Used to write a lot more on FimFic some time ago, left for a bit, but want to get into the groove again.
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Lightning Dust Is Best Pony497 stories ·547 members
After being expelled from the Wonderbolt's Academy for her brash recklessness, Lightning Dust tries to come to terms with the likely possibility she'll never achieve her dreams. Amidst her depression, she reflects on her life, and the mistakes she's made, contemplating where to go from here.
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Very nice. I believe it would do you good if you gave more filler events a little more detail. For example, when Lightning Dust was packing her stuff from the academy, you could've made it so that you gave more detail (like maybe what she packed[?]).
Well this is interesting. You have earned yourself a track and a like.
Definately tracking this one. Good start!
Beautifully done, dear sir. I expect to see more of your great writing!
You did a wonderful job portraying how Lightning Dust felt in this story. And aside from the few jarring instances where capitalization was missing and "were" was used instead of "we're", the events in the storyline transitioned smoothly.
P.S. Bonus points for having Lightning Dust as the main character, I've never seen THAT before. That's a first for me.
Now if I may add something...
MOAR!
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Thank you!
I'm happy you like it.
Yea I really like Lightning Dust, I feel she lost a little too much by the end of Wonderbolt's Academy
for her brash decisions, but I usually overreact to things lol.
Lightning Dust just can't catch a break, can she?
WHY?! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME?!
Every time I log on, hoping to read something new, your story shows up and kicks me RIGHT IN THE FEELS.
Your story touches me in a way that I never thought a few words could do.
Keep up the good writing!
Now if you excuse me, I'll just be here in the corner. No, I'm not crying, there's just something in my eye...
Whoo boy...
Almost.. Almost.
With that, I'd almost believed that they would meet, that they would share just one last conversation, that somehow, everything would start getting better.
And then it ends there.
My feels have been hit. HARD.
Keep up the good work! And now, where's my time machine? I need to read the next update!
Amazing.
>Redirected from UK Bronies.
Going to take a look at it overnight and get a response back in the morning/Afternoon dependant on whether I sleep at all.
Thanks guys, I'm happy you enjoy it
@Melancholy, thank you.
Back to what you asked about on the group page, there's nothing on here that I thought would really scare off any new readers who were interested in reading it. But that's the problem I suppose, you have to find readers who are interested in reading it to read it.
Ah well.
One other pointer, there are many, many capitalisation and grammatical tweaks that need to be done to the story, get a proofreader, as someone said before, you have a lot of instances where you've used 'were' instead of 'we're'. One is an expression of the past tense, as in 'When we were young' whilst the other is short for 'we are' and is probably what you're looking for in a lot of these instances. There's also a lot of jarring sentence structure which doesn't quite fit in with some cases, I could look over it fully as a proofread, but that'll take a little longer for obvious reasons.
Other than the edits, the story itself is good and I'd say it's deserving of a read.
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THANK YOU!
Ah for now i'm going to try to go back and fix them myself.
I'm not really sure how to find myself a proof reader, I also feel kind of bad since I doubt I could give anything back in return.
Hmmm, well I mean it's just i've seen other Lightning Dust stories with a lot of critique, but I don't get much.
I was just wondering if I might be doing something wrong, glad to know it's just my bad luck probably, and my weres
But overall thank you very much for looking over it. I'm going to get to work on editing and finally get that chapter out.
lightning shouldve went to see her mom make the next update like that :3
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Proofreaders and People willing to Proofread.
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Thank you again Melancholy!
We'll see how it plays out silver.
Hmmmm. Okay there are a slew of problems that need to be addressed.
The first thing I noticed when I read this chapter is that you failed to capitalize a few lines of dialogue as thought they weren't a separate part of a paragraph. You HAVE TO capitalize those sentences! When people read this and see that, they'll quit reading it. No one wants to read a story when the writer didn't take the time to ensure that everything was done properly, as harsh as this sounds.
The second thing I saw several times was that there were a few paragraphs that should have been split into several smaller paragraphs. You can't just stuff so much information into one cluster of words and sentences. It makes it difficult for others to read and a pain to keep up with.
Thirdly, the plot itself seems to whiz by even with those little breaks in the story. I understand that time is passing when you insert those breaks in the story but everything seems to my by impossibly fast. No one wants to fly with an incredibly talented flier like Lightning? Some people are gonna find that hard to believe. There are just so many things that should be explained that aren't. Prince Terrania is right. This needed some filler explaining why she is so damn alienated and why Rainbow Dash was moved to a separate sector,
Over already?
Awwwww..... oh well, you ended it off on a happy note, so that's good.
Great story!
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Yea I really need to fix those problems but it's not that I don't want to make sure
everything is perfect, I really do read over it multiple times to try to fix my mistakes. I've just always
had the same problems when it comes to grammar, I just don't know how to fix some things exactly.
Yea yea, I realize I need to get back to studying and get my head in the books.
Which is exactly what i'm doing in rl, trying to get better at my grammar.
Although I obviously still have a lot of work to do.
Yea, I know exactly what you mean by that to, another thing I do is I try to allow people to connect
Idk, I just have this fear that if I put
the pieces themselves, which might be a mistake.
in too much detail, that might also scare off the readers, because I've seen in some stories where
they've complained saying "too much useless detail," or something and it freaks me out. But I guess
i'm doing the opposite, i'll try to put more!
