• Member Since 17th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 31st, 2013

BrooklynBrony357


E

The newest book in Rainbow Dash's favorite series (the Daring Do series) is coming out the same day as Gummy's birthday party. Will the light-blue pegasus be able to buy the book and go to the party?

Also, I don't have to use all of the Mane 6 because lolfuckyou

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 11 )

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1. Too many short chapters, make it just the one.
2. I thought it was good but you could have made it longer.

Perhaps understandably, I feel an almost pathological need to read pet-based stories when I see them come up.

Congratulations on your first story, and welcome to Fimfiction! This is a cute little story, though it could definitely do with a bit of editing: a run through a spell-checker and a scan to make sure the story is appearing as you intend for your readers. There's a kind of odd spot where a paragraph is broken in two near the top of Ch. 2 or 3 I believe. I know the friendship letter on the end was just there for you to get to 1000 words, but I think that's probably one of the stronger points of the story – this is a pretty simple conflict to resolve, and it improves your story to have RD address that issue at the end. I also liked that you have the beginning of IC tone for RD and Pinkie. It's not too hard to tell who's saying which lines, even without direct attribution. This could definitely benefit with some expansion to give us a little more detail of action or of the mental state of your perspective character, but that's something to keep in mind for the future.

Good luck writing!

in the 4th sentence you put angle instead of angel.

Really snuck under the radar with that one huh?:pinkiecrazy: but i digress...this was a pretty good story but it could have been longer really going into more ponies emotions other than just the one and gummy if you wanted:derpytongue2: lolz. still it was a good story and i hope to here from you again

Cute little story! ^^ Short, sweet, and to the point!
However, detail definitely could have been in there a little more. It would have been a nice touch :)

great lesson! nice simple story i liked it!:pinkiehappy:

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oops

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yeah it was probably broken because i typed it in notepad because i didn't have internet connection

thanks everyone on all the nice comments :rainbowkiss:

also I didn't mean the last author's note as saying that i only put it in there to get to 1000 words, i actually planned that at first :rainbowlaugh:

i didn't even know that it had to be at least 1000 words until i was going to submit it :twilightsheepish:

i liked it a bit. it is a bit cute and kinda mean of pinkie pie to tell her friends not to bring a gift. :pinkiesmile: it is good fosar:derpytongue2:

cute er than the last one :rainbowkiss:

i loved it. very much. just becuase it is a dashie pinkie fic and it was so cute. :pinkiesad2: very cute :pinkiesmile: supper cute :pinkiehappy: super dupper gummy cute :pinkiegasp: derpy cute :derpytongue2: i like it that much. :twilightsmile:

keep it up :scootangel::unsuresweetie::yay::moustache:

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