The Elder Swear
Cue the Elder Swear. Well, that's what I almost spouted off anyways. Every last word of it.
Filly Rarity was in a box on my coffee table.
Filly. Rarity. Box. Coffee table. Earth. ME!!!
Filly+Rarity+Box+my coffee table+Earth+I haven't even been back a year and now the tables have turned+I have no idea what's going on=HOLY COW I'M SCREWED!!!
Correct me if I did the math wrong somewhere.
In my shock I had backed away from the box, but now that my mind has begun to process what I am seeing in front of me, I uneasily walk up to it again and look inside.
Yep, time and a lack of eye contact haven't changed a thing. Filly Rarity is still in that box. Okay, I was lying when I said that nothing has changed. She's awake now. Awake and looking up at me with those wide, innocent blue eyes that I came to know all too well over the course of my two months in Equestria.
"Oh this isn't happening," I moan quietly. "You can't be here now."
Rarity cocks her head and stands up. She looks uneasily around the box, almost as if her container is completely foreign to her. It seems like she expected to wake up in somewhere not a box on Earth.
She stands up on her hind legs and balances herself on the edge of the box with her forelegs and continues looking at me with that wide-eyed stare she's had this entire time. She seems to be just as surprised to see me as I am to see her. Does that mean that she remembers me?
I take a deep breath. "Hi, Rarity. Do you remember me?" I ask slowly. "It's me, TD. You know, the guy Celestia brought to Equestria."
She continues fixing me with that stare, but there is a hint of uncertainty behind it now. She doesn't appear to comprehend anything I'm saying.
"Do you talk at all?" I ask.
She replies with the same expression. Dang it, I guess that means no.
I sigh and sit down on my armchair. I put my head in my hands and rub my temples like I haven't done since Equestria. Rarity maneuvers in her box so she's still on her hind legs but facing me again. She's looking at me confusedly I imagine. Well, she isn't alone; I have just about as much clue of what's going on as she does. Heck, she may have a little more. I know that neither of us have the next clue about what to do about it.
"Why me?" I mumble into my hands. "What sin against God or man did I commit that would justify this kind of thing happening to me?"
I feel something poke my forearm and I flinch back in time to see Rarity do the same thing. I suppose that she tried to nuzzle me or something. Well, either that or she just tried to get my attention. With Rarity either one is possible.
I lean back in my armchair and sigh once more. Filly Rarity is in a box on my coffee table. Wow. This I was not expecting. I don't know how many ways I can express that, but my mind keeps on telling me what I already know if it expects me to act on the matter in a rational and intelligent way.
Not. Happening. I don't know of a good way I could handle this anyway.
Rarity is off of her hind legs now and is sitting on her haunches in the box. I know this because I see the crown of her head, complete with horn and mane, poking up from inside the box. A Brony would undoubtedly find that cute and I suppose it was, but cute was the very last thing on my mind right now.
She starts poking the side of the box with her muzzle which I take to mean that she wants out of the box. Sighing, I stand up and grab her under her stomach and pick her up out of the box. She whimpers in fear when she's in the air, but once she is on the floor she seems much calmer. She sits back down on her haunches and resumes her wide eyed staring once again.
I shake my head and chuckle in a manner that indicated I was anything but amused by this whole affair. "So, I don't suppose you have any ideas about... anything about this, do you?"
Communication is a lost cause it seems. Nothing I'm saying seems to register with her at all which wasn't surprising. I'm literally talking to a... I think seven year old. She isn't old enough to have her cutie mark yet but...
Wait, seven? Most seven year olds I know can talk. Heck, the Crusaders were only eight or nine and they chattered away like a tree full of coked up parrots! Frowning, I kneel down closer to her. "You can talk, can't you? You just don't because you're scared out of your mind am I right?"
Rarity's eyes shifted nervously from left to right and her left hoof slowly came up as if she was considering running backwards. After a few seconds she opened her mouth. "Well, I suppose there is the possibility of that," she squeaks. Hmm. In keeping with her age, her voice is higher and more childlike than it was when I knew her.
