Pinkie and Taxes
“For the reasons stated above, the city of Los Pegasus feels that a general tax lift in accordance with the attached forms and figures would be justified. As Mayor, I feel it is my duty to forward these concerns, while also thanking the Royal Administration Office for fair dealings in the past. Sincerely yours, Golden Chip.”
Golden Chip. The name didn’t match any of the innumerable faces in her head. Perhaps because the last time she checked, the mayor of Los Pegasus was a stallion by a completely different name? Yet another reason to snap this case up from the secretaries of her administrative office. One could call it refamiliarization. There were precious few outstanding justice matters anyway, so it was only natural to move on to taxes—despite her staff’s protests.
She allowed herself a private smirk. Being princess meant nopony called you out on ignoring polite protests when you stole their work. It made up for the fact that the crown was itchy.
Being princess also meant lowering the sun on time. Celestia put the scroll down and stood. She could no more miss the sunset’s timing than she could give up her evening tea; millennia-old habits and practices both. The curtains to her balcony rustled with the gentle summer’s breeze, but she didn’t need to see to step out and look upon the sun herself to perform her duty.
Without moving from her study’s venerable desk, Celestia lit her horn and called an end to the day. The task of shifting the sun in the sky was easier by far than the decision to get up and make for the door. These forms would have to be savored; with Luna back and taking up her charges again, the days were no longer crammed with urgent issues. As a result, it was hard to find things to do at times. Thus, Celestia found herself managing the tax reforms sparingly, and that was a challenge unto itself. It was easy to forget how engaging law and economy could be. So engaging, in fact, that it was hard to find time to “relax.”
Celestia paused halfway through the door, frowning at nothing in particular, least of all the two stoic guardsponies flanking the entrance. Relaxing was her sister’s word, not hers.
What she truly needed to do was review tomorrow’s schedule over her evening tea, and next week’s banquet wasn’t even planned yet. Perhaps she could look into restructuring visiting hours, too. The Day Court could stand to be open for another hour, at least.
The main hall was abuzz with countless conversations, as if a dozen cafés' worth of that particular noise were layered atop each other. For once, Celestia was not in the middle of it, but rather, off to the side both metaphorically and physically. She stole a glance up at the main table where her sister sat, and not for the first time.
From the looks of things, Luna was still engaged in a conversation with the Saddle Arabian embassy's representatives. Celestia smiled and levitated her cup up for a sip of spiced tea. A lot of policies and treaties would be broached for the first time tonight. Later, she would ask Luna if she wouldn't rather let Celestia handle the brunt of them. After that—
"Princess? Are you alright?"
Celestia cleared her throat, and then, with a noticeably larger effort, her mind. Luna was up there, and tonight, Celestia sat by the side table with some of her most treasured friends. Closest to her sat six very special ponies and one baby dragon. She owed them her full attention.
"I'm quite alright, Twilight," she said, smiling at her most prized student. Twilight returned the smile and nodded.
"This is one super party!" Pinkie Pie said, beaming. She leaned back, her neck stretched to its full length—and a bit more—while her eyes roamed the grand dining hall of the palace: countless ponies in ordered rows by dozens of long tables. "I've never ever seen so many ponies in one place before, except maybe during the Princess-raises-the-sun parties."
"I don't think that's what they're called." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and grinned before turning to Celestia. "But hey, how come we're stuck here instead of up by the big important awesome table?"
Celestia barely had the time to open her mouth before Rarity interrupted. ”Rainbow, really! The ponies by the main table are the esteemed dignitaries of the peoples from the surrounding kingdoms, principalities and what-not."
"Just feels like being stuck at the foals' table at a birthday party. No offense." Rainbow Dash blew her mane out of her face and scooped another spoon of salad onto her plate.
“I’m okay with it. I don’t see any gemstones on any of the other tables,” Spike said, shrugging as he reached for another ruby.
Applejack raised a brow at Rarity and Rainbow Dash both before shrugging. "I don’t know about that, but if you don't mind me saying, that doesn't explain what you're doin' down here with us, Princess."
Celestia chuckled, glancing over at Twilight. She had predicted her student's reaction halfway through the sentence, and sure enough, the unicorn was halfway between wordless protest and apology.
"You are right, of course," Celestia said, looking at each of them in turn. Fluttershy, the only one not to have spoken, froze with her mouth around the garlic sauce's ladle in the pause. Celestia gave the pegasus mare a nod, which apparently satisfied her and let her continue with her meal.
