Twilight Sparkle has been an alicorn for one hundred and fifty years; not a day passes with out her thinking of her long lost friends. Their descendants still stay close by, but it's not the same. Only Rainbow Dash's descendant, Sky Blitz, seems to want to maintain interaction with the violet alicorn.
After Celestia and Luna witness another visit to the graveyard by Twilight, they fear she may be losing her mental stability and wish to do something about it. However, Celestia's idea may not be the best. Can another pony who's experienced the same loss help Twilight move on and live her life without remorse?
Chapters (3)
Hmm.. I am likely what I see so far. How will Twilight deal?
something wrong there...
Edit: I am still reading it, that one was just kinda glaring, I only just spotted another error... I will add more as I go.
maned*
missing a 'o' in about
just finished the first chapter pretty good so far
2099817
yay free proof reading lol. thx i'll correct them soon. and as for that first one you pointed out...i keep correcting it yet it keeps reappearing...stupid computers.
Wow, Celestia, such fail! Luna probably had a similar reaction and I doubt it caused her to go all Nightmare Moon. I think Twilight Sparkle is allowed some moping.
I found a bunch of misspellings...
I think there might be some grammatical problems too, but the spelling issues are worse.
This chapter:
* lightning
I'd recommend rephrasing the above like this:
Above the symbol, a lightning bolt jutting out from the underside of a cloud, the engraved text read 'Rainbow Dash, element of Loyalty'.
* sorrow?, worry?
I wouldn't start that sentence with 'And', it sounds weird. Also, the same can't be expected of Twilight since what she is ostensibly Princess of isn't a Kingdom. Also, why do spells need watching over. It sounds a bit vacuous. You may want to find something more substantial that she should be paying attention to or find a way to rephrase that so it sounds less silly.
* away, solemn
young?! Well, relatively.
* finally, outside, impressively, patient/patience, until
I'd recommend rephrasing to something like these:
'patiently waiting for them to arrive'
'waiting for them to arrive with impressive patience'
* Starswirl, Bearded
* remember
It seems unlikely that Luna would be totally in the dark. Would make more sense that she knew of him somehow, but didn't connect the dots since she wouldn't have the perspective.
* creature
* aglow, aisles, in front
* Celestia, image, opinion
* descendants, Elements, Blossom?
Just as an aside, it feels a little tacky to give the past Elements of Harmony (or proto-elements) such eerily similar names.
* destined
* relief
* Rarity, young
* returned
** There may be other errors in the first two chapters, but I don't want to try and hunt them all down right at this moment.
Unless you wrote this on a phone or something, you might want to run your writing through spellcheck in the future.
P.S.
When you make Twilight into Twilight's you end up with the possessive rather than the apparently intended contraction of 'Twilight is'. You should leave it as the latter. You could also make it 'Twilight was', provided the rest of the words' tenses agree.
P.P.S.
Feels a tad bit cliche, but not so bad thus far. That is, it follows the well worn track of Twilight being depressed over the inevitable loss of her friends to Time's endless onward, unceasing march. Celestia seems awful hasty to turn Twilight into a statue. Almost like she's more worried about what Twilight might do in her grief than Twilight's actual well being. It makes Celestia's characterization seem not quite right. You might want to bring in some more stories of the past to help ground that point if you're going to keep on with this train of thought. Other instances that would give credence to her concern. The notion that many of Twilight Sparkle's descendants ascended or could have and they died an effective suicide of grief (I'm being very general, since they sort of killed themselves in a way) is sort of a flop otherwise.
I think that freeing Twilight of the other elements would make sense as something that might improve her condition, story wise. Being the other elements as well may tie her to the past a bit too strongly and force her to experience Loyalty to them and Kindness to herself and so on. Clearly laughter isn't well represented. Also, I can't see Luna or Cadence letting Celestia turn Twilight into a statue, so they'd be the obvious antagonist if Celestia were to go down that road...