wayward_pony
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wow four downvotes and no comments? this story was freakin creepy! thats for sure i noticed the romance tag um is there shipping in this? i couldn't tell i was too creeped out by the dash being treated like a baby thing to notice.
2129288 The number of downvotes has since increased. lol ^^
Thanks for your comment. I was going for a creepy atmosphere. So yeah, cool :)
I can think of a few reasons people might've votes this down: 1. It's a little rushed in places and not throughly edited enough. In retrospect a lot of the attention was given to the later parts/chapters... the opening feels a little rushed and the OC'a might not be evenly developed. I'm prolly gunna end up surpcing that up. 2. It's got adult content which isn't for everyone. 3. Some might find it unevenly paced, but that was intentional... I tried to avoid letting it drag, though ;)
To answer your question, there is a bit of implied Apple Dash stuff having gone on, but it's minor. The final part contains most of that, but I was having trouble with it so I'm still editing it. Thanks for pointing it out, as I might want to drop that for now. Dash also goes over to, well... connect with Rarity's client after the show, but that's not romance ;)
2131674
No problem it was rushed but it was an easy read it had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. i dont mind the implied appledash since its one of the many ships i enjoy. as long as the ship isn't the main focus of a dark story i am fine with ships in dark fics.
Rushed my flank this was great please tell me this is not over I must know what happened!
2136233 Thanks. I won't ruin it, however there is another part that I'm editing along with other stories. I like your icon, BTW. Pinkie is awesome :)
Thanks stole it form deviantart are you gonna update soon I gotta know what happens to Rainbow Dash and I love sad ending
2139448 Workin on it. Got it 95% done, just have to finish editing it and changing a few things around.
so i saw this
thought it might be good
then i saw that it was an infantilist fetish clopfic
but since it has dash torture in it i figured i might as well read it
and even with the fetish shit it was a really good story
so good job
2139448 It's finished.
The infantilism part was played for pure nightmarish terror.
And Buttercup's personality is creepy. It makes me think of antifreeze - syrupy sweet but lethal.
My main issue is that it was too fast paced and your OCs could use more development.
Still, pretty good.
And this particularly struck close because just last month, my grandmother suffered a stroke... She's pretty much recovered but I know all too well what the aftermath of a stroke can do. Brr.
That was amazing to read through.
I don't know why, but I imagined the Inspector Pony from Game Ponies more than your OC which strangely fit the role as the Rich Pony.
I love this story, keep writing to your hearts content.
Very nice story, granted some parts were rushed. But I did not expect that ending, then again it did have a tradegy tag so it could have only went one of two ways heh. Well maybe 3 if you want to go way dark. I WANT SEQUEL AND MORE!
It was obvious from the description that Dash was going to end up in some sort of position like that, but even if it was predictable, it was a well executed beginning. You did a REALLY good job with the two villains; they both felt like real psychopaths. In the middle, I was sort of annoyed that the friends seemed like they were going to give up on storming the house, but then they actually did, and it actually went exactly the way things could be expected. Most similar stories have some dumb reason for the heroes to fail completely somehow so that the AB stuff can go on (perhaps on all of them), but instead they won... which normally means the story is over. Then it looks like this is going to be weird AB stuff with rehabilitating Rainbow Dash... but then that turns out to mostly be a real story of slow rehabilitation with minor shipping.
Everything that happened felt logical, but as a story it was really weird to shift from the creepy AB stuff to the second half of the story.
2155791 This. Pretty much the only thing I would change to this for my opinion is that although the change was unusual, I thought it was a really nice show of friendship when her friends got Rainbow back on her hooves, figuratively at least. The start was indeed pretty damn creepy, which was good and well-written, but Dash always seemed a little passive about escaping and her situation in general. Many times I expected Dash to say something like "Buck you! Let me outta here or I'll break your bucking neck!" but to be honest she seemed like a bit of a wimp (only a bit, mind you).
