I'm a brony, I'm a fan of this life, and I often fap. Oh, and I write, too.
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Twilight Sparkle, member of a humanitarian organization, and her young, borderline misanthrope assistant Spike, have been sent to the land of Arcadia, a place only colonized three decades ago, to make themselves useful to the natives. Simple right? No. The strange man issued to be their supervisor, is clearly not who he seems. Is anything what it truly seems in this land?
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Etiam Arcadie mihi esse
Ok , after the cultured quote, this seems pretty good
This story line is really awesome, but you have too many comma's when they are not needed. Like, using one as so: She looked, at me. I feel this is the wrong way to write, and it bugs me a little. I find myself pausing while reading to the comma, then wondering about why you would put it there. Great story. I am no grammar nazi, but I just feel the comma is placed in the incorrect spots. Here a section from your story:
I feel bad for Fluttershy though. 
"This, may seem strange, coming from a stranger, but that place your goin' to... it's harsh. You two won't make it on your own." See when you type This, it needs no comma. It shoud be:
"This may seem strange, coming from a stranger, but that place your goin' to... it's harsh. You two won't make it on your own." Otherwise, your readers will speak like so:
This. May seem strange. But... and so on. Atleast this is what I find myself doing when reading.
But seriously, wonderful story!!
2143803 Thanks for the feed back. I'm completely aware of my problem with commas, and was hoping some one could direct me in the right direction. I have this small problem because when I was younger writing was the last thing I thought I would take an interest in, so I never paid much attention to my 1st grade grammar teacher. Again thanks a bunch.
This Spike characterization is PERFECT
2144879 Thank you.
2144229 sure guy, i never really listened either. i sat at my desk like: :I i know this.... no i dont, oh well ill never need it. i was so wrong. im not good either, but i still love your story!!
2149003 Thanks!
OH BOI,.......THATS FUNNY
but seriously, love the story's premise n' shit i know you've probably heard it before but in any story short chapters are troubling but none-the-less i'm content.... i'd like to read more if thats cool with you
"some tall guy"
<.<
>.>
Big Mac? [:(
2291370 Yes, and yeah. Short chapters suck.
Thanks for the feedback.
cool story bro
but you should really get a proof reader.
2293342 Probably.
gotta ask cuz' all this tension is killing me..........................is it partly flutterspike in here or is that just me?
t>>2378082 Some one-sided FlutterXSpike, but at the moment that's about it.
ahh, everyone is coming into play.....still good and you made it longer
Well done, here have a moustache
2450719 I graciously accept that 'stache, and add it to my growing 'stache stash.
PINKIEEEEEEEEEEEE
thanks, i had fun with this and would like to know if this minotaur is iron will or some random beast cuz its humanized but ya never know
2501752 More or less, he'll be eluded to. Really just a random beast.
Instant Pinkie Pie.
So we've seen
so we're missing 
2619468 Have no fear! She will be in the story, but not for a while still.
ohsweetchrist, i thought you were going to kill them all in the first few chapters
2620065 Hehe. No.
Aj died?!
4904779 Yeh...