Cool story bro.

Cool first post bro.

So, uh, yeah.

How about sending stuff to a prereader or editor before you post it up on fimfiction?

Not sure how to cheesedeluxe I'm new so yeah am I rated low for what it is writing style what sorry but just curious

Umm I need a poll I may not work on this so I need fan Idea so Poll tome

A. Go on Hiatus

B. Unpublish and stop

C. Continue

Oh and theres no D. all of the above so comment on your answer

Awesome so if anypony thinks my guy is over powered to bad I made this for selfish reasons It's supposed to be a good story but I want to have these powers in real life so I made it possible in this world so yeah suggestion or whatever can be helpful you can even troll this if you want I could care less so bye

I do hope I'm not coming off as rude or anything, but I do see a lot of problems.

For one there seems to be quite a number of run-on sentences as well as places where punctuation should be.

Story-wise it's a bit weak I'm afraid to say. Though I get the impression that perhaps you've just gotten into writing fics. Which I think is just great. Please don't give that up because writing can be a fun, creative way to share stories with people. I think all you need is practice and perhaps to study up a bit on the writing styles of your favorite authors. It could help you to develop your own writing style or get a better grasp of how to write a good story.

>>186582186582 this isn't a story I'm trying hard on I'm only writing what I'm writing not bothering with grammar and such

>>187288187288

Then why are you posting it here?

>>660720660720 because its a story and one of the less phycotic ones I v]come up with