"I would be up there with my sister, but I thought that if there was a moment to let her be fully in control, it would be the day of the dinner that celebrates the two year anniversary of her return."
"Ooh, your welcome-back-day-gift is to let her have the big stage? That's really nice of you." Pinkie smiled and followed Celestia’s eyes up to where Luna grinned at a griffin diplomat, the princess’s laughter lost in the din.
"That's one way to look at it." Celestia said. "Or I could bore you with the political strategy we laid for using her to spearhead some treaties."
Twilight's eyes lit up at that. "Is this about the proposed Griffin-Dragon concord? Or the—"
Celestia quieted her student with a shake of her head, though it took effort. She wouldn’t at all mind a little insight into the goings-on at the main table herself. "And another benefit of this is that I have a wonderful excuse to spend a little time with you. Rainbow Dash does have a point.”
“She does?” Spike said.
“I do?” Dash’s eyes were big, the carafe she was holding emptying its iced tea a few inches to the left of her glass.
“A good point in that you are all monumentally important, even if my sister and I have had fewer opportunities than we'd like to tell you that. I could be sitting anywhere I choose, and I am.” Celestia lit her horn with the barest of sparks, hovering up her glass. “To you.”
The assembled friends looked to one another and to her. Some exchanged smiles, and others hid theirs behind the cover of their own manes.
“Hay yeah! To us!” Dash raised her voice rather than her glass, standing up and grinning. Some of the neighbouring tables’ occupants turned in their seats, but scarcely a second passed before Applejack yanked her back down.
“Simmer down, R.D., you’re worse’n after you scared off that rampaging naga last week.”
“That was very brave, though,” Fluttershy said, her wings half-spread on her back. “She did save Carrot Top’s crop.”
Rarity huffed and muttered something about inedibility and decorum, but Pinkie Pie was louder still. “It was amazing!” she said, beaming brightly at the still-grinning Rainbow Dash. “I thought for sure my song would win him over, but he must have had some magical powers that let him ignore my amazing routine.” She crossed her hooves and looked rather less pleased with that last part. “Hmph!”
“Twi told you. It’s called ‘havin’ no ears’,” Applejack said. “There any more apple cider here?”
“The Everfree Forest has naga, now?” Celestia topped off her untouched glass before levitating over an apple-marked bottle to Applejack.
Twilight cleared her throat. “Yes, well, um. I didn’t send a letter right away because I thought I’d add it to the weekly letter. I didn’t want to bother you.”
“And we ran out of ink. Again,” Spike said, glaring at a rather sheepish-looking Twilight.
“Couldn’t you just have—” Fluttershy began to say, only to be interrupted by Spike.
“‘We’, as in Ponyville.”
“Oh.”
Celestia cast one final glance over at the main table before she graced her friends with a warm smile. “Be that as it may, I have time now. Why don’t you start at the beginning?”
“Oh, awesome!” Dash said.
Pinkie lit up and bounced on the spot. “Can I do the song again? Please?”
Fluttershy lay her ears flat and inched away from the energetic bundle of pink, even as the others laughed. “Um, maybe without the tuba, this time?”
“—and that didn’t do anything, either. He just stared at Twi and laughed!” Dash snickered and poked Twilight in the side. The unicorn winced and grimaced.
“Yes, well, if the anti-magical properties of naga scales had been better documented, then I wouldn’t have tried,” she said, lowering her head to the table.
Celestia laughed and leaned over to touch her neck to Twilight’s. Most of the dignitaries, officials and diplomats had begun to find their way out of the room, and theirs was one of the few scattered clumps of resistance in an ever more desolate room. Spike had fallen asleep at some point during the story despite Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash’s theatrics.
“Well, I am impressed with you all. I will send a team of my guard to find the naga nest and see if they can’t find a peaceful way to persuade them to relocate,” she said, the last few words earning a very subtle sigh of relief from Fluttershy. “Now, however, I believe it is time to say goodbye. You've already missed the last direct train to Ponyville, so it’s the overnight train for you.” She frowned in sympathy at the ripple of surprise and mild panic that rippled through the group at that; truth be told, she’d almost lost track of time herself.
“If it’s a concern, I can of course arrange for chambers here at the palace.”
“No, no. Or, well, not for me, at least,” Twilight said, shaking her head. “I promised Mayor Mare I’d meet with her tomorrow morning to talk about a new water tower design. Spike? Spike, wake up!”
“Aw, but this was fun!” Pinkie said, triggering a murmur of assent around the table.
