A work of moral philosophy.
Have you ever loved someone? I think that love is one of the unifying factors that defines us all, and is really the ultimate satisfaction in life above all else. Hospice details the relationship between an unnamed narrator and Rarity, and how their relationship rises and falls in the wake of choices that they both make. The intention of the story was always to engage with the theme of relationship breakdown; view the story as distinctly metaphorical and make sure to read between the lines.
Rated ***** on Equestria Daily.
Chapters (11)
This has a great deal of potential. I love your writing style, and I'm very eager to see where you take this story.
Best wishes!
160478
Thanks. The entire thing is pretty much written and is up on Equestria Daily. I just thought I'd stick it up on here as well.
Well written.
Love this story. Looked it up on Equestria Daily after reading the first two here, glad you decided to post it. So when is FIMFiction gonna get the rest of it?
207393
Ah, thanks for looking the rest up on Equestria Daily. That shows great dedication on your part. I imagine I'll be posting up the rest of the chapters here at some point soon.
If the story is as heartbreaking as the album, then I am not sure if I want to read it...
*Still gonna read it of course, and The Antlers + MLP = Instant thumbs up*
I've only read five parts so far--that's the perspective I have coming into this comment, although I only learned of and listened to the album after reading the first three parts.
Before listening, just reading, I thought it was a very personal story. As if the narrator's observations were Rarity's own perceptions of herself, and she despite how poorly she could react to other people she realized her own flaws perfectly and worried constantly about them; she's too busy making art, putting the concept on a pedestal, to put the energy into bettering herself just for others. I like to think about how it was written as I read, and it gives the impression of someone who knows neurosis closely. If you're not actually neurotic, I'm greatly impressed you got into the mindset of one so well.
After listening... heh, I'm not musically literate enough to compare your story to the album. I know how the story's going to end now, I suppose, and it leaves a little less imagination up to me after listening to Hospice. I don't know if you took the album as inspiration, or you really wanted to expand on its themes for those who were familiar with it. I'm not sure if I've really lost or gained anything after hearing it.
The story as a whole reminds me of SaiKano, not for the tone but for how ill-fit the characters are made for other people. Not many creators are willing to put such effort into flawed love stories--flawed in the sense of those in the relationship.
And you really do have a great tone, like I think others mentioned. It's a very wordy tone, and I come from the opinion that people are better off leaving out every word they can, but your wordiness and description never falter. You never take a moment to label one thing more than another, or simplfy something else, and that consistency is one of your greatest technical strengths.
Shit. For all I can analyze, I love this. I love this. You made me feel I can relate to this personally, through Rarity, even with the understanding that most stories are designed for people to relate to them. If you've written anything else you're willing to share, I would love to read that as well, in time. Your story is a reflective pleasure, and I'm glad it's posted in a place I can get my praise to you so easily.
350134
Best of luck to you. While Hospice can be seen as heartbreaking, a lot of people seem to be drawing a degree of optimism from the conclusion.
352739
Firstly, I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying your time reading Hospice. A lot of people have asked me if I have suffered as the characters do in the narrative. The answer is that, while I may not personally have experienced some of the events in the narrative itself, I have observed the paranoia and warped mentality that some individuals contract when involved in a relationship. I don't have neurosis, as far as I know, but I am familiar with how it manifests.
The album serves as a basic inspiration behind the narrative. I wouldn't say that I particularly based the narrative on the lyrics of the album; I used the concept of the album as a thematic starting point, but there are a lot of other observations on display here that aren't present in the album. As for flawed love stories, I believe that every relationship is somewhat flawed; not in the sense that it's not worth putting your time into, but it's unrealistic to assume that a relationship will be perfect, and whenever I see an example of fictional love without any degree of cynicism it doesn't come across, to me at least, as being particularly believable.
Thank you for the compliments regarding my written style. The narrator is indeed a wordy sort of character, no doubt as a result of his attempts to emulate high society. While this story is designed for people to relate to, I wouldn't say that it's for mass-consumption. I would prefer to have a smaller amount of viewers who truly enjoy it - hearing you say that you love it is excellent - than a large amount of people jumping on the bandwagon and somewhat missing the point of the narrative.