I've always hated the deus ex machina writers get when it comes to using magic to sort things out, like the "Magic doesn't work in here!" line usually pulled out of nowhere, or even when unicorns don't even bother to use their crazy-powerful telekinesis at all (with the dogs?)
There were some grammar mistakes here and there and a few other things — Cloud's Dale, for example, is Cloudsdale.
Overall, however, it was a good story. I liked it.
The entirety of my brain was thinking the whole time towards the end of this chapter, that they know a maser potion maker called Zecora.
Ok im gonna tell you what I think of this....
I think your idea was unique and different than most stories I've read
I like the ay you portrayed your OC's Buttercup and Ironhoof(He's dick and deserverd what happened to him) I liked how at the begining the pace of the story was slow and gradually picked up with each new chapter I read but after they all escaped the pace seem to be a little too fast. I enjoyed your writeing style the way you discribed Rainbow's condition (by the way she still got at least 200 times the normal dose from that sringe so she probably still be dead) and the way wrote her communications was very cool but when she broke her wing, leg and got burned I kinda felt like you were being mean.
Now I did have a few problems but many for like grammer, there was very little grammer misakes but they were some.
A) You said she was blind , if so how could she type?
B) You said she was limp and stiff you can't be both.
C)I feel like she recovered to quickly like all of a sudden get her sight back and talking.
You can ingore the next 2 if you wish
D)This is the BIG one for I don't like it when people use the word hand or arm when they are refering to a pony they have hindlegs, forelegs, and hooves. But hey thats just me.
E)Since I'm sadistic as pinkimeana I was hopeing for a way sadder ending like a lethal dose and alot of moping and copeing from the other 5 but o'well its your story.
Overall it was a very enjoyable read as I do love Rainbow Dash tragedy so I give you a
out of 5 mustaches and a /) (this is also the longest comment I have ever given)
Well since so many other members of Padded Ponies seem to think this is a good story I've decided to give this a shot. I hope I don't regret it.
Intresting set up.
Buttercup is seriously crazy.
This is pretty much Pattycakes all over again.
O.k. seriously that's just wrong. What part of those ponies makes them think that keeping another pony capative against their will is justified? If these ponies get found out they'd better be commited to an asylum because they are clearly a danger to themselves and society.
I seriously hate Buttercup now. She doesn't seem to realize that what she's doing is wrong. How she managed to keep her sanity under wraps from a doctor is beyond me.
Nice Simpsons reference there.
Those two sealed their fate the instant they decided to try and turn other ponies into adult foals. What they did was unforgiveable and wherever ponies go to when they die I can tell they'll most certainly go where the lowest of scum go.
2156132 But even she might not be able to help. They don't know what Iron Hoof used that caused all of this so it's impossible to determine what could fix it.
Glad to see some improvement on Rainbow Dash's part.
Wow Dash is recovering pretty well. I just hope Buttercup gets a fitting punishment for everything she did.
Well this wasn't my cup of tea but it was still good.
Reading this felt bad. I even considered stopping reading it, because I didn't like it. But not because it was written bad, no... you did a good job, it's just I don't like even imagining what you described. I hated the whole story. Which is good, because it's probably the emotion it was supposed to make me feel. And I even liked the second part, after RD was saved. So: I really didn't like it. That means a good job, I suppose!
(And I read the whole story in one session. That counts, too!)
2159391
Haha, awesome. While I don't expect this story is for everyone, it's nice to see while others don't entirely like it, they can appericate it for what it is :)
Reading a longer short story in one sitting without gettting side-tracked is pretty impressive. It also means there might've been something about it that glued ya to it
2158359
Thank you for appreciating the story and giving the review/reaction although you said it wasn't your cup of tea :)
2172734
I will be honest and say that this isn't my cup of tea, but I usually end up reading these kinda fics anyway. Why? I couldn't explain it if I wanted to. I will say that I think you did a good job on this, cause I feel exactly how Dash felt at the end of the trial: Aware that justice was served, but unconsolidated because it doesn't change anything.