For the first time, a smile spreads across my face. Maybe this won't be as... ah ah ah. I almost said it but I didn't so it doesn't count like with the Cake Twins. The universe surely isn't... yeesh, I almost did it again.
I clear my throat and take a deep breath. "So, do you know what you're doing here?" I ask.
She shakes her head. "I was more, um, well I was more hoping you knew more about that," she says.
I shrug. "Nope, I am just as clueless as you are."
Rarity frowns and taps her chin with her hoof. "Well it would seem--"
She is cut off by a loud knock on the door. I freeze for a moment before I quickly pick her up and take her to my room. "Hide in here until I'm done, okay?" I whisper. She nods and I shut the door to my bedroom behind me as I leave.
As nonchalantly as I can, I open the door to my room and to my surprise, though I really shouldn't have been, I see my ex-roommate standing behind the door.
"Uh, hi, Ben," I say casually. "What's up?"
Ben grins at me and looks behind my shoulder in the room. "I just wanted to say hi and to see how you were doing."
"Uh, I'm fine," I respond. I frown as he looks behind my shoulder once more. "Uh, is there something odd about my room?" I ask.
His eyes snap back to mine and he shakes his head. "No... it's just... well, I thought I heard voices coming from inside your room. Familiar voices."
My left eye twitches which is thankfully unnoticeable to my roommate. I can't help but wonder by his comment that he knows. There is also the fact that, as a Brony, he would know darned well what Rarity sounds like; even as a filly. That isn't good.
I do my best to keep my calm, though. "Uh, I don't know what you're talking about," I respond. "And it wouldn't really be any of your business if there were people in my room."
Ben laughs and shakes his head. "Oh, I don't think there are people in your room. I think there are ponies in your room."
I almost squeak audibly at that statement but I once again keep my cool. "P-Ponies?" I ask, a little more shakily than I intended.
Ben nods as if I'm a bug he has trapped in his web. "Yes, ponies." His grin widens. "In fact, I heard Rarity to be more specific. Although, if one wanted to get even more specific, then filly Rarity from the Cutie Mark Chronicles."
"Y...You don't say?"
"I do say," he says. Good grief, it's like we're playing poker and he knows I have a pair of nines to his royal straight flush but I'm bluffing away anyway. "Might there be a reason that I heard filly Rarity in your room?"
"You're delusional?" I offer.
Ben chuckles and shakes his head. "Nooooooooo." His eyes flicker to my room again. "No I think I did hear Rarity in there."
"No you didn't," I say flatly.
"Yes I did," he retorts. "And do you want to know why I heard filly Rarity in your room?"
Not really.
"Not really," I say.
Ben laughs. "I know what happened," he says. "You cannot hide it from me. We Bronies know these things."
What are Bronies bitten by radioactive ponies and that gives them super-Brony sense? It wouldn't be the oddest thing about them.
"Ben I--"
"YOU JOINED THE HERD!!!!" he practically shouts. "You're a Brony!!"
My jaw is practically on the floor. So he didn't hear Rarity, he just thinks... oh.
Oh.
I pick my jaw up off of the floor and decide to play along. If it will get him to go away faster, then I can get back to my purple maned problem in my bedroom.
I clear my throat and offer my weakest smile. "You got me," I say. "I'm a Brony."
Gosh darn it why does that sound so wrong coming out of my mouth? It's like I'm using heavy profanity.
"This is awesome!" he squeals. "I told you. I tooooold you it was going to happen!"
He obnoxiously points his fingers in my face at 'told you' but it doesn't visibly faze me. If he gets it out of his system now...
"Yes, Ben. You did tell me that it was going to happen."
He gasps and turns his gaze back to me. "Who's your favorite pony?"
I almost slammed the door on him there but that would have been... well, rude from where he was standing and suspicious from where I was. "Uh, Rarity," I say without thinking.
"Ooh, you like the beautiful fashionista?" he says. "Nice. I'm more of a Pinkie Pie and Twilight guy myself."
"I remember that," I say. "You had the dolls--"
"Plushies," he corrects.
"Right, those."
Looking back on those plushies, they really got Twilight's flank size wrong or at least, I imagine that she would say so. Probably Rarity too now that I think on it.
"So, Celestia or Luna?" he asks.
