Chapter 5
A Still More Glorious Dawn Awaits
Chapter 5
By CDRW
Twilight
THU-THUD.
THU-THUD.
THU-THUD.
The sound of her beating heart echoed in her head, almost drowning out the soft clop of her hoofsteps on the stone floor. All around, the darkness pressed down upon her, held at bay only by the tiny glow of magic from her horn.
"Hello?" She said quietly, her voice barely more than a whisper. "Is anypony here?"
As she spoke, her breath turned into a light mist, and for the first time she realized how cold it was. How cold she was. The frigid air seemed to sink through her coat into her flesh and into her bones.
The light from her horn illuminated a tiny circle in a wash of pale purple, but it stopped short much too soon. As if the darkness itself was fighting the light. Smothering it. Like an abomination that should not exist.
All she could see was a small stretch of black and white marble tile, stained purple by the light from her horn and swallowed up by the darkness and the cold only a few paces ahead.
She walked on and time passed, but whether quickly or slowly she couldn't say. For an eternity and for an instant, she continued into the darkness accompanied only by the light and the sounds of her hooves and her heart. New squares appeared ahead of her, and disappeared behind, only to be replaced by more that might have just been the same ones.
Finally, she couldn't stand the silence anymore. "Celestia?" She screamed into the darkness, heedless of any danger. Desperate for someone, anyone to answer. "Spike?" In the wake of her voice, the emptiness only deepened. Her ears drooping low, she called out one more time in a small, shaky voice. "Mom? Dad? Are you there?"
Nothing.
Her breath caught in her throat, and for an instant, her heart stopped. Then, without thinking, she ran headlong into the freezing darkness, her heart racing so quick and loud it silenced everything else.
THU-THUD.
THU-THUD.
THU-THUD.
Thu-thud.
Thu-thud.
thu-thud
thu-thud
thu...
Rarity
Rarity hummed while putting the last few stitches into a beautiful red and cream-colored dress. With a flourish, she tied off the knot, snipped off the end of the thread, and took a step back to admire her handiwork.
The boutique looked like a tornado had hit it, but Rarity didn't care. She was in the zone. With a nod to herself, she removed the dress from the mannequin and put it carefully away to make room for the next project. Then she trotted over to her drawing board and pulled a sheet of paper from the top of a stack; the plan for Golden Harvest's ensemble. After a quick look, she took a sip from her mug and then set about getting to work on the new dress, singing softly to herself.
"Thread by thread, stitching it together..."
Pinkie Pie
"Hi Trixie! Mind if I come up there?" Pinkie Pie bounced her way to the top of the three-hundred-foot-tall stone Trixie (that for some reason had a tree trunk sticking out of its backside and a wide-eyed, opened-mouth expression on its face) with nary a slip and surveyed the land around her. As far as the eye could see, and double that when she opened her other eye, was a succulent scene of saccharine sights.
All of Equestria had turned into candy. The trees were made out of chocolate and mint. A nearby farm was growing a bumper crop of gumdrop rocks. Chocolate bunnies frolicked in the fields. And it was all hers.
Candy Queen Pinkie Pie snatched a bite from a passing cotton candy cloud, molded the rest of it into a crown taller than she was, and then took a running dive off Trixie's nose into the lake of chocolate milk that had inexplicably formed below the statue's head. As she cleared the snooty pony's snout, a giant drop of chocolate milk as large as a whole cow rolled off its tongue, so she decided to race it all the way down to the lake. She closed her eyes just before it reached up and slapped her in the face; then everything went dark and all watery-whooshy, and chocolate milk went up her nose.
Rainbow Dash
Rainbow Dash crashed into a tree.
Applejack
Applejack stood on the shore of the reservoir watching the setting sun slowly sink into its shining waters. No matter how many times she saw it, she always marveled at the way the golden light illuminated the tops of the little waves that ran to and fro on its surface, but left the troughs in between dark and unlit. Sometimes she thought it made the entire lake look like it had been covered in shifting lines of lit candles. Other times, like the water itself was envious of the sun and trying to steal the light for itself.
