Featured In10

More Stories20

  • T Mission: Implausible

    Octavia and Vinyl Scratch: Musicians and secret agents.
    31,111 words · 9,570 views  ·  664  ·  7
  • T You Only Live Twice

    Secret agents Vinyl and Octavia reunite to tackle a threat to Canterlot.
    36,476 words · 3,257 views  ·  332  ·  2
  • T Maybe

    Some ponies never change. Prince Blueblood is one of them.
    7,812 words · 3,031 views  ·  281  ·  3
  • E The Final Quest of Star Swirl the Bearded

    The last journey of an unusual wizard and the role he played in the founding of Equestria.
    64,492 words · 3,181 views  ·  194  ·  2
  • E Rest Stop

    At a rest stop on her way to Appleloosa, Twilight Sparkle has a rare moment to reflect...
    5,836 words · 10,701 views  ·  225  ·  3
  • T When the Curtain Falls

    An incident in a Manehattan theater quickly draws secret agents Vinyl Scratch and Octavia into a hunt for a strange killer.
    36,535 words · 2,243 views  ·  254  ·  4
  • T The West Is Not Enough

    Secret agents Vinyl Scratch and Octavia find themselves locked in an epic struggle against a ruthless group of outlaws in the wild west.
    29,047 words · 2,433 views  ·  313  ·  6
  • T The Wreck

    A.K. Yearling is haunted by dreams of a shipwreck...
    13,126 words · 716 views  ·  121  ·  1

Blog Posts188

  • 1w, 4d
    Well, that was fun

    So now that things have calmed down a bit and the dust has settled, let’s talk about what just happened here.

    I’ve been teasing the idea of doing some sort of second-person HiE clop trollfic for a while now, and it’s mainly because of the Suffer series. After reading so much clop on the feature box, grumbling over its tired clichés and tropes, and idly wondering what gets into the box and why, the allure of trying it for myself became irresistible. Just for a moment, I would cast aside any pretenses of quality or respectability and shamelessly embody “The Player” that I had spoken of.

    I mean, come on. If I’m gonna keep talking about this stuff, I might as well try it for myself, right? Plus there was just the fun of poking fun at all these easily mockable tropes. Good times!

    When I posted the fic, there were three things I was hoping for:

    1) Get on the feature box. Check. (Though this was mainly so that I could…)

    2) ”Suffer” my own story. Check. (This was the most important one to me. When all is said and done, I have a feeling that the crowning achievement of the Suffer series will have been the excuse to utter the phrase “The Feature Box Suffers John Perry.”)

    3) And finally: Force RainbowBob to suffer my story. Ch– Oh. Hmm.

    Well, two out of three ain’t bad! There were also a couple of things to come out of this story that I hadn’t expected, but that I loved: one was finding out that Sethisto had read it, and the other was seeing this fic get more downvotes than the rest of my stories combined.

    Actually, let’s talk about those downvotes for a moment. I have literally never seen a worse upvote/downvote ratio in the feature box than my fic. I’ve been told 1 to 1 has happened in the past, and I believe it, but the worse I had personally witnessed was in the ballpark of 2 to 1 (2 upvotes to 1 downvote). When my fic was in the box, it was around 1.8 to 1. (As of writing, it’s dropped down to around 1.4 to 1.)

    And I love it. While it doesn’t exactly speak well to the mechanisms of the feature box that such a poorly received fic managed to remain in the box, I can’t help but take heart in the fact that so many people saw this premise and immediately went “NO.” Which isn’t to say that everyone who downvoted it did so without reading it; there were plenty of people who went in expecting clop and were disappointed to be reading a trollfic, or who were put off by the overt crudeness of the fic (fair enough; it definitely isn’t for everyone). But there were undoubtedly a lot of people who downvoted on sight, probably without realizing what this thing was.

    And to be fair, it looks like a clopfic from the cover. Most people on FIMFiction wouldn’t recognize my name, and if you don’t know any of my other work (namely the Suffer series) there’s probably no way you could have known that it was meant in jest.

    So kudos to those who tried their darndest to keep this blatant piece of feature bait off the feature box. But I think what we’ve learned is that downvoting en masse is a terrible way to try to keep something off the box. It might be more effective to just ignore it and hope it falls off the box due to lack of “heat”.