"Luna," I say without a moment’s hesitation. Luna didn't suck me into Equestria.
Ben looks at me with a nod of approval. "Good choice. I always thought that she was the more complex and interesting of the two, what with her road to redemption and all."
"Yeah her Nightmare Moon stuff was interesting," I concede. "But..." I glance back into my room. "I do have to get some homework done so if you'll excuse me."
Ben raises his hands and nods his head. "Say no more, TD ex-roommate of mine. I have work of my own to attend to." He is about to go but he stops in his tracks. "Oh, we should totally get together to watch Season Three sometime. That is, if you aren't caught up yet."
"Oh I think I almost am," I say.
"Cool," he replies. "Aren't the crystal ponies something else?"
I nod but that is one of the few things that I have no idea about, actually. Twilight mentioned a few things about them, but nothing concrete that I would remember, at least in the context of the show.
With a final goodbye, Ben leaves to the dark recesses of his own room. I can only pity the poor soul he has been given as a roommate sacrifice. My guess is is that it's his goal to convert the whole floor by the end of the semester and the whole hall by the end of the year. If what I know about Bronies is true, he might get more than a few converts.
I sigh and close my door.
Wow, that was an interesting conversation. Not only did I swear my allegiance to the herd, but I had a brief conversation with my Brony roommate that, ironically enough, I was more knowledgeable about than he was until the crystal ponies came into play. I mean, I've freaking met/lived near/been set on fire by all of those ponies he knows and loves. I've played hide and go seek tag with the Cutie Mark Crusaders for goodness sakes!
Oh, and I have a filly Rarity in my room. Goodie.
I open the door to my bedroom and am pleased to see that Rarity is inside, sitting quietly on my bed.
Wait... something's off.
I open the door completely and to my shock, the entire room is absolutely spotless. I mean, wow, she went all out on making sure this place looks clean. My floors are spotless, my junk container is organized, my trash has been thrown away, and even my bed has been made! My movie collection (which I majorly expanded over the past year) has been alphabetized for goodness sakes!
I have to pick my jaw up off of the floor once more. "Y-You did all of this?" I ask.
Rarity smiles and nods her head. "I thought it would make you happy!" she says gleefully.
I put a hand over my mouth and lean against the door jamb. "Well, I'm certainly surprised, that's for sure." I tap my cheek with my forefinger. "And this was just to make me happy and not also an attempt to make it so that you didn't have to live somewhere so filthy, right?"
Her smile falters slightly and her ears droop for a moment. "Well... there might have been that too. I thought it would look nice and easier on the eyes."
"Well, I'll concede that it does," I say.
Rarity's smile returns full force and she begins looking around the room some more. "Well, I do wish that I had the opportunity to do more," she says thoughtfully. "Those ghastly gray curtains you have could be replaced with something a little better, perhaps a nice rich blue to match your bedspread?"
"The curtains came with the room. I couldn't change them if I wanted to."
Rarity frowns and looks down at the bed sheets. "Well then I suppose I could change the bed sheets instead to something a little more matching of your curtains. Although, it's much easier to match something to blue than it is to tan."
"The bed sheets have to stay too," I retort. "You can never go wrong with Bronco colors."
Rarity's eyebrow rises. "Oh really? Are there horses here with these vivid colors?"
I shake my head. "Nope, it's a sports team," I explain. "But we can discuss my room a little later."
I motion for her to scoot over so I can sit down next to her on the bed. She nods and complies and I place my pillow on the back wall and use it as a backrest.
"So, you don't know how you got here?" I ask.
Her ears flatten and she shakes her head. "No."
"What's the last thing you do remember?"
She shrugs. "I don't know," she says. "All I really know is that my name is Rarity and that I really love fashion. I'm a unicorn pony but I don't really know any spells beyond levitation. I have heard enough to gather that this isn't the world I was born in."
I shake my head. "Nope. Not even close."
Rarity cocks her head. "Although, and I may be incorrect in my guess, it seems that you have been where I am from, haven't you? Equestria you called it?"
I nod. "But really that's another story for another time. Suffice to say, my situation was the opposite of yours except that I was my age when I came to Equestria."
