indentation and paragraph spacing but besides that

hm? oh sorry bout that it was just SO AWESOME!!!

tell me about any errors you fin etc.)

That's one of the most ironic things I have ever read. Aside from that one, there are some issues with changing tense a couple times.

>>162708162708

From the person... pony I see write troll-fics in comments.

>>162821162821

touche, hey at least they're somewhat interesting right? Besides most of my stories are interesting if not at least decent

BTW;

DYRILBY GODDAMIT are you gonna write anything on the pinkie sequel?

>>162866162866

Please don't kill me! I haven't had a chance, with work and stuff. I put this together in the space of about an hour last night after watching the movie. I will get on it soon though.

The Ponified version of this better than the original.

EAT YOUR HEART OUT GEORGE LUCAS!!!!!

If you continue on this path of replacing Qui-Gon with Twilight and Obi-Wan with Spike then that means... Twilight has to be killed by Darth Maul (who, from the looks of things, is being played by Derpy) while Spike lives on to die later on... Curiouser and curiouser...

>>168478168478

Well, I did make it obvious who Darth Maul is. I bet you can't guess who Anikan is being replaced by.

I might throw up a random chapter telling people who is who.

>>162804162804

I see that you found my awful pun. Well played.

So I heard you like new chapters, so I decided to add a new chapter after the previous chapter so you can read a chapter after finishing the previous chapter.

I really have no idea where I was going with that.

>>168810168810

Well, it's a nice chapter. Nice job working in the MLP characters. Now that I think about it... wouldn't Derpy have made a better Jar Jar? Just a thought. Not a criticism.

>>168838168838

Maybe... But Derpy as a Sith is cool. Also, Jar Jar isn't a human in canon Star Wars, so why make him the same race in this? My retarded logic.

First of all, I'm a huge Star Wars fangirl! :D I haven't been into this ever since last year!

Now onto your errors:

Your story shifts from past to present tence. Unless it's a flashback, then you can't use both.

I also have a question: Twilight is Qui-Gon Jinn and Spike is Obi-Wan Kenobi right? Then that means Chancellor Trixie will have to be Darth Sidious! XD

*fangirl squeal*

I just cracked up when I recognized Jar-Jar! XD

>>218828218828

You seem to be forgetting that Palpatine wasn't chancellor until later in the movie. Don't worry though, I'm going to bring Trixie back in the second "movie".

To everyone else, sorry I haven't updated in a while. I have been busy... Doing what, you might ask? Killing noobs with my LoL team, of course. I'll get started on the next part tomorrow morning. But, for now, g'night, you lovable bastards.

>>219631219631

Oh my apologies! I haven't seen the movies in quite a while. I'm not so obsessed as I was before.

*has awesomeness induced heart attack*, BRILLIANT!!! Please continue with this story, it made my day to read this.

Its soooo hard for me to replace the actual voices with the MLP characters. I keep hearing both at the same time in my head. Good job, keep it up! Both the story, and the slaying of noobs

um question why the h didnt you use celesia as quigon and twilight as obiwan it would of made more sense?? just saying.

This is very promising on the first chapter alone, though I would suggest a bit more of the mLP character leaking into the star wars character, or you'll end up going the way of Pony Wars (which is the fate of mediocrity heaven forbid!)

And now for the bigger question... if the mane 6 are used in the prequels, who the heck will be used in the standard 3 movies?!

>>219631219631

Actually, I'd suggest a slight edit so someone like Flithy Rich or Hoity Toity was Chancelor Valorum... makes more sense than reusing a character multiple times.

And worse... it occurs to me that if Twi is Qui-Gon, then she dies. NOOOooooo It makes more sense for Celly to be qui-gon, Twi to be Obi-Wan, and Spike to end up as Anakin!

Then again, if you can pull it off, what complaint can I make? Think about it and do what you will.

Thanks for putting me in this story! *reads it* Wait, what?

Not bad... but if Nightmare is female than "milord" doesn't sound good. You should use "milady" instead, me thinks.