    So now that that’s over with, I return to my normal suffering of the feature box. I’ve had my fun, and now I’m at least one step closer to understanding the strange mistress that is the feature box.

    A big thank you to all you guys for indulging me in my insanity. Kudos all around!

    12 comments · 281 views
  • 1w, 6d
    The Feature Box Suffers John Perry

    12 comments · 343 views
  • 1w, 6d
    SEX! ...And now that I have your attention: SEX!!!

    You know, after you read enough clop in the feature box, re-reading the same tropes and even what feel like the exact same lines over and over again, at some point you start thinking, "Well, shit. I could do this."

    So, uh... I did it.

    Okay, strictly speaking, it's a clopfic parody, but make no mistake: there's clop. And if you're not feeling too squeamish, I would be most appreciative if you could drop whatever you're doing, right this second, and read/like it. If you like, you can think of it as one of my Suffer reviews of a clopfic... but much longer and in the form of a story.

    Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present my single greatest piece of feature bait...

    Rainbow Dash Gets You Laid

    (Link goes to my recent stories page, since this might be too hot to link directly to in a blog!)


    In other news, in case you haven't already seen it, the Royal Canterlot Library did an "Ask Us Anything" post to celebrate the group's first anniversary, and we got a lot of great questions. Some of them are specific to the RCL, although there were some questions addressed more to the individual curators, so if you want to see more ramblings from me, along with noted reviewers Chris, Present Perfect, and horizon, go check that out.

    But you know, after you read the clopfic, obviously.

    8 comments · 232 views
  • ...
 253
 12,463

If necessity is the mother of all invention, then assumption is the mother of all screw-ups. And there's no worse time to be making assumptions than when you're traveling - especially when what should have been a simple overnight ride turns into a three day trip from hell.

First Published
26th Jan 2012
Last Modified
14th Mar 2012
#1 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter One ·

Amazing! I'll be looking forward for updates. Tracking.

#2 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter One ·

Great start! I wish the others were along for the ride, but I'm anxious to see where this goes!

#3 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter One ·

an absolute follow, cannot wait for more!

#4 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter One ·

Heh. I always get a chuckle out of all the different ponified names that others come up with when dealing with famous real-world landmarks. Crazy how different authors can think up such different and unique titles.

The Dodgers played in Bronclyn?:rainbowhuh:

Sorry. Couldn't resist.:facehoof:

Anyway, this looks like it's going to be a wild ride and I'm looking forward to seeing how it goes from here. I just knew that they'd regret getting into that train car.

Till then!

#5 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter One ·

Is Coltbert pronounced Coltber, or Colber?

Also, great writing! Keeping an eye on this one.

#6 · 143w, 19h ago · · · Chapter One ·

I can't wait to see where you go with this!:pinkiehappy:

#7 · 142w, 6d ago · · · Chapter One ·

Gonna end up in Dodge Junction or Appleoosa if they're lucky. :facehoof:

Somehow, I doubt they're gonna be lucky :twilightoops:

#8 · 142w, 6d ago · · · Chapter One ·

I'd definitely track this.

And, oh wow, all these ponified names, these buildings, the pony culture is amazing. Can't wait to read more!:twilightsmile:

#9 · 142w, 6d ago · · · Chapter One ·

Is this story in style of the movie "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" that John Candy and Steve Martin starred in? The description sounds like it. I haven't read it yet.

#10 · 142w, 6d ago · · · Chapter One ·

Hopefully it'll be as heartwarming as the movie

#11 · 142w, 6d ago · · · Chapter One ·

Alright, Just finished the chapter, Sounds like good start. I'm tracking it.

#12 · 142w, 6d ago · · · Chapter One ·

Great setup. Can't wait for the fallout.

Found only 1 error: ""Her eyes shown brightly"" --- "shown" should be "shone"

#13 · 142w, 6d ago · · · Chapter One ·

Thank you all for the fantastic response!

>>165393 This story is indeed inspired by Planes, Trains and Automobiles - granted, the plot is only loosely based on the movie, but there will be references to it in the chapters to come...

>>165512 Bah! Knew I'd screw up somewhere...Thanks for catching my mistake!

#14 · 142w, 6d ago · · · Chapter One ·

>>165530

Glad to help.:twilightsheepish:

#15 · 142w, 6d ago · · · Chapter One ·

Spike is in for so much trouble when they get back...  :moustache:

#16 · 142w, 6d ago · · · Chapter One ·

I thought I was the first person to come up with the idea for a story revolving on Equestrian infrastructure.