As for reading more things by me, I do a lot of writing but most of it isn't connected to My Little Pony. However, I have a DeviantArt account with a variety of reviews on it of various characters and issues in the show. They're a little out-dated now, given that they were written before Season 2 aired for the most-part, but I still get people commenting on them from time to time:
http://cudpug.deviantart.com/gallery/34090493
And there's also this in relation to bronies and anti-bronies: http://cudpug.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d4sw02s
Thanks for the feedback, and if you've only read five parts so far, should you get this message I would love to hear more from you in regards to later chapters.
Just finished this on dA and wanted to comment, but it's tough to decide between writing when everything's still fresh in my mind or when it's had time to settle and collect. Hm. We'll try the former.
I wasn't sure what to expect, going into this. Fanfiction writing to begin with is suspect, and stories inspired by particular songs (or an album, in this case) even more so, but there are always exceptions, and this one's outstanding. It's little consolation, but if ever there was an example of the flawed star-rating system on EQD, this would be it. This should easily be a six, and I can only imagine that it's not due to people blindly star-bombing it.
I've become overly critical as I spend more time in this fandom, especially after doing reviews and some writing of my own, and so it takes a singularly good story to overcome my ire for certain things, but you managed spectacularly. If you're curious, the main thing is not breaking dialogue of two characters onto their own lines. It could have been a stylistic choice to contain an action and its immediate reaction with the dialogue, but at times it felt like I had to backtrack to see who was speaking, and in rare cases, I had no idea really.
In spite of that, I found myself touched by a story that was more honestly told, regardless of its biased narrator, than almost any that I can think of. I think in other circumstances, I'd say it was a joy to read this, but I hope you'll understand that in context, that would be somewhat inappropriate. So instead, I hope these paltry words and positive ratings will suffice, and I hope to see more from you in the future.
I have a blunt question, if I may. Do you have any plans of uploading the rest of the story here, on FimFiction?
I have to admit I find the time to read pony fics only when going to/from work by train. And I usually read them on an e-book reader. Which just so happens that FimFiction's brilliantly allows to download whole stories as ready-to-read e-pubs. So that's why I'm asking. I know the story was completed (on EqD and your deviant page). So, is there any chance of you uploading it here as well? It would make my day.
705470
Hey, Karach,
I do periodically post on FiMFiction, but I do so somewhat infrequently. While I will eventually be uploading all of the chapters over here, I have a way that may accelerate things for you if you want to read Hospice as an e-book. This link: http://www.ponyfictionvault.net/p/downloads.html will take you to PonyVault's download page, where you can find Hospice, among other popular 'fics in the fandom, and I believe you can download them in a variety of formats from there. There are all sorts of e-book formats you can download by following that link, so hopefully you'll be able to find what you're looking for.
Thanks for the interest!
SPOILERS ALERT:
I was greatly enjoying the story.. although a bit disjointed but I know that was intended. Then I read Hospice VIII, -/)-
I almost closed the document in disgust as the protagonist murdered Cross's wife and begins to contemplate murdering the daughter. It just seems way to out of character for his story has conveyed up to this point.
I feel nothing but sorrow and pity for Rarity now knowing that he is now a murder with an almost obsessive draw towards her. The murder rationalized with such weak and flawed logic also grates on me. I know he drank some bourbon in front of the fire, but his inebriation is far from substantial enough to warrant such a lack in judgment. This scene would have worked better if he started drunk but alas no.
I will continue to read however, in the hopes this can be redeemed.
746502
Spoilers and shit~
The idea that the narrator can be out of character is curious, seeing as he's less of a conventional character and more a nameless manifestation of a typical obsessive male. By that point he's assaulted Gazette - someone he considered a best friend figure - merely for posing a slight threat to Rarity; he imagines that every pony other than himself means Rarity harm; and yes, he is obsessive. That's the point of this story; the narrator is an incredibly flawed character who, by the 2 month mark, is losing his sanity, emphasising how relationships can become illogical and irrational. You think it's normal behaviour for someone to sit in a bathroom conducting musicals to the sound of dripping water? What about the mysterious 'thing' that he did that caused the staff at the hospice to increase security around him? Or, as is also explored, the family at the inn who treat him oddly and refuse to let him say goodbye to their children? He's a completely psychotic individual by the end. He is vengeful by this stage, and he only kills Florence Cross because he feels he has no other option - it's a combination of wishing to hurt Mr. Cross and, at the same time, fearing that if he didn't do something to silence her, he'd be arrested. Remember that this all retrospective, and so he twists his language and feelings at the time to make himself appear less of a villain. At the same time, he also wants to bring an end to Mr. Cross, as he feels utterly threatened by him. If you've ever been in a relationship, it's an exaggeration of the idea of someone hurting someone that you love: it's not that difficult to want to get revenge on that person. The narrator wants to hurt Mr. Cross, and, knowing no other way of doing so, he resorts to violence.
