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SpikeDash199 stories ·897 members
This story is a sequel to To Live is to Love
One day, Spike finally gets the courage together to ask Rarity out. When he finally goes to ask her, he sees something in the window that quickly shoots down that entire idea. After it happens, and he's trying to move on from the disappointment.
Rainbow Dash is there to help him out.
Spike knows that his good friend will always be there for him.
That's all she is, right?
Thanks to this guy right here for the awesome picture.
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The main problem i see in this chapter is that the last paragraph has a perspective change. Other than that, it looks fine.
I came for the reversal of the average MallaJong story title. I stayed for the shipping.
Ok, overall, this was pretty good. Writing was above average considering some of the things that come onto this site, Spike was characterised pretty well.
Now, let's look at the problems I have with this story.
When Dash first flies down and asks about his feelings, Spike finds it odd but doesn't expound on that like he does with every other thing in the story. I'd think he'd at least rationalise it as the fact that he looks horrible at this point and she's the Element of Loyalty and is concerned.
Why is Rarity suddenly with Fluttershy? Other than Dash somehow getting them together (more on that in a moment), this is something that always annoys me in fics where Rarity is shipped with a female. She's been consistently shown to be heterosexual, and yet no one ever seems to go over why she suddenly is interested in mares. Hopefully you'll explain that in future chapters with more than just a 'she kissed me and I went with it'.
Stalkerdash. At least for this day, it's pretty obvious she was following him and setting up everything to go wrong so she could swoop in and take Spike's heart. Why would she do that to a friend? Well, I can see her reasoning that she knew Rarity and Fluttershy would be happy together (and probably got Fluttershy to buck up and take the plunge on that day at that time) and needed to be loyal to herself and go for what she wanted, but breaking Spikes heart and catching him on the rebound is a pretty shitty thing to do to a friend and doesn't seem that in line with Dash's character. Then again, love makes us do strange things. Guess it's not so much a problem as it is unexplained. I'll look forward to seeing more on this in future chapters (if you go into it that is).
You use 'makes sense' or a variation of that too many times towards the end of the fic. If it was in Spikes thoughts, it would be different, but it's part of the third person narration and feels out of place and repetitive.
The last paragraph changes from third person to first person. Extremely jarring and out of place.
I know I had a lot more gripes to talk about than good things to say, but I did enjoy this and am looking forward to more.
2256246
Wow, I have a lot to fix.
I thought I had put a lot of it in first person, but apparently I did not.
Everything else will be explained, though I don't know if you'll like the explanations. Who knows?
2256089
As I pointed out to the other person, that was a giant mistake on my part.
I had it all typed out, changed to first person, and then I apparently messed up with the copy/paste function.
2256273 Its no big deal. I just thought i would say something before you had anybody could be a Grammar Nazi about it.
I have a theory that Rainbow had planned that kiss before hoof and that that kiss was just an act put on by Rarity and Fluttershy because they were in on it and they were really good friends so they helped Rainbow steal Spike's heart! RIGHT! RIGHT! PLEASE TELL ME I'M RIGHT!
You can't just switch between first and third person storytelling like that.
You did it again here. Obviously you are writing a first person story but you keep dropping sentences that aren't in first person.
I assume there was more that could be said about this fic, but honestly I stopped reading not long after Rainbow Dash started crying because I just was having trouble getting into the story. You can have this gif though.
arch.413chan.net/1294259119416-(n1294451311878).gif
Aww..Rainbow Dash dressing up to make Spike feel happy, but most a gentle act of Spike in making Rainbow Dash feel good, and not let her blame herself. I hope this date will be good and not turn out bad for either one of them. Also, i hope Spike doesn't treat Rarity any differently, just because he saw her kissing Fluttershy.
ummmm...why do i have the feeling rainbow planned all of this
Its Teenage/Grown spike? Because that would be better for the story, just sayin.
I fell as though rainbow dash planed this whole thing out and raity snd fluttershy were helping
The perspective shifts from 1st to 3rd person almost every paragraph. It bothers me, but not enough to distract me away from the story. Why is Rainbow Dash acting shy so adorable?
GEE WILLIKERS MISTER, I WONDER WHAT'S UP WITH RAINBOW DASHES BEHAVIOUR
All jokes aside, I liked this it was really good, your story is now followed my good man
2256760
Thanks.
2258828
Completely unintention with the shifts. I guess this is why people get editors. D: I should probably hunt one or two down.