So, while I don't usually enjoy this kinda story. I will say it was nice in a strange way. It made me think quite a bit and I've actually realized somethings about myself and my thoughts because of this. Keep up the good work and I'll be looking at more of your stuff.
Dam that was a good story
You should change that line. Celestia would never start a letter like this
Please stop using the term "Mane 6" in this fic. They never say it in the show, it's completly fanon.
2292560
Thanks for your input. I'm not ignoring it and I do enjoy fanfics that don't go in the fannon direction, too. Looking for sometihng that isn't too wordy but all encompassing, Mane 6 seemed natural. So, what would you suggest, then?
I started reading this because I like padded stories and the occasional NC about it is fun, but mostly as the character grows to enjoy it... but I finished the whole thing at once because it gripped me, I cared about the characters. I grew to cheer at the end of part 2, but feel dread as I read part 3. It's not a happy ending in the conventional sense, but that makes it the best ending.
You Sir (or Madam) remind me of a young pony version of Stephen King's works. Disturbing, dark, not a happy ending, but yet for all those reasons so much more real and terrifying. Good job.
Poor rainbow dash.
Is butterfly crazy or is this just a game? Looks like I will have to find out.
>this story
I lol'd
Welp, I have read it through and held my toungue, now its comment time.
sharp inhale.
This story was great. It made my skin crawl, it scared me, I laughed, I came very close to crying (i would walk off and grab drinks and stuff while feeling bummed out, then tell myself everything was okay and come back)
All the characters were spot on, the villeins were artwork, true honest artwork. Scary, but in no way cleche and they fed off one anouther well. And the exposition at the end was both satifying and heartwarming.
Well done.
I'm not really a fan of dark/sad stories, but there's at least a reasonable amount of hope at the end, so that was ok. The subject matter isn't really my thing, but it is well-written. It's worthy of an upvote, but not a fave (from me, at least).
I must know, however - how does a pony use a typewriter, especially while blind?
2472809
Thanks for the kind words
That's a question a few have asked. Some people (ponies in this case) have a natural apptitude for things, even if they've never used them at any length. I can type with my eyes closed and could do so pretty slowly when I first started out (to the surprise of my classmates). A bit of a stretch for that particular character, but it works as an idea
2473866 First of all I would like to say that I thank your for writing this story, and that your are my 80th story in my favorites lest congratulations!
I reach chapter the wholething in one day.
I'm not really a fan of dark/sad stories, but there's at least a reasonable amount of hope at the end, so that was quite excellent. The subject matter isn't really my thing, but it is well-written. There I said it it's out in the open.
But you hooked me form the start I just couldn't stop reading it.
Iron Hoof and Butterscotch made excellent two head villain.
One ruthless and evil to the core, how was deluding himself into committing these acts out of some twisted sense of love.
The other a a passing sympathetic weakling unable to handle the truth.
Which made their fall all the better to read about.
The hope full sentiment and the end that the Rainbow Dash friends coming to her aide and pulling her out was really a good topper to this piece.
One thing that nagged me I do not think Celestia would say "Main6"
She would probably say something along the lines of, "My faithful Student and Her Friends" or "My Most faithful Student and Honored Subjects"
It is a story like this that make me happy to read it but sad that I do not think I will ever be able to write one like it myself.
But all and all thank you.
I hope for the best in the future
And good luck in future stories.
Um...
Wow. Just wow.
Dark and disturbing infantilism? Truly masterfully crafted villains? Feels and lite Appledash?
Sir, may I shake your hoof???
10/10 Fantastic!
2513075
Well, thank you kindly
It's a pleasant surprise to see how many fellow FiMfiction users aren't all that into the subject matter for one reason or the other (the darker aspects or the infantilism), but have given it a chance and enjoyed it. It makes my day to get a message like this ^^
I will be changing the "Mane 6" line sometime soon. Thanks for the suggestions. I have my reasons for wanting to leave it that way right now (has to do with gauging my understanding of MLP and fanfics as time goes on). When I go on to my next tier of stories, I'll be editing all my recently writen fics to reflect a better understanding of the fandom and the fics.