I also object to your assumption that the alcohol is what's to blame for his behaviour. It isn't at any point in the narrative written that he is especially drunk, and neither should the assumption be made: the alcohol is a red herring; a plot device used in the first chapter of the sequel to Hospice, Orange-Cross Empire, to entirely switch up the scene that you're criticising and present it in a different light. The character of the narrator is not a stable individual, and neither has he ever really been presented as being one. He's as unreliable as they come, and a lot of what he says is in his imagination, far detached from reality. Almost everything he says about Dr. Tawleed is a load of nonsense, for example. Perhaps you should finish reading something before casting your judgement; the idea that Hospice needs to be 'redeemed' is melodramatic, as its sole purpose is to get a reaction out of the pony community one way or another. Wait until the paragraph satirising cloppers; it's comedy gold!
751770
Perhaps "out of character" was the wrong choice of words. I meant to only convey this shift from obsessive pony into murder of the innocent to be on the side of the extreme, at least for my tastes. Which I fully acknowledge are my own and not necessarily reflected as common place amongst all your readers. I suppose the fault is mine for not fully being able to follow the disjointed way the story is presented. It's difficult for me to follow a story represented without the typical continuity of a standard narrative. But this is art so anything goes right.
I did not claim he was drunk, just that he was not drunk enough, again in my view of the character, to warrant the almost casual murder. The mention of the bourbon was brief so I had no actual delusions that it was the cause of his poor judgment. Reread my post and it will confirm this.
-- "Perhaps you should finish reading something before casting your judgement"
Given the chapter in question is also the most recent chapter posted here, perhaps you should post the rest. Given I have also stated I would continue to read it would imply that I have not yet made my final judgment.
At this time I would like to point out that you write well, and your writing has engaged me up to this point. This is not an attack on you as a writer. I just don't like the direction that this character's development has gone.
-- "Wait until the paragraph satirising cloppers; it's comedy gold!"
*crosses hooves and waits patiently*
752034
I absolutely understand that the narrator becoming a murderer is a dramatic shift, although I would still contend that there has been enough of a build-up throughout the narrative to suggest that it's not all that surprising. While Hospice is divided into a disjointed chronology, if read in a chronological order it's very possible to see a huge decline in his sanity and how he handles situations. While Hospice is disjointed, the sequel (which can be found on Equestria Daily/DeviantArt) is written in a typical narrative style, so I wager it'll be a lot easier to read, should you choose to do so.
As for not posting the rest yet, I just posted up the ninth chapter, so hopefully that'll throw you back into the narrative in a good way. I'm afraid that I tend to neglect posting it up on FiMFiction, as I tend to get more comments in other places. However, I'll put the final chapter up sometime soon as well, as that's where everything really comes together. I'd also like to add that although I can see why you dislike the way the character has developed in part VIII, posting the story up here loses out on some of the wider context that I spent more time justifying on places such as DeviantArt. You said in your previous post that now you feel nothing but pity for Rarity - that is largely the intention, as you aren't really supposed to like the narrator in any major way. He's a very flawed individual who represents the worst parts of an obsessive partner in a relationship. While Hospice can be taken literally, I prefer to view it as an analogy of how relationships can break down and people who love each other can end up hating one another. If you'd like to know more about the intention of the story, PonyVault conducted a short interview with me here: http://www.ponyfictionvault.net/2012/03/cudpugs-hospice.html
Thanks for being honest, and I hope that the last two chapters appeal to you more.
756780
Hospice IX - SPOILERS AHEAD
Well, the comments made about the doctor in this chapter and the extremely possessive tone the protagonist uses for his inner monologue have completely convinced me of his value being equal to that of the standard arrogant pig with a murder under his belt to boot. His previously already questionable physiological state now clearly shows signs of possessive and schizotypal personalty disorders.