This is still a good story, and I can't wait for more!

#17 · 142w, 6d ago · · · Chapter One ·

I really enjoyed the first chapter. Keep it up. The characterization is great and the situation is fun.

#18 · 142w, 6d ago · · · Chapter One ·

... That conductor should be fired for incompetence. Find myself hoping it doesn't cause too many problems.

Five stars and tracking, not much else to say.

#19 · 142w, 5d ago · · · Chapter One ·

Oh boy, I had a bad feeling when the last car was totally unoccupied . . . I am completely thrilled to see my fears justified.  What wild hijinks will ensue??  As always, you are a master of comedy!  :ajbemused:  :rainbowderp:  :facehoof:

Also many wonderful Manehattan pony puns!  Yeeeees.  :rainbowkiss:

#20 · 142w, 5d ago · · · Chapter One ·

As soon as I saw the title, I had to read it. Planes, Trains & Automobiles was a fantastic movie...this looks like a fantastic pony-fied version.:pinkiehappy:

#21 · 142w, 22h ago · · · Chapter Two ·

For the carriages part, they need to be in a ponified version of Buffalo NY's highway section. That is where they shot it in real life and I would love to have my home ponified

#22 · 142w, 21h ago · · · Chapter Two ·

>>181207 *coughs* Funny that you mention Buffalo... but it'll have to wait for the next chapter. :trollestia:

#23 · 142w, 17h ago · · · Chapter Two ·

>>181270 The ones we know or a different tribe? Personally hope we get to see lil' Strongheart again.

But it matters not. I feel sorry for these three and am curious to see what ya do with it from here. Good work mate.

#24 · 142w, 15h ago · · · Chapter Two ·

Poor Twilight, her spells always seem to buck up in these fanfictions.

#25 · 142w, 13h ago · · · Chapter Two ·

Poor Twilight. She can recreate an entire dam during the middle of a flood but can't seem to harness the power of wood. Good for nothin' magic! Always failing when it really matters! Or when it's the funniest...

Still a funny read. I'm seeing a breakdown of our titular trio well before the end. Can't wait to see it!

#26 · 142w, 8h ago · · · Chapter Two ·

>Applecon

>No Steve Jobs jokes

:ajbemused:

#27 · 142w, 4h ago · · · Chapter Two ·

Superb! MOAR!!!

#28 · 142w, 2h ago · · · Chapter Two ·

Ah, another one who also likes "It's Always Sunny in Fillydelphia". Did you also read the sequel, "Semper Fidelis", it´s amazing.

#29 · 142w, 33m ago · · · Chapter Two ·

>>182691 I think the Sonic Screwdriver principle of ineffectual on wood could be in play here... :rainbowlaugh:

>>183437 In retrospect, it does seem like a missed opportunity. :twilightblush: But Apple jokes are a dime a dozen, and seeing as I stole Applecon from another fic in the first place...

>>183735 I did read the sequel, though frankly I wasn't that crazy about it. Not that there was anything wrong with it, it was just such a huge chance of pace and feel from the original that it caught me off guard. But that's just me.

#30 · 141w, 6d ago · · · Chapter Two ·

hehe, "well fit" is British slang for "very attractive," and I'm not sure it was ever western dialogue for "athletic" or "fit" as we Americans might say. Might want to reconsider that one! Otherwise, fantastic work, JP! :twilightsmile:

#31 · 141w, 6d ago · · · Chapter Two ·

>>183897 Fair enough. Though now it's tempting to keep it for the double meaning. :rainbowlaugh: Nah, I'll change it. Thanks for catching that!

#32 · 141w, 6d ago · · · Chapter Two ·

Good chapter. Things are just goin' downhill from here. :facehoof:

#33 · 141w, 6d ago · · · Chapter Two ·

Whenever I read/watch these stories, I really just want them to make it to Fillydelphia in one day, take a train to Manehatten, and have time to spare.