"I see," said Rarity. "Well if you're back here then I'll hazard a guess that you know how to travel between the two?"
I shake my head. "Nope. It was a mistake that I went and a miracle that I managed to come back. I don't know any magic and neither does anybody else so a rescue is going to have to come from the Equestrian end."
Rarity's ears droop even more and she looks down at the sheets. "Oh," she mutters. Her head perks up after a minute. "Does that mean that I will be under your care until that happens? I mean, you seem to want to keep me hidden if your talk with that gentlecolt at the door was any indication so I don't see another way for me to stay safe and healthy unless you are the one to take care of me. I know I can't do it alone."
Even though she's younger, she still talks just like Rarity. She uses fewer big words, but that's her alright.
I can't argue with the fact that there is truth to her words. I mean, I certainly don't want her wandering around Earth. I don't know what my family would think of this. I can't exactly waltz home with Rarity by my side and say 'hey, mom and dad, I brought home a character from a little girl's show. She's real and I've been breaking all the rules at school be keeping her in my room for the past few months!'
Yeah, I might as well tell them about my two months in Equestria. Though, given that I'd have Rarity right there, they might be a little more inclined to believe me. Come to think of it, I did still have that staff from the Canterlot vendor leaning against a wall in my room. Eh, but I could have had somebody make that.
At any rate, it seems that Rarity is right. I sigh and nod. "Yeah, I guess so. But I'm going to have to lay down a very strict set of rules so that I can keep you safe. I don't know what everybody would do if they found out about you so we gotta keep this on the DL, got it?"
Rarity cocks her head. "DL?"
"Down Low," I explain.
"Ah, I see," she says. "Yes, I quite agree that we need to keep this on the... er, 'DL'.
Good, at least she's being receptive to that. Having said that, it’s not like I have any rules planned aside from 'don't leave the room for any reason' but that is a good one to start with.
Rarity and I simultaneously sigh as the gravity of our situation hits us. We make eye contact and exchange the exact same look, each knowing that we don't need to say the truth to the other.
This isn't going to be easy.
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Even young, Rarity still manages to be Fabulous!
i.imgur.com/DmbUxUY.jpg
2108689 Sho nuff. #2 on the featured box.
2111333
your math is wrong it should be
Rarity ^Filly + Box X my coffee table - 20% X Earth / I haven't even been back a year and now the tables have turned X I have no idea what's going on=HOLY COW I'M SCREWED!!! / wait a sec i just give it to my roommate = success / you need to keep it away from him = yep your screwed
help out with the math i hope?
You should finish all these TD stories with a story about how Celestia initially messed up space-time with that portal thingy of hers (which she can apparently adjust to lead to the past!), and have a group of multiverse TDs from all these stories and the original story's non-canon chapters team up against something. Or just for the heck of it because they're all totally bros.
The d'aww is strong in this chapter.
I have waited forever for one of these: a My Little Rarity story! Rarity is my favorite pony!
eeeyup
2111549 And she gets stuck with a totally sarcastic non-Brony. I hope that isn't an issue.
2111372 Eh, math never was my strong suit.
"Why me?" I mumble into my hands. "What sin against God or man did I commit that would justify this kind of thing happening to me?"
I'm really enjoying this so far. A reluctant non-brony has to take care of Rarity to satisfy his moral code. Quite the opposite of the overrated my Little Dashie. I think this will turn out to be a great story.
You know TD, still may have one last hoped. With Dashie, there was no way to return because Dash doesn't have magic. Rarity does, she only know levitation, but never the lest she can still learn from ground zero.
Give her some Harry Potter, Narnia, Eragon, Lord of the Ring and others movies or books so she can have some examples of how she in theory can manage new spells and then try to make a magic beacon of S.O.S so Equestria will be able to pin point her location, Celestia open the portal and step in the human world in a human disguise.
Play a visit to TD, demonstrate that she is in fact Celestia, take Rarity and problem solve.
2111592 It's ok. The story has Rarity in it. That evens it out
You just love to torture that poor guy with ponies, do you?
2111595
makes sense though right?
You just know that Celestia is watching all this with her portal singing: Trollolololololololololololooolol.
