When a drowning Twilight Sparkle is pulled from the ocean by a group of salvagers, she receives news that changes her life: she is now two-thousand years into the future, and Equestria no longer exists. Instead, there is the kingdom of Centuria, ruled over by the seemingly immortal tyrant, King Ganymede.
In this new world, unicorns are a rare sight and advanced technology is shunned by the general public. Twilight finds allies in Kevrana, a salvager with a heart of gold, and Hadran, Kevrana's suspicious and cynical brother. As a war brews in the land, Twilight, with only her new friends and legends of a strange place called the Vale to guide her, must set out to unravel the mystery of how she came to be in the future, and whether or not she can ever return to her own time.
Edited by Eldorado, Toothless the Night Fury, and Comrade Sparkle.
Image by SugarYoshi
2816873 Thanks for the feedback, kind sir or madame!
And yes, it should definitely be foreleg. Should be right now.
I like it. There's not much to say as far as improvement, so I'll just leave it at good job.
A good story indeed. Even with just the basics of the plot laid out, it has a lot going for it.
The pacing and flow are really good. The way feelings and smells are subtly worked in to give us a closer bond to Twilight pays off, without going too far and seeming gimmicky. The introduction can draw you in even though you have no idea what's going on yet.
The chapter is loaded with interesting world building stuff. You have the rare ability to just casually mention something and have it become interesting without actually doing anything. Like when you mention the state that the boat is in for one sentence and then you just drop it. Even without having the character think about the implications, it makes me ask all sorts of questions about the state of the outside world without knowing anything about it. Subtle things like this are really good for making a world seem special. Despite only having seen two new characters, and being on a boat, the world already feels like a real place.
Everything introduced was coherent to the plot. The only thing that was a little strange was how Twilight was so ready to accept what they told her. It would perhaps be more likely for her to just play along with them, but not actually believe them, although I guess given her hysteria in the show, this makes sense.
There isn't enough story to really tell what direction this will go in at this point, but it's off to a promising start. I'll certainly bite the hook.
2816917>>2817059>>2818916
Thanks for all the positive feedback, guys! It means a lot.
I will try to update as soon as possible without compromising the quality of the story, but I also have a few other projects I'm working on, so I can't promise it will be in a timely fashion. But hey, maybe I can pull it off. Who knows? I suppose we'll just have to see.
Mein Gott! Great first chapter, I am loving the feel and scope of the story! I wait hungrily for more!
Great first chapter. I look forward to the rest. It's nice to see some original worldbuilding, and you handle it pretty well, too. Just make sure you're not overusing exposition by dialogue.
2860797 Thanks for the feedback and the warning. I've been trying to avoid that with the new chapter, but I'll probably have to rework some things.
I wonder how they would react to her if she was in Alicorn form?
2816882 Time to add some salt to all that sugary praise that you've been getting. I like the language, which is used, but not really understood. However, the likelihood of having a mare that knows a dead language, gone for a couple thousand years, not only on a sea faring vessel, but discover her, and rescue her from the ocean's watery grave? Yeah, the likelihood of that happening is fairly astronomical. It would have been far more realistic to have them communicate through pictures, or perhaps miming what they're trying to convey. Though given the world we're presented with, miming would be more likely, considering the state of the ship, and that paper would likely be very costly, and therefore only to be used when it absolutely has to. Whereas anypony can mime something for the other culture to try and guess what's being mimed. But yeah, you have a bit of a Deus Ex Machina there with having a pony being able to communicate with visitor using a language that is considered dead for the past couple millennia.
Peace,
AuthorGenesis
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I appreciate the feedback!
However, I believe your concerns are unfounded and unnecessary for one simple reason: the language isn't dead. The native Centurians (not Kevrana and her people) still speak it, completely unchanged from when Twilight lived in Equestria. Now, as for why it's unchanged: I have a reason, but to tell you would be incredibly spoiler-ific for the readers of this story.
Hope that helps clear things up!
Was this inspired by Sharaloth's Harmony Theory?
3067859
Actually, the first chapter of this was written way back in February, before I had even heard of Harmony Theory. It took me a while to release the first chapter due to me not wanting to bite off more than I could chew (as in, writing more than one fic at a time). Eventually, though, I just said screw it, and here we are. I know the premise is similar to both Harmony Theory and Millenium Wake, but I haven't actually read either of those yet, so I can't say this is inspired by either one.