Applejack got up and re-adjusted her hat. “I think we may’ve been the only ones here to have had any fun. The rest’ve been all polite smiles and little frowns.”
“Just because one has mastered the inside voice doesn’t mean there’s not a bigger smile on the inside, dear,” Rarity said, dabbing the corners of her mouth with a napkin.
Pinkie Pie stared at Rarity for a few seconds, head slowly tilting until it was at a full ninety degrees. At length, she hopped down from the bench that had seated her. “No, but I mean it! This was super-duper awesomely fun! We should come visit more often! Or maybe you should come visit us more often?”
Twilight opened her mouth, though whether it was to protest or apologize for Pinkie’s trademark bluntness, Celestia couldn’t tell. Regardless, no words came out. Celestia smiled at Pinkie Pie with that automatic smile that preceded and followed her every diplomatic statement and her every courtroom declaration.
“My sister’s said as much, as well. I really should be able to find some spare time, and you are all precious to me. There just always seems to be something to do.”
“But you want to?” Pinkie said. “That makes two of us, and if I know as much math as I hope I do, I think that means ‘yes’!”
Twilight pinched her eyes shut while levitating Spike onto her back. “Pinkie? Can we stop with the bothering of princesses?”
Celestia chuckled and offered a more genuine smile. “All I can say is that I do try to make time for such things.”
That was apparently sufficient to placate the pink mare, and the six friends all bowed to Celestia as they left the table and made their way towards the grand arch of the exit. Celestia remained at the table, her thoughts already drifting.
When was the last time she had visited Ponyville anyway? She could scarcely remember when she’d done more than pop by with some task or other for her favored student and her friends. There was a visit for tea somewhere in the recent past, but she couldn’t place the ‘when’ of it.
Perhaps she’d make time for it soon. A visit to repay the Elements for all their kindnesses. She would visit them and—well, do what she did when she visited friends. Celestia cleared her throat, drawing a complete blank. After a moment, she drained her glass and made for the head of the main table. It wasn’t too late to see if she could render her sister aid before she made for her own bedchambers. That called forth a quiet little grin. Perhaps she could sneak in a few more tax papers before bed. Those, she knew.
“That was a lot of fun!” Pinkie Pie said. Sure enough, she knew she’d said words to that effect, or perhaps even those exact same words eleventy-twenty and a half times this hour. That was entirely beside the point. Some things needed to be said even if they triggered a wave of groans through the sleeper car that housed her friends. Even if the hour in question was two o’clock in the middle of the night.
Rarity’s smile was strained. “Can we please have some quiet? I rather enjoyed the two minutes of silence we had just now. I am happy that you are happy, dear, but for a second I thought I might fall asleep.”
“Oh. Oops. Sorry. I just—”
“We know!” Dash said from the bunk bed above Pinkie Pie, sounding rather annoyed for some reason. Pinkie frowned and fished a bag of hard candies out from under her pillow, thrusting them up and past the edge of the bed. There was a sharp intake of breath as if the pegasus was about to protest, but a second later the bag disappeared from Pinkie’s hooves. For a while, the only sound in the darkened train car was that of covert and muffled munching. Candy was the ultimate response to any potential grumpiness. She nearly let the silence settle this time.
“Because,” Pinkie said, pausing only for a moment to wonder at her friends’ ability to recreate the sound of pillows being jammed into ears. She had no idea what they were really up to in the darkness. “It was so much bigger and fancier than all my parties, and I’ve never even seen so many new friends-to-be in one place! Oh, oh, and the glasses were all sparkly and shiny, too! But do you know what my favorite part was?”
Pinkie Pie swayed in tune to the clickety-clack of the train's meandering across the plains. She snuck a peek out the window, but it was much too dark to see anything. When she heard the unmistakable snores of Applejack from the next bed over, the faintest of frowns threatened her face.
“Nopony wants to know my favorite thing about the whole wide party?”
“Oh. Um, sorry. What was it?” Fluttershy’s voice was barely audible even just across the car’s narrow walkway. A second later, the pegasus’ distinct silhouette crept over the edge of the bed opposite of Pinkie Pie’s.
Pinkie hopped on the spot, acquiring a little lump on her head for the trouble, along with a grumble from Rainbow Dash in the bed above. “Princess Celestia said she’d come visit more often! Isn’t that the most amazing super great thing ever? She always laughs at my jokes, even when Twilight looks like she’s going to explode a little bit, and things are always fun around her!”
