something that makes it obvious that he will lose.' But the way the paragraph was structured, made it seem like what was going on wasn't something to focus on or relevant, causing my eyes to move on.
Notes:
Please take no offense, but this story until the last third chapter seems to have little to do with mlp. You could have replaced the name of the city, Twilight and Spike with OCs, and some parts of the dialogue and the basis of the story would still be the same. That's why I'm suggesting some background story of the world that they are in.
Have Twilight do some exposition narrating of how things are. The story's interesting to a point. It might just be my fanfiction/plot instincts talking here, but don't go down the predictable path with Scarlet. You know, the usual badass character that has a sorrowful past and just needs a hug. And even if you want to be predictable, at least make Scarlet's special.
All in all, I'm just a little confused whether they are humans or not~ are they anthro ponies?
Kookie Crave, Free-lance Reviewer and Plot Lord Thief.
2199353 Thanks for the review. It's always nice having someone else take a look at things, because it's hard for me to catch plot holes and other errors when I already have the headcanon in mind. As for the backstory and the demons, I'll be getting more into that in the next chapter, which will also root the plot a little more into the MLP world. The characters are humans, and not anthro ponies, a fact which I try to drop subtly by the use of the cover art and Twilight's 'light peach skin' and lack of a horn in the first chapter. I'll try not to go with a cliche plot for this, but this one's pretty much me making things up as I go along. I found the paragraph structure feedback really useful, because I've never considered something like that in my previous pieces, and I can now see that it really does help. I'll be taking what you've said into account writing future pieces. Thank you.
As long as Spike becomes badass I'll be happy.
Well at least Spike isn't a complete damsel.
2249922 A huge Spike fan I see.
Intradesting.
However, the uguu~ kawaii desu ne ^_^ onii chaaa-- SHUTTHEFUCKUP anime chick in the cover art killed it for me.
Killed it, chopped it into little pieces, put the pieces into a stew, and fed it to a frog.
2250146 It's not even Japanese, but whatever. To each their own, I suppose.
2250028 You know it.
I'm a little confused... are these all anthros we're talking about here?
Wares Crescent Rose
, that's usualy her weapon of choice, the high velocity sniper scythe, totally awesome.
Hell yes spike carried of by a currently unknown creature perfect I hate the little wimp can't even make fire unless pumped full of adreniline
This story has been reviewed by: The Equestrian Critics Society
Story Title: A Young Lady’s Guide to the Demon Slaying Arts
Author: Black Lighting
Reviewed by: Shahrazad
A Young Lady’s Guide to the Demon Slaying Arts is an action adventure story using a humanized version of MLP. The action style and excellent artwork that accompanies the story definitely gives it an anime flavor. The author’s voice shines through in the end and gives the story a unique style all of its own. And it’s a good one. Time and attention have been paid to the craft and the quality shows. Anyone who likes the adventure genre and doesn’t mind a little blood should enjoy this one thoroughly.
Full Review
Score: 8.0/10
And so, two brave knights are going to rescue damsel in distress..spike really needs to be hit with rule 63.
2199353
I'd put the grammar lower, as passive voice and incorrect dialogue tagging mar it.
One thing else that I found:
I'm sorry, but doesn't slitting (narrowing) one's pupils REDUCE night vision capability?
Ugh. Science errors just turn me off, sorry. Not going to be meta-reviewing the other chapters, and sorry if this sounds arrogant and pretentious.
2408421 I do hope you'll forgive my lack of biology knowledge. To say that it's not exactly my forte would be an understatement. You see, I'd heard from one of my friends who owns a pet gecko that their nocturnal eyesight is superb. I assumed this applied to most other reptiles as well. Now, I've obviously never seen a gecko's eyes in my life, because prior to a Google Image search five minutes ago, I thought they had slitted pupils. I see no simpler loopolhole to be made here, so let's just say the enhanced vision is aided by natual dragon magic - the Fimfiction author's easy way out of having to explain something.
And don't worry about sounding arrogant or pretentious, at least on any of my own works. I won't mind even if someone absolutely hates my guts; I'll always be glad to have any feedback or mistakes pointed out.
2408421
What can I say? Hehehe. I'm more of a plot specialist.
I'm going with E.
E all the way
E plus a leperchaun
E- I want this story to go for as long as possible, but I will not complain if it gets shortened, as long as you don't let this story's quality get slashed because you were pressed for time.
E
Welp, guess it's pretty much a consensus. I'll keep this going for at least three more arcs before the ending arc.
2540000 Well, as you can see, I sort of figured out where I wanted to go with this, and will probably aim to write more of it during my free time. Hopefully I can do justice to the visions i have in mind.
Same day every month? Well that's something worth checking into right there. I mean the odds of that...
2611764 In all honesty, though, the Apple family go through quite a few barns. Do the writers of the show have some kind of deep, underlying grudge against barns? Nobody knows.
"Here, let me help you,"
"Oh, get thyselves a room,"
"Hmm? What makes you think we haven't done so already?"
*clap clap clap*
brilliant my friend brilliant!
Reviewer:Lophane
The following review is as objective as possible but could contain some subjective influences. I'm British by birth, Kiwi by blood, and American by home, take from that what you will.
Once you’ve posted your story in the group A For Effort you’ve accepted to be reviewed. No review is made to humiliate the writer but to make them grow up and enhance their skills.
Name of story: A Young Lady's Guide to the Demon Slaying Arts
Grammar/Spelling: 9.5/10
Sentence Flow was great, the ratio of your descriptive narration to the action/dialogue was coordinated seamlessly, and I really admire how professional your writing seems, lack of spelling mistakes, and take on the cliché demon hunter, but with a distinct FIMFiction aspect.
But enough with the praise, a tale won't grow better without constructive criticism.
One of the main issues for me when starting the first chapters of your fiction was that despite your tag on the story labeling it as a humanized universe, I was frequently confused as a few particular phrases tipped off the characters to be ponies instead of humans.
Also, while your word choice was generally superb, occasionally I noticed that the descriptive word expressing how the character speaks (ex: he said, he yelled) could've been more eloquent.
My final speculation (btw, finding critics in your work has been incredibly difficult!) of your novel is the switching of POV from 1st to 3rd person in a few of your later chapters, as at times it can be confusing when it happens along with a paragraph indent. Overall this story is very impressive.
Verdict:
APPROVED
Your story has been approved, it shall be removed from the 'under review' folder and put in the 'main' folder shortly.
Thank you for applying your story for review.
- Lophane
Is Yang aka yellow going to be in this fic seeing as she is apparently Ruby/Scarlets adoptive sister.
2772557 Scarlet's general appearance and fighting style (nothing more than those two things) are based off the RWBY series by Monty Oum. Nothing else will be making references or going back to its lore and plot.
Number two is going down.
Knight guy's got some secrets.
http://knowyourmeme.com/search?context=images&q=RWBY ponyfied rwby cast
.
I clicked on this because of Ruby
But this story looks like its gonna be good.
knowyourmeme.com/photos/582896
3017786 On a side note, the first few episodes of RWBY that are out atm are pretty damn awesome.
This works well good job.