Just a simple writer living in the shadows.
A young stallion finds himself left alone with no one around and very little memories about his past to comfort him. He walks down a small path as he remembers what he can about his past and how his destiny first started.
This is the legend of Lock Breaker.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Good and I bloody love it. Makes me think of the stories have have written that no one has read yet. I did see some mistakes but as I have noticed with my own writing, it is kind of impossible not to have. You are the first out of myself that I know who has a black and red pony aviator.
2131190 wow, thanks for reading and thanks for the complement.
I love reading, another reason why I love writing. But as of late I've been doing more writing. Got any recommendations? After I read your other story.
2131276 hmm. Well some of my favorites would have to be Whatever it takes, I love you (awsome dark adventure fic) Background Pony (sad suspensfull fic about Lyra) The powers of harmony ( an extremly well done ulternate universe involving the main 6, I would really suggest checking it out.) Comming back, ( a Dark adventure fic having to do with Rainbow Dash and Twilight) Fear and Trembling (dark fic involving Twilight and the main six and having to test the friendship and loyalty of Twilight) and finally if you are in to Crossovers, Final Fantasy: Zacks second chance, has a ton of action and humur.
If you manage to run out let me know I have plenty more.
A great premise for a story. Thanks for asking me to read it. So a few comments:
You have some sentences where you have the same word twice. Look over them and try to figure out another way to describe what's going on rather than putting 'walk' twice in the same sentence
Very specific detail! I could really see what was going on. But at times I felt there was too much detail. Tone it down slightly. Sometimes you don't need to describe every detail of the painting for people to see it.
Small spelling errors here and there. Just double check.
Emotion: You're trying too hard. You don't need to describe every moment of emotion for the character. Only in the critical parts.
Finally, you don't need to state the character in every sentence if the block of text is focusing on them. I had the same problem when I started writing. Use more 'he' and 'she' and the like. Or use a scene descriptor before saying which character. Ex; I pulled my blade away, the eye returning to normal. The Wolf blinked several times to focus that eye while the other stared at me with curiosity.
Overall, I'm interested to see the full story that will follow. Good job on your fist oneshot!
Speedy Quill
2176201 Thanks for reading. Now I know where and how to improve. Thanks a ton.