I'm glad the good doctor was able to comfort Rarity after the nightmare, although now I think he will become the next victim after the protagonist "slips up".
*waits patiently for the next chapter*
Can't believe I didn't know there was a Hospice inspired fic before, and I must say, I am pleased beyond words by how this turned out.
This is a very interesting interpretation of the metaphor presented in the subject of your ekphrasis. There are definitely times where I see where the original work is either referenced or works as an inspiration. But this is a work that goes beyond the scope of its basis. There are themes and settings explored that make the reader reanalyze the work within as well as the subject of the ekphrasis.
The stance of the narrator is clear throughout the story and does not waver. Nothing he does is ever out of character. As we watch his actions, we can easily understand why he makes the choices he makes, even if our instincts tell us his choices are morally indignant.
The exposition seems to drift between coarse and extended, although this is primarily caused by the mood the narrator is in and does not come off as unsteady pacing.
Only critique I have to offer is in the case of Mr. Cross. There are times that I wonder why the narrator spends so much time speaking of him. I think this is purely a mistake on my part to not comprehend the pain the narrator is going through. Perhaps he blames Cross for the illness, or is too distracted by the pain of his love to face that emotion directly. I see his motives for villainizing Cross, but there are times where I wonder if he should be thinking less of Cross and more of Rarity. I in no way wish to diminish the art of the piece by questioning methods though, just expressing thoughts that came to mind as I read it.
This is beautiful work. I hope more an more ponies are aware of it. I have gathered from the comments that there are greater followings for this on other sites that I do not frequent though. I hope more of your work ends up here for us to enjoy and cry over.
833795
I'm really glad that you enjoyed the story. Naturally, it means a lot to me that you've left a long and detailed comment. While I do get views and comments elsewhere, my fiction is pretty underground (much like the album itself, heh). While popularity would be nice, I get a fair few page-views from Equestria Daily and the like, which is always a plus.
Thanks for all of the compliments. I will address the criticism regarding Mr. Cross: it was always my intention to leave Hospice open for a sequel, as I wanted to make use of this particular narrative style and the characters within it again. There is a sequel that features Mr. Cross a lot more, and so his presence, and the presence of Mr. Orange, is explained in far greater depth in that narrative. In terms of Cross' presence in Hospice, I always figured that he was more than just a wedge between the narrator and Rarity: he represents to the narrator everything that he hates about high-society, and everything that he despises about others leading Rarity astray. In addition, it's suggested that he attempted to buy the Morgans Estate, which belonged to the narrator's aunt, and that he was rather forceful about it. The result is that the narrator really grows to detest him. Whatever was printed about Rarity under Cross' behest remains ambiguous, but it's fair to assume that he said things that were so hurtful that the narrator wished for vengeance.
Thanks again, and I'll leave you a link to the sequel here: http://cudpug.deviantart.com/gallery/36501431
Eventually, when it's finished, I will be uploading it to FiMFiction. However, as the story will be about 30 chapters in length, that won't be for some time. I am currently in the process of writing it.
928098
Sounds like a long piece. Haven't been on my dA account in a loooong time, and I have my reservations about sequels, but will give it a shot. I'm sure it won't be long before I want to reach into the pages and strangle Cross myself. Even though it's influenced by the narrator's perspective in Hospice, he's a despicable pony to begin with.
This is an infuriatingly underrated fiction. Well done, sir. Don't let your lack of deserved attention ever pull you away from writing.
Glad this is up here, else I wouldn't have found it. I'm enjoying this a lot as of now, and I hope that the story manages to keep me thinking like that. Hospice is a great album; I'm sure this will do it some justice.
I really love the album 'Hospice', and I plan to read this story all the way through on the merit of its connection to The Antlers. However, I had to stop several paragraphs in to comment that the narrative voice is really getting on my nerves. I get that you're trying to mimic the bits of writing in the 'Hospice' liner notes, but it's really not a clear way of expressing oneself. It almost feels like the narrator is trying to make his story difficult to read rather than writing straight from the heart.
I had initially planned to read this story by a few chapters each day, but it becomes a lot more enticing, and very soon at that. I went through about the latter two thirds this day to finish it. I find that despite this fic being read in an anachronistic format, it's still more severe, most likely because of the newer connections and feelings for the characters and the situation.
