A well-oiled friendship machine.
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I was never the sort’a pony with the time to ponder about who I ought to be kissin’. I was never the sort’a pony with the time to ponder about who I ought -not- be kissin’, neither, but... well. There I was all the same. Because the honest truth, the only truth I never dared speak aloud in my life, was that I put a lot more time into thinkin’ on the latter.
And it ate at me.
Rated T for implied sexual themes.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well done, and not just for a first fanfic. Applejack's voice is consistent and believable throughout. Twilight's in character as well, though I'm not sure she'd say "you idiot" even in a playful or joking way, given the seriousness of the conversation. I'd love to see you turn this into the first chapter of a longer work. Bonus points for not rushing the romance. In fact, this probably doesn't even need the Sex tag, given that the discussion is so roundabout and isn't a major part of the narrative.
So, final verdict - gold star and thumbs up for you!
Don't forget to submit this to all the appropriate groups: Applejack, Twilight, TwiJack, F/F Ships, Shipping, etc. That's one of the best ways to get exposure for a new story.
I absolutely loved it! I know that's crappy criticism as it goes, but the only thing I didn't like is that there isn't more.
I like it, just... one piece of advice. Don't bunch your paragraphs together like this:
This is the way it's kinda easier to read:
Other than that, I loved it. Fave.
I really enjoyed Applejack's voice in this. It's consistent and very natural sounding. A little more spacing between paragraphs would make it easier to read. I'm really hoping you'll continue this or add more in the same universe in a different story.
I'd like to see this continued.
First fanfiction? Damn that was well done for a first time. The way you put the reader in AJ's head and made it emotionally real is pretty impressive. 5 stars.
2079738 Wow, for a first comment that's awfully flattering. Thanks! I think I'm going to leave the 'sex' tag on just to be safe and cover my ass.
>2079789 Haha, I appreciate it just the same.
2079814 Ooh, I assumed everyone did that here because the site automatically formatted it that way, so when I submitted it and hurried off to work I didn't notice how bunched the paragraphs were...
Thanks for pointing that out.
2080334 The voice was the thing I'd been the most meticulous with, so I'm glad it stood out to you!
2080532 I'll consider it.
2080700 I've written other things before, just not pony fanfiction, heh. Thanks! I intended it to be a one-shot, but I'll think of continuing it.
It really was a very enjoyable read, but I'll agree with anyone who stated it below: I was disappointed when I noticed it really was a one shot. It really has the potential to be a longer story (and the ending you gave it kiiiiind of left me begging for a continuation). That's entirely up to you, of course, but from me, you get the full praise, and the hopes of seeing it continued!
You got a romance tag on there...but where's the romance? Nice story, but it's kinda dirty to be dishonest like that.
Ok... you need to expand upon this at your earliest convenience. It was well written, with none of the usual grammatical mistakes that tend to jump out at me, and the characterization and concept drew me in almost immediately.
So... yeah... If you could continue this, that would be awesome.
2084757 Unrequited love is romance, yo. :3
2085327 Y'know, it's daunting, but I think I might try to expand upon it. The theme I was going for was "honesty with oneself," and I feel like that was already resolved... but you aren't the only one who asked, and I have been thinking of how I could keep the story going. I dunno. @_@ Thanks for the feedback~
2085941 But that's my point. Even with that you were basically promising a steak and delivered a Milkbone.
2086083 I didn't promise anything, hahaha. The story focuses on Applejack's romantic attraction to Twilight. Sorry if you expected something different!
2086123 But...but...
2086131 If it makes you feel any better, I'm probably going to expand on the story because it got a much better response than I expected.
*pat pat*
2086152 My jimmies are unrustling a bit...
I applaud you, my good sir. Or madam. Excellent job for a first fic.
2088153 Haha, thanks a bunch! And for considering that I might be a lady.
Since I am.
This is... nice
Certainly better written than most, and definitely better than the average first submission
I like seeing the inner conflict Applejack has. I can only remember situations where the Apple family's traditional views are addressed when AJ is already in a relationship (followed by a 'who cares' or a death threat
).
Anyways, excellent writing. It gave me sad feels, but then I got hopeful feels so everything is forgiven
Liked, favourited, all that jazz
2090353 Thanks! Applejack is very critical of herself in the actual show, and I deliberately left out any interaction between her and the Apple family because I wanted to focus on her overly-critical insecurity. I'm honestly not sure how her family would react, only that she'd most likely expect the worst.
I really appreciate the thoughtful feedback.
This is excellent, especially for a first fic.
It doesn't do anything I haven't seen before, but it does what it does well. If I have a complaint at all, it's that the story is too short, and ends too abruptly. This would be perfect as a first chapter in a longer story, but on it's own it doesn't actually resolve anything it stirs up, and just leaves the reader wanting more that isn't there.
In short? This is a story that needs a sequel.
This is a surprisingly realistic look into sexuality confusion and unrequited love. I would love very much to see something else done with this Applejack, maybe looking for somepony else.
Nice story, great to see one with this plot take this particular turn, rather than the more usual clichéd approach.
For people reading comments before deciding to read (I sometimes do this): Definitely deserves the romance tag, but I don't think it counts as shipping. Just romance.
Well done.
I was expecting shipping with Twilight, and you kind of led up to it. But I think the story itself was good. An interesting take on the realization of different sexual preferences. I would like to see more of this story.
For a first fanfic, this is excellent. Putting everything in AJ's perspective helps this stand out from the "ponies coming out" milieu. I'm rather impressed. :D
Great fic, too bad there wasn't any resolution for AJ. Keep up the good work!
4488722
That reaction though
4524050
It's...something? 
Oh well 
Wait, wait.
'Complete'? Wuh... I don't... but... huh?
A fantastic story, totally in-character, but then.. the entire lack of any kind of resolution. Wayyy too much build up for that ending.
Bloody Brilliant for you first fic! Well done Miss. I look forward to more of your work. Like, Favourite and Follow from me :) You deserve it :)
First story? Wow it was great!!!
A well-written and characterized story. I certainly enjoyed it.