The Elder Swear: Your mother is a *beep beep beep beep*Laura Mendsom*beep beep beep*Inventive menium*beep beep beep beep*tra goo la*beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep* hippopotamus*beep beep beep beep beep beep* Republican *beep beep beep*Daniel Radcliffe *beep beep beep beep* with a bucket of *beep beep beep beep* in a castle far away where no one can hear you *beep beep beep beep beep beep* soup *beep beep beep* with a bucket of *beep beep* Mickey Mouse *beep beep* with a stick of dynamite *beeeeeepppp* magical *beep beep beep beep* ALAKAZAM!
I need more chapters of this. Now. Or Fluttershy will cry.
2111685 You just love reading about how I torture this guy with ponies, don't you?
Oh HELL yes, can't wait to read this.
And so the potatoes march....
I only have one thing to say.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/293/590/6f6.gif
2111937 Indeed I do
Lol, Ben is a evangelical brony. Gonna convert all the people to ponies.
2112533
I have a magickal aura that slowly bronifies all who hang around me. Must've been some fluke with a Magicka mod or sumthin...
2111937
Yes. Yes I do.
In fact, I have a video that describes it very nicely!
Sing with me everyone!
Where is the elder swear?
Adding to that,
"'Your delusional?' I offer."
WUT
2112581 So you laugh at his misery... Eh, so do I and he's me.
2112599
To a degree anyways.
There's a point where you stop laughing and start helping.
2112597 The first line is that he almost says the Elder Swear but doesn't.
2112622 I get it now...
Jesus Christ, when Ben finds out....
It's over.
I saw the front page and saw "TD" and it took me to realize that it was our beloved human in Equestria! I saw the premise and it sounds "SO AWESOME!"
2112807
Just wait until the Communists break down his door.
What or who is TD?
2113020
read the story in the link.
Also since its TD, INSTANT FAV!
How many spin-offs are you going to make before you update them all?
In all seriousness, I'm going to read this.
Personally, I think TD should have come clean with Ben about the Rarity in a box. Probably would have made his life a bit easier.
Hopefully it won't take Celestia as long to show up as it did in My Little Dashie.
TD: Oh, you're here. I'm glad it only took you two freaking decades to show up! Seriously, why me?! Why am I the person who's life must be stolen by ponies?!
Damnit, TD! Why does no one just decide to do the smart thing and drop the pony off at a biology lab?
WE DON'T CUT THEM UP! WHY THE HECK WOULD YOU KILL AND DISSECT A COMPLETELY UNIQUE (NOT TO MENTION SAPIENT) CREATURE? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.
*coughs* Okay, calm now. But yes, his life would be much easier if he would just explain what happened and seek help. I usually go with "scientific help," but hey, whole bunch of other useful people out there who might help to resolve this problem! Parts of the problem, at least!
Oh well.
2109105 DINKLEBURG!
2114077 Wanderings 4 is with the pre-readers. Otherwise I wouldn't have started this. Wanderings takes precedent.
Ah! So Rarity can talk! I look forward to seeing where this goes. :)
2114825 Ahh. I understand. I'm looking forward to reading this regardless. So far, all the spin-off stories have been fantastic.
2114866
I only know the dark version and this, is there more?
t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQTa-H9CleTvh-YCJLDzaDRzIBP9QqecfzvqEvhQPIJsqbDGvk-
2115000 You just gotta check out his page. I'm just saying how there are many parts to this story.
Ugh, TD, you didn't shoot for refuge in audacity bonus points?
You should have told your friend the truth, with a straight face. He'd laugh and walk away.
You forgot to carry the "I'm in a small college room and the secret's bound to get out." That equals "HOLY COW I'M ROYALLY SCREWED!!!"
This. Is. Freaking. EPIC! Keeping me on the edge of my seat, man!
2113571
Who or what is TD?
2115757 In terms of 'what', TD is a human. In terms of 'who', TD is a snarky, sarcastic, exasperated Non-Brony who is good with kids, a college student, loves his family and is torn away from all he knows and loves when he gets sucked into Equestria. That whole non-Brony part really doesn't help him there (or here for that matter). I linked to his debut story in the description.