Okay, another dimensional traveler competing with me... alright, I'll track this to see where it goes.

I really think this is interesting and I look forward to reading more.

Also well done for awesome profile pic of the guy.

Before I read it, before I say anything else: take the f-bomb out of the summary. I don't care what you replace it with, but there are some of us who don't want to see profanity when just browsing for pony fics. Second: take out that note in the summary saying it's your first fic. It's irrelevant, and makes it look just as unprofessional as coarse language.

This is very random.

I like it.

Well besides Grammar And spelling errors this was actually a very enjoying if short read ^^

Okay. Not bad, for a first fic. In that sense, I'm inclined to be generous. However, there are still several issues I must point out. One of them being the consistent misspelling of 'feud', which you spelled 'fued'. It's a simple letter switch. And...the biggest issue here is the abrupt shift between first and third person. That's something you just don't do. From the style so far, I'm inclined to suggest you start it in first person and keep it there.

Plus, there's the fact that Storm is a far bigger pottymouth that I would ordinarily tolerate. Cut down on the language. Please.

I'm also noting a significant amount of run-on sentences and minor form errors, including my absolute favourite, and probably the one I see the most: including more than one phrase in a quotation before a dialogue statement. For instance: "Oh don't look at me like that. I'm the baby dragon here and I stayed up just as late as you, yet here I am having to drag you outta bed it seems?"

A better way to write that would be: "Oh, don't look at me like that," he said with a sly grin. "I'm the baby dragon here, and I stayed up just as late as you. Yet here I am, having to drag you out of bed."

And there's some areas that need commas, and stuff like that...just general grammar there. Either do a proofread, or get yourself a prereader, or both.

Now, if I seem a little harsh, it's because I am. Don't get me wrong. If I didn't think you had potential, I wouldn't be criticizing you this much. To be honest, I probably wouldn't even have commented. But you do have potential, and I'm just trying to help you reach it. I might track this, just to see if you end up improving.

That's all.

It's rather quirky.  I guess I'll see where this leads to.

>>165367165367

Completely understandable. Fixed both of these on your request. Thank you for being completely blunt and honest.

This story interests me

is main character brony?

>>165526165526

Nope. Absolutely zero knowledge of the MLP realm. I kinda gave that away in the summary

I like this so far.  Did Storm curse every other line before you edited this?  That is the only way that you could say that you edited out most of the cursing.

>>165608165608

It was less every other line, but more like several in the same line.

>>165656165656 Wow, and he was trying to negotiate peace between to waring tribes of an alien race?  No wonder he said something that made everyone want to kill him.  I am looking forward to seeing how the residents of Ponyville react to his bad mouth.

>>165349165349

No, no, you're fine. I was just kidding around. But really... it seems I have another dimensional traveler to compete with. Let's see what happens...

moar

>>165936165936

Planning to start on Chapter 3 tommorow. Or maybe tonight if I'm really feeling up to it.

Insulting a creature that could probably easily kill her.  Yep, that's Rainbow Dash.

Every robot, A.I, android,cyborg.. the list goes on HAS to speak with an English accent.

>>166574166574

You can't deny the sexiness that is the English!

I am english!

And it's very good! I look forward to reading chapter 4!

Loving this so far :)

>>170014170014

Why thank you my good man.

I concur with the first guy's statement.

This is great.

awesome story,

tracking + 5 stars

>>170787170787

Why thank you good sir. People like you are what keep me up late at night typing!

Well then, stay up longer!

>>171214171214

Augh! So many ideas so little time... This will probably go for quite a while. Action, comedy, references, ADVENTURE!

More. May your road guide you to warm sands.

Possibly the best story I am currently reading.  Good work, keep going.

i this fic

great fic is great

Celestia you idiotic, manipulative bitch. May God have mercy on your soul and may Mina-Ka have mercy on whatever the fuck is left of you.

'I swear all these ponies are checking me out...'

I expected ed to make a sly comment after that

and on a seperate note,

YYYYAAAAAYYY FINALLY, bitch is gonna get whats coming to her

Oh Celestia. You just fucked yourself right there. HE BETTER WIN THE SHOWDOWN.

He survived a 2,000 foot fall, killed a mantacor (however it's spelled), recovered from what should have been life threatening injuries in less then a day, and displayed the ability to manipulate others minds, and they still thought it was a good idea to try force information out of him?  I am with yutz Celestia's getting whats coming to her.

O SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH.SNAP.SON. Shit's about to get real.

>>174426174426

Le Gasp! I completely forgot to add that bit of dialogue!

Added.

>>174486174486

Actually it was a 3,000 ft. drop. They just estimated it to 2,000.

Hell, let's make it 4,000 ft. I don't care.

Edit: da fuk is this doing in the middle of the thread?

Someone needs to put this in the cool story box.

Well, I didn't see that coming. :D

Anywho, I really do hope you don't get too violent. Dead ponies = D:

>>179388179388

Don't worry only non-important ponies are gonna die probably...

- HEY!

Storm: just got

Ah! Minor writers block! IT BURNS! Current count for part one of this plot turner: 5,600.

>>179797179797

DANG SON.

>>180012180012

I'm sorry, did I say 5,600? I meant to say was...

6,500. Like a boss.

Love your story. PLEASE DO MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>181747181747

AUGH! Putting final touches....THE PRESSURE!!!