“She only really comes along when something really important or scary is happening,” Fluttershy said, sounding rather less enthusiastic than Pinkie Pie felt. “I don’t really know if she’ll come visit soon, even if she’s ever so nice.”
Pinkie Pie tilted her head. “She promised, silly! Where do you think we should take her first? The joke shop? Oh! Do you think she’ll bring Luna, too?”
Twilight’s sigh cut through the conversation, a faint purple glow emanating from the bed below Fluttershy’s. “Pinkie Pie, I’m very glad you had fun. We all did.” Her smile was barely a smile at all, a thing of pleading. “But Princess Celestia didn’t really promise anything. As much as I’d love to receive her in Ponyville again, she’s a very busy, and very important pony.”
Pinkie sat back in her bed and crossed her forelegs, squinting at Twilight from behind the armor of a pout. The unicorn, for her part, rubbed her bleary eyes and did an admirable job of masking a second, deeper sigh.
“I’m sure she’ll visit Ponyville again sometime soon. Soon-ish. I just don’t think she’s exactly going to be popping by next week for a round of board games and hopscotch. Perhaps you could send her a letter? Ah, but let’s not bother her with sending any letters through Spike unless it’s important. Maybe you could just think it very quietly?”
“I bet she loves board games,” Pinkie said, thrusting out her lower lip.
Dash groaned, tossed and turned. “Pinkie Pie, seriously, give it a rest.”
“Very, very important,” said Twilight.
“A letter does sound nice. I’m sure she’d appreciate that,” Fluttershy said, nodding eagerly along.
Pinkie Pie looked from Twilight to Fluttershy, and finally up at the bed above, though she couldn’t really see Rainbow Dash. It was clear she was outnumbered, but she was nowhere near outmatched. Already her brilliant mind was shifting into gear, and before she knew it, she had something far better than a plan; she had a vague idea. Vague ideas were like the cookie dough to the cookies of plans. Pinkie put on her happiest grin and nodded.
“Okie-dokie! Naptime!” she declared, headbutting her pillow and consigning herself to a nap.
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Good first chapter, though clearly it's just scene setting so far.
I've been oddly reluctant to read anything by you since finishing Within and Without. I guess there was a little worry "what if it wasn't as good as Within and Without?" Then there was the even more illogical, "what if it was, or better?" I guess I never claimed to always make sense. But, I don't know, for some reason I'm not reticent about read this at all. It's probably because it has Pinkie in it.
If I hadn't already been sold on this, by the time I read that line I just knew I'm gonna be tracking this story.
OH MY GOD ITS A FUCKING MIRACLE!
you didn't fall for the standard and overused trap of taxes, and i thought for sure you were going to.
Bravo, I must say, Bravo.
This is interesting. I know I'm still relatively new here, but this is the first time I've read a comedic story about Celestia's job that didn't involve her secretly hating it or getting tired of it or taking ridiculous advantage of it or being lazy about it. This is quite the opposite oddly. This seems like what would be the actual show's interpretation of how she handles it. Her job is all she has and has had for a very long time, and therefore gets so much pleasure and productivity out of it that she feels it is the only thing that really counts as fun or liberating.
Pinkie might just change that.
Or at least try. Whether it's a good idea or not.
Heartfelt intent or not.
a celestiapie? not bad not bad atall
Hmm... is that a reference to this?
Well, here's a ship I don't see sailing all too often. Have a fav and a thumb, good sir!
A Pinkie/Celestia story, damn, that's a first though you have my full attenion and I swear to the Gods I heard of your name before, though it's new to see Pinkie in love with the Goddess of the sun, I shall read more
I must say, having finally found time to sit down and read, that this is going to be one of the strangest intentional pairings I've read about. Still, considering the author, I know what I'm in for, and I can't wait to see where it takes me.
THIS IS BRILLIANT
EXCUSE ME I MUST KEEP READING
I do like your stories. Gonna favorite this, and read it tomorrow.
Hold up!
A fic where Celestia actually ENJOYS working with tax laws?!?!
Interesting
Well, I decided to give it a shot, since Pinkie Pie is the only of the mane six which I don't have an OTP
I don't ship Princesses with anypony, but... oh, well, judging by the likes it has, this can't be a bad fic
2254154 your avatar perfectly compliments how loud that comment was.
A bit shorter than what I usually read.
Great first chapter though
I really loved the interactions between the main 6 here, it seemed really fun and believable, authentic even. Looking forward to more of my favorite gal Pink and her brilliant schemes.