A short trip to Ponyville has left your friend Babs Seed a rather different filly. Sure, the cape was strange, but not as much as her going on and on about how you and her could help other ponies get their cutie marks.
This place she went to... This "Ponyville"... it looks like it could deserve some sleuthing. Besides, you could use some space, considering how frequently you're starting to blush and stammer around her...
[2nd person fic]
First attempt at writing fiction. Please rate, comment, and criticize!
Chapters (11)
Oh jeez I'm the first post well I don't see any spelling errors, or bad grammer I guess I should come back later when theres more chapters
Thanks, Doomhoof! Much obliged.
hey no problem.... I have to say this story makes me think back to my own days in Elementary when I got bullied so I can relate to the Mane Character (pun intended) and Babs I however took the bus so the bullying was only at school this was before Cyber-bullying was a big thing I can't imagine how horrible it would be to have it fallow you home poor Babs
Top Brass and D-Cell sound like your average ass-hat bullies and Lemon Drops just sounds like a really tough mean filly which is actualy a whole level higher of scary
Yay new chapter....why am I the only one who comments
this story is awsome one thing though you really should describe the charicters more
Uh... tell your friends, I guess?
Will do, Doom. I kept the descriptions to a minimum to avoid rambling - if you'll notice "you" actually have a poor attention span. The flashbacks, the falling over. I'll address those soon. I promise.
hey you took my advice about charicter descriptions YAY
like Pound cakes combat tatics "If you are are a Foe-pony I will attach to your face" Alien reference was nice
who knows maybe Four days of CMC/pinkie pie madness will whip us into shape before we go back to Manehattan then maybe Locker Knocker time might get put off
Made some alterations to the chapters - mostly grammar and punctuation. Also gave Spike an additional line in the 5th chapter. Happy reading, guys.
Hmmmmmm, I'll keep reading....
Pinkie's?
At this rate pinkie will destroy space and time in less than a year......
O_O
Pinkie... Bad. Stop breaking the laws of phisics!
Oh come on now that is obviously the famous ( Flim/Flam Folding Filly Flier, Mark II )
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You got the bit that matters, so have a digi-muffin, good sir!
This could possibly be very interesting; Babs doesn't have much back-story at the moment so you've got a lot of leeway to create with regards to her.
I'm sort of shocked that he wasn't attacked by Pinkie Pie on sight but maybe she'd decided to leave that to the Twins.
That was a ending I loved very much thanks for the story it really got me back into liking my little pony because this website has not really produced any good stories I find interesting lately and when I saw yours it made me quite intrigued thanks for the well written story I had a really great time reading this exciting little story so thank you very much
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So glad to have inspired somebody to keep loving something like MLP. And yeah, I'm a little proud of how that ending panned out.
Thank you very much!
Hey, Bedpan! You think you could make a sequel to this fic? Like after they all get their cutie marks Babs and, you know, I still have not found your oc's name. Anyway, after they get their cutie marks they then go to visit the first branch of the CMC.