The little pebble beach where she stood was a place that her father had shown her a long time ago. Nopony ever came to this side of the lake because it ran right up against the Everfree forest, but if you knew where to look you could find a tiny path that led there from the farthest field of Sweet Apple Acres. He took her out there the same day she'd called that family meeting. The one about how she always had to do all the work.
"Sometimes I jus' get tired of workin' the farm too Applejack." The brown stallion towered over her, silhouetted against the sky like a mountain. "And when that happens, I like to come out here alone and just watch the water. It's like...I don't know. It's different. It's not like anything else I know. And mayhaps that's why it's so...good."
He chuckled. "Ah, what am I sayin that nonsense for?" He reached up to his head and took off the brown cowpony hat he wore, then brought it down in a great sweeping arc and placed it on Applejack's head where it settled low over her eyes. "Don' tell anypony else, okay? It'll our secret. Our special place to get away from everythin'."
Applejack pushed the hat back and looked up into the giant stallion's eyes. They were big and kind and strong. "Okay daddy. Our special place." She gave his leg a great big hug and he responded by knocking the hat off her head and ruffling her mane.
Giggling, Applejack let go and reached down to pick up the hat and put it back on, tilting it back so it didn't fall over her eyes. "Hey! That's mean..."
She looked up and trailed off. Her dad wasn't looking down at her anymore. He was standing there with his head held high and his eyes closed, a small smile on his face, taking in the air from the lake through his nose. "Can you smell it Applejack? The water?"
Applejack did the same, standing right by him and being very careful to stand exactly like him; with her head up and her eyes closed. She sniffed the air.
She could smell it. It was fresh and cool, and laced with the smell of the forest all around them. And there was something else.
Applejack breathed in deeply through her nose, testing every bit of the air that streamed into her lungs. And then she smelled it, so clear she couldn't figure out how she missed it. Over top of the scent of the lake and the forest, there was the distinct, acrid smell of smoke.
She opened her eyes. Her father wasn't there anymore, and she could feel a faint warmth on her flanks. Slowly, she turned around to look at the forest.
Fluttershy
Fluttershy galloped through a field of tall grass that came up to her eyes, desperate to reach the figure walking off into the distance. One moment he was there, and then the next obscured by a blurred wall of green. Every time her hooves touched the ground, an eternity passed. No matter how fast she ran, the short glimpses she caught of him never seemed to come any closer. "Wait!" she tried to scream as she pushed her way through the plants, but the word stuck in her throat, stopped in its tracks by her panicked breathing.
For one uplifting moment, she thought he heard her anyway. He paused and turned to look at her, but then she lost him among the grain again. Time shifted, and when she glimpsed him again, he was still walking away.
She spread her wings to fly in one last desperate attempt to go faster. Flapping as hard as she could, she rose into the air just above the feathery surface of the field. Her lungs burned and her wings ached with the effort of flying even that high, but she was finally going faster. She was going to catch him.
The sky above her was blue and sunny, but in the distance ahead of him, where the field of grass ended, black clouds blocked out the sky and the land beneath them was cast in perpetual shadow. There were trees, but they were all barren and dead; the grass brown, trampled to extinction. And at the very edge of sight, a filthy, turgid river cut across the wasteland beneath the clouds. She knew that as soon as he stepped out of the field and into that dead land he would never come back.
She was close, so close. Close enough to see his mane stir in a light breeze. Close enough to see the individual stalks of grass bend aside as he walked through them. Close enough to make out the strong curve of his back and the muscles in his shoulders stretching and moving beneath his skin as he walked. Close enough to smell the familiar lingering scent of sweat and apples. Close enough that she thought despair would strike her dead when her wings gave out and she tumbled to the earth.
The stalks of grass were all around her and above her. Pressing in, obscuring everything from view. Hiding him. And without even looking, she knew that he was gone. Lost forever as he stepped out of the field and into the wasteland under the clouds. He was gone. He—
Time shifted, and it was yesterday again.
