Equestria discovers that it is not alone in the universe as ponies from another world make contact; a cruel world, where ponies make war instead of friendship. They claim they wish to make friends with their cousins in Equestria, and offer their aid in dealing with the troubling rise of the violent caribou. But as Twilight Sparkle gets to know their new 'allies' better, and after the Empire's aid leads to the near destruction of an entire race, she begins to doubt that these are the kind of friends Equestria wants or needs.
But the Empire's greed is insatiable, and it begins to look as though only cruel war will prevent Equestria from falling victim to their lust for conquest.
And in Zeal Monarchorum, the heart of the Empire, Chrysalis lurks, plotting the destruction of her pony enemies, bending the Empire to her will, knowing that whatever should happen on the battlefield, she will be the only victor.
>The Unconquered Sun
And here I was, hoping for an Exalted Crossover.
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Is that a game? And is it worth playing?
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Its a pen and paper fantasy RPG, where you play what is basically a superhero given powers by the Unconquered Sun, God of Awesomeness and King of Heaven. You get said powers by doing something so awesome that he looks away from his horribly crippling addiction to World of Warcraft for ten seconds to say, "Whoa, that was totally awesome, here, take this shard of my divine essence and go forth and do more awesome things in my name". And then you find out that your previous incarnation was basically magical Hitler near the end, before everyone banded together to overthrow you. And your ex is a two thousand year old man eating monster, and she wants to go on a date next tuesday. And everyone thinks you're a demon given human form, and wants to kill you. And Magical America is trying to kill you because you're going to upset the balance that has them as the big boys on the playground, and they have giant robots, benders, and an alliance with Fate Ninjas. And your best friend from your previous life is trying to cover all of Creation in darkness. And the Primordials, the creators of the universe, the threat you were created to fight in ages long past, in a war so horrible that it essentially destroyed all recollection of itself from the weapons unleashed during its course, managed to brew up their own magical superheros, and they want to break out of Hell by making Creation indistinguishable from their prison. And heaven is hopelessly corrupt and mired in bureaucracy, so there's not going to be any help there.
But its okay, because you can learn to, among other things, punch someone so hard they turn into a duck.
IIRC, theres supposed to be a third edition coming out sometime quite soon, which is good, because second edition is a bit of a mess. I'd also suggest reading My Little Exalt or Scroll of Exalted Ponies if you want a crossover with MLP. Or taking a look at the TV Tropes page for it.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: In the Shadow and the Light
Grammar score out of 10: 9
Pros: So I won't go into 3 things for pros and cons like I would normally do. This story is rather large, and I have only read up to Stallion of Honour, so this review only reflects half the story. I apologize, but I don't have the time to read this whole thing. Well, I suppose I might but I'll go into that later. Starting with what makes this story good is the obvious effort you have put into world building. The mythology is very interesting - I for one love creation myths. And surprisingly enough, the grand scale you present this story in at the prologue stays in the tone for chapter one and two.Your OCs feel fleshed our and real, which is a real treat because there is always a risk with OCs being flat and boring or just hard to be accepted by the reader. I really enjoyed reading about these OCs and their actions make me want to know what happens next. This is a sign of a plot driven by character actions, something I certainly enjoy reading in my stories. There is quite a good bit that this story does right - grammar is solid, despite maybe three typos I found that were just easy mistakes, pacing is not bad, and at the end of each chapter I was left wanting to read more. This story deserves more likes.
Cons: However, this story is also very tough. Like steak that has been overcooked, these chapters are tough to chew. One of the main reason I can't read this whole thing, and why I'm just now replying to this, is because of the length. I understand in my own story my chapters were around 7-8 thousand words long, and even that was too much, I realize now. These chapters need to be broken up. That's not to suggest some laziness from the reader - the issue is time. Not only that, but there is an issue with focus as well.Others may not agree, but I feel the structure of this story might need some reworking. Is this suppose to be a parallel story of Twilight and Valor? I get the feeling that is the case, and it's what I used in my story too, but I woven the parallel story lines into one chapter at a time to keep the pace of the overall story moving steady. In chapters 1 and 2, you do a good job of keeping attention on the present events, but after roughly 23k words in all, I still don't know what to expect of this story, or what the connecting conflict is between these two story lines. There's a lot of information here, but no clear direction it's taking me, and after that large of an investment on the reader's part, reading two more chapters that are over 11k words does not sound fun. That is the main thing that holds this story back I think - there is no clear direction in this story, and by the time the reader comes to that realization, they've read a whole lot of info that could have been better given as the story progressed. That prologue, while it was very thoughtful, was a huge info dump essentially. I think it starts this story off dragging its feet.
Notes: You have clearly made a story that deserves more attention, but the problem is how you present it. I look at the view count and number of likes, and this all confirms for me my point about the author not knowing what to expect in this story for such a high demand of reading. I think the premise is fun, and you write the characters very well. In your story description, it suggests Twilight is the main focus, but then you introduce this whole mythology that will play a important role in the story, and then a lot of focus on Valor, who is not mentioned at all in the description, and the reader justifiably feels confused. What is your goal with this story? What's the message you want to give the reader? What's the main conflict going to offer the reader? Your story description gives the base premise, but it doesn't call to the reader. It's... honestly bland. I won't lie - a lack of cover image does you no favors as well. You HAVE to have a cover image, or you won't get many views at all.
Please consider my advice. Your story deserves a lot more attention, but these chapters are just too long and don't offer enough reward to the reader to keep them reading. The story takes too long to get anywhere. I highly suggest looking at how you structure this and making some changes. You're fighting for the attention of the reader, and a solid story is still weak if it isn't presented properly. I want to see this idea succeed, but presentation will be just as important as the creativity you have put into this.
Thank you for the review you left me, and I hope you get even a little help from everything I've said in this review.
Too bad it's on hiatus.
I would have loved to see G1 Ponies as a warrior race. It makes sense considering how dangerous Ponyland is.
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It will come off hiatus eventually, but probably not until after I finish Vengeance of Dawn. Although that may change depending on how much far this plotbunny sinks its teeth into my head.
So Queen Chrysalis has manipulated the "Warrior Ponies" into attacking Equus?
This is shaping up to be a more interesting plot than the previous one.