2260155
You're welcome.
Spike you did fly!
No wait that was falling with dignity.
2262020
No, just falling.
Don't know where you got the dignity thing from. :P
2262496
To be honest me neither.
2256523 NO LEFT LEFT! Anywaaaaaaaaãy me like it sandvich needed youchew.net/wiki/images/9/95/Sandvich.png
So Much YES
hmmmm.....
Hmm... Interesting. By the way I'm not dead just not fully functional (read: I'm lazy and don't want to do anything at all after I'm finished with school work) So I'll just leave you with a few errors I noticed.
't wa'... I don't even know what to make of this, and Pie
I think the period should be 'I'
space needed after quotation mark
2269584
Thank you, kind sir.
Sadly, for some reason clicking I gives me the italicize thing now. I don't mean the obvious toolbar thing, just the letter on my keyboard.
Whoops
Huh
Misplaced quotation.
Overall, not bad but I noticed you occasionally drop 3rd-person sentences that really kill the flow.
And I once thought that Dash was a lesbian......
Guess I was wrong.....
2277813
Looked over it again, did some changes.
I keep catching more and more, thanks to you guys.
Cool story!
2279828
Thanks.
Don't understand why this pairing Is disliked so much, I think it is kinda cute.
I like where this story is going.
Aww...poor Spike. I feel for him, and I feel that is being left out more and more by Twilight since she has made friends in Ponyville. Maybe Rainbow could talk with her instead of getting Rarity or Fluttershy to talk to her. Also, Rainbow was the one who set up Fluttershy with Rarity. I hope Spike doesn't find out, or if he does, I know he is going to be heartbroken and feel like Rainbow, and maybe everypony have betrayed him. Oh, this is getting good!
I hope that Spike doesn't find out about Rainbow's master plan until they've established somewhat of a relationship. Then they could have a falling out, Spike could run away, Rainbow Dash saves him from something, and they reaffirm their feelings.
Then Spike rides Rainbow Dash off into the sunset.
2281068
Dirty minds would take 'ride' in a different context.
2281377 This story is rated 'Everyone.' They are allowed to have dirty thoughts.
2279849
Hello there Michael, I'm sorry but I don't understand what's going on here. Can you please tell me what's going on here ?
2282515
Gotta love and hate the Internet don't you?
Loving the story. Keep it up! :)
2282552
No problem, the hardest part for me is making sure I don't tell you something that's going to happen, since it's fresh in my mind.
*clears throat*
Alright, so we open the story with Spike having finally gotten the courage to ask out the mare of his dreams. He gets everything set up, hoping she'll say yes. When he actually goes over to see her, however, he sees Fluttershy kissing her.
His life is thus ruined.
Well, he ends up running away. He does trip, messing up his tuxedo, but Rainbow ends up being there to help him out. We learn that she tried to help him out by getting him to do it (ask Rarity out). She feels bad about it, though he doesn't know why.
Spike feels bad about the fact that his good friend is beating herself up about this whole thing, and he has the reservation anyway, so he asks her out on a friend date. And now they're on it. Spike's told a bit about himself, a story about Twilight at the Palace.
That's... seriously all that's happened. I haven't gotten too far into it.
2283796
Awesome.
Glad to know the inspiration for the story likes it :D
2284382
Now I understand. Thanks friend
Promising start.
Continue...
(Also, this Twilight seems to be bein' a bit of an arse. Maybe unintentionally, but still...!)
Promising start.
Continue...
(Also, this Twilight seems to be bein' a bit of an arse. Maybe unintentionally, but still...!)
It seems like to me that Rainbow really does love Spike, but is afraid to confess it to himself, but most importantly herself. Also, I think Spike is there, because he had a special place in his heart for Rainbow, and I am not just talking about just friends. Oh, this is getting interesting, but Rainbow does need to tell Spike how she was the one that told Fluttershy to show her feelings toward Rarity.
How awesome would it be if I ended the story with a massive cliffhanger?
:D
Why was Pinkie in the Colts' bathroom?
Pinky in the mirror.
2307023
Not very
2307038 Cause pink pony is peeping Tom
YAAY day kiss Dis is grate! This definatly deserves a sandvich! wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/thumb/9/95/Sandvich.png/250px-Sandvich.png
2313332
I apologize if you thought this was going to be a HUGE work.
2313584
Did Spike ever really get over Rarity?
Do we really ever get over our first love?