Amazing new cover art
. I am approve
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I am intrigued!
This is really good. Please continue this when you can. There was another story like this but the author stopped updating to take care of family.
So yeah what happened this story is amazingly well written. Please continue writing it for the love of all that is Pony.
So... this story is dead?
I agree, this story is amazing to just let it end here
Continue your story goddammit, I beg of you!
It looks like it'll be an awesome story!!!
*and the title sounds so much like this is war! (er, the song)*
I love the dark adventure genre, and of course AUs. This is simply brilliant! An addicting and exciting read, I hope that it does update though...
This is interesting. You have my atteion. I love AU's with my waifu.
Liking this so far.
I'd really, really like to see this story continue. This seemed really interesting...
Well, here's an oldie....
Poor Twilight. Somehow, having her specifically be afraid of the possibility of some sacrificial ritual made it feel like it wouldn't go to that right away, but no, no breaks for her. At least her day can't get much worse at this point....
Description intrigues me enough to check it out.
Just found this story, and you know what my first thought was?
Final Fantasy 10.
I LOVE that game!
Now to actually read it. lol
Right........ random teleports always work (until you end up in a wall)
It took me 45 minutes, apparently, but I've read it.
I'm still getting that FFX vibe, but not nearly as much, now...
Now, to me, while that echo is there, it's something new.
It's on my watch list.
(While it took only 45 minutes, it took me several hours to formulate a reply? Wow.)
I can see why Luna gets mad.
Just a little annoyed that I don't know the other language and neither did Google.
Also, don't Google the first thing in the weird language, I got some strange Korean porn site.
This was a really great story, I can't wait for more, but this just proves it "Without the Mane Six the World will be thrown into Chaos" That being said where's Discord and the other Princesses, are changelings still around, Find out in the upcoming chapters so stay tuned.
To be Honest I really want to know now, also I thought they will start Worshiping Twilight too, Isn't their philosophy all about Strength and Power, Twilight clearly has them and more.
Another question, is she an Alicorn here? if so then she must be worshiped more than Ganymede.
All hail our God Twilight Sparkle, There is only goodness in Friendship. There is only strength in Team Work. There is only power in Love.
Wow, this is an awesome story, can't wait for more
Good start and I like where it's going but the fact the last update before this was three years ago worries me. Hopefully the updates become more frequent though I am not going to hold my breath.
Excellent start with a lot of potential.
If being wrapped up in a cloak means anything, then I feel Rudder would have mentioned it upon first meeting Twilight.
I feel as if there is a disconnect between chapter 2 and 3. In chapter 2, the cloak really held no meaning and now in chapter 3, it does.
The ponies in chapter 2 didn't mind jostling Twilight at all.
This sentence ends abruptly.
Semi-colon here, was the sentence meant to continue on?
This chapter is almost as if it came from another story. Which can be expected after a 3 year gap. It is a little jarring. To fix the issue, I feel chapter 2 would need some edits and Kavrana would mention something about the church.
So are you gonna keep this story up or leave it again? Would really love to see it finished.
Too bad this didn't take place after her coronation. Would have loved to see their reaction to an Alicorn
The first chapter really remind me of Final Fantasy X
Wow good story!!
Oooooh, this is a good story. I just hope the update between this chapter and the next isn't as big as this one and the one before it
Yeah i hope you continue this. But got to admit i think it would have been more interesting if she was a Alicorn. Instead of just a unicorn. Anyway liking the story so far
7656712 Exactly my thought
OMG!! Plz continue this story its so awesome!!!
Holy crap, that was one long nap Twilight took.
But it's finally back on track!
Please finish this!
Going to finish this anytime soon?
Hoo boy!
I think this is a great story so far. I would love to read more.
...And it died again
Why is being a unicorn hersey when no unicorns have been seen?
How will the griffin react to being rescued, and by a impressive feat of forgotten magic?
Why the hell is Gayvenne running his socitey backwards?
And we all know why no ones seen a unicorn: he probably had them all killed to increase the perception of power in being the only one