1st and PLEASE make it so LUNA comes back . Otherwise great job

You... You harmed... My Woona? You.... YOU SHALL BURN IN THE DEEPEST PIT IN HE'LL FOR ALL ETERNITY IF YOU DO NOT BRING HER BACK!!!!

>>182881182881>>182960182960

I guess we'll find out after the week-end! Because after all,

I make this up as I'm writing...Like a boss?

GOD DAMNIT! NOW I HAVE TO WAIT FOR MORE!!!!! this is tooo gooooood... this story is equivalent to crack, its probably more addicting 2...

take all 5 of my stars ye heartless bastard.

Can't wait until the next Assassin's Creed comes out. (Supposedly before december 31 this year)

And after all of dat make him reverse time with a happy ending

@#$%ing cliffhangers

also, epic chapter is epic

no.. No.. NOOO I hate Cliffhangers continue or I will Poison you

Alright.

Ironman Mark infinity (my own ironman character)Vs Universal Editer

Could be an interesting match up

Dude, you lose two stars for making Luna die. If you bring Luna back, I'll give you back your stars. You sick bastard.

I'm enjoying the story, but Celestia seems rather OOC, what with the interrogating and dissecting and all....

That's about it though, cool story bro!

DAMN u got me hooked on Disturbed and instead of Indestructible i think Warrior is better for the fight

>>184855184855

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO Not two stars!!! Why!?!?!?

Hmm...Revive Luna for two stars or not....

TYPETYPETYPETYPE.

>>186730186730

Well considering Storm is an alien that is both violent and dangerous... Not much to work with in terms of Celestia's character

I will try to fix it when the story is less tense

>>189631189631

Maybe... I don't know, I'll think about it! Thanks for the recommendation though!

Gah! -fillerfillerfiller-

Yes! Now there's no longer sixty-you-know-what comments!

Curse you slow chapter acceptance rate!

Moar! Noa!

Or...

FUS RO DA!!!

Just. Why.

Being sick + several hours of free time =

CHAPTER 8.

Win for disturbed.

Very good, keep up being a boss!

Most excellent. Although, I'm a little confused by his whole 'universal reset thing' he did, mostly based on how it works.

Clearly I'm missing some important detail somewhere.

Aspicio, diluculo Infinitas Noctis.

Shadow Horizons

That device is too powerful to exist... Its MADNESS xD

But honestly i really enjoyed this Chapter

Hell yeah, loving it still :D

>>203162203162 Allow me to elaborate.

The Editor is designed to alter 'strands' that are present in several different forms. This explains his abilites of warping and such. As for the 'universal reset', he simply altered the life strands of the deceased guards and Luna, resurrecting them.

He then altered the terrain strands, repairing damage he did (Hole in the wall) and others (Luna breaking the window.)

Still confused? So am I.

>>203164203164

Please for the love of God, don't make me do that meme!

>>203230203230

I see. That raises just one more question then. Does the Editor have a limit to which it can  alter those 'strands'? For example, we know it can bring the dead back to life, but is there a certain limit on how long they were dead for the Editor to bring them back?

Aspicio, diluculo Infintias Noctis.

Shadow Horizons

>>203242203242

Well that's for the next chapter to explain!

Well, now I have even more reason to look forward to it.

Keep up the good work!

Aspicio, diluculo Infinitas Noctis.

Shadow Horizons

Well........fuck me..that was awesome

No you shouldn't have gone left

Image: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2VJgaOcp5GY/Tfqs_-MFP0I/AAAAAAAAAl4/8SCriVfa494/s1600/i-am-sorry.jpg

I fucking love this story

(thank you for not messing this up with the stare, it ment a lot)

Why is EVERY story where the character is gonna do something like kill Celestia suddenly turn sappy?

>>203540203540

Did you honestly think that Fluttershy's 'Stare' could defeat Storm when he wields the Editor?

PUH-LEASE.

Storm's a boss. Bosses don't fail due to stares, they train their stares to counter other stares...

Because bosses do that, right?

>>203554203554

Because it thickens the plot?

....No?

hurry up for the next chapter

This chapter was good, but you could have made the first part much shorter.  You really did not have to almost retell half the events from the last chapter, even if they were from a different perspective.

Luna lives. Your soul is safe.

>>204018204018

Eh -shrugs- considered it. However most of the things restated in their perspective is going to set some things in motion for the future, but I'll admit some things could have been.... shortened.

Too late for that now though. Time to sleep off this disease and start working on Chapter 9.

(Who needs friends and life when ya got ponies, right?!)

comeonwiththenextchapterbeforeistarttypingwithoutspaces

Image: http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2009/357/8/e/Cloaked_Knight_by_AKG32.jpg

>>204224204224

1. I just posted a new chapter today for Pete's sake!

2. That picture = me gusta

>>204268204268 Post a new chapter every day :DDD

Image: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zDKAHGIXQ74/ST2EPLRLfvI/AAAAAAAABik/oMyM8cZdZOg/s320/cloaked%20man.jpg

>>204274204274

Are you insane!?!?! I can't post every d-

Wait a second...

Post...every...day....

LET'S DO THIS!

>>204294204294 You sir are fucking awesome.I'm going to submit this history to Equestria Daily...

You got your stars back. Good job!

Oooh! 4.6 now!

i feel like this chapter was pretty much the same as the last chapter, except for the end part.

Game breaking powers?