I know, there are any number of tales out there which ask "What if Rainbow Dash never performed the Sonic Rainboom?" But my question is, "What if the day of the race happened two days earlier?" Find out how much a little change of date can make a difference!
Please note. I won't actually be addressing that exact day during the course of these first chapters. This follows where they ended up because of it, to be revealed later exactly how it all unfolded. Happy reading.
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Wait. Wait. Wait. So Rainbow Dash is protegé and Twilight- whaaa?
I may be really wrong... or this is going to be a very pleasant read. More.
Your's truly,
FrostBite
P.S. Oh yes. First.
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You are correct, thus far. I resolved that if response was good or constructive enough with this and following chapters, I would continue and demonstrate similar venues. I kind of... start in the middle when I write, this is as close as I've ever come to giving the beginning first. ^^
I've noticed somepony significant by her absence in this thing
and hope it doesn't mean what I think it does.
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Check again; it's very brief, but she's there. Next chapter, you'll definitely hear more from her. ^^
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Right....she does do a good impersonation of somepony who isn't there..........
Looking forward to more!
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Hope I don't disappoint, dear. I've got a lot of work ahead of me, and in a relatively unfamiliar venue. Be sure to tell me if you have any concerns or criticisms!
You're still holding character very well, and the plot thickens. Sure, you may not update a lot every chapter, but I care more about quality over quantity. Regardless, you are one to impress, Dr. Rarity.
Dr., I think I need a diagnosis. My symptoms are profound sweating upon updating, tense muscles, and immense joy. I think I'm in love with this fiction.
nice use of proto-type dash(Fire Fly)
are thare going to be any other "Surprise"s
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She's there for the G1 fans in the audience. Keep an eye out for more references, there are a few to come. ^^
♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪
good chapter, hope to lern some more back story of your Alternet Univers soon. I want to know why your cast is so different then the mane6
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I've resolved not to explain it until I finish this particular story. That has to be a story in and of itself, and this one took priority in my mind. ^^
The secret of this universe is simple. Rarity is SEXY in a doctor's coat.
"pink" is a vary likeble reimaging of pinkie pie, I would love to find out how she and the rest of the main6 got how thay are? Wating here for a flashback, unconscious Twilight was a missed moment.
P.S. did you hear about the FlutterShy Ep in march
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Interesting prospect, epic rainboom fighting moves... but I felt that if she fought like that, we would have a very, very different story on our hands. Maybe... in a different tale. ^^
In any case... I promise, soon as this one's done, my next fic will explain them.
By the way, it's "Pink.". Always capitalized, always punctuated. She'll notice if you don't put the period in. ^^
I like that you didn't just reuse the same 6 trials every one use's. three down, three to go.
"Pink." it would seem, has the same 4th dimensional awareness as another pony we all know and love
but uses it in a vary difrent way.
(I spelt her name right this time, she not going to hold the last time agenst me, is she?)
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I certainly appreciate your dedication to feedback, and your continuing interest. Thanks for that.
I've got a few parts left, hope you can hold out 'till then, but I am putting work toward my followup stories, too. As to "Pink.", you have nothing to worry about. She'll notice, but she won't necessarily do anything about it... key word, "necessarily." ^^
Rainbow as the most faithful student, I just don't get it. The Sonic Rainboom is definitely cool and impressive, but Celestia formed a School for Gifted Unicorns, not gifted flyers. She has the Wonderbolts, true, but Celestia seems more inclined to magic than physical pursuits. My opinion here is influenced by the fact that I really don't like Dashie at all.
If anything, Celestia would have discovered her and given her to the Wonderbolts for personal training. Rainbow Dash's personality just does not seem to be one for book learning and dedicated study. Celestia seems to be all about dedicated study and research.
I do love "Pink.", this is a very interesting alternate universe Pinkie... possibly one of the best I've read. I'm only continuing to read this because of this character. I dislike Dash and I can't stand insufferable Twilight, but "Pink." makes it all better. "Always capitalized, always punctuated" indeed. This makes a very good signature or trademark catch-phrase for her.