It's written and formatted well. In the earlier chapters, there were a few moments of two characters speaking in the same paragraph, but whatever. It was still easily understandable. I liked the thoughts the narrator would dwell on, isolated from the larger paragraphs. Another thing to note, was that I at times would look back and start re-reading certain parts. Not because of bad writing or anything, but simply because I wanted to let it soak in. I don't think I've done that for other works.
The characterizations were done very well. I particularly liked how the narrator could end up being so bitter, in addition to his obsession. The pure resentment that could be found in him just seems unnerving, but if you try to picture what he's going through, it adds justification. This partially clears up the thoughts on his characterization when he burns down the house in Trottingham and kills Mrs. Florence. Granted, even I felt like, "holy shit, what?" upon reading it. I simply hadn't expected the story to bring that up, but it did, and it's not a result of poor writing. It's just a moment of impulse and despair, which is how it came out to be. It was a very excitable moment, seeing as he'd put himself in the deepest sea of shit ever, further shown when he contemplates killing the daughter.
And of course, the mentions of "living in excess" flaunted everywhere in Manehattan certainly something we've all thought of. Kind of makes it easier to despite, especially from the point of view of the narrator, considering Rarity is one who has to suffer so badly from it, as well as himself. Then add on to the fact that Old Manehattan's already left to rot, while the residents are too blind to notice.
Of course, Dr. Tawleed was done well too. I found it interesting how the narrator would be so resentful of him, for many reasons that I wouldn't think of. When he comes to terms with the doctor, showing his "weakness", I think that he's just trying to move on better. When he admits that he's been denying the truth, rather than preparing for it, full respect.
Definitely didn't regret spending the time to sit down, and bring myself to read some more. Just going to restate that I loved the album Hospice, but this can be enjoyed whether you've listened to it or not. There is much closure given, and yet, I still feel like I want the story to last longer. To me, that constitutes a moving piece of literature.
If I had one word to say about this particular fanfic. It would be incredible. I really like the mature tone of this story and how our main character interacts with Rarity. I am definitely going to read the rest of this.
where I live we have alot of Hospices around so I guess this fic didnt really hit me as hard as some of the people here.
I loved reading this, and I recommended it to a few of the people I speak with on fanfiction.
The fact that the narrator breaks down into halfway insanity is what I love...screw that.
I LOVED ALL OF IT, nice work
This is very confusing.... how does the timeline work?
and what do you mean by the months and days?
Yikes. This is gut-twisting. (Nitpick: "Whilst" - not a real English word anymore, not for several hundred years. If one character uses it, it can be a snobbish mannerism; when two use it, it is an error.)
The still-unnamed protagonist is realistic. His love for Rarity is complex: Sincere, selfish, cowardly, deep. I do wonder why he seems to favor Cross over Orange, when Cross has threatened him twice and is an obstacle between him and Rarity. He has the power to remove Cross from Rarity's life, at great benefit to himself, and instead is willing to put Rarity hopelessly under Cross' control.
These are quite good. I'd go on, but I went and read the author's interview and I see that he doesn't need his ego built up.
This is one of the, no THE best Fic I've read. I commend you for the poignant style used, the fascinating subject matter, and the use of one of my favorite albums ever. (If anyone reading this hasn't listened to "Hospice" by The Antlers, you're wrong.)
Honestly, reading this story helped me to work up the courage to start posting some of my own stuff.
1282319 Yeah, finally getting around to reading this myself, despite having already read the interview. Sometimes you gotta appreciate the art separately from the artist.
1320172
the how
This story's opening bored me; more than 7 straight paragraphs and 1,300 words of blunt exposition.
It's like Chronicle of a Death Foretold on steroids.
1281149 Really bro? Don't be such a dick about the word choice,I mean seriously we're talkin' bout Rarity here that pony is all about fancy whether its words, looks, or actions.
1281149 ...What do you mean 'whilst' isn't an english word? I'm sat here confused whilst pondering how you could come up with that ridiculous claim.
My heart...
Oh this has been such an adventure!
Thank you!
Why is this of all things one of the best mood-breaking twists in all of fanfiction that I have encountered? I expected many things from this, but not a 'you betcha'.