He was right there. Macintosh pushed his way through the grass to where she lay and helped her to her feet. She wrapped her hooves around his neck, trembling. "You were gone," she whispered as she buried her face in his mane. A great warmth and the scent of sweat and apples washed over her as he returned her embrace.
Ah am gone.
"Stay here," she said, ignoring his words. "You don't have to go. Stay here with me."
He pulled away and looked at her with eyes that were filled with sorrow.
Ah love you. He brushed aside a lock of her mane with his hoof. Do you still remember? he whispered.
Time shifted.
For some reason she couldn't begin to fathom, she jerked back as a stab of regret pierced her heart. "Remember what?" She asked frantically. But he was gone. He was gone into the wasteland under the clouds, and he wasn't coming back.
Ah promised. And Apples always keep their promises.
She spun around, searching for him, but all she saw was the grass around her, the sky above, and the clouds ahead. He was gone into the wasteland under the clouds, and he wasn't coming back.
We'll see each other again.
She took a step, and suddenly the grass parted in front of her. She had found the edge of the field. Above her head, ominously low, the clouds formed a straight line that stretched from horizon to horizon. Ahead, was a land filled with death. He was gone into the wasteland under the clouds, and he wasn't coming back.
"How?" She whispered. "You're not coming back. How can that happen?"
Ah promised.
He was gone into the wasteland under the clouds, and he wasn't coming back.
But she was going to see him again.
"How?"
Remember.
And then she did. She stepped forward, out of the field and into the wasteland under the clouds.
Comprehension ~ Day 2
For a long time, Fluttershy just lay still in her bed. She could still feel his forelegs wrapped around her; and she could still smell the familiar scent of sweat and apples; and she knew that as soon as she opened her eyes they would be gone.
But she couldn't stay there. She had something she needed to do and she needed to do it right then. If she didn't, she would never be able to muster up the courage again.
Slowly, she pushed herself up and opened her eyes. It was almost dawn.
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Is she about to kill herself?
straight up... I have no clue what the hell is happening with each of those flashes...
902817 Oh hell no! She can't show up in that scene from the prologue if she's dead.
902836 You're getting a glimpse of their dreams. Except for Rarity, 'cause she's still awake.
Best part.
"Rainbow Dash crashed into a tree."
I think that Twilight may have been playing a bit too much Kingdom Hearts before bed that night
902849
So, you're saying she kills herself, and then turns into a zombie?
902990
ikr, that was so predictable it's almost sad......
903199 In it's early stages, ASMGDA started out as a Lunar Republic vs Solar Empire story. I wanted to try and see if it was possible to write a form of government where both could exist in the same territory where one ruled the day and the other the night. I dropped that concept as things developed further, but a great deal of the original material is still there.
Hmm I wonder what the significance of the blue dialogue text is
I HATE YOU!!!!!! MAKE HIM LIVE!!!! MY DADDY HAD BEEN MISSING AND PRESUMED DEAD BUT HE LIVED!!!!!!! My cousin Jessie said i'm just like Fluttershy and I found my true love once in first grade i was so happy when i was around him i LOVED HIM then he moved i was heart broken I WILL find him one day! and i'll be happy again.I'll never give up and if somthing like that dose ever happen at least i have my best frends and my cousin jessie and my sister! I have my family. So please make Big Mac live!!! Can't you see none of your veiwers want him to die!!!! You have likes because people want to know if he lives and you have dislikes becausepeople don't like the thought of him dieing and neither do I!!!!
I HATE YOU!!!!!! MAKE HIM LIVE!!!! MY DADDY HAD BEEN MISSING AND PRESUMED DEAD BUT HE LIVED!!!!!!! My cousin Jessie said i'm just like Fluttershy and I found my true love once in first grade i was so happy when i was around him i LOVED HIM then he moved i was heart broken I WILL find him one day! and i'll be happy again.I'll never give up and if somthing like that dose ever happen at least i have my best frends and my cousin jessie and my sister! I have my family. So please make Big Mac live!!! Can't you see none of your veiwers want him to die!!!! You have likes because people want to know if he lives and you have dislikes becausepeople don't like the thought of him dieing and neither do I!!!!