That, however, will never happen. :fluttershyouch:

UNLESS! You make an alternate ending where they just make it to Fillydelphia fine, for readers like me. :pinkiesmile:

#34 · 141w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Two ·

Twilight, Twilight , Twilight... you silly filly.  You should know better than to try using magic in a fanfic!  It ALWAYS ends badly!  :twilightsheepish:

#35 · 141w, 4d ago · · · Chapter One ·

lol, one of my teachers at uni had a similar set up. Although when his train car was unlatched no other train attached. He ended up walking back along the tracks in Hungry for a few hours to get back to the station. Can't wait to see where you're taking us on this...naaaaaah too easy!

#36 · 141w, 4d ago · · · Chapter Two ·

I can just see Twilight twitching slightly at all that effort going to waste. Ah the joy of shoddy workman ship, and not another caravan in sight!

#37 · 141w, 4d ago · · · Chapter Two ·

>>182691

Well it's a well-known fact* that wood is usually resistant to magic in stories like this. Twilight really should have known better.

*This is not actually a fact.

#38 · 141w, 23h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

GRAY HOUND LINES - Copy right! Copy right!

Not a whole lot going wrong here this time (though I'm sure Twilight would object) but things are moving along.

Speaking of Twilight, I think she should take a breather on using anymore magic. But then again, what would the fun in that be if things don't go wrong?

Keep at it!

#39 · 141w, 21h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

Nice chapter. I love these tiny descriptions, like this reptile from the beginning :)

Keep it up!:applejackunsure:  

#40 · 141w, 20h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

Please tell me Candy Ring sells shower rings filled with heluim :pinkiehappy:

Another great chapter, too. Two thumbs up and a cookie.

#41 · 141w, 20h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

Every bad bus ride ever. Right here. By the time these three make it to the WonderCon they are going to need some serious help!

#42 · 141w, 20h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

>>203118

I would hope he sells candy rings filled with helium so you get a squeaky voice after a snack.

I wonder how much of the trip he'll be along for.

#43 · 141w, 19h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

Thanks for the comments, everyone! :pinkiehappy:

>>203221 Just this part, I'm afraid. As tempting as it was to keep him along for more of the journey, I felt like this was the only part where his presence really added anything to the story.

#44 · 141w, 19h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

>>203254

Alright then. Was a good cameo.

#45 · 141w, 19h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

Twilight::twilightangry2:

#46 · 141w, 19h ago · 1 · · Chapter Three ·

When you said Rainbow rested her head on AJ's shoulder, I was like D'awwww :ajsmug:

Then she drooled :rainbowderp:

And I was like :ajbemused:

#47 · 141w, 17h ago · 1 · · Chapter Three ·

>>203344

*pulls out clipboard*

'AppleDash tease'...check. :trollestia:

#48 · 141w, 15h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

Just a tease?? :fluttercry:

Well, I suppose that's better than nothing! :pinkiehappy:

Erm, anyway, concerning the story:

I freaking LOVE this!! It's fantastically well written, descriptive, hilarious, and manages to keep the characters in, well, character! Something many stories lately have had trouble with. As with Bellum, I did indeed "D'aw", but  not once, several times, most of which include the journey inside the bus. Though those were also accompanied by "Ew's". Candy Ring represents that "neigh" (LOOOLOLGEDDIT)bor we all know and love. Well, more accurately DESPISE WITH THE UTMOST HATRED FROM THE BOTTOMLESS PIT OF OUR HEARTS. :pinkiecrazy:

...*Ahem*...

Sorry. :twilightblush: Oh, and sorry for this ridiculously long comment. :twilightblush: And for not writing more about your story. :twilightblush: And for using so many emoticons. :twilightblush: DARNNIT. SORRY FOR WRITING SO MUCH. :twilightblush: AHHHHHHHHHH.

DANG. MUST STAY FOCUSED.

Okaaaayyyyyy....anyways, point is, I adore this story with all my heart. It's unique! And brilliant as a Sonic Rainboom. Well, I suppose a Rainboom is more colorful than brilliant, literally anyways...Oops! Off topic once again!:twilightblush:

FSLKGSLKDJGJPJIGIJGJRIJGOEJSGHKJAHGUHRIUGHINLO

I need to stop typing now.

#49 · 141w, 13h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

I'm getting stressed out by the story. That must mean that it is a good one. :twilightsmile: Continue good sir!

#50 · 141w, 10h ago · · · Chapter One ·

DAWN OF THE FIRST DAY

-- 72 Hours Remain --

:pinkiehappy:

But seriously, this is cool so far.

0 8298 45515
Login or register to comment