But thank you for looking it over and telling me what's what, I know it's pointless for me to go back
I really really need a proofreader, which is what i'm going to do.
and attempt to correct all the mistakes myself because, I'm ashamed to admit it, but, when I read it,
I don't see the mistakes
RIGHT NOW.
_
About Lightning Dust being alienated however, I just feel reputation matters more than skill in some
situations. Ponies at this point knew Lightning Dust made habit of putting herself over others, and
even putting others in bad situations, and even though she was definitely talented, she also wasn't
on good terms with Spitfire at this point. Rainbow has shown that she's not only talented, but a good
team player, and possesses majority of the good qualities of a Wonderbolt, allowing her to progress
in the academy and move on to a more rigorous area with more seasoned recruits etc.
Ah but I'll go back and attempt to fix that as well, but seriously, my grammar, PRIORITY!
Thanks again Impressme, i'm sorry I didn't impressyou (please forgive the pun, I couldn't resist!) but seriously
i'm sorry this was kind of a pain for you to read. I'll really try to go back and clean up these mistakes
I'm going to go to the proofreading group and try to get this one a proofreader to help me. Hopefully I can find
somepony lol.
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Thanks Regi!
Yea, I kind of had different plans
for the ending, but, I felt you guys
would like this more.
I'm really glad you enjoyed it, I only
wish I could perfect it so you didn't have
to tolerate my errors!
But either way thank you for reading it,
and i'm really glad you liked it!
2145208 Regi?
...
Oh, please. Eden. Call me Late. Regi is this person's nickname.
2145223
Lol sorry Late!
I'll make sure to remember that haha.
Late Late Late, it'll be etched in my brain!
2145254 Thanks. I look foward to more stories from you.
I'll be watching you as well... 
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_madhaeiOV51r52gjno1_400.gif
Stay classy.
It's.. over?
But then, everything's okay again..
YAY!
I really liked it
good story... but its over??? ok....
Cool! I'm starting to love this story!!!!! You're such a great writer!
I wish that I did not wait so long to read this story. Great start to this! I love reading stories about Lightning Dust, she has so much potential!
This is coming along beautifully! I love the flashbacks into Lightning's childhood. These kinds of stories always manage to make me tear up a little bit because I can pictures so vividly the scenes that are depicted in such magnificent words. Keep up the great writing!
Damn, now that was a great chapter. You were giving Lightning such a good day, winning a race, recalling some good memories, and patching stuff a bit with her dad. Why...WHY!? The plot development in this is beginning to drive me crazy. This is great! I think that this story needs some more views.
This keeps on getting better. A true "sad" and "slice of life" fic. Great job writing this.
I loved this story, from the beginning to the end. I really hope that you put some serious thought about making a sequel to this. I want to see Lightning try and live with her "new family" and be with her younger siblings. Maybe even have her run into Dash at some point in time and finally have her make a friend. Hell, I think that I am giving some descent story ideas. Please, think about making a sequel though. You did a phenominal job with this story and I know that you would do great with another. You have earned a spot in my favorites. I look forward to reading more from you in the future. Keep up the great writing!
What a heartbreaking chapter!! It FEELS!
It feels! What a great fiction!
OMG this chapter is probably the BEST I've read so far!
You are really a great writer! Keep up the awesome work!
Finally got around to read this this. I'm going to post it on my blog now.
Damn... This strikes close to home for me (I lack confidence).
~Skeeter The Lurker
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Came from your blog. Thank you for suggesting it.
~Skeeter The Lurker
I'm just going to say it; I'v never cried reading something until now. Your story really moved me dude
At first I didn't like it because I don't like so much tragedy, but you really pulled through at the end. It was just so beautiful and heart felt and soul touching. Every so often I get this emotion I call enlightened misery and this story IS the definition of how I feel when I'm miserably enlightened. I. Love. It. 
*Twilight is wiping tears from her eye*
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I felt so touched by that comment.
I'm sorry for replying so late but, really, that means a lot, I'm honored.
"conversate" is not a word. Use "converse" instead.
Finally got around to reading this. It has been sitting on my read later list for a long time. I think The Parasprite originally pointed me here way back when. Good story, although there were several instances of the word pegasi used to refer to a single pegasus.
I'm wondering where Lightning would go from there. She still has many issues to work out, and a new life to adjust to.
That... was so sad. I never liked Lightning Dust, beyond the reasons we where suppose to dislike her. She was arrogant and selfish, and the only thing I hate more than when people act like that is bullies. When she pointed out that Spitfire made her captain, not RD, I DESPISED her at that moment, because now she personified everything I hated about High School. But seeing this... I hurt for her. Good write here, very emotional. Excuse me while I shed a manly tear.
That ending. (Squee)
So HAPPY right now! Happy feels! Brohugs hand brohoofs all around! /)*(\
This story is amazing, no, this story is beyond words that can describe what a phenomenal story this is. The characters are great, the setting was playing nicely, you handled the idea of suicide so well. If I didn't know better, i'd think you were Phillip Pullman or something.
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Indeed
She deserves a friend
DONT!
I mean...you dont need to know what they do alright?
...well then
I guess this is a i gently open the door moment huh?