I'm disappointed with Rarity's character though, especially since she is my favorite. Rarity as a doctor was interesting at first, but without her je ne sais quoi of the fashionista she seems just like an add on character and just fluff. The part with her checking on Sweet Apple Acres seemed to be there to show her character, but it almost felt more like her concern was lost and Jacqueline taking responsibility and assuming direction stole that show. Jacqueline fills the sophisticated role and the responsible, hard worker parts, but it is pretty typical of alternate AJs. Rarity does not seem to have any strong characteristics that highlight her more than just her slavery to generosity. Rarity seems to have the caregiver role as a doctor, but she lacks the personality and the kindness that canon Fluttershy has. In actuality, both Rarity and Fluttershy's characters in this seem strained and difficult to discern. About the only thing I like about your Rarity is if she looks anything like your avatar picture than she is rather hot... for a small horse with a horn on its head.
Eh, but I'm probably missing something somewhere.
I'll be going in depth with this tomorrow. I will give you credit for being creative with the tree couple bickering at each other.
have to keep this short today, forget what Azlan said, we are just more acustomed to the main6 then to your cast so some might have a hard time conecting to the characters.
thare is no guarantee your Princess is exactly like Cellestia, but she still taught dash stuff right so I expert her to have lerrned something that the cannon R.D. dosnt know.
all in all, good chapter. Five down, time to get to the magic.
Thanks again for the support, Rook, but I'm fine with what Azlan said. Matter of fact, it's exactly the kind of thing I've wanted to address.
Dash's status as Celestia's student stems from the initial change, and what exactly happened that day; once this is finished, I'll get to work explaining that. I started where I did, because it was the most powerful thought in my head; the story needed to be told, and I felt I could use a little practice before tackling the event.
Rarity, I admit, is a bit more personal a subject. She's my favorite too, and I do have a lot of ideas for her in this state... just not right this moment in the plot. I appreciate that you're upfront with me about your concerns, and she will get a very special scene in the final part, let me tell you. Fluttershy, in the same breath, is in a similar boat. I've had this idea since the beginning to have her and Rarity connected more closely than any of the others, and not in a shipping kind of way. I will capitalize on that over time, but there's a lot of work to do first.
Twilight... now there's a can of worms... I knew not everyone was going to like her, even expected it... but she will get better, and soon. Her attitude will gradually improve, the more I write, and that's one of the driving forces behind this fic.
I can handle Jacqueline being taken as typical for now, it's understandable; honesty doesn't need to be complicated.
Glad you dig "Pink.", meanwhile. The things I have in store for her...
Well, enough blind rambling. Thanks for the input, Azlan, I know I haven't really addressed that much here... but if you have further thoughts, suggestions or the like, feel free to send me a private message. Don't want to give any plot devices you might come up with away.
Great update Dr. Rarity.
Always happy to see updates from you. May I also add that you look dashing in that suit? Rawr :3
Hopefully I wasn't too harsh. I just worry as generosity and doctors seem to be a road to a self destructive end.
That was a far more sedate and yet much stronger emotionally than I thought it might have been at first glance. With everyone split between three communities, I wonder how this will play out.
I'm sorry, din't mean to accuse anyone of being to blunt, or scare off the good doctors constructive criticism.
the fact is, I've have a few problems with the elements of harmony in the show, Dash and A.J's elements coulde be switched (see friendship is witchcraft ep 3), Pinkie is a bit over-the-top and I think "Pink." has a stronger connection to Laffter, most of the D&D bronys cast Raity as a thife class. Futtershy and Twilight are all right.
Raity has a taent for appraising valuables, she is such a good dressmaker becouse she can see how valuable it's becoming. Any Raity, in any proftion, inculding Dr. Raity, will make shore she has anof to affored to be generos. She's giving, not stupid.
I'm looking forword to the next chapter
Not at all, Azlan. Your concerns are intelligently presented, and a few that I've had myself. I won't be editing this story itself for some time, so that people can draw their own conclusions about how I need to improve as I go. One friend said to me, it's like the show's pilot: a little rough around the edges, but give it a few episodes, it should hit its stride.