Just reading about Fluttershy's dream made me want to cry. Listen there is only one Ros112601 here and that's me! posted that comment up there and It's all true! And you now what i'm only10 years old and i found my true love only to have him be taken away from me because he had to move he had no choice,he is a kid like me. and i'll always know that he was my first love! I know i sound dramatic but.......it's true. Hs name is Christan La France Price. and my name is Julianne Kuhlman. We went to Mary Branch Elementrey School. Just think if you lost you'r true love.......what would you,who would you turn to. Why do you even make...... I just got it this may or might not be it but is it that you are making everypony think he's dead but he comes back?!?!?! Please let that be it!
+ 
= 
When it said "Ah am gone" I started to cry a lot!!!!
Okay,i'm sad.
What happened to Twilight...
Very metaphorical this chapter! Nice change of pace.
902990
3.bp.blogspot.com/-37amGa4LftE/TqCnZMvP5PI/AAAAAAAAO_k/nbd8MoF4Jss/s1600/rainbowcrash_by_crackernut-d4dd3j2.jpg
903130 I will not rule out zombie Fluttershys at this point.
All in all, this was a great story so far. Keep up the good work
920019 Thanks for the support and all the comments.
So far, I'm really liking this story. Hope to see more.
Moar? Please?
I, like so many others it seems, am kind of confused by the story. But it is just So interesting. Normally, I wouldn't like some of the ways the story deviates from the show. Mainly Fluttershy being married to Big Mac, and the fact that he's in the military and has gone MIA. But I can Not stop reading, It's just that good. I can't wait for more.
Sooooon... next chapter.
Sorry to hear about your academic probation. I understand what it's like; school comes first, especially in the brony community, where most of us are high school or university aged.
Once you have time to write again, I'd suggest finishing this story and then going back and revising it.
My impression of this story is that it could be either great or terrible. The writing is pretty rough sometimes, especially in the early chapters. Additionally, six viewpoints would a challenge for any author; attempting it on your first published fiction might have been a mistake. Also, the pacing is far too slow. For example, I would have cut the entirety of chapter 5 in editing, since the dreams don't move the plot along, and it's slow enough as is.
Still, there's enough potential here to make a great story. You've given us an interesting alternate universe version of each of the ponies: Rainbow Dash looking for a job, Fluttershy looking for her husband, Twilight looking for friends and event organizers, Rarity looking to make a name for herself, Pinkie Pie looking to audition as a singer, and Applejack looking to hold her family together. You chose a critical time of change for each of the mane six, which makes every one of your viewpoints a good story to tell. Your characterization is highly original and well executed. I can definitely see why you chose to give each of them a viewpoint, and, to be honest, you're handling multiple viewpoints quite well.
This story isn't a lost cause; it just has some issues in the beginning that need to be cleaned up eventually.
Thanks for all your hard work, and good luck in school
That dream's deep.
Seriously, the lack of apparent symbolism has got to be significant, though I admit I'm not really sure what you intend to convey with it.
I assume AJ's going to stop 'Shy's suicide attempt? AJ's reliable like that.
Oh, and by the way:
NIGHTMARE MOON'S PNEUMATIC POWERSUIT A NEW DAY HAS BEEN DISCOVERED. Leading archaeologists all agree that they are simply flabbergasted. This is by far the biggest event in the field since the invention of the shovel.
For some reason your scenes with Applejack so far, and both her and Fluttershy's dreams in this chapter, really make me think of the gloomier Springsteen songs. I guess that says something about the strength of the emotions you manage to convey.
This is a great story, and I'll definitely keep reading it. I love how you manage to combine a typical "massive multiplayer chess" adventure plot (or at least that's what it seems to be growing into, if the prologue is anything to go by) with a few much more psychological, character-driven storylines.