In any case, Rook, don't worry about it so much. You're invested in the story, and it shows by how you defend it. Nothing to be ashamed of there. Anyway, next chapter is the last in this volume. Not the end of the alternate Mane Six, just this particular tale is coming to a close. Hope it meets one's expectations.
I like this. Even though the Elements were present, it seems like NMM was conquered more by actual friendship than by the friendship-powered superweapon. (And this is only the second fic I've seen where that happened.)
This does set up some possibilities... Despite her venomous intent, some of NMM's words rang true about Celestia overlooking Twilight's potential. I could easily imagine Luna taking on Twilight as her student, and it would make an interesting dynamic for future stories.
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Shhh... you'll spoil the surprise.
What are their cutie marks?! Driving me crazy trying to figure it out XD
all good things must come to a end, this tale might come to a close but hopfuly the story wont end here.
and at lest I'm not the only one who made that mistak. "Pink." is vary particular about her name I would geuss.
Hoping for a sequel , always capitalized, always below and to the left of whare it should be. (Not realy, I'm just goofing around with you.)
J-Rook
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I did think of spelling them out, honestly, but I think I'll leave it for when I reveal how they got them. That will happen eventually, hoping you're interested by that point.
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Not exactly a sequel, but I will tell different stories with this cast, of less grandiose scale. I'll say it right now, however, I am NOT tackling Discord. I don't believe I'm up to the task, simple as that.
Just now got a account up and running. Just wanted to say good job. You did good my friend. ^^
I really liked the loyalty test -- it made a lot more sense than the canon one. Although the honesty one was still a bit weak, honestly.
And this Twilight is not much fun.
One of the things I really like about canon twilight is that she *is* an insanely good friend; Sweet and Elite had a pretty good example of how. This is evil grumpy Twilight. 
Commander Dash is neat, though.
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I really struggled with honesty, I will admit. I wasn't wholly happy with it myself, but the concept itself was the only thing that made sense to me. I'll actually come back to it in another story, to explain a bit more about Jacqueline's mindset at the time and since, because there is more to say, but saying it in this story would actually weigh it down... a lot.
Twilight... well... it was always my intention to have her come off badly at first. She has a lot of growing to do, but my plan is thus: she will get better. Every step of the way, what she learns will stick with her. She has to learn to be a good friend, but she will. That's my promise.
Beautiful work. I enjoyed it to the last.
A good start so far. One complaint I have is that you sometimes forget to break up paragraphs when someone new starts speaking. Other than that, I'm intrigued by this interpretation of events, and will read on.
An excellent story. I can't wait for the next installment so you can explain how things have gotten to the point where they now are. Twilight came off pretty much as I would have thought she would, with much the same motivations I would have attributed to her that you did. She's a jerk
because she's unappreciated, but in a different way than Trixie became. I could easily see those two either becoming fast friends or big rivals. Honestly, if I were in her situation, I'd probably feel and act much the same. She really was the most sympathetic character to me. I can't wait to see how she ended up with Spike despite not being able to hatch him (or did she? Dun, dun DUUUNNN).
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Honesty can be a bit difficult to "test" in this sort of milieu. It's one of the least tangible of the elements.
Hey there. I have to say, this WAS a very entertaining story. The exchanges, emotional content, action, humor and wrap-up were all well done in all the right places. And, yeah, I suppose going your entire life feeling mostly unappreciated probably WOULD have the potential to make somebody into somewhat of a jerk. I admit I'm curious as to where the Mane Six could have been where the two day time difference could have made that big a difference, but I suppose that's what future stories are for.
As for how Twilight was able to hatch Spike, well, I would say that the Sonic Rainboom happening two days earlier probably caused her power surge to happen two days earlier too, so she had to learn from her parents and big brother to focus on ONE thing in order to control it (a lot like young Clark in the flashbacks in "Man of Steel"). She had a couple extra days to learn the focus she needed to hatch the dragon egg without any near-disasters. The downside is, while she might have passed the entrance exam with flying colors, she didn't get the notice from Celestia she did in canon. At least that's MY theory. I'll freely admit I could be wrong.
At any rate, if you DO make more stories in this series I will definitely be looking forward to them (especially for the character development).